RE: What dominant women endure online - a halfway clueless male's perspective

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SweetDommes -> RE: What dominant women endure online - a halfway clueless male's perspective (1/20/2011 8:59:52 PM)
Scala - I understand that what is weird for me is not necessarily weird for others ... but if someone is old enough to be my father, even if he's younger than my father, that's weird for me and it's not going to happen. Friendship is fine - but that is almost NEVER where the submissive is happy to stay. As for the "mistress" and "boy" thing - rarely do I call some random person, even one that I know is submissive, "boy" - and if they ask me not to, I won't do it again. In the profile, I state to not call me "Mistress" and I expect the same respect that I give to others (i.e. if they have in their profile that they don't want to be called "boy" then I won't do it, or if I call them that and they ask me not to, then I won't do it again). If I call a submissive male "boy" it's because I am, at the least, friends with him, even if we aren't considering adding him to our family. I do use "boy" to refer to "generic sub male" - but I think you are a bit confused based on another thread that I have replied to. Just because I associate the words "girl" and "boy" with submissives (when speaking about adults, of course), that doesn't mean that I call all submissives "girl" or "boy". *edited for spelling because I can never get "necessarily" right the first time around - and if it's wrong now, blame my online dictionary ...

seekingOwnertoo -> RE: What dominant women endure online - a halfway clueless male's perspective (1/20/2011 9:16:25 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: PeonForHer Lockit, Ladies Hib and Pact, Clearly, you've only come across it rarely (at CM, at least) but it is possible, I think, for a man to reach a point of maturity (or wisdom, or self-control, whatever) where he's able to rein in his romantic/lustful feelings towards a given female such that he's able to create and maintain a friendship with her. He can continue hoping for that friendship to go further, but that hope needn't be so pressing that it impinges on the friendship, nor even warrants being called an 'ulterior motive'. I mean, come on. I know that plenty of women are capable of that - why shouldn't at least the occasional man be similarly capable? Indeed, Peon, I agree with you ... and I suspect, the Ladies you reference, plus several others ... know this about you and I ... doubly big [:D] But, as you know, they do encounter so many more, that perhaps, we just get overlooked, at times! [;)] It is the 80/20 rule ... so to speak.

LadyPact -> RE: What dominant women endure online - a halfway clueless male's perspective (1/20/2011 10:45:21 PM)
I find it incredibly ironic that, even though the majority of the Dominant women say that we mean what we say, every male on the thread keeps wanting to tell us that we don't. Part of the problem, perhaps. As to this........ quote: ORIGINAL: cloudboy I'm still waiting for Sarah's Eve to share some stories of how it went when she assumed a male sub persona online. The femdoms here seem honed in on what they want and how malesubs should act, but I'm curious how they'd do on the flip side of the OPs project. (Could they impress a femdom posing as a malesub?) Yes, I honestly believe that I could. I have several advantages in doing so. I already have a mindset of knowing what gets women to respond because I think the same way. Unlike what is happening in this thread, I listen to what the women are saying here and have said on hundreds of threads. I know what Dominant women have repeatedly said they respond to. The only reason that I'm not hell bent on proving it is that I think it would be deceptive of Me to create a male profile. (I said the same thing a few months back about creating a female submissive profile.) If I remember correctly, it's also against TOS to misrepresent gender.

PeonForHer -> RE: What dominant women endure online - a halfway clueless male's perspective (1/21/2011 5:13:25 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact I find it incredibly ironic that, even though the majority of the Dominant women say that we mean what we say, every male on the thread keeps wanting to tell us that we don't. Part of the problem, perhaps. What can I say, LP? I've written to women who've not been matches for me, and vice versa. We're friends now and might be something more in the future. One side or the other may hope, but there's no ulterior motive beyond that. It works . . . .

LadyNTrainer -> RE: What dominant women endure online - a halfway clueless male's perspective (1/21/2011 10:12:27 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact The only reason that I'm not hell bent on proving it is that I think it would be deceptive of Me to create a male profile. (I said the same thing a few months back about creating a female submissive profile.) If I remember correctly, it's also against TOS to misrepresent gender. Why not have one of your subbies create a profile that you control? And yes, I am pretty damn certain that if I did this and had a hand in writing both the profile and the letters, I could get a positive response from an overwhelming percentage of the female dominants "he" wrote. It's not that hard. What's weird is the number of guys who seem literally unable to grasp the concept of how to get a positive response from a femdom, even when we explain it clearly in so many words. It's still not what they do.

