RE: Punishments for subby.

RE: Punishments for subby. (Full Version)

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ChantillyLily -> RE: Punishments for subby. (1/4/2011 11:05:03 PM)
-ice cold shower for x seconds/minutes. make her count the seconds. -cut up her favourite xyz, especially bad if you gave it to her as a reward or gift. -exercise punishments -fear play (using needles, heights, claustrophobia, anything she's uncomfortable with against her) -humiliation (have her do something she's not good at, criticize her) . . . etc etc etc

lilredsubmarine -> RE: Punishments for subby. (1/4/2011 11:13:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ChantillyLily -ice cold shower for x seconds/minutes. make her count the seconds. -cut up her favourite xyz, especially bad if you gave it to her as a reward or gift. -exercise punishments -fear play (using needles, heights, claustrophobia, anything she's uncomfortable with against her) -humiliation (have her do something she's not good at, criticize her) Wow, different strokes for different folks! (Damnit i love that saying. Can't half tell though, eh?) The ones i've bolded would be very close to hard limits for me-- verging on cruel. i would absolutely hate those. Especially having to cut up something that was given to me from Him as a gift. Oh my gosh. And having Him criticize me? Oh.... [:o] Just the thought makes me all sad. i guess that's where it's up to the Dom to know what would be suitable punishment for His sub, and what would simply break her.

BeautyDebased -> RE: Punishments for subby. (1/4/2011 11:15:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ChantillyLily -ice cold shower for x seconds/minutes. make her count the seconds. -cut up her favourite xyz, especially bad if you gave it to her as a reward or gift. -exercise punishments -fear play (using needles, heights, claustrophobia, anything she's uncomfortable with against her) -humiliation (have her do something she's not good at, criticize her) . . . etc etc etc Couldn't have said it better, Ice cold showers....Iv'e experienced that, I'm forbidden to say no, I don't say it anymore ever. Fear, near always works, and there's literally hundreds of ways to bring it out. Sure, most of us are masochists that do enjoy pain to some level but go past that comfort zone and you have punishment ;). Beauty.

BeautyDebased -> RE: Punishments for subby. (1/4/2011 11:19:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lilredsubmarine quote: ORIGINAL: ChantillyLily -ice cold shower for x seconds/minutes. make her count the seconds. -cut up her favourite xyz, especially bad if you gave it to her as a reward or gift. -exercise punishments -fear play (using needles, heights, claustrophobia, anything she's uncomfortable with against her) -humiliation (have her do something she's not good at, criticize her) Wow, different strokes for different folks! (Damnit i love that saying. Can't half tell though, eh?) The ones i've bolded would be very close to hard limits for me-- verging on cruel. i would absolutely hate those. Especially having to cut up something that was given to me from Him as a gift. Oh my gosh. And having Him criticize me? Oh.... [:o] Just the thought makes me all sad. i guess that's where it's up to the Dom to know what would be suitable punishment for His sub, and what would simply break her. True, But after the punishment is over ..well, for me, I'm hugged and forgiven and we move on. Though he'd not make me destroy anything or criticize me, it's just more extreme punishment at times and fear, both work wonders though we are both aware that my disappointing him hurts more than anything physical ever can or will. There is an easy fix though, don't be a bad slave, pretty simple, and you won't be punished lol. Beauty.

MasterRaven12 -> RE: Punishments for subby. (1/4/2011 11:22:07 PM)
You made some very good points. She understands the task, she just "forgets" at time to complete it and its not in fun. She just really forgets so I am looking for a way to enhance her remembering the task. She is praised when she is good and well taken care of in every aspect. We have talked about it and both agree that some form of reinforcing is needed to help her remember. The Ice Cold Showers and exercise punishments are sounding good for her.

