RE: Areas that shouldn't require training.

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RE: Areas that shouldn't require training. - 1/4/2011 10:40:21 PM

SexyBossyBBW

Posts: 1693
Joined: 2/25/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
Manners - I refuse to accept the idea that I should have to train anyone in common courtesy. A male should know how to speak to a woman and treat her with dignity. That includes written communication. All of those lessons that your Mother taught you apply, whether you're talking to kinky people or not.

Clothing - I honestly expect a submissive to know that most people have no real desire to look at his ass or his genitals. That includes profile pics. Think about it, guys! How many people do you know in your real life that honestly want to see these parts of your body? If you know some that do, I want you to think about how few they are when compared to the entire population.

Character - I should not have to teach you right from wrong. That was the job of the person that raised you.

Ignorance - Ignorance is never acceptable as there is always a cure for it.

Decorum - Until you get to know someone, there really is a thing that is commonly known as TMI.

My experience says, either you are lucky and naive, you've been taught by gentlemen, or you've learned the kraft of being one. M

_____________________________

"..touching was and still is and always will be the True Revolution" Nikki Giovanni
"Only when there are many people who are pools of peace, silence, understanding, will war disappear." -Osho

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 21

RE: Areas that shouldn't require training. - 1/4/2011 11:03:55 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

This is a bit of a hijack, but... LadyPact only covered the basics, the absolute essentials. Why not go BEYOND that? For me a sense of humor is absolutely essential, as well as the fact that the other person is enjoying the conversation. The best example of this I know is Jeffff's play for LaT. He is in it for just fun, and nothing else. It's obvious that they would be a ridiculous mismatch, but he pursues her for amusement.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to SexyBossyBBW)

Post #: 22

RE: Areas that shouldn't require training. - 1/4/2011 11:20:17 PM

SexyBossyBBW

Posts: 1693
Joined: 2/25/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
This is a bit of a hijack, but... LadyPact only covered the basics, the absolute essentials. Why not go BEYOND that? For me a sense of humor is absolutely essential, as well as the fact that the other person is enjoying the conversation. The best example of this I know is Jeffff's play for LaT. He is in it for just fun, and nothing else. It's obvious that they would be a ridiculous mismatch, but he pursues her for amusement.

I agree that she covered the basis, but only as the bare minimum one must possess for basic human interaction. Having those down, than one could learn about being attentive, and strive for the more sophysticated nigh in shining armor. M

< Message edited by SexyBossyBBW -- 1/4/2011 11:21:36 PM >

_____________________________

"..touching was and still is and always will be the True Revolution" Nikki Giovanni
"Only when there are many people who are pools of peace, silence, understanding, will war disappear." -Osho

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 23

RE: Areas that shouldn't require training. - 1/4/2011 11:41:17 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SexyBossyBBW
My experience says, either you are lucky and naive, you've been taught by gentlemen, or you've learned the kraft of being one. M

It's neither, actually. I just refuse to deal with people in My life who can't cover at least the basics.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to SexyBossyBBW)

Post #: 24

RE: Areas that shouldn't require training. - 1/4/2011 11:46:44 PM

SemiGoodLife

Posts: 2
Joined: 11/4/2005
Status: offline

OOH OOH! The ability to read!! Just saying...kinda helps with the whole meeting online thing.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 25

RE: Areas that shouldn't require training. - 1/5/2011 2:07:45 AM

BlackTigerDragon

Posts: 180
Joined: 4/1/2010
Status: offline

The most important thing that comes to my mind:

Hello. H-E-L-L-O. How hard is it to put that in a first message? 'I r slave, u r dominant. k, u r my dominant nao. <insert detailed step by step instructions on how to 'dominate' sub here> kthnxbai'

(in reply to SemiGoodLife)

Post #: 26

RE: Areas that shouldn't require training. - 1/5/2011 3:12:06 AM

DommeKeliDallas

Posts: 311
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline

Keep your privates private until someone TELLS you they want to see it.

Be respectful.

(in reply to CherryNeko)

Post #: 27

RE: Areas that shouldn't require training. - 1/5/2011 3:28:01 AM

PeonForHer

Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DommeKeliDallas

Keep your privates private until someone TELLS you they want to see it.

Be respectful.

Indeed.

_____________________________

http://www.domme-chronicles.com

(in reply to DommeKeliDallas)

Post #: 28

RE: Areas that shouldn't require training. - 1/5/2011 4:29:23 AM

LillithEve

Posts: 1
Joined: 1/4/2011
Status: offline

Typing in complete sentences and not using text speak, especially in the initial message. IE, typing the whole "you" instead of "u".

