RE: Hello, new here..question for anyone willing.. (Full Version)

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SirsSub63 -> RE: Hello, new here..question for anyone willing.. (1/10/2011 8:08:51 AM)

Understood, just upsetting time and adding to it, well, doesn't help.



RapierFugue -> RE: Hello, new here..question for anyone willing.. (1/10/2011 8:09:24 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub
Chill. You are seriously making this into a bigger deal than it is and probably upsetting your daughter more in the process.

*ding* Lady wins a goldfish.

The more of a fuss you make of something, the more "interesting" (or traumatic, if they're looking for an excuse to guilt you) something is to a child, especially an adolescent.




AquaticSub -> RE: Hello, new here..question for anyone willing.. (1/10/2011 8:09:52 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

With Dad and Mom on various adult sites this sounds like a great situation for kids.


Damn. If Mom and Dad being on adult sites and a kid accidentally finding *one* means they are bad parents, I'm royally fucked before I have them!



AquaticSub -> RE: Hello, new here..question for anyone willing.. (1/10/2011 8:12:58 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirsSub63

Understood, just upsetting time and adding to it, well, doesn't help.


So pull up your big girl panties and tell folks to bugger off - preferably nicely. Trust me, they are adults and they can handle it. If I were in your shoes, I would be explaining HOW this happened, owning the fact that it shouldn't, NOT bitching how I ruined her life and asking for clear advice on how to lock down your computer so that it doesn't happen again.

Otherwise, my best advice is to seek out a safe space community. CM has a TON of great info. But this is not a safe space so if you can't handle some rough advice on a topic, this isn't the place to post it. Trust me on that one.



sexyred1 -> RE: Hello, new here..question for anyone willing.. (1/10/2011 8:15:33 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

You realize you are asking a bunch of internet whack jobs for advice in a very serious personal issue?


Just off the top of my head, I wouldn't recommend that.





Riiiiiiiiiiight...WE are the whack jobs. Ok......



SirsSub63 -> RE: Hello, new here..question for anyone willing.. (1/10/2011 8:16:23 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirsSub63

Understood, just upsetting time and adding to it, well, doesn't help.


So pull up your big girl panties and tell folks to bugger off - preferably nicely. Trust me, they are adults and they can handle it. If I were in your shoes, I would be explaining HOW this happened, owning the fact that it shouldn't, NOT bitching how I ruined her life and asking for clear advice on how to lock down your computer so that it doesn't happen again.

Otherwise, my best advice is to seek out a safe space community. CM has a TON of great info. But this is not a safe space so if you can't handle some rough advice on a topic, this isn't the place to post it. Trust me on that one.



Thank you. No, it should not have happened, always before I did my job and deleted cookies/browsing history..etc. I just F'ed up once like this. My hubby says he will do his best to talk to her. I now have separate login for myself.



kalikshama -> RE: Hello, new here..question for anyone willing.. (1/10/2011 8:17:11 AM)

Assuming you are not the only one who has this question, I'm answering it here:

1. user did not log out or
2. previously selected "save password" option

Either way, bad idea on a "public" computer.

KK


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

By the way, anybody who wants to help the resident computer twit (Me) in explaining exactly how a person can access a profile (who doesn't have the password) after logging out of the site, please send Me a note on the other side.  As far as I know, if you actually sign out, the site will come up, but not the actual account.  So, anybody willing to explain exactly how a person can do that, please drop Me a note on the other side.  Thanks.




SirsSub63 -> RE: Hello, new here..question for anyone willing.. (1/10/2011 8:18:08 AM)

Never saved password, just somehow it saved it in the history, didnt realize this.



AquaticSub -> RE: Hello, new here..question for anyone willing.. (1/10/2011 8:21:07 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirsSub63

Thank you. No, it should not have happened, always before I did my job and deleted cookies/browsing history..etc. I just F'ed up once like this. My hubby says he will do his best to talk to her. I now have separate login for myself.


Aww shit. That can happen. Check around in your settings to see if you can have it set automatically delete at the end of your browsing session. Also, make sure your login isn't something she can easily guess (ie. no birthdays, family pets, etc). Try something like an ex-boyfriend's name, something from your past that she wouldn't have a clue about.



SirsSub63 -> RE: Hello, new here..question for anyone willing.. (1/10/2011 8:25:18 AM)

Yes, I changed the settings so it deletes when you leave the site. You know what they say about 20/20.



RapierFugue -> RE: Hello, new here..question for anyone willing.. (1/10/2011 8:26:18 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub
Aww shit. That can happen. Check around in your settings to see if you can have it set automatically delete at the end of your browsing session. Also, make sure your login isn't something she can easily guess (ie. no birthdays, family pets, etc). Try something like an ex-boyfriend's name, something from your past that she wouldn't have a clue about.

