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Does it matter if you stretch the truth? Yes, it does! - 1/11/2011 7:45:31 AM

SlaveOwnerDave

Posts: 113
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Petaluma, CA
Status: offline

As someone who has been "honest almost to a fault" His adult life, I am unlikely to give an answer you want to hear.

Yes, it matters. Quite a lot.

Someone who lies about himself has little, if any, regard for himself. You are more than cash and a pick-up line!
Tell her where you work. If that bothers her, then you are better off without her. She would just leave you later, anyway!
If she is worth knowing then she will want to know you, before she decides. An honest man, in this age of deceit, is a treasure.

A lie is a statement in which the two parts do not go together. They do not actually join, so they are only next to each other. If you build a relationship on that kind of foundation, then eventually, it all comes crashing down on you.
The more bricks you stack on the faulty foundation, the more they hurt you, when they fall. The parts of a relationship do not carry the mechanical energy bricks carry, but the emotional energy they carry is equally devastating.

Conclusion: Lies do not work!

< Message edited by SlaveOwnerDave -- 1/11/2011 7:47:20 AM >

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(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 41

RE: Does it matter if you stretch the truth? - 1/11/2011 7:49:23 AM

Hillwilliam

Posts: 19394
Joined: 8/27/2008
Status: offline

To the OP. since when is anyone out of your league?

A Dom is, above all, confident. That means that NOONE is "out of your league". Confidence also means you tell it like it is, not like you wish it was (don't stretch the truth or lie). If she is so shallow that she can't handle that, YOU are out of HER league.

(in reply to lizi)

Post #: 42

RE: Does it matter if you stretch the truth? - 1/11/2011 8:51:45 AM

NihilusZero

Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Except if he's neither got plenty nor prestige and he's deliberately picked a woman who wanted one or the other, then he has none of the three.

Well, I don't think that could qualify under any definition of "stretching the truth", no matter how generous. That would just be plain deception.

I was giving the OP the benefit of the doubt that there was some truth to actually stretch in the first place.

_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

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(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 43

RE: Does it matter if you stretch the truth? - 1/11/2011 9:00:49 AM

NihilusZero

Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lizi

I do think it's important not to lie about anything significant and misrepresenting your job would be a significant lie.

I'm all for transparency and honesty across all fronts, but I'm not sure that this would qualify as a "significant lie", unless the financial aspect was an understandably important issue from the get-go.

Just a day or two ago I saw a poor fellow get clobbered in a thread for requesting no-strings playtime with someone because, presumably, the vast populace here at this site wants "srs relashunships!". Consequently, I don't see how money could be a truly big issue if the emotional innards are the main priority. Now, a service pro entering into a contract with someone who has led them on to believe he is quite affluent but who, in the end, is not would surely be miffed. Or if someone was planning on giving up their livelihood to move to this person under the impression that their living arrangements would be cushy and safe, and then finding out the person is near bankruptcy and can barely maintain their own expenses

_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

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(in reply to lizi)

Post #: 44

RE: Does it matter if you stretch the truth? - 1/11/2011 9:31:29 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero
I'm all for transparency and honesty across all fronts, but I'm not sure that this would qualify as a "significant lie", unless the financial aspect was an understandably important issue from the get-go.

I disagree with you, NZ. The OP was specific regarding the circumstances. There is no reason to lie about a situation like that unless a person is attempting to create a false presumption about themselves in order to get someone interested in them.

quote:

Just a day or two ago I saw a poor fellow get clobbered in a thread for requesting no-strings playtime with someone because, presumably, the vast populace here at this site wants "srs relashunships!". Consequently, I don't see how money could be a truly big issue if the emotional innards are the main priority. Now, a service pro entering into a contract with someone who has led them on to believe he is quite affluent but who, in the end, is not would surely be miffed. Or if someone was planning on giving up their livelihood to move to this person under the impression that their living arrangements would be cushy and safe, and then finding out the person is near bankruptcy and can barely maintain their own expenses

As for said 'clobbering', like it or not, this site is more oriented towards dynamics. It's not much of a top/bottom playground. The site doesn't even offer those designations.

There is no deep emotional attachment when first meeting a person. It isn't the money itself. It is the principle. We're not talking about examples like Steven listed above. We're talking about someone dealing with a person that they haven't even had a date. I firmly believe that more women would have issues with a man that would lie to them than one that doesn't have money. It does nothing short of planting the distrust that can destroy any significant relationship that could be established at a later time.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to NihilusZero)

Post #: 45

RE: Does it matter if you stretch the truth? - 1/11/2011 9:52:44 AM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

You heard it here first, folks...