(in reply to PeonForHer)

Post #: 29

RE: Areas that shouldn't require training. - 1/5/2011 4:51:34 AM

VaguelyCurious

Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

Indeed.

Narrowly-avoided orange juice on the floor moment there.

My addition:

Dignity. Have some.

_____________________________

Sthetic on FetLife.

(in reply to PeonForHer)

Post #: 30

RE: Areas that shouldn't require training. - 1/5/2011 6:38:16 AM

81song

Posts: 293
Joined: 1/22/2005
Status: offline

I would have to agree with LadyPact and it is sometimes as some say,"remember what your Mother taught you". It goes the same here too. It kind of reminds me when some folks who use to come down to Key West years ago and think they could act like jerks. It was not their town so they could act any way they wanted and people would avoid them. I think it is the same here or dealing with a Domme, b polite.

(in reply to CherryNeko)

Post #: 31

RE: Areas that shouldn't require training. - 1/5/2011 10:56:36 AM

SexyBossyBBW

Posts: 1693
Joined: 2/25/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: SexyBossyBBW
My experience says, either you are lucky and naive, you've been taught by gentlemen, or you've learned the kraft of being one. M

It's neither, actually. I just refuse to deal with people in My life who can't cover at least the basics.

I grew up in a house where everyone was welcome, from the poorest, no academic training, no home training, to priests, nuns, academically elite. No one was to be disrespected, especially if older.

I will date just about anyone, provided, I feel some attraction, and an he comes to me, with an open mind to learning that which he may not know.
So, it's easy to refuse to deal with people who are high maintenance, or for some reason are lacking in learning; some days I lack the patience, and I do not; but most days I try to give a little guidance, and watch for receptiveness. M

_____________________________

"..touching was and still is and always will be the True Revolution" Nikki Giovanni
"Only when there are many people who are pools of peace, silence, understanding, will war disappear." -Osho

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 32

RE: Areas that shouldn't require training. - 1/5/2011 12:14:36 PM

MissAsylum

Posts: 1863
Joined: 1/9/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SexyBossyBBW
I will date just about anyone, provided, I feel some attraction, and an he comes to me, with an open mind to learning that which he may not know.
So, it's easy to refuse to deal with people who are high maintenance, or for some reason are lacking in learning; some days I lack the patience, and I do not; but most days I try to give a little guidance, and watch for receptiveness. M

I'm confused by this.

Hypothetically speaking, if a man who was interested in dating you addressed you by the term "bitch", but was never tought that it wasn't acceptable, would you still date him?

This just seems to be like ignorance of the law. You still broke it.

_____________________________

I hate when I'm wearing my apple bottom jeans, but i can't find my boots with the fur.

(in reply to SexyBossyBBW)

Post #: 33

RE: Areas that shouldn't require training. - 1/5/2011 12:31:03 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

Advertise better. For example: If you want to be a devoted houseboy or girl, don't post pictures of yourself in a pig sty.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 34

RE: Areas that shouldn't require training. - 1/5/2011 12:52:34 PM

LadyConstanze

Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SexyBossyBBW

So, it's easy to refuse to deal with people who are high maintenance, or for some reason are lacking in learning; some days I lack the patience, and I do not; but most days I try to give a little guidance, and watch for receptiveness. M

Good for you if you have so much time and/or energy, some of us might just not want to go to these levels and set the bar higher, if I feel I need to guide too much, I just think it will be like having a child. Not all of us like to micromanage.

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to SexyBossyBBW)

Post #: 35

RE: Areas that shouldn't require training. - 1/5/2011 1:13:08 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SexyBossyBBW
I grew up in a house where everyone was welcome, from the poorest, no academic training, no home training, to priests, nuns, academically elite. No one was to be disrespected, especially if older.

I will date just about anyone, provided, I feel some attraction, and an he comes to me, with an open mind to learning that which he may not know.
So, it's easy to refuse to deal with people who are high maintenance, or for some reason are lacking in learning; some days I lack the patience, and I do not; but most days I try to give a little guidance, and watch for receptiveness. M

Two things come to mind here. One is that we may have different perspectives because I do not 'date'. Even if I did date, if someone didn't have the basics that I listed above on social skills, I wouldn't care if he was the physical attraction equivalent of Adonis himself.

