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how strict are you? - 1/18/2011 10:20:32 PM   
TNDommeK


Posts: 7153
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline 		how would you say you punish your slave? example, when your slave does something it isnt supposed to, do you punish it right then, or do you let it slide the first few times? Im sure this depends on how lenient (sp?) One is...just curious as to how others do it. I, myself, depending on the crime, depends on the punishment, and also depends on how soon it is delivered. thought?
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RE: how strict are you? - 1/19/2011 3:36:47 AM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline 		Punish? As in she's done something that actually made me *angry*? She gets denied that which subs crave most - a dom's attention. Which in turn denies me of the usual pleasure of her service or company. Lose/lose. I march her to a convenient corner where she sits and is ignored until I'm no longer angry - then I fetch her and we talk....

For the everyday little things, it's not punishment so much as discipline. By "let it slide", I'd likely discipline her with "the stare". Or a menacing tone; a slap; a handful of hair; a nipple tweak etc etc.

Sometimes you can literally make the "punishment (discipline) fit the crime". She uses her hands inappropriately (I *really* hate hands on hips when talking to me), she loses the use of them. She speaks out of turn, she gets gagged....

Punishment is for serious offences. I hate it and subs hate being ignored - which makes it a very potent prevention dynamic. Which is why I incorporate one. Better to have it and not need it blah blah....

The most exasperating part of "punishment" within the lifestyle is that sooooo many apply a vanilla definition to the concept. That anything to do with a spanking (for eg, or pain in general) is a punishment. Arrggghhhh!!!!!

Focus.

_____________________________

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Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

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RE: how strict are you? - 1/19/2011 3:48:16 AM   
onlyfreelycaged


Posts: 254
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline 		I defiantly don't need to be punished every time that I make a mistake. I'm not perfect, nither is anyone else. If I am not allowed to be human, and have my own flaws, then what's the point? the other person would be happier with a robot that they could program.

Normally, when I make someone mad, it's a result of a misunderstanding, and to be punished for that wouldn't work at all. The only thing that I would learn is that when they did x and I y, that I got punished. despite the fact that x is a hard limit (or a soft limit being pushed when i'm really not able to deal and they know it.. or should if they listened to the words coming out of my mouth..)

(in reply to Focus50)
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RE: how strict are you? - 1/19/2011 4:06:11 AM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: onlyfreelycaged

I defiantly don't need to be punished every time that I make a mistake. I'm not perfect, nither is anyone else. If I am not allowed to be human, and have my own flaws, then what's the point? the other person would be happier with a robot that they could program.

Normally, when I make someone mad, it's a result of a misunderstanding, and to be punished for that wouldn't work at all. The only thing that I would learn is that when they did x and I y, that I got punished. despite the fact that x is a hard limit (or a soft limit being pushed when i'm really not able to deal and they know it.. or should if they listened to the words coming out of my mouth..)


Defiantly - or definitely? Anyhoo, your reasoning is a little too simplistic and even unfair.

In my house, the girl can't get punished for something she didn't know or understand. That's not how my sense of justice works. Her ignorance of the rules is a fault of mine, not hers.

Her responsibility is to obey the rules; mine is to ensure she *knows* the rules.

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

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RE: how strict are you? - 1/19/2011 4:11:24 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		We don't have a punishment dynamic. We discuss and brainstorm causes and solutions. For example; I used to get short tempered in mid-afternoon. He would ask me why and every single time it was because I was hungry and thirsty and he had been running me ragged since 6:15 that morning with no more than a cup of tea and a couple of pieces of toast. Once we figured out what the problem was, we both started watching the time and also thinking about how we felt. Now we remember to stop for lunch and for water breaks and both of us are happier people to be with. Should I be punished for him not allowing me to have lunch? Not in my book. But just punishing me would not magically have caused my blood sugar levels to stay stable no matter how much he beat me.