LadyPact -> RE: What dominant women endure online - a halfway clueless male's perspective (1/21/2011 10:27:30 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyNTrainer Why not have one of your subbies create a profile that you control? And yes, I am pretty damn certain that if I did this and had a hand in writing both the profile and the letters, I could get a positive response from an overwhelming percentage of the female dominants "he" wrote. It's not that hard. What's weird is the number of guys who seem literally unable to grasp the concept of how to get a positive response from a femdom, even when we explain it clearly in so many words. It's still not what they do. Ethical reasons, mostly. I'd have issues with anyone who belonged to Me to the point of having control over their account saying anything to the effect of not being owned in the first place. I could do it with a friend. Not with anyone that I considered My submissive. Though, I do agree with your point. While not all Dominant women are alike, we know what we respond to ourselves and what other women have said encourages them to respond. Yes, it's the same information that is available to males, but they don't always tap into it.

PeonForHer -> RE: What dominant women endure online - a halfway clueless male's perspective (1/21/2011 10:38:09 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyNTrainer And yes, I am pretty damn certain that if I did this and had a hand in writing both the profile and the letters, I could get a positive response from an overwhelming percentage of the female dominants "he" wrote. I'd be fascinated to see the results of that sort of experiment. I have a hypothesis that by far the most important factor is the ability to be warm, human, friendly and in proper control of one's kink. With rare exceptions women who've written to me have been that way. Not so men who've written to women, from what I've seen on these boards.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: What dominant women endure online - a halfway clueless male's perspective (1/21/2011 1:34:30 PM)
You're absolutely right, Peon. The men that approach me as a person meeting another person are rare--and get my attention! (Waves to Seeking, ya compliemnt hunter!) I wonder if the kink really has anything to do with it. I went on to OKCupid at the recommendation of some friends and I didn't last a week. Add a cock shot or two, and it could have been CM. Either a man is willing to listen or he is not. We see it here all the time, I see it on Fet all the time in an array of topics. Men come on the boards and repeatedly DENY OUR EXPERIENCE. Our actual, real lives. There is no point in engaging with people like that. How can you converse with a person who thinks you're making it all up?

PeonForHer -> RE: What dominant women endure online - a halfway clueless male's perspective (1/21/2011 1:40:34 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus Men come on the boards and repeatedly DENY OUR EXPERIENCE. Our actual, real lives. No, they don't.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: What dominant women endure online - a halfway clueless male's perspective (1/21/2011 1:47:37 PM)
Remind me to have VC bite you hard.

LadyPact -> RE: What dominant women endure online - a halfway clueless male's perspective (1/21/2011 2:04:03 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: PeonForHer quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus Men come on the boards and repeatedly DENY OUR EXPERIENCE. Our actual, real lives. No, they don't. In fairness, peon, some do. That's why some of the mail experiments get done in the first place. A lot of males think it's exaggerated until they get to see it for themselves. That only happens until someone tries something like the OP, or in the case where the sub has seen what lands in the inbox, like clip or slavekal.

LadyConstanze -> RE: What dominant women endure online - a halfway clueless male's perspective (1/21/2011 2:13:21 PM)
It could be that most guys compromise a lot more when it comes to a possible relationship or getting their kink on, and they simply don't realize that women aren't quite as hormone driven. I'm willing to bet that most of the mails that are just of the "instant delete" sort are typed in a hormonal frenzy (or when the blood was in the other head), additionally most of the yucky mails seem to be from people who don't participate in the forum at all, so we can talk here until we're blue in the face, the guys won't know what they are doing wrong or that their cock shots aren't received with great delight...

PeonForHer -> RE: What dominant women endure online - a halfway clueless male's perspective (1/21/2011 2:33:52 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact In fairness, peon, some do. That's why some of the mail experiments get done in the first place. A lot of males think it's exaggerated until they get to see it for themselves. That only happens until someone tries something like the OP, or in the case where the sub has seen what lands in the inbox, like clip or slavekal. I got a big dose of that when I did the experiment with LNT's secondary profile. I didn't see so much of the nastiness that I'd seen reported on these boards, but I did have a strong feeling of 'coldness' during the whole experience. Quite depressing, really. As I've often said: I wouldn't want to do that experiment again.

PeonForHer -> RE: What dominant women endure online - a halfway clueless male's perspective (1/21/2011 2:37:53 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze It could be that most guys compromise a lot more when it comes to a possible relationship or getting their kink on, and they simply don't realize that women aren't quite as hormone driven. For whatever reason, they don't make the effort to connect. That seems to be the root problem.