Sunny
quote of the day

goes to
sexyred1
for
I cannot believe adults ask these types of questions.

Congratulations!

Sunny, this is TWICE you have awarded me this prestigious honor, thanks.

So, "do you really have to ask this question" doesn't quite cut it, huh? LOL.

Not an issue. Any day that Red and I have the same vibe is a good day.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 46

RE: Does it matter if you stretch the truth? - 1/11/2011 11:14:14 AM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero

I'm all for transparency and honesty across all fronts, but I'm not sure that this would qualify as a "significant lie", unless the financial aspect was an understandably important issue from the get-go.

Just a day or two ago I saw a poor fellow get clobbered in a thread for requesting no-strings playtime with someone because, presumably, the vast populace here at this site wants "srs relashunships!". Consequently, I don't see how money could be a truly big issue if the emotional innards are the main priority. Now, a service pro entering into a contract with someone who has led them on to believe he is quite affluent but who, in the end, is not would surely be miffed. Or if someone was planning on giving up their livelihood to move to this person under the impression that their living arrangements would be cushy and safe, and then finding out the person is near bankruptcy and can barely maintain their own expenses

I'd have to disagree, misrepresenting where you spend on the average of 40 hours of your life every week is a significant lie. The financial aspect doesn't have to play into things at all. Saying you are doing one thing and actually doing another for a huge portion of your day to day life is not a small thing.

Money is an issue in any relationship if it's being lied about. For me, it wouldn't be about the money, it would be about me being lied to. I don't need anyone's money but I'm definitely not looking for anyone who would lie to me in any kind of relationship, casual or serious.

(in reply to NihilusZero)

Post #: 47

RE: Does it matter if you stretch the truth? - 1/11/2011 11:18:36 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

The fact that you want an emotionally significant relationship does not mean that other factors do not also matter to you for compatibility. You can want a serious relationship with someone who has the same education level you do, earns at your level, and you can also need them to be a certain height or eye color. We need what we need, and it usually isn't enough to just have one element of compatibility. Most of us aren't willing to settle for only one area where we get along, we need the rest of it as well.

_____________________________

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Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to lizi)

Post #: 48

RE: Does it matter if you stretch the truth? - 1/11/2011 11:20:07 AM

NihilusZero

Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I disagree with you, NZ. The OP was specific regarding the circumstances. There is no reason to lie about a situation like that unless a person is attempting to create a false presumption about themselves in order to get someone interested in them.

Right. But the fact that the lie is about monetary issues does not make it any greater a lie simply by virtue of that being the subject. Honestly, being incomplete in the details of job-related things can much more easily be treated as a degree of embarrassment, in many cases. Obviously, honesty is still the best policy, but I think there's a far wider spectrum of reasons behind the potential for this than the dichotomy of 'pure honesty' and 'lying jerk' we're polarizing it as.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

As for said 'clobbering', like it or not, this site is more oriented towards dynamics. It's not much of a top/bottom playground. The site doesn't even offer those designations.

It doesn't offer "insex" or "transgender" as sexuality options either. Not really relevant. There is nothing "twuer" about people who feel the need to only engage in their fetishes and desires if there is an emotional commitment and/or expectation than those who can comfortably share those parts of themselves with no more necessary connection that you'd need to shake a hand, no matter how romanticized we want this stuff to be.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

There is no deep emotional attachment when first meeting a person. It isn't the money itself. It is the principle. We're not talking about examples like Steven listed above. We're talking about someone dealing with a person that they haven't even had a date. I firmly believe that more women would have issues with a man that would lie to them than one that doesn't have money. It does nothing short of planting the distrust that can destroy any significant relationship that could be established at a later time.

Most people probably prefer a greater degree of honesty, sure. It shouldn't seem apparent that I'm actively advocating deception...since I'm not. I'm just not apt to find the big moral relevance in someone lying about their job and income. It doesn't strike me as a tier 1 lie.

"There should be different levels of perjury. Level 1 would be if you say there wasn't a holocaust when 60 million people died in it, and perjury 9 is when you said you shagged someone when you didn't." ~Eddie Izzard

< Message edited by NihilusZero -- 1/11/2011 11:28:24 AM >

_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

NihilusZero.com

CM Sex God du Jour
CM Hall Monitor

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 49

RE: Does it matter if you stretch the truth? - 1/11/2011 11:27:02 AM

NihilusZero

Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lizi

I'd have to disagree, misrepresenting where you spend on the average of 40 hours of your life every week is a significant lie.

