RE: What dominant women endure online - a halfway clueless male's perspective

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Charles6682 -> RE: What dominant women endure online - a halfway clueless male's perspective (1/22/2011 11:43:44 PM)
I also experimented with this idea.Pretending to be a Female Dommes profile and see just how many people would respond.It was insane,guys sending chat requests,cmails from guys who I never met and lots of profile views.The OP is right on this.I get a reasonable amount of contavts with people on here just using my real address.Yet,nothing like the insane responses that false profile was getting in such a short time.I suppose there are alot of "daydreamers" on this site after all.

Charles6682 -> RE: What dominant women endure online - a halfway clueless male's perspective (1/23/2011 12:53:09 AM)
Lets face reality.It really does suck to be a Male submissive.Female submissives some how seem to gain alot of acceptance alot more than the Men do.Being a Male submissive sometimes only seems to be more of a burden,a curse more than anything else.There is very few Women who happen to be into Male submissives anymore.Most Fem Dommes these days prefer a Female submissive anyways. Heres the reality.The "male" submissives basically outnumber any Female Dommes as it is.Then,many of those Female Dommes would prefer a Female submissive anyways.So,that makes the odds of a male submissive ever finding a REAL Female Domme,is almost nowhere these days.Sadly,there are too many guys on here who are not real submissive but just claim to be.These guys are really into getting their 30 second fantasies fufilled.That makes it difficult for any serious,real male submissive to stick out.They have to compete with useless male wannabes. Either way,the chances of finding a real Domme is about as slim as they may ever be.Not everywhere has 24/7 play parties where locals can just show up and be themselves.Thats where the internet comes in.Collarme is suppose to be the #1 Fetish Social site in the world.I can believe that.Still,if this is truly the best there is,I guess one should really question the motives of so many people who come on this site.Men and Women who just use this site as a to make money off of people,the fakes and those who are already out in outer space.Seriously,if its really this difficult to find a real geniune Domme on a site like Collarme,then that just shows what the odds are anyway else.I dont blame some people for just giving up on this lifestyle.I have tried that myself.I couldnt just ignore myself for who I am.However,there does come a point when "looking" just simply gets tiresome and old.With very few results,I suppose a REAL male submissive might as well just give up looking.I have been on this site off and on for over 6 years.While I have met a few people on here,overall,all I have come across is a bunch of fakes or Women who are only into Women themselves.Whats really the point?Now I just like to go into the forums and see what the topics are.Thats all Collarme has really become for me anymore.

OttersSwim -> RE: What dominant women endure online - a halfway clueless male's perspective (1/23/2011 7:20:58 AM)
Well Charles that is a bleak outlook. Looking over on Fetlife, there are more than 600 kinky folks registered in your area, and almost 3,000 in Tampa proper. There is a munch in Tampa about 40 minutes from where you are: Tampa Munch start date: Saturday, February 12, 2011 12:00 PM end date: Saturday, February 12, 2011 04:00 PM where: TGI Fridays-Temple Terrace address: 2501 E Fowler Avenue Tampa FL 33612 And there is the Tampa Bay Phoenix Club about 30 minutes from you that hosts weekly play parties. 22 separate groups over on Fetlife in the Tampa area, including a group called ClubFem Florida organized totally around female-led relationships that appears quite active, with 3 chapters statewide and monthly events... You may already know about all of these connections available to you, but I thought I would bring them up as your post gave the impression that you were in the middle of Bumfuck in Whoknowswhereistan with no options open to you but online connections. While CM and other sites certainly have their place for socialization, there really is no substitute for real-life interaction with kinky folks in your area. [:)]

LadyPact -> RE: What dominant women endure online - a halfway clueless male's perspective (1/23/2011 9:29:40 AM)
I'm in firm agreement with Otters here. I understand that some folks have special considerations of why they can't get into the public scene or they live in a location that doesn't have one available. Barring things like actual medical conditions (either themselves or a family member) and just plain bad location, if people don't want to attend in the community, it boils down to choice. I've never been told that I couldn't attend a munch, an event, or a demo. Some groups do have guidelines set up before a person can attend play parties, such as a requirement that a person attend a certain number of munches before being invited or some other vetting process, but I actually don't think that's too much to ask of people. The one point that I'll give you, Charles, is that the signal to noise ratio on the internet is terrible. If anything, that is why people end up having so much trouble here. I don't honestly believe that most Dominant women are looking for female submissives or anything else that you had to say in your post. What I do believe is that the environment that's been created has had a negative impact. It's one that does not exist at munch groups, etc. Yes, those groups have their own issues, too, but in comparing online and offline, I'd take offline any day of the week. My whole online deal about meeting people that aren't on the forums (big exception there) is basically telling folks that I'll be at the group X munch.

