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My own life with BDSM - 1/22/2011 4:45:18 PM

ashjor911

Posts: 7793
Joined: 9/7/2010
From: balcony, having a Smoke
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That is my personal point of view.

BDSM

The idea of controlling someone life is very interesting.
Even thou the idea of making someone suffer is not interesting it’s more (to me now) is brutal.
I have heard about this Mistress or (Madam) who did spank her female slave so hard that the poor thing cannot sit-down for 1 week. That is brutal.
I have made my slave stand over in the corner facing the wall on her tiptoes, I know it was more hurting than letting my cane do the talking but I did let her know that I do respect her & I do protect her from anything will & going to harm her, even my own cane.
The way that she looked at me after half an hour of facing the wall & her toes were bleeding, I cannot forget no matter where I go or where I run away from them.
She was not complaining I think everyone knows when someone is faking & someone truly hurt.
She said: will never do it again Sir.
That year I got the worst respiratory infection I have ever had.
Now she is married to the other slave I had, I have let them live their life.
They still visit but they are not my slaves anymore they are just someone I shared my time with,
In the worst time I didn’t had anyone in my life to take care of myself but her.
Until now I am thinking that some super power is punishing me for putting her in that pain, so I will suffer the same amount of pain that she did.
Now I am having a kidney stone that is about 3 mm diameter & it was broken & slowly & painfully going thru my urinary system till it go out of me.
You have no idea about the pain I have when I piss it’s more like I am pissing out blades.
I did not fucked her or any other slave I think that`s why I am still alive….
That is my point of view, & I respect your point as well no matter who you are.

Post #: 1

RE: My own life with BDSM - 1/22/2011 4:58:04 PM

osf

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????

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RE: My own life with BDSM - 1/22/2011 4:59:51 PM

FukinTroll

Posts: 6277
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quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

????

Glad to see I'm not the only one that got that message osf.

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RE: My own life with BDSM - 1/22/2011 5:08:36 PM

smartsub10

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You have kidney stones because you made your slave stand in the corner on tip-toes?

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Post #: 4

RE: My own life with BDSM - 1/22/2011 5:11:53 PM

MissTigeress

Posts: 5
Joined: 5/7/2009
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No wonder I have massive migraines and bad cramps. I am a "brutal" sadist... damn that Karma!

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Post #: 5

RE: My own life with BDSM - 1/22/2011 5:13:52 PM

JstAnotherSub

Posts: 6174
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Well, just bless your lil peapickin heart.....

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RE: My own life with BDSM - 1/22/2011 5:17:15 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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I have no idea of what the point of the post might be, unless you are trying to say that karma came back and kicked you in the as*.......... uh, kidney stone.

If you're seeing it that way, that your participation in S/m is the 'come back to haunt you' type thing; I suppose that is your prerogative. I actually don't tend to see Mine that way. Sure, I could wait until the end of My days and blame every illness, infection, etc as "payback" for sadism. Then again, I could see them as such things that happen in life. People not into sadism get respiratory infections and kidney stones, too.

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Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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RE: My own life with BDSM - 1/22/2011 5:50:25 PM

stardancer00

Posts: 60
Joined: 7/6/2005
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From what you are writing, it seems you have two minds about being a Dominant. One of those minds is very guilty about it. You feel you harmed someone and hurt them physically and maybe spiritually from your recent reactions to your illnesses. It is better to learn and to grow from whatever comes of our actions, rather than to punish ourselves with our own minds as you are doing. You will remain trapped in a world of judgment where some things are either good or bad, black or white, right or wrong. Life is not as simple as that. Most things have many sides, especially something as complex as D/s. In your profile, you write that you feel alone. I am sorry for that.

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Post #: 8

RE: My own life with BDSM - 1/22/2011 7:05:05 PM

Darktra151

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Joined: 1/22/2011
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A dom with a soft spot ! It's an interesting experience to hurt someone that you care about. I am capable of unspeakable punishments but on the flipside I care deeply for the ones that I would inflict it upon. It sometimes boggles my mind

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Post #: 9

RE: My own life with BDSM - 1/23/2011 5:20:55 AM

ashjor911

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From: balcony, having a Smoke
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Let me just thank you all for the time you spend on reading,
For smartsub10 try to stand on your tip toes for a 1 minute not more, it deepens on who is your weight & your strength.
For LadyPact let me just thank you once more for reading.
& the point I am talking about is you can perform your order to your slave with talking & not with punishing. With love & not with hate.
There was a dictator once & his name was Adolf Hitler he did died with his own hands alone in the dark & just like Mr. Saddam Hussein.
I am now 26 years old smoker but I don’t drink, I know respiratory infections can be to the smokers but can it be that young? can kidney stones are regular in that age?
That slave is like I wrote before married now but until now she do come to my home & take care of me.
If anyone out there can tell me did your last slave still coming to your home, cleaning it & preparing your own food?
If you told your wife or husband to go free from your marriage would he or she come back to you if he or she does not love you that much????
One told me once that if your son become older enough you make him your friend not your enemy.