Or use a password manager. Much more secure*.

Like:

http://keepass.info/

*graphics cards on modern PCs are now so powerful (in terms of ability to crunch numbers in the millions of calculations per second bracket) that they can break a 15 character password by brute force inside of a few hours, if you know what you're doing. Less than 10 characters can be done in about half an hour.



AquaticSub -> RE: Hello, new here..question for anyone willing.. (1/10/2011 8:27:11 AM)

What he said. [:)]



RapierFugue -> RE: Hello, new here..question for anyone willing.. (1/10/2011 8:32:27 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: SirsSub63
Yes, I changed the settings so it deletes when you leave the site. You know what they say about 20/20.

Also check you haven't got "auto-fill" and/or "Remember passwords" enabled; either will let someone in even if you delete the browser history.

Or simply use "InPrivate" browsing (on IE, but other browsers now have this facility, only I can't recall what they're called on each one).

No passwords, cache entries or history will be stored, regardless of whatever auto-fill software you have accidentally left running.



SirsSub63 -> RE: Hello, new here..question for anyone willing.. (1/10/2011 8:34:16 AM)

I don't use auto fill. I'm not computer dumb just really messed up yesterday.



Daddysredhead -> RE: Hello, new here..question for anyone willing.. (1/10/2011 8:42:12 AM)

I tend to agree with LadyPact here, SirsSub63. A kink friendly counselor to assist you in this, patience from you and her dad, and time are going to be what she needs to get over her shock.

All kids are devestated when their family takes a hit. Divorce is like a missile. I know because I've been divorced for years, have two kids, and worked in divorce and family law for 11 years. I'm sorry that all of this has ripped the protective shield from her world. The computer stuff can be managed better when you create an account for yourself that is PW protected. Your husband should do the same. Please remember to take extra precautions when you sharing a computer with minors, I'm sure you will from here forward. I wish for healing to your daughter's very delicate emotions.

Now, for those who choose to have decided to take a "superior, judgmental, holier-than-thou, this would NEVER occur in my world, blah, blah, blah..." approach, just Wow. Really? No, no, honestly... really??? I say be super careful when laying out a challenge like that to the world. I cannot imagine being so full of myself that, when someone asks an honest question, puts it out there that they have made a big mistake, wants to make it better or as best they can, that my response would be to kick a face-full of "dirt" at them.

I consider myself fortunate that I know that people are human, humans are fallible, (some) humans have the capacity to extend a hand of forgiveness and help. That doesn't make me "better than" someone else, it just means that I choose not to act like someone I wouldn't respect, if watching me from the outside.



SirsSub63 -> RE: Hello, new here..question for anyone willing.. (1/10/2011 8:46:26 AM)

Thank you so much, Daddysredhead. I never, ever wanted her to find out this way. It breaks my heart. Do those type of counselor's even exsist? I know since you've posted that they do, but where does one find them?



RapierFugue -> RE: Hello, new here..question for anyone willing.. (1/10/2011 8:47:56 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Daddysredhead
A kink friendly counselor to assist you in this, patience from you and her dad, and time are going to be what she needs to get over her shock.

Really? Isn't that making a mountain out of a molehill? I would have thought that, compared to the shock of the divorce, this situation would be pretty small spuds. And the more fuss gets made of it, the longer it'll take for the child to get over it. Maybe? I'm suggesting, not telling, BTW.

Are there any situations these days in which people don't immediately reach for a therapist? :) They should be added to the 999/911 menu :)

“Do you require police, fire, ambulance or therapist?”



Daddysredhead -> RE: Hello, new here..question for anyone willing.. (1/10/2011 8:58:24 AM)

Dear RF,

I said getting a counselor for Mom, not the daughter, but that should be considered if the daughter needs someone "safe" to talk to or vent to. So, no... it isn't making a mountain out of a molehill. I speak from experience, in that (most people who know me from here know this already), my son, when he was 8 years old, (and had other - undiagnosed - emotional issues going on that my ex thought were just "a kid going through his parents' divorce") tried to kill himself. So, no... I don't believe in giving a child "too much" attention when they are hurting.

~ DRH



RapierFugue -> RE: Hello, new here..question for anyone willing.. (1/10/2011 8:59:34 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Daddysredhead
I said getting a counselor for Mom, not the daughter

Ahhhhhh ... with you now, sorry :)



Daddysredhead -> RE: Hello, new here..question for anyone willing.. (1/10/2011 9:02:57 AM)

No problem, RF.

SirsSub63... since your profile is hidden, I don't know where you are from. If you want to PM me or perhaps LadyPact, we can probably set you in the right direction to looking for someone in your area.



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