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Can a submissive be trained to be dominant? - 1/8/2011 9:55:09 AM   
spankeree


Posts: 8
Joined: 1/1/2011
Status: offline 		Hello everyone, I'm relatively new here, I have always been interested in submissive females and being dominant with them, I still am but am also starting to get interested in dominant or assertive women and being submissive to them. Someone suggested on here that a submissive could be trained to be dominant, for instance I would spank her but also instruct her to spank me? i'd love to hear people's opinion on that..........
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RE: Can a submissive be trained to be dominant? - 1/8/2011 9:58:35 AM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline 		Perhaps the switch forum might be better suited to your question? Not saying switches dont post here.

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RE: Can a submissive be trained to be dominant? - 1/8/2011 10:03:54 AM   
BonesFromAsh


Posts: 1362
Joined: 6/17/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: spankeree

Hello everyone, I'm relatively new here, I have always been interested in submissive females and being dominant with them, I still am but am also starting to get interested in dominant or assertive women and being submissive to them. Someone suggested on here that a submissive could be trained to be dominant, for instance I would spank her but also instruct her to spank me? i'd love to hear people's opinion on that..........


Sure, you could "instruct" your submissive partner to top you. Of course, that wouldn't necessarily make her dominant. She would just be following your orders and not her nature....unless she identified as a switch.

< Message edited by BonesFromAsh -- 1/8/2011 10:05:12 AM >

(in reply to spankeree)
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RE: Can a submissive be trained to be dominant? - 1/8/2011 10:11:44 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		I believe you're referring to my post. I didn't exactly say that she could become a Domme, but a service Top. In other words, she would Top you only in the bedroom and submit everywhere else. I consider a Domme to be a woman who wants control everywhere.

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RE: Can a submissive be trained to be dominant? - 1/8/2011 10:14:17 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		She could service top you at your command. But that's not dominance for her and it doesn't entail you being submissive but just bottoming.

However although a submissive female could do this is not the same as saying she will be willing to. A lot of us understand the difference intellectually between service topping and being dominant, but still find the idea repellent. For many of us, it is a deal breaker. So you need to discuss it upfront, and not spring it on her.

And of course, some of us would be failures at topping. We would stop after every stroke and apologize for hurting you, we would be incapable of hitting hard. There are sadistic submissives but there also are those who aren't in the least bit sadistic.


< Message edited by DesFIP -- 1/8/2011 10:15:45 AM >

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RE: Can a submissive be trained to be dominant? - 1/8/2011 10:15:19 AM   
LillyBoPeep


Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline 		look for a switch woman, or someone into service topping. 

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RE: Can a submissive be trained to be dominant? - 1/8/2011 10:18:12 AM   
SlaveRMneeded


Posts: 11
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline 		It depends on if she is a true submissive -as in someone who must be controlled - or someone who enjoys submitting, in which case she probably already is a person of dominant personality.

If she must be controlled and you are pushing her to do things to you, you'll probably shatter her poor little nerves. However, if you were ordering her to spank someone else, that might work.

Mostly, I suppose, it depends on how well you can give an order and appear dominant while getting spanked. Most people can't pull it off, but, man would it be hot if they could!

Why don't you just find a nice switch, who is mostly into being submissive, and have done with it?

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RE: Can a submissive be trained to be dominant? - 1/8/2011 10:35:33 AM   
MASTERLIX


Posts: 79
Joined: 7/4/2007
From: SIR LIX OF ATLANTA
Status: offline 		You said, " I still am but am also starting to get interested in dominant or assertive women and being submissive to them. Someone suggested on here that a submissive could be trained to be dominant, for instance I would spank her but also instruct her to spank me? i'd love to hear people's opinion on that.......... "

I think you are confusing Toping and bottoming with Dominating and submitting. What you are saying is teaching her how to Top and not how to Dominate. But even if all you are doing is asking her or instructing her to spank you, it still doesn't make her a Dominant and a Top, she is actually submitting to your wants.

