RE: Cybering in the scene.

RE: Cybering in the scene. (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion

Message

Calandra -> RE: Cybering in the scene. (5/1/2006 9:53:27 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: meatcleaver Online is fluff but can unfortunately be very distressing because ones emotions can be fooled into believing there is something real about an online relationship. My cubby and I met online in a lifestyle chat room seven years ago... we're married and happily living life in a 24/7 power exchange dynamic. My nomi and I met online five years ago... have lived in the same house as a family for four years. Online is NOT always a fantasy... You can meet someone face to face and have them lie and tell you pretty stories just as easily as you can online... I think the difference is that you have to be more alert, and you have to always look for inconsistencies in the way a person acts.

LordTravanix -> RE: Cybering in the scene. (5/1/2006 10:08:13 AM)
This is just my two cents, but I've done more LD and 'cybering' than live experiances. Again, this is just my observation but you can gauge more about a slave/submissive online 'cybering' than perhaps you can in life. Having them take photos, etc of their humiliation or humiliating acts always seems to add to the experiance more. However, like anything else, there are downsides where you may get a "faker". Someone out to only say they are, but hold back on the "requirements list".

vaj85uk -> RE: Cybering in the scene. (5/1/2006 10:31:54 AM)
Personally i kinda like cybering. If Mistress is not able to meet me (or doesn't want to) my satisfaction is in being loyal and so carrying out what Mistress says to the best of my ability and self-humiliation/punishment may well be included, then that's good for me. When She and i meet we will then know eachother and have got over the hardist bit - knowing bounds.

NINASHARP -> RE: Cybering in the scene. (5/1/2006 10:33:07 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Halcyone Every example you gave is something that falls into the realm of the physical. The S&M side of things. I think if you go back and actually read my replies, you'll see that many long-distance and cyber relationships fall more in the D/s and mental/emotional side of the spectrum. Please don't think I am judging you for what you have, or what is best for you at this time. And yes, I have read and appreciate your replies. Thank you so much for your honesty. Ahh but this is where the fantasy ends and reality begins... You say that Cyber "falls _more_ into the mental and emotional side of the spectrum" You're kidding me right? Well I personally don't think that is the case at all. Anyone ever being in r/t servitude, physically, stirs up quite alot of emotions, mentally, spiritually, and I for one, can not have a physical moment, without the emotional or mental levels there as well. I am not sure that anyone who has been in a physical scene would disagree that emotions both mentally/spirtual levels in real time play far exceed what they ever experienced from a cyber/ LD relationship. quote: ORIGINAL: Halcyone Yes, physical is a challenge and often lacking in this sort of interaction because we have to be more than usually creative and double careful to manage it safely. But the lack of it does not make those relationships fantasy. There are plenty of live-in D/s couples who do not engage in S&M and they are no less real than those who do. Nor does the r/t physical play exclude the challenge of imagination and creativity for face to face interaction. It all looks great on paper though.[:)] I never implied that those who have relationships outside of cyber, w/o s/m but with d/s in their relationship, are less real.

Halcyone -> RE: Cybering in the scene. (5/1/2006 10:49:46 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NINASHARP Ahh but this is where the fantasy ends and reality begins... You say that Cyber "falls _more_ into the mental and emotional side of the spectrum" You're kidding me right? Well I personally don't think that is the case at all. Anyone ever being in r/t servitude, physically, stirs up quite alot of emotions, mentally, spiritually, and I for one, can not have a physical moment, without the emotional or mental levels there as well. I am not sure that anyone who has been in a physical scene would disagree that emotions both mentally/spirtual levels in real time play far exceed what they ever experienced from a cyber/ LD relationship. To clarify, I did not say that online or LD relationships are more emotional, mental or spiritual than a real-time relationship. I said they have less of the physical and more of the emotional and mental to them, by necessity. In a sense, they are less of an S&M thing and more of a D/s thing. If you believe that physical S&M is essential to a relationship, then yes, you are not going to be able to understand or explore the depth of connection that is possible in an online/LD relationship. But it is possible for others to do so, without it being "not real". That was the point I was trying to make. Just because it doesn't work for you doesn't mean it doesn't work or isn't real for someone else. There are many flavors of Kool Aid out there. quote: Nor does the r/t physical play exclude the challenge of imagination and creativity for face to face interaction. It all looks great on paper though.[:)] I never implied that those who have relationships outside of cyber, w/o s/m but with d/s in their relationship, are less real. Again, I am not saying that real-time excludes those things. You asked how an online/LD relationship works. I've explained how it does, what goes into it, what's required from both parties in it. I'm trying to answer your questions, not imply that cyber relationships are better in any way. They are different. Not less, not more, simply different, with different challenges, advantages and requirements. That said, if you meet someone who has only played online yet claims to be capable of taking a hundred lashes from a bullwhip...yeah, they're full of it. I won't argue with you there. But you can't take that person's BS and smear everyone who uses cyber as a tool in their relationships. That's not fair. There are plenty of us out there who realize the realities and limitations of online interaction.