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Post #: 10

RE: My own life with BDSM - 1/23/2011 5:57:23 AM

allthatjaz

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I would write something comforting but I find your nick name to be in bad taste, so I will leave it at that.

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Post #: 11

RE: My own life with BDSM - 1/23/2011 6:02:34 AM

angelikaJ

Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline

Some non-smokers do get respiratory infections. (I do.)

People get kidney stones and yes, it absolutely does suck to be there alone with that pain.

You are having regrets and guilt.

If you made a mistake, welcome to being human. It does go with the territory.

If she is married and happy then perhaps you could be content that you led her to something that is right for her.
Perhaps that is why she took care of you; because you brought her to where she needed to be.

Figure out what your mistakes were and then take responsibility for them.
Making yourself out to be some sort of BDSM-villian is not the same thing and is counter productive to positive growth and change.

You are lonely and afraid of being alone while you are ill and in pain.

It is hard to have any kind of perspective under that circumstance.
Find perspective.

Learn from your mistakes and move on... and once you are in a good place within yourself, then look for another relationship.

IF you need counselling, get it.

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(in reply to ashjor911)

Post #: 12

RE: My own life with BDSM - 1/23/2011 6:46:29 AM

myotherself

Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ashjor911

& the point I am talking about is you can perform your order to your slave with talking & not with punishing. With love & not with hate.

Just because a punishment is physical, does not mean it is done with hate. I am punished with the cane, and I accept it as a measure of his love and his desire to make me the best slave for him that I can be. After it is done, he cuddles me and soothes me. There is no hate involved.

quote:

There was a dictator once & his name was Adolf Hitler he did died with his own hands alone in the dark & just like Mr. Saddam Hussein.

fairly random sentence here... Hitler was indeed a coward who killed himself rather than face the consequences of his actions. Saddam Hussein was a coward who ran away and hid rather than face his consequences. Although he was discovered, and killed by the legal system he used to run. Ironic, in a way.

But to throw this into a rather disjointed post about BDSM and guilt makes me feel you are blowing things out of proportion. BDSM is about love and respect, not hate and destruction.

quote:

I am now 26 years old smoker but I don’t drink, I know respiratory infections can be to the smokers but can it be that young? can kidney stones are regular in that age?

It all depends on how long you've smoked, what you smoke and how much you smoke. To be blunt, smoking causes lung problems. Choose to smoke - choose to accept those problems. These respiratory problems may or may not be caused by smoking - your doctor is the best person to ask. And kidney stones can happen when you are young - again, see your doctor to see if there is anything you can do to prevent them happening. Maybe medication, or a change of diet.

quote:

That slave is like I wrote before married now but until now she do come to my home & take care of me.
If anyone out there can tell me did your last slave still coming to your home, cleaning it & preparing your own food?

The fact that your former slave comes and helps you out, as a friend, is very good of her. However I don't think it's doing you any good, which is why I suspect she does not come any more. You are too reliant on her, and unable to move on with your own life. She and her spouse are happy together - you need to find someone of your own rather than cling on to the past.

quote:

If you told your wife or husband to go free from your marriage would he or she come back to you if he or she does not love you that much????

I believe here you are still referring to your former slave who was coming back to care for you. I believe she is fond of you, and wishes to look after her dear friend. But I also believe that she has a spouse she loves who has to take priority over you.

quote:

One told me once that if your son become older enough you make him your friend not your enemy.

Why would you ever want to make enemies of your grown-up children? That makes no sense at all.

In summary OP - you sound depressed. You need medical help. You will not get that on this site. See a doctor, talk to him or her, and get some help arranged.

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Post #: 13

RE: My own life with BDSM - 1/23/2011 6:57:40 AM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
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mmmmmmmmm it's a Karma thing... that obviously I am doing something right... Life is just great for me....

I think I am going to go beat and abuse those two fucking sluts sleeping in my bed a few more times today just for good measure!!!!!

It's Karma after all.... and clearly... since Life is great for me... those two cunts deserve what I am giving them!!!!!!!!!!