Wickad -> RE: What dominant women endure online - a halfway clueless male's perspective (1/23/2011 11:51:46 AM)
(fast reply) To the point of Dominant women now looking for female submissives ... I would suggest that this is partially a product of what Dominant women are finding. I am straight, yet I have considered searching for a submissive woman as the men who purport to be submissive in my area are either do-me types, incompatible, or hiding from their shadows. I have a friend who is bi so she is open to both genders. She has the same problems with the 'male submissive'. Perhaps its time that the guys who are making up all the excuses as to their inability to connect with a Dominant woman start by looking in the mirror. Wickad

LadyPact -> RE: What dominant women endure online - a halfway clueless male's perspective (1/23/2011 12:24:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Wickad Perhaps its time that the guys who are making up all the excuses as to their inability to connect with a Dominant woman start by looking in the mirror. Wickad Quoted for truth! We've got some really good male submissives on these boards. Most of whom, at one time or another have met Dominant women here. Not every match is a permanent match, but folks got together and gave it a shot. At the very least, they were interested in each other enough to see how it went. Frankly, if I were a male submissive, I would be asking those males what they were doing right and see if there was something missing to lead to a path of success.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: What dominant women endure online - a halfway clueless male's perspective (1/23/2011 7:27:40 PM)
OH NOOOOOOOOOES!! Common sense???

OttersSwim -> RE: What dominant women endure online - a halfway clueless male's perspective (1/23/2011 10:07:29 PM)
Sadly....not quite as "common" as it should be...

YSG -> RE: What dominant women endure online - a halfway clueless male's perspective (1/24/2011 4:30:05 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Wickad (fast reply) To the point of Dominant women now looking for female submissives ... I would suggest that this is partially a product of what Dominant women are finding. I am straight, yet I have considered searching for a submissive woman as the men who purport to be submissive in my area are either do-me types, incompatible, or hiding from their shadows. I have a friend who is bi so she is open to both genders. She has the same problems with the 'male submissive'. Perhaps its time that the guys who are making up all the excuses as to their inability to connect with a Dominant woman start by looking in the mirror. Wickad Agreed. He who complains the loudest, usually sucks the worst [8D]

VaguelyCurious -> RE: What dominant women endure online - a halfway clueless male's perspective (1/24/2011 9:18:06 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: cloudboy A guy has two choices. (1) All the potential partners have listings that exclude him, so he should give up. (2) Although all the potential partners don't look like a perfect match, he'll try his best to form a connection anyway. 3. He can go to some events and smile at some people like a normal human being, and see what happens. People don't have profile text stating their age/location requirements floating above their heads in real life. All that stuff can go out of the window if you like the way someone smells or the way their eyes scrunch up when they laugh or whatever. Seriously, cloudboy, I can't speak for other women but the way you write about dating/looking for partners often bears no relation to my actual experience. Women are pretty easy-going, for all the hard talk. I may be merciless with the delete button in my inbox, but I'm also not actually difficult to impress. Gimme a pressure-free joke or two and an intelligent comment on something-or-other (seriously, not difficult to please) and your theoretical guy has himself a vague ally (real or online), if not quite a friend yet. And I might well know somebody that said theoretical guy would be perfect for, even if that's not me. (C'mon, everyone's a closet yenta really [8D]) I get that you want to be cynical and miserable and make us feel bad about what you perceive to be our bad behaviour all the time, but outside your posts, in the real world, life's just not that bleak. happy!yenta!VC

cloudboy -> RE: What dominant women endure online - a halfway clueless male's perspective (1/24/2011 3:40:31 PM)
I thought the topic here (What dominant women endure online) was about online dating (profiles, emails, solicitations) and why men seem irrationally and unjustifiably persistent.