LadyConstanze -> RE: What dominant women endure online - a halfway clueless male's perspective (1/21/2011 3:20:37 PM)
I think they see it as an effort to connect, they just don't realize that it doesn't work for us. Having grown up almost exclusively with guys (I dunno why there were so many boys born in the area where my parents lived, maybe somebody put something into the water), I sometimes have problems with the "enlightened guys" who think they understand how females phrase things and they're a bit thrown that I actually say fairly direct what I want or mean, not the "Aren't you cold?", meaning "I am cold..." but if I ask somebody if they are cold I want to know if they feel cold, if I am cold I tell them straight out. A lot of dommes are the same way, pretty much to the point, in a way the thinking that is often attributed to males, so I think that could add to a certain confusion among the men... I've been told I shop like "a guy", meaning I don't want to try on 1000 outfits, I got an idea of what I want, if they don't have it in the shop, I'm out again and by the 2nd or 3rd shop I lose interest and rather go home again, I never saw that as a female or male trait, just a lack of patience and a hate for dressing rooms. The idea of spending an day shopping and manically running into shops, trying on stuff and then heading to the next shop, that's my idea of a rotten bad time, unless of course we are talking a car boot sale, that's fun, just like technical gadget shopping is fun... Clothes, I know what I want and I want to be in and out of the shop as fast as possible, I can't have manicures because I'm bored to death, pedicures is another thing, I can read a book while getting a pedicure... But in general, I have an easier time communicating with men than with women, for example at work if we're going through a report and I say points x to y need to be reworked, doesn't present the product in the best light/aren't quite clear, etc. Guys are usually OK with it, some women think I'm criticizing them and you have to heap praise on the parts that are OK and then say that the points need to be worked over due to... Men are so used to a lot of women not being clear or vague about what they want, that if you are clear in your profile (provided they read it), some don't quite get it that you mean it this way.

SweetDommes -> RE: What dominant women endure online - a halfway clueless male's perspective (1/22/2011 1:13:43 PM)
Ok, I have to throw this in, as we've been talking about this very thing. In the profile, I have stated that we are looking for guys between the birth years of 1971 and 1981, as ages change, but birthdates don't. So I get a message the other day from someone who had shown up on the "who's viewed me" list, so I know he at least pretended to read the full profile. He's 56, states that he's from (wherever, somewhere not close-by), but moving to our area for work, would love to get to know us and serve us ... Obviously not a message from someone who just wants to be friends. I only read the part that pops up as you hover over the message - I didn't even bother to open it, I deleted it unread. I have no use for people who can't be bothered to pay attention to the profile that Holly and I have both put a lot of work into. Yesterday, the guy sends the exact same message to us again. To me, that means either he thinks he's so fucking wonderful that our preferences don't matter and we'll just fall over ourselves to 'own' him, or he doesn't give a shit who he submits to as long as they have a pulse. That gets so old. That is why I dislike it when people message when they don't meet our criteria - this guy (and so many others) make it quite clear in the first message that they are not looking for friendship. If he had messaged and said somethign to the effect of "hey, I'm moving to your area soon, and was hoping you could give me an idea of the local community" or something about local entertainment in general, what restaurants to avoid, that kind of thing - that would have been totally ok with me. Not that I encourage people to message me with that stuff, as I'm basically a homebody and completely antisocial ... but that would still be an acceptable reason to message someone that you don't meet what they are looking for.

seekingOwnertoo -> RE: What dominant women endure online - a halfway clueless male's perspective (1/22/2011 8:59:36 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus You're absolutely right, Peon. The men that approach me as a person meeting another person are rare--and get my attention! (Waves to Seeking, ya compliemnt hunter!) Yes, Peon is directionally correct. And You are also in the ballpark ... that i am a compliment hunter! [;)] Yet i also know You, the Ladies here, endure so much more than we men do. So much more, I often wonder why You even list here![:)] For example, I can go months without even a view, while You Ladies are inundated with them, as well as emails! So i know things are not always, wine and roses! [;)] You endure so much more than men, just to be here! And I admire and respect this! Thank You! [:)]

LadyHibiscus -> RE: What dominant women endure online - a halfway clueless male's perspective (1/22/2011 9:22:38 PM)
I am much happier with this place now that my profile is hidden! I spend most of my online time at Fetlife, and junk mail there is extremely rare due to the lack ofa search function.

cloudboy -> RE: What dominant women endure online - a halfway clueless male's perspective (1/22/2011 10:02:24 PM)
What I see here is entirely predictable. Its like reading the want ads for a job. The job descriptions are always very discriminating and specific -- designed to rule most job seekers out, but the job seeker must try to find a position. If his dick is not big enough, he must emphasize his personality. If he's simple minded, he must emphasize his 9" endowment. A guy has two choices. (1) All the potential partners have listings that exclude him, so he should give up. (2) Although all the potential partners don't look like a perfect match, he'll try his best to form a connection anyway. Note: Women won't write to him to get the ball rolling, so he must be active as passivity won't generate interest.

cloudboy -> RE: What dominant women endure online - a halfway clueless male's perspective (1/22/2011 10:08:05 PM)
Cyrano De Bergerac

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