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xssve -> RE: Would you recommend slavery/submission to a loved one? (1/9/2011 10:09:09 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: littlewonder
quote:
ORIGINAL: xssve
Only if they had a history of being in abusive vanilla relationships.
Why? So they could choose to be in an abusive bdsm relationship?
If the person chooses abusive vanilla they'll probably choose abusive bdsm also. I would recommend a lot of therapy and to NOT be in any relationship at all for awhile.
Possibly, I don't generally recommend it to anyone, as a sub once told me, recruiting is usually a bad idea, most people in this start fantasizing about it pretty early on, and have some idea what they're looking for before they ever get started - if I were to recommend it, it would only be if I could recommend someone who could be trusted not to take advantage of someone trapped in an abuse cycle - i.e., my ex, who was abused, was always trying to get me to hit her, so she could play the victim, and to that end, was pretty damned abusive herself - she would have been much better off if she could have confronted her issues instead of projecting them and manipulating unsuspecting men, like me - I resisted, although it took a lot of teeth grinding to do it, I figured her game out, and damned if I was going to let her win.
i.e., an experienced Dom might be less prone to flying off the hook, like just about every other boyfriend she's ever had when they found their masculinity threatened, or the dishes started flying.
Me, after many years with her, am almost utterly imperturbable, for example, I'd have tried it myself, but by the time I figured out what was going on, the pattern was set, and with the alcohol abuse, she just wasn't rational enough to work with, I jsut took the kids and got out.
Not as easy as it sounds, I've watched her eat up several very self confident guys who were convinced they could handle her since, poor bastards.
In short, even in such a situation, a person has to be willing to work out their issues, including the recognition that they have issues - otherwise, as you suggest, it's just out of the frying pan into the fire.
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