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looking for my dominatrix - 1/23/2011 9:21:01 AM

flameyalive

Posts: 10
Joined: 1/23/2011
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HI all i have spent so long looking for her im beginning to think that im wasting my time ? is there no one out there that wants to dominate a sub male?where can you be found?im an essex male.

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RE: looking for my dominatrix - 1/23/2011 9:35:26 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

You mean on the account that you just created today?

Most women aren't interested in Dominating people that they don't know, who seem desperate, or have a 'any Domme will do' attitude.

Oh, in the future, you might want to recognize that this is a discussion board. Not a place for your personal ad.

_____________________________

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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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RE: looking for my dominatrix - 1/23/2011 9:49:45 AM

LadyNTrainer

Posts: 1584
Joined: 5/20/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: flameyalive
is there no one out there that wants to dominate a sub male?

Just any sub male? A totally random, faceless stranger? No, you'll be hard pressed to find anyone who would be interested unless you're gay and up for short term encounters with other random horny men. Most women want silly stuff like actually getting to know and trust their intimate partners as people first, and that's not something that many of the wannabe insta-subs out there are willing to bother spending time doing.

D/s is an intimate relationship. It doesn't always have to be about sex, or include sex, but it is intimate. As such, not many people want to do it with a stranger. There are no shortcuts to getting to know a woman the regular way and building a relationship of trust and intimacy. You are not likely to be taken home and collared 24/7 by a stranger, any more than you would be likely to get married or have sex with a stranger without taking the time to get to know them first. It doesn't tend to happen that way. It certainly can - people do get laid in bars and such, and casually played with at play parties - but don't expect a high degree of success unless your social skills are spot on and you are decently attractive and well groomed.

As long as you labor under the delusion that it is likely or even possible to get what you want without bothering to get to know people and build intimacy and trust first, your chances of connecting with a femdom on a human level are somewhere between nil and none. And that's generally what it takes for her to want to dominate you if she isn't being paid to do it.

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RE: looking for my dominatrix - 1/23/2011 9:51:48 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
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Dude, my suggestion is for you to get more involved in the local scene. Go out and meet people. Don't fling yourself at every woman (as you seem to be doing online), but get to know people and who might mesh well with you. And if you intend to maintain an online presence, learn to present yourself better with proper spelling and no text speak.

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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

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RE: looking for my dominatrix - 1/23/2011 10:10:35 AM

flameyalive

Posts: 10
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darksteven thanks for the heads up man! but it all seems like such a chore just to get an ass whiping! how many will i have to wine an dine ? as soon as you bare your soul they say im not into that or i wont do that! all that money spent for nout i may as well have gone to a pro dom from the word go? what i really mean is im looking for someone who is already into this sort of thing and mabey hasent got a partner so that we both know the score so to speak, but hey thanks anyway. steve.

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RE: looking for my dominatrix - 1/23/2011 10:20:49 AM

BonesFromAsh

Posts: 1362
Joined: 6/17/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: flameyalive

it all seems like such a chore just to get an ass whiping! how many will i have to wine an dine ? as soon as you bare your soul they say im not into that or i wont do that! all that money spent for nout i may as well have gone to a pro dom from the word go?

How unfortunate that you have to be so put upon. I would imagine as a "submissive" male it must be difficult to come to terms with the fact that you can't just order up a dominant woman, that you may need to put some effort into attracting her attention and showing her how interested you are in her as a person and not just a auto-domme.

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RE: looking for my dominatrix - 1/23/2011 10:46:16 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: flameyalive

darksteven thanks for the heads up man! but it all seems like such a chore just to get an ass whiping! how many will i have to wine an dine ? as soon as you bare your soul they say im not into that or i wont do that! all that money spent for nout i may as well have gone to a pro dom from the word go? what i really mean is im looking for someone who is already into this sort of thing and mabey hasent got a partner so that we both know the score so to speak, but hey thanks anyway. steve.

What are you looking for?

If you just want a whipping, then go pay a pro.

If you want a relationship with a lifestyle Domme, then prepare to spend money and time.

