Would you recommend slavery/submission to a loved one?

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Would you recommend slavery/submission to a loved one? - 1/8/2011 10:17:24 PM

slaveinbox

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Hello all. Just on the cusp of submitting for the first time. Before i do, i'm just wondering, would the slaves/subs on this site recommend this life to a loved one? Kind of probing, kind of nervous, i know, but i'm curious. Thanx, sib.

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RE: Would you recommend slavery/submission to a loved one? - 1/8/2011 10:26:06 PM

DarkSteven

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Maybe I'm missing the point.I'd recommend it if and only if I thought they would be happy on that side of the kneel. And the person they choose to submit to would make as much difference as the kind of relationship they were in. Some people just make bad Dominants.

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RE: Would you recommend slavery/submission to a loved one? - 1/8/2011 10:35:53 PM

littlewonder

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not quite sure why I would. I think we need more information.

I don't go around talking about the fact that I am Master's slave. I don't go around talking about my sex life either. Not sure why I would go around telling others they should be a slave or dom/me either. What's the purpose?

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RE: Would you recommend slavery/submission to a loved one? - 1/8/2011 10:54:47 PM

phoenixmoonn13

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depends on who why and what the other person wants

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RE: Would you recommend slavery/submission to a loved one? - 1/8/2011 10:59:28 PM

CherryNeko

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Simple question, but the answer is so complex!
Okay, yes. Yes, I would recommend submission to a loved one, but not lightly. I would, only if said person was looking for it, or if I thought that said person would be happy. I wouldn't just recommend it to anyone, or to someone that in my opinion, wouldn't be able to take it as it is, handling it well. I'd provide as much information as possible, and I would explain every complexity that came to mind. I would provide a thousand warnings. A weak recommendation is so pointless.
It's a 'yes' but more in the sense of 'why not?' than in the sense of 'yes, to all of my loved ones.'

< Message edited by CherryNeko -- 1/8/2011 11:01:13 PM >

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RE: Would you recommend slavery/submission to a loved one? - 1/9/2011 12:07:56 AM

mbes

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If I knew someone in whom I saw that "spark", I would definitely ask if they had given the matter any thought. And yes, I'd recommend they check it out, if they had any interest at all. That applies to someone on either side of the kneel.

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RE: Would you recommend slavery/submission to a loved one? - 1/9/2011 6:03:02 AM

DesFIP

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If they were submissive and had picked a good dominant, sure. If they aren't submissive or aren't capable of waiting until they've found an extraordinary dominant capable of running just their own life but the partner's as well, then no.

This is like asking if you would recommend marriage. It all depends.

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RE: Would you recommend slavery/submission to a loved one? - 1/9/2011 6:08:37 AM

sunshinemiss

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I would absolutely recommend that if they are going to do this that it be with someone they loved!

Relationships are already complicated. Why would you want to be doing this with someone you didn't love? I know people do it, but it's ... well I've seen too many people get involved without love being a part of it, and it just so often falls apart, and people are hurt.

eta: Yes, I know the OP probably meant this the other way - but hey! I'm a grammar geek!

< Message edited by sunshinemiss -- 1/9/2011 6:18:05 AM >

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RE: Would you recommend slavery/submission to a loved one? - 1/9/2011 6:08:39 AM

xssve

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Only if they had a history of being in abusive vanilla relationships.

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RE: Would you recommend slavery/submission to a loved one? - 1/9/2011 8:04:19 AM

kalikshama

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Welcome to the forums!

Loved the Remote Shock Puppy Trainer in your journal!

Wish I'd seen that before Christmas, hahahahaha.

(Note for all you animal lovers - the device is on extremerestraints, not petsmart)

To answer your question - what DarkStephen replied in post 2.

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RE: Would you recommend slavery/submission to a loved one? - 1/9/2011 8:18:13 AM

txurinal

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one does not choose to be a slave. That is a part of the make up of a person's being. As to would i recommend someone who wants to live as a slave. ABSOLUTELY. Never was i more contented with my life than when i was owned. Being the slave to someone who wants you is the greatest experience one can have in their life. Being a slave is very hard but the rewards are many

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RE: Would you recommend slavery/submission to a loved one? - 1/9/2011 8:40:36 AM

littlewonder

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quote:

ORIGINAL: xssve

Only if they had a history of being in abusive vanilla relationships.

Why? So they could choose to be in an abusive bdsm relationship?

If the person chooses abusive vanilla they'll probably choose abusive bdsm also. I would recommend a lot of therapy and to NOT be in any relationship at all for awhile.

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RE: Would you recommend slavery/submission to a loved one? - 1/9/2011 9:26:24 AM

slavekal

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You don't recommend sexual desires or needs to another. We each have to discover our desires for ourselves.

