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LadyPact -> RE: Is CM really good for newcomers? (1/5/2011 9:18:26 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: BonesFromAsh
I recommend, instead, that they attend a munch or find a partner (if they don't already have one) and explore with them. I recommend books to read and websites that might offer some interesting information...but I don't recommend they join an online forum to gain knowledge of bdsm activities. That's what living is for.
Absolutely this.
Which brings up some other really good points. Some folks join up here and expect this place to be the fast food version of learning about all of this. Add water and stir....... Instant expert. There's a thread in another section right now where the OP came here for 'help' with his question. I'm not going to link the thread, but I got the distinct impression that he was just here to get just enough information to pull the wool over some girl's eyes. I'm not going to be a part of that. There's another thread where someone who claims tons of experience at what she does, where I gave the tiniest speck of info that she wasn't aware of. People like that have no credibility with Me.
I've said this on other threads before and I realize that I'm in the minority about the subject, but when I perceive that someone is going to be potentially dangerous in taking that tiny bit of information that I give them and run rampant with it, I want no part of it. While I may not be responsible for the outcome, I've still got a contribution there.
Someone said the other day that you can't get to know a person through these message boards enough to vouch for them. I get that, to a certain degree. However, I can see enough of a person on these message boards that I'm willing to put enough faith in them that I'm going to do a little more in some cases than others. When I can see the difference that they aren't taking short cuts in what they are trying to learn or I know from their track record here that safety and responsibility are important to them, I'm going to make more of an investment in their case. Some of the folks on this thread know that to be true.
Unlike a lot of folks, I didn't start in BDSM through the net. It wasn't a part of My formative education about all of this. I've been doing it a good while now and I can't condense everything I've learned over the years into some Reader's Digest version for a message board. I can't tell you how much time I've spent learning through demos, etc, what I've acquired through personal dynamics, reading books, and good old fashioned hands on experience.
Those same methods are still available. Every single one of the non fiction books on BDSM that are currently on My shelf are still in print. If I can sit down and read them to further My knowledge, so can anybody else. No, it's not the instant gratification method of education, but it works today just like it did when I started out. I'm not saying it's better or easier, but it is more detailed and more thorough.
In a number of cases, I do tend to think that folks would do better on these boards if they would make the personal investment of reading a book or having some experience before posting here. The thing is they have to be willing to do the work. Even if it's just research, they would get such a better response if they were willing to have some initiative. Nobody can convince Me that I should have a more vested role in their education than they should have in themselves.
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