It sounds to me like you are meeting vanilla women and then asking them if they will beat you. If you choose to go that route, then make sure that you've intrigued them sufficiently that they'll be willing to give it a go with you. And explain to them that you'll be happy to guide them as they go - many vanillas would be flustered at doing something like that a first time. Ask them for something easy like spanking or bondage before you ask for a whipping.

And like my girlfriend Bones said above - women aren't summoned like genies. They need effort. And the right ones are worth it.

< Message edited by DarkSteven -- 1/23/2011 11:23:47 AM >

_____________________________

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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

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RE: looking for my dominatrix - 1/23/2011 10:46:47 AM

LadyNTrainer

Posts: 1584
Joined: 5/20/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: flameyalive
but it all seems like such a chore just to get an ass whiping! how many will i have to wine an dine ? as soon as you bare your soul they say im not into that or i wont do that! all that money spent for nout i may as well have gone to a pro dom from the word go? what i really mean is im looking for someone who is already into this sort of thing and mabey hasent got a partner so that we both know the score so to speak, but hey thanks anyway. steve.

Yes, it's a terrible chore to bother taking the time to get to know someone as a human being before you expect them to cater to your sex fantasies, or to do intimate things with a stranger. Society really should address this unfairness and set up a free drive-through McDomme's where every horny fellow who has exotic fantasies can get done without any effort on their part. Why don't you toddle off and write Parliament about it?

Sadly, until such an institution is founded, you're on your own, Bub. That means if you want another human being to do naughty kinky intimate things to you, she has to like you and want you enough to enjoy being intimate with you. Other human beings have thoughts, feelings, needs, wants and desires of their own; they are not blow-up dollies who exist to do your fantasy. If you don't care enough about your partner to pay attention to how she is feeling, then she is not going to care enough about you to want to be intimate. No connection on a human level, no desire for intimacy.

No one is saying you have to spend big money on wining and dining in the initial stages of getting to know someone. Though you will need to spend some time and perhaps a few dollars on making yourself an attractive partner - shave and a haircut and clothes that flatter you and all that - and if you do ask a femdom out for coffee and chat, it helps not to be a cheapskate and pay for her cuppa. Talk to her. Focus on getting to know her as a person first. Make friends, even. Be a human being, not a stranger waving his dick around.

If you don't even want to do that, then you're totally fucked, and not in the fun way.

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RE: looking for my dominatrix - 1/23/2011 11:17:42 AM

chiaThePet

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You didn't use the super secret succinct submissive soliloquy silly.

"Olly Olly Oxen Free"

chia* (the pet)

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RE: looking for my dominatrix - 1/23/2011 12:49:00 PM

SweetDommes

Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: flameyalive

but it all seems like such a chore just to get an ass whiping!

Oh, you poor abused thing. You sound more like a 4 year old than a 54 year old. Are you over there stomping your foot in frustration as well? If all you want is a spanking, try and find a local group that is only into spanking/whipping/whatever. They do exist. Or, as other suggested, suck it up and pay a pro.

quote:

how many will i have to wine an dine ? as soon as you bare your soul they say im not into that or i wont do that! all that money spent for nout i may as well have gone to a pro dom from the word go?

As many as it takes. One of the former regular posters said something about this and it still makes sense (and yes, I've told him I use it shamelessly, even if I don't get it word-for-word)

If you want a car, any car, they are easy to come by.
If you want a blue, used car, it's still easy to find them, but you do have to look a bit.
If you want a blue, used Chevy Impala, it gets a bit more difficult to find one.
If you want a blue, used Chevy Impala with less than 60,000 miles on it, with tinted windows and all the bells and whistles, it gets damned hard to find one.

Same with a partner for a relationship - if you aren't picky, you don't care, they are out there; but the more specifics you are looking for, the more difficult it is to find one. It seems like you're wanting the proverbial low-milage Chevy Impala with all the bells and whistles for the ease and price of a "whatever" car. It isn't going to happen. Women are people, and they generally don't like being treated as life-support systems for your kink.