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Post #: 14

RE: My own life with BDSM - 1/23/2011 8:48:39 AM

ashjor911

Posts: 7793
Joined: 9/7/2010
From: balcony, having a Smoke
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for KnightofMists
I do wish your life to contenu being great for you
have a great sunnday & life to all

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Post #: 15

RE: My own life with BDSM - 1/23/2011 9:00:52 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ashjor911
For LadyPact let me just thank you once more for reading.
& the point I am talking about is you can perform your order to your slave with talking & not with punishing. With love & not with hate.

Exactly what gives you the idea that when I punish, I do so out of hate? If you want to pin that on yourself, that's fine, but don't try to make it a universal statement for everybody.

Also, the idea that you want to compare a M/s dynamic to Hitler is ridiculous, if not insulting. Maybe you had underlying disdain for the people you dealt with, but I'm doubting many Dominants have the type of attitude that they want to exterminate their submissives.

It's great that the woman who is now married is a compassionate person and is helping you through your medical issues. That's probably the best part of your whole post. The rest of it is a bit twisted, which I'll attribute to the issues you may be having due to severe pain or possibly medication.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to ashjor911)

Post #: 16

RE: My own life with BDSM - 1/23/2011 9:33:26 AM

windchymes

Posts: 9410
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Bacteria, viruses and funguses (or fungi and virii) cause respiratory infections, not your smoker-status or karmic-deficiency.

And Saddam didn't die alone at his own hands, he was publicly hung. If you go by karmic standards, he deserved much worse.

< Message edited by windchymes -- 1/23/2011 9:35:11 AM >

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RE: My own life with BDSM - 1/23/2011 10:35:54 AM

ashjor911

Posts: 7793
Joined: 9/7/2010
From: balcony, having a Smoke
Status: offline

I may seem like I got misunderstood with my own words, there is a different between love & hate,
I know that but, making someone you adore or like or even respect suffer is a matter of love that is beyond my understanding correct me if I am wrong but making someone bleed or not being able to sit-down for weeks on her/his bottom is a matter of love? I don’t understand that.
I do have to apologies to you if I have offended you when I was talking about Hitler not comparing.
I do respect who read this or other topics in collar me, especially LadyPact that I may offended her.
Let me explain what my idea when I was talking about Hitler:
That he was sadist & did wrong things in his life but he did divided people among their own races
Which race is the Masters & which race is the worker.
Isn’t that what BDSM is all about? Correct me if I am wrong.
But that what I used to believe, not anymore

(in reply to windchymes)

Post #: 18

RE: My own life with BDSM - 1/23/2011 11:48:34 AM

MalcolmNathaniel

Posts: 1394
Joined: 9/20/2010
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I think you have some serious misconceptions about BDSM. You need to do a very large amount of reading before you are even in a place where you should be domming someone.

First off, Hitler was not a sadist in the original definition of the word. The word derives from the name of Marquis Donatien Alphonse Francois De Sade, an 18th/19th century aristocrat who wrote the first widely disseminated books about sexual domination and pleasure through causing pain. It has only recently been used to denote general cruelty due to the vast majority of people not understanding what it is about. Hitler just wanted "undesirables" dead - he didn't care how. The term (in it's modern usage) could much more readily be applied to Mengala, Hess, Goerring, etc.

But that is neither here nor there: to even begin to compare us to such monsters is insulting in the extreme. Have you ever heard of Godwin's Law? Go check your favorite search engine for it.

Another point is that you apparently completely misunderstand how punishment is usually used in a BDSM relationship: it is a tool for forgiveness. The sub or slave knows that by enduring the punishment all is forgiven and there will be no resentment afterwards. It's much easier for the sub than worrying about such things as you would find in a vanilla relationship - and no dominant worth his or her salt would ever use punishment while angry.

You need to do some copious reading. I believe there is a topic on this site where someone has collected a list of books. At the very least go find reprint of the first several years of the Wonder Woman comics. None of this is what you apparently think it is.

(in reply to ashjor911)

Post #: 19

RE: My own life with BDSM - 1/23/2011 12:58:26 PM

MaxsGirl

Posts: 355
Joined: 12/2/2010
From: The Arctic Circle
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Have you stopped to consider that the slave who couldn't sit for a week might have enjoyed not being able to sit? My butt is frequently in a condition that makes sitting unpleasant...and I enjoy every minute of it. It would be more unloving of my Alpha to deny me that than it is for him to inflict it on me.

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Post #: 20

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