(in reply to spankeree)
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RE: Can a submissive be trained to be dominant? - 1/8/2011 10:53:25 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		I belong to Master, but I top.  Is that the kind of thing you mean?
Master is still in total authority though, I simply obey what he desires - which isn't the same as being a switch.

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RE: Can a submissive be trained to be dominant? - 1/8/2011 10:57:23 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SlaveRMneeded

It depends on if she is a true submissive -as in someone who must be controlled - or someone who enjoys submitting, in which case she probably already is a person of dominant personality.

If she must be controlled and you are pushing her to do things to you, you'll probably shatter her poor little nerves. However, if you were ordering her to spank someone else, that might work.

Mostly, I suppose, it depends on how well you can give an order and appear dominant while getting spanked. Most people can't pull it off, but, man would it be hot if they could!

Why don't you just find a nice switch, who is mostly into being submissive, and have done with it?



Because he doesn't have to settle?
Not to be rude, but you have given a standard response as someone who has no idea about how to top, or the difference between switches and s-types that can top.
Honey, I am as true as you.

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RE: Can a submissive be trained to be dominant? - 1/8/2011 11:18:04 AM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SlaveRMneeded

It depends on if she is a true submissive -as in someone who must be controlled - or someone who enjoys submitting, in which case she probably already is a person of dominant personality.

If she must be controlled and you are pushing her to do things to you, you'll probably shatter her poor little nerves. However, if you were ordering her to spank someone else, that might work.

Mostly, I suppose, it depends on how well you can give an order and appear dominant while getting spanked. Most people can't pull it off, but, man would it be hot if they could!

Why don't you just find a nice switch, who is mostly into being submissive, and have done with it?



How insulting to many submissive's. You seem to think that submissive must mean fragile emotionally, limited to this or that and unbalanced. I've seen more submissive's that could shatter someone's nerves (no comment on those they could shatter if they were of a mind to) than those that would be shattered because their dominant wanted a little play action typically associated with a submissive, which isn't always the case.

One does not need to be a dominant personality to be good or great top.

I find it sad and disturbing when people promote the idea that submissive means lacking in some manner, less than, weaker, substandard... and lady, you do it all the time.



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RE: Can a submissive be trained to be dominant? - 1/8/2011 11:46:55 AM   
trueshadow


Posts: 388
Joined: 1/1/2005
Status: offline 		Well, a slave can play as a dom, but I'll tell you from experience that their heart isn't in it.  It's more like being told at work to do a project you just don't like.  Yes, it can be done, and done fairly well, but it's never going to be inspired.  You're not proud of it, and it was certainly not a labor of love.  

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RE: Can a submissive be trained to be dominant? - 1/8/2011 11:52:35 AM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		I don't know trueshadow. I believe that people can be inspired for different reasons. Just knowing that you are somehow turning your dominant on, by topping can bring inspiration to the mix. That desire to please can work well in a situation where a submissive is topping and does so to please and turn on their dominant.

I believe it depends on the people, the relationship and is a very individual thing.


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RE: Can a submissive be trained to be dominant? - 1/8/2011 11:56:46 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: trueshadow

Well, a slave can play as a dom, but I'll tell you from experience that their heart isn't in it.  It's more like being told at work to do a project you just don't like.  Yes, it can be done, and done fairly well, but it's never going to be inspired.  You're not proud of it, and it was certainly not a labor of love.  


This would be me, but I doubt it's universally true.



< Message edited by kalikshama -- 1/8/2011 12:04:07 PM >

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RE: Can a submissive be trained to be dominant? - 1/8/2011 1:00:41 PM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: trueshadow

Well, a slave can play as a dom, but I'll tell you from experience that their heart isn't in it.  It's more like being told at work to do a project you just don't like.  Yes, it can be done, and done fairly well, but it's never going to be inspired.  You're not proud of it, and it was certainly not a labor of love.  


Sure, maybe when you 'play' at it.
People say 'play' as if it is some pretend game, when it isn't.  And if you get into that mindset of course you are going to fail at it.