NINASHARP -> RE: Cybering in the scene. (5/1/2006 11:23:07 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Halcyone quote: ORIGINAL: NINASHARP Ahh but this is where the fantasy ends and reality begins... You say that Cyber "falls _more_ into the mental and emotional side of the spectrum" You're kidding me right? Well I personally don't think that is the case at all. Anyone ever being in r/t servitude, physically, stirs up quite alot of emotions, mentally, spiritually, and I for one, can not have a physical moment, without the emotional or mental levels there as well. I am not sure that anyone who has been in a physical scene would disagree that emotions both mentally/spirtual levels in real time play far exceed what they ever experienced from a cyber/ LD relationship. To clarify, I did not say that online or LD relationships are more emotional, mental or spiritual than a real-time relationship. I said they have less of the physical and more of the emotional and mental to them, by necessity. In a sense, they are less of an S&M thing and more of a D/s thing. If you believe that physical S&M is essential to a relationship, then yes, you are not going to be able to understand or explore the depth of connection that is possible in an online/LD relationship. But it is possible for others to do so, without it being "not real". That was the point I was trying to make. Just because it doesn't work for you doesn't mean it doesn't work or isn't real for someone else. There are many flavors of Kool Aid out there. quote: Nor does the r/t physical play exclude the challenge of imagination and creativity for face to face interaction. It all looks great on paper though.[:)] I never implied that those who have relationships outside of cyber, w/o s/m but with d/s in their relationship, are less real. Again, I am not saying that real-time excludes those things. You asked how an online/LD relationship works. I've explained how it does, what goes into it, what's required from both parties in it. I'm trying to answer your questions, not imply that cyber relationships are better in any way. They are different. Not less, not more, simply different, with different challenges, advantages and requirements. That said, if you meet someone who has only played online yet claims to be capable of taking a hundred lashes from a bullwhip...yeah, they're full of it. I won't argue with you there. But you can't take that person's BS and smear everyone who uses cyber as a tool in their relationships. That's not fair. There are plenty of us out there who realize the realities and limitations of online interaction. I value your opinion on this. I apologize, for I misunderstood the use of the word "more" in your reply. Now had we been face to face, I might have gotten it! But now I see it, and I agree, it is indeed more emotional, mental or spiritual than a real-time, because of course, it lacks the real time. My OP asked how one could serve from a far? It didn't necessarily mean s/m only. I practice both s/m and d/s. I am not smearing those in cyber who use the technology for building a foundation of trust in a relationship, I also said in the OP that the long distance relationships (been in one myself, though never without meeting every few months) is a good way to fill in the gaps when you can't get together. I guess I had it in my mind, the cyber scenario, of being served tea in a chat room with the sub on his knees. Thats not for me. I also mention the ones who have mailed me to serve miles away, and who are probably married and possibly cheating, and looking for a cyber relationship. Again, thats not for me. I do see how others can get caught up in it. and thank you again for the clarity.

vaj85uk -> RE: Cybering in the scene. (7/8/2006 2:28:04 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NINASHARP ... I guess I had it in my mind, the cyber scenario, of being served tea in a chat room with the sub on his knees. Thats not for me. I also mention the ones who have mailed me to serve miles away, and who are probably married and possibly cheating, and looking for a cyber relationship. Again, thats not for me. I do see how others can get caught up in it. and thank you again for the clarity. For me, the cyber scenario permist me put myself at anothers mercy in a world that I may in real life 'chicken out of' (try before you buy so to speak). There is no substitute for a Dommes 'touch' but cybering can be quick, discrete, less personally awkward and can permit me to give it 110%. I am a humiliation fan and if she is strong minded and abusive I can set the scene of my choice - including self-abuse of course.

vaj85uk -> RE: Cybering in the scene. (6/14/2007 10:26:31 PM)
i agree to a great extent - i will do precisely as i am told becuase like anything else i get out what i put in. my hook as a sub to a wonderfully loving Femme Domme is humiliation and submission and if that means giving myself to a stranger for Her then so be it.