You also don't seem to be offering up anything in return other than an ass to whip. Let me tell you, I can find 3 dozen who are local to me in the next 20 minutes if I wanted to ... but I don't, because I want far more than just a random ass to beat. What else do you have to offer? Conversation? I'm guessing from your posts so far that you don't care about talk. Service? no mention of what you'd do for them in return for said beatings. A relationship? well, you're already complaining about having to wine and dine them, so I'm guesing you aren't much for a real relationship either. That pretty much just leaves money, and you're complaining about that too ... so what DO you have to offer?

quote:

what i really mean is im looking for someone who is already into this sort of thing and mabey hasent got a partner so that we both know the score so to speak, but hey thanks anyway. steve.

That's what this site is for - everyone on here is kinky or at least experimenting with kinky. But if you're expecting to show up and have a Domme magically appear at your door just because you're on this site, then you are delusional and you probably need to be medicated. You still have to show that you are worth the time and effort to get to know. You still have to offer something in return. You still have to be a person and treat the people on the other side of the screen as people and not "domme x, whip wielder extraordinaire".

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RE: looking for my dominatrix - 1/23/2011 12:56:42 PM

Sanguinarian

Posts: 474
Joined: 8/13/2008
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Welcome, come in, have a seat at McBondage! Our brand new BDSM fast-crop order service, where you can get an orgasm in 30 seconds or less from our drive through window or your second orgasm is free!

( You gotta be fucking kidding me >.< )

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RE: looking for my dominatrix - 1/23/2011 1:05:36 PM

WyldHrt

Posts: 6412
Joined: 6/5/2008
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quote:

but it all seems like such a chore just to get an ass whiping!

I do believe that you have just put your finger on the reason for threads like this
Nicely done, giving us a post to refer to when other male subs come here complaining that they can't find a Domme.

Clue-by-four: As others have said, treating women like drive thru kink dispensers isn't going to get you anywhere. There are literally thousands of male 'subs' looking for nothing more than an ass whipping, and complaining that they can't find a woman who is falling all over herself to service their kink. Your attitude (not to mention your all-kink, looking for anyone with a vajayjay and a whip, age 18-56 profile) makes you one of those thousands, so why would a Dominant woman give you a second look?

Believe it or not, most of the straight, Dominant ladies here prefer to be approached by men who are interested in them as people, not just a way to scratch an itch. Being objectified just doesn't seem to be a turn on for most Dommes. It also seems that most of the Dominant females I know *gasp* expect a submissive to actually serve them, not the other way around! Crazy, huh?

BTW, I am a straight female sub who has played with a couple of the lovely Dommes on this forum who are also straight. Why do I get play when men like you don't? Because I take the time to get to know them outside of kinky interests, because I am happy to fetch drinks, food, and whatever else they require, because I don't push my kink on them or demand that they play with me only in the ways that I like. In short, I treat them with respect. Give it a whirl some time.

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RE: looking for my dominatrix - 1/23/2011 1:29:01 PM

PeonForHer

Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
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Flamey,

People are getting sarcastic here partly because it doesn't seem you're grasping that you need to get to know a woman on a human level. You've got to be able to put the kink to one side a bit and show that you're a good guy - that you have things to talk about, you're good company . . . you know the score. The rule doesn't change, just because you're after a femdom rather than a non-kinky lady.

And as far as kink goes - don't forget, she's the Domme, so she'll want it her way. That'll be fundamental and she'll be looking for signs that you've really got what that means.

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RE: looking for my dominatrix - 1/23/2011 1:45:21 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
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Oh I don't know... maybe we are too tough on these guys. So with my new attitude... I will go easy on them.

This drive up dominant window will now provide free spankings to all the lil boys that need them.

They only have to relocate me to the place I wish to live, join me there and be kept in a box, silent until spoken to and have a bank account that equals at least two million American dollars. Drive through domination isn't what it used to be. Would you like a burger, fries and a drink with that?

You value the woman... she can value the man... then you get a value meal.