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RE: Would you recommend slavery/submission to a loved one? - 1/9/2011 10:09:09 AM

xssve

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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

quote:

ORIGINAL: xssve

Only if they had a history of being in abusive vanilla relationships.

Why? So they could choose to be in an abusive bdsm relationship?

If the person chooses abusive vanilla they'll probably choose abusive bdsm also. I would recommend a lot of therapy and to NOT be in any relationship at all for awhile.

Possibly, I don't generally recommend it to anyone, as a sub once told me, recruiting is usually a bad idea, most people in this start fantasizing about it pretty early on, and have some idea what they're looking for before they ever get started - if I were to recommend it, it would only be if I could recommend someone who could be trusted not to take advantage of someone trapped in an abuse cycle - i.e., my ex, who was abused, was always trying to get me to hit her, so she could play the victim, and to that end, was pretty damned abusive herself - she would have been much better off if she could have confronted her issues instead of projecting them and manipulating unsuspecting men, like me - I resisted, although it took a lot of teeth grinding to do it, I figured her game out, and damned if I was going to let her win.

i.e., an experienced Dom might be less prone to flying off the hook, like just about every other boyfriend she's ever had when they found their masculinity threatened, or the dishes started flying.

Me, after many years with her, am almost utterly imperturbable, for example, I'd have tried it myself, but by the time I figured out what was going on, the pattern was set, and with the alcohol abuse, she just wasn't rational enough to work with, I jsut took the kids and got out.

Not as easy as it sounds, I've watched her eat up several very self confident guys who were convinced they could handle her since, poor bastards.

In short, even in such a situation, a person has to be willing to work out their issues, including the recognition that they have issues - otherwise, as you suggest, it's just out of the frying pan into the fire.

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RE: Would you recommend slavery/submission to a loved one? - 1/9/2011 10:20:32 AM

sexyred1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: slavekal

You don't recommend sexual desires or needs to another. We each have to discover our desires for ourselves.

Best reply so far.

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RE: Would you recommend slavery/submission to a loved one? - 1/9/2011 1:16:01 PM

WestBaySlave

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It's hard to say. I was initially with those who posted some variant on "you can't recommend an orientation", but then I got thinking: what if I had a close friend who had no knowledge of my lifestyle, and confessed to me that he or she had had thoughts and desires along a submissive bent and thought he or she was utterly alone and had no hope of finding a partner with similar interests? How could I not recommend some exploration? I don't see it as recommending something so much as informing someone so that they know they have it as an option. Many are still totally unaware this world exists.

< Message edited by WestBaySlave -- 1/9/2011 1:17:16 PM >

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RE: Would you recommend slavery/submission to a loved one? - 1/9/2011 2:27:18 PM

Wheldrake

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quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveinbox

Hello all. Just on the cusp of submitting for the first time. Before i do, i'm just wondering, would the slaves/subs on this site recommend this life to a loved one? Kind of probing, kind of nervous, i know, but i'm curious. Thanx, sib.

I don't think I would recommend a "life" of submission (or slavery - I tend not to draw a sharp distinction between the two terms) to someone who had never submitted before. If I had a loved one who showed evidence of having submissive desires, I might recommend that he or she explore them and consider pursuing them further. If the explorations worked out, and the person decided that he or she wanted to enter into a life of submission to an appropriate dominant, I certainly wouldn't disapprove.

If you're about to try submission for the first time, my advice (as someone who has been around the block a time or two, although not that much) is to have fun and take things one step at a time. You're having an experience, not necessarily signing up for life. It's all right that you're nervous - kind of delicious, isn't it?

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RE: Would you recommend slavery/submission to a loved one? - 1/9/2011 3:33:33 PM

IrishMist

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quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveinbox

Hello all. Just on the cusp of submitting for the first time. Before i do, i'm just wondering, would the slaves/subs on this site recommend this life to a loved one? Kind of probing, kind of nervous, i know, but i'm curious. Thanx, sib.

Would I recommend it? No.
Would I openly discuss if the subject ever came up by them? Yes.

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RE: Would you recommend slavery/submission to a loved one? - 1/10/2011 1:56:19 AM

RCdc

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quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveinbox

Hello all. Just on the cusp of submitting for the first time. Before i do, i'm just wondering, would the slaves/subs on this site recommend this life to a loved one? Kind of probing, kind of nervous, i know, but i'm curious. Thanx, sib.

If I answer no, it sounds misleading. If I say yes, it sounds like this kind of relationship is better than any other kind and that is misleading too.

So my recommendation is - Try not to focus on recommending a type of relationship you have and end up in one that is compatable for you.

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RE: Would you recommend slavery/submission to a loved one? - 1/10/2011 2:09:58 AM

AquaticSub

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FR

I would recommend that they find the realtionship that fulfills them and that I am happy to answer any questions about power dynamics as best I can.

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