SoquilisGirl -> RE: Cybering in the scene. (6/16/2007 5:27:45 PM)
Halcyone, Your description is very similar to online D/s relationships I've had (controlling my orgasms, wardrobe, behaviors etc.). The part about sharing a meal together was very sweet. I never thought of anything like that. The range of ways in which you can serve online as unlimited as it is in RL, aside from the physical aspects. To me, the mental and emotional aspects are far more important. Since I am not into bondage or being flogged, or wax play or anything like that, the physical part is just sex and not nearly as important or engrossing as giving over my will to the one I love. (And besides - you can always have sex with other people in RL, assuming your Dom allows it.) Thank you for very eloquently explaining "our" side of the debate. I sometimes feel that anyone who enjoys an online relationship is belittled here and it's an attitude that I find puzzling among people who post in an online form and who so often profess to be open minded. The strange thing is - even though I originally met Soquili online about 12 years ago, we never "cybered" at all, although we did chat on camera when we lived apart and I did cam with him and send him pics and videos. Now we are together in RL, but personally I find online more thrilling and wish he'd join me on Second Life! :) SoquilisGirl quote: ORIGINAL: Halcyone That's a fair question and I gave some general examples in my first post to this thread. To be more specific... <snip> What I get out of it is the love, support, encouragement and control from the dominant man I fell in love with. I recognize that being in the same room, acting as Sir and miss, would be and will be different from what we've experienced while apart. But the emotions behind what we do are not dissimilar.Many of the actions and tools are the same. Edited to add to the list of things we do - And yes, sometimes we do cyber each other. We're both writers. We both recognize that words on the screen aren't real. They certainly have a real effect however, in the hands of someone who knows how to use them. [;)]

Joseff -> RE: Cybering in the scene. (6/16/2007 6:27:31 PM)
Way back when I first discovered the internet, I tried cybering. I wasn't looking for an online relationship, mind you, mainly I was just curious. I found a chat room that was BDSM oriented, connected with a willing submissive, and gave it a whirl. Turns out I was really good at it, at least according to the partners. Quite frankly for me, it was boring, I could almost do it in my sleep. A little imagination, a well timed "oh, baby", and you're done. I eventually quit, because everyone else seemed to be getting more out of it than I was. That is the pitfall of the online relationship, how can you know just what your partner is getting out of it. Now I'm not totally against the internet, or cybering for that matter. Some couples I know met online, and they have great relationships, and if you're curious about something, say fire play for example, why not try it out in an interactive fantasy first? Sure, you won't be able to feel the actual heat, but if there's something deep inside you that just can't take it, it may show up there, before you ever actually come in contact with real flame. I guess what I'm trying to say is that it could be a good first step. As for the actual spirit of the original thread, I don't think I'll ever be able to view a strictly online relationship, D/s or otherwise, as being the same as a one in RL. As to whether they might have equal merit, I'd leave to those with more experiance. Joseff

MamaDomme -> RE: Cybering in the scene. (6/16/2007 8:49:50 PM)
>>fast reply<< I am so not interested in an online or long distance situation. I need the physical connections all the way. I met a man once online, we chatted and IM'd a few times and exchanged phone numbers. He lived about 30 miles from me so we met for lunch. There was so much of a chemistry that it felt "too good to be true". A few days after our lunch date, he left to go to work in Iraq. We carried on an online, long-distance relationship for several months. He came home for R & R and we went out. Spent a fantastic day together and wound up having fabulous sex that night. He went back to Iraq for another 6 months. The daily emails, IMs and phone calls continued. We talked of marriage and even planned the wedding and set the date. I started feeling uneasy about a few things--- and that feeling got stronger and stronger. He hadn't told his family. He didn't want me calling his sister just 30 miles away. Lots of little things kept creeping up. Suddenly, one night I called and the phone went dead when he answered. I was terrified at first-- he was in Iraq and my mind went every which way with worry. I didn't hear from him and day after day, I would email and worry. Finally after a couple of weeks I stopped emailing. I thought he was dead. I grieved hard. Fast forward a couple of months~~~ a client came in for treatment and during the treatment she talked of her husband that worked in Iraq and how she & him argued over him not coming home to work. She felt that his job and the money he made was more important than his family that loved him. She was echoing the very same words that I had thought for months. She told me that her hubby was finally due home again for R & R soon and they were going to have a very serious talk about a divorce. Yes, her husband turned out to be my "love". Very awkward situation and I had a hole in my tongue from biting it to keep from saying anything. The man did return home, he called me. Gave me tons of lovely excuses. I agreed to meet him again. I chewed his ass out and finally told him what I knew and that he needed to get lost. He and his wife are still together, he changed jobs but still works all over the country. Nope, no cyber or long-distance for me. Yes, I will meet someone via internet, but it has to become real time pretty quick. And I have a huge apprehension of being taken again.