lilredsubmarine -> RE: Punishments for subby. (1/4/2011 11:56:55 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BeautyDebased True, But after the punishment is over ..well, for me, I'm hugged and forgiven and we move on. Though he'd not make me destroy anything or criticize me, it's just more extreme punishment at times and fear, both work wonders though we are both aware that my disappointing him hurts more than anything physical ever can or will. There is an easy fix though, don't be a bad slave, pretty simple, and you won't be punished lol. Beauty. That's a very good point-- being actively punished for upsetting or disappointing Him, so that even though i feel horrible i can transfer that emotional pain to the physical, almost "purging" myself, and afterwards knowing that all is forgiven and it will not be brought up again, so i don't keep beating myself up for it. It also works to avoid nasty "recurring arguments" as can happen in many vanilla relationships, where if you do something wrong it is used against you for the next 3 years. Being punished helps to move on and focus on the present and future, rather than the past. How very important to be held and cuddled and loved afterwards so that you are brought back from that punishment place. Hooray for responsible Doms! [:)]

MasterRaven12 -> RE: Punishments for subby. (1/5/2011 12:02:11 AM)
I've been meaning to respond to that, excuse me for getting distracted Beauty and Lilred. I agree 100% with what is being said. I view the punishment as a way of correcting the problem and moving on. Once it has been admistered she is reassured of my love, reminded what is expected, and then hugged/held (whichever is approiate). Grudges from the past is what dooms most relationships and I want to avoid that at all costs. I've been blessed with one child and one on the way with my girl and look forward to a long relationship with her. However issues will arise because we are human and there needs to be ways to address that, thus the purpose for this thread. I do not want her to mess up and I am not looking forward to it, however we're all human.

crazyml -> RE: Punishments for subby. (1/5/2011 12:11:52 AM)
MasterRaven, I've a sincere recommendation for you; check out Domiguy's posts, read 'em carefully. They're golden. If you don't "get" them, then it's your loss, not his. To your op:- Corner-time is my personal favourites. Or simply having her kneel, silent in your presence while you read a book. But, you know, it most of my relationships the real kicker for the sub has been my disappointment. No "punishment" required, no "shouting", no "stern words", just my disappointment. To take this a step further, and I hesitate to do this since you're a "Master" and I don't make the same claim, you might want to consider the fact that the "failure" is not hers, but yours. As a true "Master" surely you must regard any failure in her part to meet your standards as a failure in your "Mastery"? So, perhaps Domiguy is absolutely right, perhaps when she "fails" you should punish yourself, in her presence?

dreamerdreaming -> RE: Punishments for subby. (1/5/2011 12:13:02 AM)
OP: If you need to punish more than rarely, look in the mirror. Because if you've got a slave who wants to be obedient, and the things you're doing aren't helping her accomplish that: then its you who needs to address that underlying issue- not with punishment, but with leadership- and by actually helping her. If she's a forgetful person, all the punishing in the world isn't going to change that. You've got to find out what will help her: cellphone alarms, as reminders? Checklists (around the house/text/email, etc.)? A regular schedule? More rest and a proper diet? Even with all that, she may still forget- but if she's trying her best, why punish her? Would you like to be punished for doing your best? [8\|] Didn't think so. After a while of that, you'd just quit trying at all, right? So help her. Have regular discussions to make sure your expectations are clear, don't expect more than she can give (nobody's perfect- know her limitations, and be accepting of who she really is- not who you wish she were), and don't continue with things (like punishment), if they don't work. Not everyone needs or desires a reward/punishment dynamic. My slave and I aren't interested in it at all, for example. If you are, you should make sure you're with a partner who also desires that kind of dynamic.

GreedyTop -> RE: Punishments for subby. (1/5/2011 12:19:56 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MasterRaven12 You made some very good points. She understands the task, she just "forgets" at time to complete it and its not in fun. She just really forgets so I am looking for a way to enhance her remembering the task. She is praised when she is good and well taken care of in every aspect. We have talked about it and both agree that some form of reinforcing is needed to help her remember. The Ice Cold Showers and exercise punishments are sounding good for her. I havent read past this yet.. but have you considered just having her make a LIST of things she's supposed to do? Post it notes?