The highlighted above, to Me, seems a contradiction. If someone can't come into My house and respect everyone in it, they aren't welcome there. If they aren't the type to be courteous, they aren't invited into My home in the first place. Not even on an acquaintance level, much less an actual place of significance in My life.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to SexyBossyBBW)

Post #: 36

RE: Areas that shouldn't require training. - 1/5/2011 1:59:40 PM

CherryNeko

Posts: 330
Joined: 12/29/2010
From: Mexico City
Status: offline

*nods, nods*

_____________________________

How many mornings do we have
Before this night ends?
I'm dying surrounded by white flowers
Which scatter in the sky...

(in reply to SexyBossyBBW)

Post #: 37

RE: Areas that shouldn't require training. - 1/5/2011 2:15:23 PM

hausboy

Posts: 2360
Joined: 9/5/2010
Status: offline

How about BEYOND the Basics, LadyPact?

So now that you have the groundwork...here's my wish list for things that shouldn't require training. Actually, it's more like a CollarMe behavior list, but humor me here.

1. READ. Do your required reading. And I'm not talking porn.
If you're too cheap to kindle or buy a book, there's plenty of good websites on this, although it's sometimes hard to sludge through the crap to find the gems. Read up on safety, techniques, skills and other aspects of BDSM. Anything NOT covered in the literature--then ask someone that you know is experienced.

2. Nurture something live.
If you can't keep a houseplant alive for more than a week... or Snookers craps in your shoe for the third time this month because you forget to scoop the cat box.... you may not be ready to accept the responsibility for assuming power over another.

3. Creativity
Not everyone has this talent--understood. But you know, for those who can't be creative with recipes, we follow the cookbook instructions. If you need to come on to CollarMe and ask strangers "how should I punish my sub? what chores should I assign? what things should I put in my ass?" Go back to the Required Reading. There are enough good books out there that not only share techniques, but also ideas. If you can't think up any on your own, start from the basics...no need to get fancy. If you're both inexperienced, then you'll fumble your way together--it might be even be fun.

4. Spellcheck.
Not everyone can be a rocket scientist. But we can all do things to make ourselves sound less like an idiot. As others have suggested: If U type in txt UR making URSLF look like a silly teenager. So here's the quick review: "i" should always be capitalized...even if you are a slave or a sub. Spell out your words--"You are" "I am" really doesn't take a lot of effort but speaks volumes. The word "kewl"....never is. We're adults. Use that spellcheck. You don't need to know how to spell--it's automatic. It won't catch all the typos (I make them all the time) but at least you can spell the word: Dominant correctly.

5. We don't belong to you. Yet. And vice-versa.
No matter how attractive your photo...how intriguing your profile... don't even dream of giving someone orders....or offering your services....until you've gotten a chance to determine, human-a-human, that you are compatible. Trust me, guys. I made this mistake, right here on CollarMe. I emailed a few Dommes who looked compatible, and emailed "within role." It was a mistake. And I read enough posts to realize it quickly and stop doing it. It was stupid on my part--and wise on theirs to not respond. I mean, really....so what if I have skills?! Why should they employ me when they don't know me at all!? Smart Dommes. Bad hausboy. I get lots and lots of cmail now...and not one of those was from my invitation to a Domme to let me serve her. Learn from past mistakes.

6. NO whining.
I mean this. To every guy out there who posts, journals or profiles--no one likes whiners. No one. It's not even a fetish, as far as I know. It's really annoying when kids do it...and even more unattractive when adults do it. Especially men. So you're aren't finding your dream Domme who will cater to your every whim and fantasy with zero reciprocation (or money) exchanged....and you've been online for three whole months! I promise you, the solution to your quest definitely does not involve crying about how all the CM Dommes are fake...the posters are jerks....and we're all a bunch of "fill-in-the-blanks." Yep. That's gonna help you get what you want.

Look, not to do a victory dance in your end zone here, but if an extremely short bald guy who wasn't born with a dick can manage to get laid and find plenty of playmates....maybe there's something to be said for patience and manners. So watch your porn, relieve yourself....and keep trying to connect with people. Don't lower your standards, but don't base them on something completely unrealistic either.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 38

RE: Areas that shouldn't require training. - 1/5/2011 2:38:27 PM

allthatjaz

Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline

Pay attention to whats being said and converse accordingly. Remember that this interaction isn't just about you.

_____________________________

S&M (Steve and Maria) persona libre de convencionalismos

Fan of edgeplay.co.uk

(in reply to hausboy)

Post #: 39

RE: Areas that shouldn't require training. - 1/5/2011 3:18:05 PM

PeonForHer

Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline

FR
I'd say: know how to tell your kink-side to shut the hell up until you've made a proper human connection.

_____________________________

http://www.domme-chronicles.com

(in reply to allthatjaz)

Post #: 40

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