CuriousLord -> RE: Cybering in the scene. (6/16/2007 9:00:13 PM)
Haven't read the large amount of posts yet- it'll be a while until I get enough time to. Just, commenting on cyber relationships/sex/etc. I used to try those, years back when I was younger, and I feel that they can work to some extent. I think it really helps to open people up and grant a new prospective on things. I'll also add, having been through a fair number in the now-removed past, recalling such things makes me sick to my stomach. Fair warning.

Texy -> RE: Cybering in the scene. (6/16/2007 10:15:55 PM)
To the Op, I have thought many times about the same question you ask here. While I understand some people can't or won't meet in person and have no intention of making the experience real time, that was not the case for me. For me, the real time contact keeps me grounded in a way that the online world did not. Today, I only want the real time service, real time contact. That doesn't mean I wouldn't or won't do long distance for awhile, but I won't for very long. This online world did push me to seek out a group and get involved in munches and parties and meet people, but I think it was only because that is what was truly in my head and heart from the beginning. As far as taking relationships serious that are online only, I can't really say one way or the other. My first thought is: I couldn't do that. My second thought is: how are they doing that? Thanks for all those who posted, I'm finding out that process! gayle

LadyHeart -> RE: Cybering in the scene. (6/17/2007 12:17:14 AM)
For me, on line "relationships" are no different from any other interactive computer games, apart from the fact that they are sexier. You don a persona, you interact with the identity the other person has created and away you go. Where the damage starts happening is when the people involved start to neglect their real lives for the game they are playing. They drop their healthy, real time relationships, because their concerned frineds are trying to encourage them to step away from the screen and come out into the sunshine. They become more and more isolated, and have to believe in the fantasy because not believing in it would be worse. I watched a dear friend disappear down this rabbit hole not once but several times. It was an addiction she just couldn't seem to kick because she wanted so desperately for it to be real. On one occasion it even got to the point where she was "meeting him at the airport" - needless to say, he had a "heart attack" en route and never showed up. Another friend travelled thousands of miles to meet a "single" woman who turned out to be married with a new baby. I have reason to be cynical about these "relationships." To me, a net connection has a Use By Date - if you haven't met within about 3 months it ain't happening. It's only people who put it to the test and take the risk who get the goodies. :)) LH

becca333 -> RE: Cybering in the scene. (6/17/2007 12:43:52 AM)
You can sit around and feel miserable, or you can get the best you can out of your life. For a lot of people cyber is the closest they'll ever get to what they crave. For a long time it was all I thought I'd ever get, and I made the most of it. I learnt a lot, I had fun, met wonderful people, opened up my mind. Then I suddenly had real experiences, and WOW! I couldn't go back and live just on cyber now. But if I'd never had real, I'd have managed with cyber alone, and been happy and grateful. Sure, there's deception in cyber sometimes, there's cheats and liars. But... gee..... I know of a LOT of that in real too. And you get out what you put in. If you sit there typing, "Yes Master, I'm standing naked and shivering ready for my punishment" while you sit there in a tracksuit and pink fluffy slippers then you're really not making a full commitment. Besides, in cyber I can be a gorgeous 24 year old redhead with a killer figure. sigh In real I'm just me.

Guilty1974 -> RE: Cybering in the scene. (6/17/2007 4:32:03 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NINASHARP There are people here on CM whom claim to be dom/sub, Master/Mistress, that have actually never had a real time experience in their life as of yet, but yet they state opinions as if they are authorities on any given subject. That's not something specific to cyber-bdsm'ers. Even many people with RL experience post as if they're authorities on any given subject that they may have tried only once or twice. Loads of people with or without RL experience do nothing more than repeat to others what they've read or heard from others, even when edgeplay is concerned.

Page: << < prev 1 2 3 [4]

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

6.445313E-02