I don't submit and obey to anything I don't 'like'.  I submit and obey Master.  He is freaking inspiring and when I top, I rock and I am an inspiration.  I am exceptionally proud of my abilities, because Master is happy, proud and because HE desires and I obey.

I know this is going to sound a bit pompous, but I feel for people who cannot find a partner who can inspire them to be the best at anything they put their mind to, because obeying is what it's all about, when it comes to submission.

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RE: Can a submissive be trained to be dominant? - 1/8/2011 1:07:23 PM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit
How insulting to many submissive's. You seem to think that submissive must mean fragile emotionally, limited to this or that and unbalanced. I've seen more submissive's that could shatter someone's nerves (no comment on those they could shatter if they were of a mind to) than those that would be shattered because their dominant wanted a little play action typically associated with a submissive, which isn't always the case.

One does not need to be a dominant personality to be good or great top.

I find it sad and disturbing when people promote the idea that submissive means lacking in some manner, less than, weaker, substandard... and lady, you do it all the time.




Lady Lockit, you rock.

I think some people just need submission as an outlet to be weak.  And some dominants need that weakness I guess (of course I am just surmising) and also people like this poster obviously relate certain attributes to submission, and some to dominance and if you(generic) do something outside those neat little pidgeonholes, you have to be a switch.
I think it's getting better.  I see a lot less manifestation of these stereotypes on the forum these days... so I'll keep optimistic.


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RE: Can a submissive be trained to be dominant? - 1/8/2011 1:11:19 PM   
phoenixmoonn13


Posts: 398
Joined: 6/11/2010
Status: offline 		i couldnt do it i couldnt even top. i showed master this and he laughed. he said to someone the other day that i dont have a dom gene in my body. he would have to script the whole thing for me

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RE: Can a submissive be trained to be dominant? - 1/8/2011 1:28:07 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		sure it's possible to train anyone to do anything.Doesn't mean they enjoy it. They may be fantastic at it. They may smile knowing they are making their partner happy but that doesn't mean that down deep inside they're hating every single moment of it.

I like to think I'm good at a lot of things but I don't really enjoy doing them. I could top someone. I've been told I'm great at it and I try everything i can to know I would be making somene else happy while doing it my heart just isn't in it. It's not what I would choose to do. It's not who I am.

Thankfully I have a Master who doesn't require this of me so it's a moot point with him but I've had to do it in the past and I absolutely abhored it even though i was good at it.  I smiled through the whole thing. I told him I was glad to make him happy but when it was all over all I always hoped he'd get bored with it and never ask me to do it again.

My advice is to find someone who actually enjoys this with her whole heart instead of trying to fit someone else to do what you want.


(in reply to phoenixmoonn13)
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RE: Can a submissive be trained to be dominant? - 1/8/2011 1:28:21 PM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: phoenixmoonn13

i couldnt do it i couldnt even top. i showed master this and he laughed. he said to someone the other day that i dont have a dom gene in my body. he would have to script the whole thing for me


Like I said, I feel for anyone who has a partner who doesn't and won't inspire a person to be anything they put their mind into being.

A Master limiting their s-type because their s-type doesn't like it or thinks that are unable to achieve, is poor management.

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RE: Can a submissive be trained to be dominant? - 1/8/2011 1:34:01 PM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder
Thankfully I have a Master who doesn't require this of me so it's a moot point with him but I've had to do it in the past and I absolutely abhored it even though i was good at it.  I smiled through the whole thing. I told him I was glad to make him happy but when it was all over all I always hoped he'd get bored with it and never ask me to do it again.


The thing that stuck out here is the lying.  I know you and your Master are mega compatable lw and that you are talking about your past, so please don't think I am having a dig.

But lying - even by omission sucks.  Master would be incredibly annoyed if I obeyed him with a smile on my face, if I hated it.  He'd want the truth, no less than that.  If you don't do that, you are obeying in action only and how can that possibly be any good for anyone?

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