Why on earth is the location of a measurement of time spent anything grand? It's not like the hypothetical guy is spending 40 hours of his week banging crackwhores and lying about it.

quote:

ORIGINAL: lizi

The financial aspect doesn't have to play into things at all. Saying you are doing one thing and actually doing another for a huge portion of your day to day life is not a small thing.

So...it's not that he's lying about the job/income at all...you just place a greater sin-value on lying about something that takes up a certain percentage of your time? I mean, you're certainly welcome to set your own values to what is a more harmful fib, but I don't get it. Someone spends tons of time per week shopping, saying they're at the Gap, but actually do their shopping at Old Navy...and it's a greater crime because of how much time they spent doing the thing they aren't being truthful about?

quote:

ORIGINAL: lizi

Money is an issue in any relationship if it's being lied about. For me, it wouldn't be about the money, it would be about me being lied to. I don't need anyone's money but I'm definitely not looking for anyone who would lie to me in any kind of relationship, casual or serious.

Even Steven's examples? You don't permit any lying at all in your life?

< Message edited by NihilusZero -- 1/11/2011 11:35:22 AM >

_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

NihilusZero.com

CM Sex God du Jour
CM Hall Monitor

(in reply to lizi)

Post #: 50

RE: Does it matter if you stretch the truth? - 1/11/2011 11:39:33 AM

MasterShake

Posts: 24
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline

If she was out of his league, no lie or omission will change this. She will still be out of his league. She will just be pissed, disappointed, perhaps vengeful AND out of his league.

Also, If she is such a superficial person that income and not personality is among her primary concerns then she probably is not a person of sufficient depth of personality to be much of a partner to him in the first place. If he couldn't win her on the strength of his charisma, then nothing will work. The fact that the issue even comes up dooms the relationship.

Not to insult anyone, but it sounds like he isn't ready to dominate the relationship due to his lack of confidence.

Just my $.02 worth.

(in reply to NihilusZero)

Post #: 51

RE: Does it matter if you stretch the truth? - 1/11/2011 12:15:04 PM

ThundersCry

Posts: 892
Status: offline

Trust takes gut wrentching honesty which for most leads to respect...

THATS in any kind of meaningfull relationship...

(in reply to SAMHAIN09)

Post #: 52

RE: Does it matter if you stretch the truth? - 1/11/2011 1:42:23 PM

osf

Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ThundersCry

Trust takes gut wrentching honesty which for most leads to respect...

THATS in any kind of meaningfull relationship...

trust is an attitude

one sets their own criteria to trust others

no one can make you trust them

so before trusting be aware of what your criteria is and is it realistic, because misplaced trust was your decision

_____________________________

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i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

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Post #: 53

RE: Does it matter if you stretch the truth? - 1/11/2011 2:04:58 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

I had a little trouble spotting this one, NZ. Is it possible for you to leave the font color of My posts in tact? It makes it much easier for Me to find them.

quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero
Right. But the fact that the lie is about monetary issues does not make it any greater a lie simply by virtue of that being the subject. Honestly, being incomplete in the details of job-related things can much more easily be treated as a degree of embarrassment, in many cases. Obviously, honesty is still the best policy, but I think there's a far wider spectrum of reasons behind the potential for this than the dichotomy of 'pure honesty' and 'lying jerk' we're polarizing it as.

I can't speak for anybody else. I know that it's enough of a lie for Me that, once discovered, it would absolutely end a relationship. I have absolutely no desire in My life to have anyone in it who started said relationship based on something that is not true. For Me, the example in the OP qualifies.

And, for the love of the heaves, please don't waste My time with the "oh, but you love them now" crap. No, I don't. It means I love the person that I thought they were, including My belief of the kind of character that I was led to believe they have.

quote:

It doesn't offer "insex" or "transgender" as sexuality options either. Not really relevant. There is nothing "twuer" about people who feel the need to only engage in their fetishes and desires if there is an emotional commitment and/or expectation than those who can comfortably share those parts of themselves with no more necessary connection that you'd need to shake a hand, no matter how romanticized we want this stuff to be.

Two points here. The first is that trans absolutely is an option here. I've got folks on My who's viewing page right now with that designation.