LadyPact -> RE: What dominant women endure online - a halfway clueless male's perspective (1/24/2011 3:44:49 PM)
Oddly enough, I thought the topic was what Dominant women endure on line. The OP tried it and got confirmation on the subject of what comes in to a Domme's mail and the crap messages that were received. Maybe I need to read the original post again.

VaguelyCurious -> RE: What dominant women endure online - a halfway clueless male's perspective (1/24/2011 3:47:40 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: cloudboy I thought the topic here (What dominant women endure online) was about online dating (profiles, emails, solicitations) and why men seem irrationally and unjustifiably persistent. It is. But your list of options was presenting it like online is the only choice, and that if men were to have any hope of a relationship they'd have to ignore/bypass women's stated boundaries, which somehow makes that trespass ok. Which is a serious distortion of reality as I (we? I don't want to speak for anyone else but I can't imagine that I'm alone in this) see it.

cloudboy -> RE: What dominant women endure online - a halfway clueless male's perspective (1/24/2011 3:54:14 PM)
Yes, what follows is "Why do men behave in the manner described," just as an analysis of flat tires might discus road conditions. Once you understand cause and effect, patterns of behavior, and the "whys" of what happens, its much easier to "endure." VC is probably right that men don't have to go online to meet women, but it was akin to saying, "if you just walk to the store, you won't get a flat tire."

cloudboy -> RE: What dominant women endure online - a halfway clueless male's perspective (1/24/2011 3:57:05 PM)
How men should behave is a different question than how they do behave. How do you explain their patterns of behavior?

LadyPact -> RE: What dominant women endure online - a halfway clueless male's perspective (1/24/2011 4:08:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: cloudboy Yes, what follows is "Why do men behave in the manner described," just as an analysis of flat tires might discus road conditions. Once you understand cause and effect, patterns of behavior, and the "whys" of what happens, its much easier to "endure." VC is probably right that men don't have to go online to meet women, but it was akin to saying, "if you just walk to the store, you won't get a flat tire." You could turn that around and say "why do some people want to smash themselves in the head with a hammer?" No, I really don't. All I 'need' to do is turn around and walk away from them. It really isn't My position that I have to tell people not to do silly things. I honestly don't care about the "why" of those who send messages of the types that they do around here. My endurance of such lasts about as long as block, report spam, and delete. My concern isn't with the plight of the male who can't figure out what he's doing isn't working. That's a personal problem that isn't My concern. ETA - If more men would use the same approach in email that they actually do at events, they'd probably be better off.

VaguelyCurious -> RE: What dominant women endure online - a halfway clueless male's perspective (1/24/2011 4:11:30 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: cloudboy it was akin to saying, "if you just walk to the store, you won't get a flat tire." Yes it was. Because if every single woman your theoretical dude is searching for online excludes him from her listings (which I find unlikely, given the sheer variety in what women are looking for) then online is absolutely the wrong medium for him, and no amount of violating women's boundaries is going to change that. If every single one of the roads where you live has had nails scattered along it then you should definitely be walking to the shops... quote: How do you explain their patterns of behavior? If we're talking specifically about people who ignore stated boundaries (rather than your average man's general behaviour online) then I put it down to a) an unwillingness to take the time to read a profile. b) a belief that what the woman has said doesn't apply, either because the man in question is a special case or because the woman is somehow playing hard to get. Seriously, most of the 'ignoring what you say' mail I get can be put into one of those two categories.

Tantriqu -> RE: What dominant women endure online - a halfway clueless male's perspective (1/24/2011 8:08:11 PM)
[sm=rofl.gif] Sigh, it's funny 'cuz it's twue. quote: ORIGINAL: PeonForHer quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus Men come on the boards and repeatedly DENY OUR EXPERIENCE. Our actual, real lives. No, they don't. Or rather, it's not funny because it's very true.

PeonForHer -> RE: What dominant women endure online - a halfway clueless male's perspective (1/24/2011 8:30:38 PM)
At least somebody other than Lady Hib got it. [;)]

LadyHibiscus -> RE: What dominant women endure online - a halfway clueless male's perspective (1/24/2011 9:06:08 PM)
I confess I was so riled at the time that it took me a few minutes!

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