I will tell you that anyone who was so without knowledge on how long it takes to remember and incorporate a new habit into one's life and expected me to be letter perfect one minute after being given a new rule is not someone I could trust or respect. Let alone submit to.

How long does it take you to remember and never break your doctor's orders? Let's say he's told you to lose 20 pounds, are you perfect in your eating habits from then on? Did you lose the weight within three months of being told this? No? Well if you aren't capable of doing this, what makes you assume the submissive is?


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RE: how strict are you? - 1/19/2011 4:49:04 AM   
TNDommeK


Posts: 7153
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline 		I agree, Focus, it is the Dom/mes responsibility to ensure that the slave understands and knows the rules.


Of course a slave is human and will slip up from time to time. I was wanting to know other ppl's views on if they let things slide. (certain things) as Focus mentioned, He doesnt like the hand on the hip gesture. I agree there also, there are things of that nature that I wouldnt allow either

(in reply to DesFIP)
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RE: how strict are you? - 1/19/2011 5:44:06 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		usually delivered right then and there. Other times it waits until he has more time or has thought it out more or has calmed down. Just depends on how life is at the time.

And yes there are times he lets things slide either because he knows I'm stressed, he's stressed, it's not that important, we've talked about it further to the point we've come to some kind of understanding, etc...

We're both pretty realistic and live real lives.


< Message edited by littlewonder -- 1/19/2011 5:46:10 AM >

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RE: how strict are you? - 1/19/2011 8:09:32 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Let Me start by saying that I generally don't call him "it". 

To answer the direct question, yes, I do consider Myself strict.  I expect obedience.  I don't consider letting it slide an option.  When there are circumstances beyond his control that prevent him from obeying, I'll accept that, but you can bet I want to know the reason for it.  Illness or an injured child in the house are bigger priorities.

I tend to work with progressive discipline.  There is always going to be the discussion covering that clear expectations have been set.  At this point, it would be hard for Me to believe that clip isn't aware of what's expected of him.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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RE: how strict are you? - 1/19/2011 10:03:39 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		We don't punish. It simply doesn't make sense to Us. We correct as soon as is reasonable and they follow through with the correction (Note: the correction could be to Our order, not to what they actually did!). It is rare that Our slaves just ditch duties or behave in such a way that their mistakes aren't simply honest mistakes.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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RE: how strict are you? - 1/19/2011 10:45:34 AM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline 		I dont ive ever punished a girl...trying to remember wel anyway that is not to say Ive not smacked them round plenty.. whole different topic... I do that cuz i enjoi it not cuz she has been bad.
\]

BadOne

_____________________________

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RE: how strict are you? - 1/19/2011 10:48:10 AM   
osf


Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
Status: offline 		wouldn't the degree of strictness by definition be be for the recipient to say?

_____________________________

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i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

i want a woman to make into the woman she never wanted to become

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RE: how strict are you? - 1/19/2011 11:22:05 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TNDommeK

how would you say you punish your slave? example, when your slave does something it isnt supposed to, do you punish it right then, or do you let it slide the first few times? Im sure this depends on how lenient (sp?) One is...just curious as to how others do it. I, myself, depending on the crime, depends on the punishment, and also depends on how soon it is delivered. thought?


I am so strict I expect I should not have to punish a reasonably intelligent, grown, adult that wants to serve and please me.


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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RE: how strict are you? - 1/19/2011 1:19:49 PM   
dreamerdreaming


Posts: 2839
Status: offline
[/quote]

I am so strict I expect I should not have to punish a reasonably intelligent, grown, adult that wants to serve and please me.

[/quote]

THIS!

I don't have a reward/punishment dynamic with My slave. The idea bores Me. FUNishment yes! That's yummy. But true punishment isn't necessary if you choose a willing, obedient, compliant servant.

Everyone makes mistakes. Choose an obedient slave, and you can just do "FUN"ishment anytime you want. You won't have to bother with actual punishment.