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RE: looking for my dominatrix - 1/23/2011 1:51:20 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: WyldHrt
I do believe that you have just put your finger on the reason for threads like this
Nicely done, giving us a post to refer to when other male subs come here complaining that they can't find a Domme.

Clue-by-four: As others have said, treating women like drive thru kink dispensers isn't going to get you anywhere. There are literally thousands of male 'subs' looking for nothing more than an ass whipping, and complaining that they can't find a woman who is falling all over herself to service their kink. Your attitude (not to mention your all-kink, looking for anyone with a vajayjay and a whip, age 18-56 profile) makes you one of those thousands, so why would a Dominant woman give you a second look?

Believe it or not, most of the straight, Dominant ladies here prefer to be approached by men who are interested in them as people, not just a way to scratch an itch. Being objectified just doesn't seem to be a turn on for most Dommes. It also seems that most of the Dominant females I know *gasp* expect a submissive to actually serve them, not the other way around! Crazy, huh?

BTW, I am a straight female sub who has played with a couple of the lovely Dommes on this forum who are also straight. Why do I get play when men like you don't? Because I take the time to get to know them outside of kinky interests, because I am happy to fetch drinks, food, and whatever else they require, because I don't push my kink on them or demand that they play with me only in the ways that I like. In short, I treat them with respect. Give it a whirl some time.

Have I told you lately that I love you?

She's also absolutely right, along with other folks on this thread. Do males really think that it's so hard to find someone to beat that Dominant woman are just waiting with baited breath for the first dude who will bend over?

Here's the clue. We're not. Frankly, I tend to play with folks who are more than the bend over theory. I want to like them as human beings and have a good time. That's why I tend to play with people that I think are cream of the crop.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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RE: looking for my dominatrix - 1/23/2011 1:53:20 PM

SylvereApLeanan

Posts: 8275
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The party approves of this post.

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RE: looking for my dominatrix - 1/24/2011 9:13:03 AM

flameyalive

Posts: 10
Joined: 1/23/2011
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I see that I have stired up a hornets nest! hey dont shoot me im just a rookie at this or if your in uk green horn!. ok ok enough already i get it, wining an dinning it is, I promise to get to know her first an take great care of her. I really do love women in fact worship the ground they walk on, its just that its been so long its frustration coming out, 10 years now since divorse so when you dig a little deeper there is always something that makes a person like they are, im not perfect nobody is on the planet we are all a sum total of our past! like it or not! anyway im not going to reply to any more on this subject i have read all your coments and i thank you for your advice on this and i will try to implicate it into my search for my dom thanks steve.x

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RE: looking for my dominatrix - 1/24/2011 9:16:29 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
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Good luck, Steve. Remember to enjoy the journey itself, not just the destination. In other words, have fun flirting!

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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RE: looking for my dominatrix - 1/24/2011 9:30:43 AM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
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Aww damn, I'm going to have to really work for that two million!

I sowwy, life was hard on me and I... sob... just... well... you know, the divorce, the hardship, I just got to where I put women in this category of use that you really can't blame me for. It isn't my fault!

Buck up buddy, everyone has some experiences in life that were tough to handle and if you want to use them as an excuse, you surely can, but don't expect us hardened and jaded women (lol) that survived the same things and came out retaining some social skills are going to have some sympathy for you. The helpless, wounded act goes about as far as our delete button.

You could have saved yourself but the pity act, innocence and covering your ass from that ass kicking you want, isn't going to work. Now, dust yourself off and learn that women are not to be considered as something here for your amusement or kink benefit. Own your own words and actions and then, we might even be nice to you.

I just don't buy lost and wounded as an excuse for much of anything.

< Message edited by Lockit -- 1/24/2011 9:39:46 AM >

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RE: looking for my dominatrix - 1/24/2011 9:33:56 AM

flameyalive

Posts: 10
Joined: 1/23/2011
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This is for darksteven thanks man for the advice i know what im looking for but didnt know how to go about it and yes your wife is compleatly right the right one is worth it!! funny i have no trouble getting my ego spanked thats for sure! one easy lesson owlch!!! see ya steve.

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