CaringandReal
Posts: 1397
Joined: 2/15/2008
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: plasticshark
The other portion is that I'm definitely not submissive when it comes to sexual urges. I enjoy doing things, not having things done to me. Always been that way. I can spend an hour slowly building up a partner, but get zero satisfaction from having someone spending time trying to get me aroused, and it seems like most of the women I've been with get upset by that. The 'getting me aroused' part happens by all kinds of non-sexual things. I've even had some great experiences where my pants never came off. Most of the women I've been with can't seem to understand it. Is this some weird psychological hangup? Possibly. But aren't those the best kind of kinks?
This is an interest I've seen in some dominant men but not in others. I think I posted about one such person recently in this section, something about "30 ogasms" and a girl falling off her bike (after the 30 orgasms). ;) Not all submissives share this interest, most submissives like to serve and not being able to serve you in that fashion will be a bit disturbing and anti-intuitive at first. Expect that. Some will not be able to adjust, some of us really need a selfish dominant/master interested primarily in his own pleasure. But a submissive in love with your overall personality will often be able to change themselves, acquire your enthusiasms and interests, with time and good instruction.
Since you are new I'll offer a piece of basic advice related a little to this. Submissives do like to serve and to please. Usually this is a very good thing, because it makes for an obedient, pliable person who follows your instructions and does not resist them. However, in the "trying to meet a submissive" phase, this can sometimes be a problem. The desire to be pleasing to a dominant she is attracted to will cause a submissive, at times, to overpromise, to try to to fit herself into your box when she cannot actually do so happily. Some will be intentionally deceptive (there are a lot of flawed individuals on the internets, in case you have not noticed. ;) ); others will simply be confused. So my advice is to take it very slow and in slow stages. In cruder terms, get to know them very well on the inside before you "feel them from the inside," and crawl slowly from intimacy stage to intimacy stage. Time, if you take enough of it, will eventually show you someone's real nature. But don't just sit back and wait for that to happen. Actively and very carefully test the self-assertions that your potential partner makes, particularly in the areas where you need her compatibility in order to feel happy and satisfied. See if they are true before you decide to take her as your own, before she is living with you. With an interst like the one you profess and modern technology at your disposal, I imagine this won't exactly be hard to do. :)
Generic advice: "Ooo, baby, it's a wild world..." Don't get bitter/discouraged/angry/cynical at all the awfulness out there as you look for a good fit. Remember that all of us who are sincere face it, and the more unusual our needs, the longer we tend face it. Finding just the right fit is hard. If it seems to happen instantly for you, well, you might be incredibly lucky, but re-read the paragraph above this one just in case. ;) And if you make a mistake, admit it to yourself as soon as possible, cut your losses (if that is still an option--if you've made a very big mistake it might not be) and then, after licking your wounds a bit, re-enter the fray and try again. The most important thing, I think, is to be persistent, to never give up working to find what you need, to never decide it doesn't exist or can't exist, even if it seems as distant from you as the North Star. Instead, try to find better ways to find it. You may not ever need this sort of advice, but still, you might want to store it in the back of your mind somewhere for a rainy day. In my experience, hopeful persistence is the best attitude to cultivate when things seem darkest.
< Message edited by CaringandReal -- 1/19/2011 4:32:00 AM >
_____________________________
"A friend who bleeds is better" --placebo
"How seldom we recognize the sound when the bolt of our fate slides home." --thomas harris
|
Crossroads - 
Profile
)
New Messages
No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages
Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages
Locked w/o New Messages
Post New Thread