_____________________________

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RE: how strict are you? - 1/19/2011 1:22:52 PM   
ElSabio


Posts: 31
Joined: 1/19/2011
Status: offline 		Dream is spot on! I cannot imagine punishment of my sweet baby.

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RE: how strict are you? - 1/19/2011 7:59:35 PM   
Zevar


Posts: 801
Status: offline 		FR:

A punishment dynamic denotes a power imbalance, from how I percieve relating. Indeed, I cannot imagine being attracted to any less than equal footing between My lady and I. When she and I became acquainted, not long ago to date, I recall being exhilarated to discover her desire to not be punished for her actions, etc..

As we discussed our needs and values I recall discussing the subject of punishment dynamic. I arrived at a place within Myself where concern met solace, as did she, to mutually share in a similiar concept regarding no need for a punishment dynamic, relationally speaking.

Knowing she is secure in being a self-controlled adult as am I is quite fulfilling, beyond anything I could wish for. When she fails at something she has attempted to accomplish I am open to her approaching me for a discussion. I do not monitor her conduct. I expect her to do this. I simply make My needs clear, concise and attainable. Else I contribute to her downfall of self respect in her genuine endeavors to serve me with her all.

I cannot imagine contributing to her in a way that would harm her sincere efforts. Rather, I strive to encourage and inspire her submission. I find this approach much more conducive toward grace and beauty, which I immensely admire about her character.

Take Care!

(in reply to ElSabio)
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RE: how strict are you? - 1/19/2011 8:00:11 PM   
MaamJay


Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline 		My system revolves around teaching and correction, not about punishment. I don't let a lot slide without at least a reminder, I don't expect them to be perfect after one time, but I do expect them to be working towards perfection. I expect to see progress and fewer mistakes as time goes on.

Punishment is reserved for wilful disobedience, totally counter to what I am about. It will involve deprivation of some kind or extra chores, whichever best fits the crime. It's also a time of discussion and reflection for Me as well as the sub, in that if things have gone this badly wrong, what's My part in it?

Master's system with me as His sub is similar, though He is a bit more lenient than I would be as Domme. He has tempered His style somewhat to allow for the fact that i am both s and D, and am also the organiser (and at the moment, the income-earner) ... i'm not sure i necessarily wanted that to happen but concede that it feels more comfortable to Him to do so. He's never had to punish me, but He has had to bring me into line a few times over the years! His voice, look and sternness is plenty able to do that, coupled with time out to cool off.

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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RE: how strict are you? - 1/19/2011 9:08:41 PM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline
quote:

Let Me start by saying that I generally don't call him "it".


Scary... i almost posted about the "it" reference. But, being the smart individual that i am... and definitely not an "it"... i waited to see if someone more intelligent than me beat me to it. And i was right!

_____________________________

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RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
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Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

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RE: how strict are you? - 1/19/2011 10:11:38 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline 		I'm not an it.  And I don't normally do something I'm not supposed to do.  If I do, we figure out (together) why it happened and we talk about it.  I'm rarely punished, and if there is a physical punishment, it's not extreme and basically just to make a point, and then we move on.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



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RE: how strict are you? - 1/19/2011 11:20:29 PM   
TNDommeK


Posts: 7153
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline 		ok it appears Im going to have to say this: Im not referring to any slave in particular as an "it" I simply said "it" because many owners I know refer to their slave as "it" also many slaves refer to themselves as an "it" or "this girl" or "this boy"

now perhaps we can continue talking about the subject.

I have to say I agree with LadyTigresse, to a certain point. But there are times I feel that a slave may push an owner to see what happens. thought?

(in reply to NuevaVida)
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RE: how strict are you? - 1/20/2011 4:14:06 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		Well, since we are operating on the assumption that the slave in question has seen something in me to cause them to submit their authority to me.....as a reasonably intelligent, grown adult I would think I needed to find out where the disconnect was and take steps to repair it post haste.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to TNDommeK)
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