lilredsubmarine -> RE: Punishments for subby. (1/5/2011 12:52:57 AM)
That's a very valid point with regard to punishment while she's pregnant. Sure, you might have sense enough to know what is or isn't suitable for the lass while she's up the duff, but perhaps you ought to have included this detail in your OP so that we could suggest suitable action for during and after the pregnancy? Communication, as always, is key. As dreamer mentioned, have you tried implementing alternative systems? i personally love lists, perhaps with each task having a "do by" date/time, and if i fail without an acceptable reason, THEN punishment follows. Because, although i am a chronic procrastinator, i am also terribly forgetful. So the list addresses my forgetfulness, while the threat of punishment addresses my procrastination. Done, and done. [:)]

phoenixmoonn13 -> RE: Punishments for subby. (1/5/2011 2:15:00 AM)
not being allowed to cum for a week ok doesnt seem ling but when your told yu are not allowed to all youwant to do is to cum. write lines sleep on the floor for teh night being sent out of the room for a couple of hours. all work for me not so much i need the punishemnt as i dont do the same thign twice but i need a closure if i haave done somthing.

DesFIP -> RE: Punishments for subby. (1/5/2011 3:48:28 AM)
Figure out why the problem exists and solve it. She forgets tasks. That's a lot different than not caring about them. So op, are you aware of her daily schedule? Are you assigning things that don't work with her real life? Because if your task interferes with her job or is at risk of having her arrested as a sex offender, then they shouldn't be done. Beyond that, if she's always been forgetful then has she been tested for ADHD? Because if she has a disease, and you've been beating her or punishing her for something she can't help, you're the bad person here, not her. And some of us have zero tolerance for busy work. We are smart enough to know the difference between something of value and something assigned to shore up the dom's weak ego. If this is the case, then it's time to look in the mirror and fix your own issues. You sound like you're about 19 years old, at that age giving stupid tasks is par for the course but it still doesn't garner respect. You want to merit being a master, you need to grow up fast.

mbes -> RE: Punishments for subby. (1/5/2011 7:22:16 AM)
I would be leery of having a pregnant girl kneel. It may be just fine, but with all the ligaments loosening up, I'd hate to stretch something and have it cause lifelong issues. I never had trouble with my knees until after my first was born. I've found that a light swat on the ass when I know I've fucked up is more than sufficient. It's not the pain, because there isn't any, it's just the acknowledgement of the fuck-up. If I got punished every time I forgot something, though, we'd never get around to anything fun. Damn memory...

OsideGirl -> RE: Punishments for subby. (1/5/2011 7:41:18 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MasterRaven12 She just really forgets so I am looking for a way to enhance her remembering the task. Then perhaps the proper approach would be find systems for memory and organization and helping her implement them, rather than smacking her tits with a ruler. If all you can offer is punishment rather than guidance and solutions, you're part of the problem.

GreedyTop -> RE: Punishments for subby. (1/5/2011 7:47:10 AM)
like I said before. make lists.

windchymes -> RE: Punishments for subby. (1/5/2011 9:10:38 AM)
Also, how many tasks are you assigning her every day? If she's completing 27 tasks and "forgets" to do #28, and does this on a regular basis, along with a kid to take care of, maybe it's time to look at the length of the list of tasks. If you come home and she's lollying on the couch watching soaps and didn't do a task, then yes, some kind of punishment is in order......maybe. Then again, maybe she's been running around like a maniac all day taking care of the house and kid (and I didn't see if she works outside of the home, too, maybe I just missed it.....), but maybe that lollying is the first 5 minutes she's had to take a breather all day, and oops, she didn't get to task #28. Also....the magnitude of the task can come under consideration, too. If the task assigned was to drop off the mortgage payment by 2:00 so the bank doesn't begin foreclosure, and she "forgets", then yeah, that's a problem. If the task was lining all your shoes and shirts up in the closet by color....... And what kind of "praise" is she getting when she does do her tasks? A good, tight, SINCERE hug, a kiss, SINCERE words that come from the heart like, "Wow, you did a really great job on this!" can do wonders for motivation, kinda makes you want to do more? Kneel, pat on the head, and "good girl" are nice, but would really wear thin if that's the only praise given.