Intersexed, however, is not. In stating this, I sincerely believe you are comparing apples to oranges. I have every belief that there is a far fewer percent of the kink population that would be in that category than there would be tops and bottoms.

quote:

Most people probably prefer a greater degree of honesty, sure. It shouldn't seem apparent that I'm actively advocating deception...since I'm not. I'm just not apt to find the big moral relevance in someone lying about their job and income. It doesn't strike me as a tier 1 lie.

"There should be different levels of perjury. Level 1 would be if you say there wasn't a holocaust when 60 million people died in it, and perjury 9 is when you said you shagged someone when you didn't." ~Eddie Izzard

Yes, it absolutely does seem like that is exactly what you are doing. I'm completely willing to accept that some folks may not expect the kind of honesty in their partners that I do. At the same time, anyone who is on a level of intimacy in My life should know that the level of ethics on such topics as honesty, I do not accept if it is less than My own. I would drop that person like a bad habit.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to NihilusZero)

Post #: 54

RE: Does it matter if you stretch the truth? - 1/11/2011 2:14:10 PM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SAMHAIN09

For example man meets beautiful woman who is out of his league he tells her he has a good job and that it pays well (he just leaves out that it involves making sand whitches at subway, and flipping burgers at burger king does he ever need to come clean) should he come clean or wait to tell her the truth.

He has a good job and it pays well......where's the problem?

Depends what he's got in mind, if he's hoping for a relationship of any depth, it'll become clear what his job is, and if she's then disappointed by how he earns his crust, then she and he weren't going to be much beyond *maybe a friend* anyway........if he isn't , then I can't really see why it'd be any of her business.

agirl

(in reply to SAMHAIN09)

Post #: 55

RE: Does it matter if you stretch the truth? - 1/11/2011 6:43:35 PM

ChicagoKink

Posts: 8
Joined: 8/14/2009
Status: offline

Well one thing is not volunteering information that might damage a blossoming relation ship but another thing is outright lying. Most of the time. My relation ship with my wife started out as a friendship between co workers. She had asked me once when we were only friends if i was bi and since i did not know her intimately yet.I lied to her fearing that she would not accept me. She and I dated for a while and I never volunteered the fact that I was Bi or into BDSM until after we dated for a while.She was shocked and a little angry I didn't tell her but she said she thought I was. If I had told her before we started our romantic relationship there would have probably been no relationship other than a friendship. She admitted this to me years latter. As it was we were already invested in an emotional exchange and the pros outweighted the cons at that point in the relationship. Was I wrong to hide this from her? Maybe. Do i feel bad that i had to lie? Yes. Do i regret it? No.

(in reply to SAMHAIN09)

Post #: 56

RE: Does it matter if you stretch the truth? - 7/28/2011 8:56:11 PM

HardtotheKore

Posts: 78
Joined: 7/21/2011
Status: offline

There is no honor in a lie, stretched or not.
Stretching truth is no different than being a bull$hit artist.
Regards

(in reply to Maynard)

Post #: 57

RE: Does it matter if you stretch the truth? - 7/29/2011 7:21:20 AM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

post removed... damnit.. necro-thread.

< Message edited by leadership527 -- 7/29/2011 7:22:13 AM >

_____________________________

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I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 58

RE: Does it matter if you stretch the truth? - 7/29/2011 7:22:43 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SAMHAIN09

For example man meets beautiful woman who is out of his league he tells her he has a good job and that it pays well (he just leaves out that it involves making sand whitches at subway, and flipping burgers at burger king does he ever need to come clean) should he come clean or wait to tell her the truth.

Example man is a moron. If example woman buys his bullshit........she is a moron also.

Ohhhhhhhhh fuckity fuck fuck! Read the dates Lee Ann, read the fucking dates!

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 7/29/2011 7:23:28 AM >

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to SAMHAIN09)

Post #: 59

RE: Does it matter if you stretch the truth? - 7/29/2011 5:34:38 PM

MasterNeo1

Posts: 27
Joined: 7/29/2011
Status: offline

Hmm..
Are you asking whether it matters to lie, in general? Or whether it matters to lie in D/s relationship?
Well let's be honest, we've all let a little white lie slip out once in a while. But when we talk about BDSM, it is completely different.
At the very core of a D/s relationship, is Trust. If there is no trust, then the relationship will begin to crumble, and weaken before it even starts.
Which only spells trouble.

_____________________________

-Hated by plenty. Wanted by many. Disliked by some. But confronted by none-

(in reply to Maynard)

Post #: 60

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