RapierFugue -> RE: Punishments for subby. (1/5/2011 9:16:28 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MasterRaven12 I am trying to figure out a way to correct my sub when she is wrong. We have tried using a ruler to smack her breasts but it only turns her on or doesnt hurt at all. Cropping/flogging is out of the question as it is something she enjoys as is spanking. Any ideas or suggestions would be awesome. First offence? Crucifixion. Always works* *well I've never had any second-time offenders, let's put it that way.

LadyPact -> RE: Punishments for subby. (1/5/2011 10:20:55 AM)
Truthfully, I'm half wondering if this thread is worth the time. YOU are supposed to know how to handle corrective action, OP. The fact that you 'didn't think' of having somebody repeat a task until it is done the right way, that you're not saying anything about what you have done to assist this person (you say she's forgetful to begin with, so you have to factor that in), and that you're just throwing out that you want random ideas for punishment (without associating them with the offense) make Me wonder how much responsibility that you have going here. The fact that you don't know that whacking her breasts while pregnant is not a good idea throws red flags up. Stop doing that right now. The potential health issue that you could cause is more important than punishment. There are two problems with random punishment threads. One is that if it's not related to the offense in some way, it's ineffective. The second is that we don't know your sub, so we don't know what she might actually like, therefore removing any effectiveness it might have. From what I'm getting here, it's not just her failing. It's yours. What have you done to help her succeed? You're not dealing with willful disobedience here from the sound of it. What methods of correction are you using prior to jumping the punishment gun? That's a failure in leadership. If you're punishing for the same thing repeatedly,, you are failing to give her the proper tools to obey. I haven't seen anything on this thread that is talking about your part in this (teaching, tailoring your methods specifically to her, etc) and that's part of why you are having repeated problems. Our dynamic does include punishment and I could probably help you with that. However, if you are punishing repeatedly and often for the same things, you need to take a step back and see what is wrong with your methods.

leadership527 -> RE: Punishments for subby. (1/5/2011 10:37:09 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MasterRaven12 I am trying to figure out a way to correct my sub when she is wrong... She understands the task, she just "forgets" at time to complete it and its not in fun. She just really forgets so I am looking for a way to enhance her remembering the task. I'm the first to admit that this place moreso than any other is where I get lost. My initial inclination is always to say something unhelpful like, 'Why not just dominate her?" So here's my best "helpful" answer... which may not be helpful at all. a) Be sure you understand why the disobedience is happening In my experience, subs want to submit... that's why they self identify as submissive. So the way I figure it, if that isn't happening, then either they are no submissive in any way I can recognize or else there's some sand in the gears somewhere. My first effort is always to try to find what's gumming up the works. b) Assuming that you are correct and there is no underlying reason, then you have real work to do because that makes the underlying reason this... "Her sense of priorities is more real to her than yours." That's another way to say, "You're not in charge, she is." So whatever the original problem was is now totally eclipsed by the new problem which threatens the underpinnings of the entire relationship. c) Try positive feedback (as you did). Generally, this works quite well with Carol. A bit of coaching and a loving reminder. Again, she WANTS to obey. d) Failing that we'll have a still loving but much more stern discussion about the command and it's importance. At this point, I'd be discussing it's importance to us rather than the generic importance of her following my priorities. e) Failing that we'd be at "Are you mine or not? If not, quit wasting my time and give me the collar. No more fucking around. No more excuses. Step up or step back." I'm not a huge believer in a punishment dynamic. In my mind, it only sets up an allowable path for disobedience within the relationship. I prefer simply to dominate Carol and enforce my boundaries effectively. The problem with punishing for failure is that it changes nothing. You're still not in charge because you still didn't get your way. What actually happened was that you didn't get your way twice. The first time when she disobeyed and the second time when you had to punish. And, most problematic, if you're like most couples, after the punishment you then kiss & make up.... basically saying that all of this was just fine. Disobedience is NOT fine in my marriage and there is no allowable path for it. Punishment doesn't change behavior, dominance does. Trying to state that differently, if I say to Carol, "Do this or else." then I am providing TWO options to her. Apparently I'm good with the first option and not-so-good with the second option. Why am I providing an option for her that I don't want? Why not just say, "Do this.... period." Or, "Here's 4 options and I'm good with all of them."

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