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RE: Real Male Submissives vs "Do Me Submissives" - 1/25/2011 12:15:07 PM   
LadyNTrainer


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quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyNTrainer

Yes, but why in the world would I be willing to invest the time in doing all that for minimal or zero returns? 

That's kind of how life works trying to find a partner; a whole lot of crap for the hope of one golden nugget.


Sure, but if I was looking for a golden nugget, I could intelligently maximize my chances of finding one by digging in a gold mine and not digging in a septic tank.  Real life events are potential gold mines; adult sites with A/S/L searches enabled are septic tanks. 


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RE: Real Male Submissives vs "Do Me Submissives" - 1/25/2011 12:15:10 PM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero


That's kind of how life works trying to find a partner; a whole lot of crap for the hope of one golden nugget.

It's just like playing the lottery. Remember, though, that it's not the choice to rescind one's self from that process or the choice to decide the cost-benefit isn't worth it that's the odd part here, it's the emotional outburst that suggests that, because they haven't seen it and don't want to wait till it arrives, the winning lottery ticket doesn't exist. It's just a type of cognitive bias.



Why do you assume that everybody on here is trying to find a partner? Some of us already have working relationships and we are not looking for more. We enjoy talking to people who are into the same kind of thing, you know BDSM, not something I tend to NOT discuss with vanilla friends...

Plus the online lottery ticket is possibly as rock solid as buying a lottery ticket and hoping you win, if you're really looking for a partner, you usually don't do it on a computer but you go out and meet people.

I really love it when guys tell women how they should react or what they should do despite the fact that they possibly never dealt with the situations most of us deal with on a daily basis. Don't you think we might be able to decided if we don't want to get mail and that we might not miss anything? Most of us are adults and know if we want to read mails or not, and if you have the option of blocking unwanted mails, why not use it?


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RE: Real Male Submissives vs "Do Me Submissives" - 1/25/2011 12:20:50 PM   
NihilusZero


Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyNTrainer

Sure, but if I was looking for a golden nugget, I could intelligently maximize my chances of finding one by digging in a gold mine and not digging in a septic tank.  Real life events are potential gold mines; adult sites with A/S/L searches enabled are septic tanks. 

Well, now we're really just getting into a discussion of personal appraisals of the userbase of the site itself, aren't we? It's not like we're all hanging out on craigslist looking for some motivational conversation and standing confused for not being able to find it!

_____________________________

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I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
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RE: Real Male Submissives vs "Do Me Submissives" - 1/25/2011 12:20:56 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero




I really love it when guys (and girls) tell women how they should react or what they should do despite the fact that they possibly never dealt with the situations most of us deal with on a daily basis.


Fixed to reflect that some women do this as well, as evidenced by this thread. Because you know, just because you are not upset or affected by something, no one else is allowed to be.

(in reply to LadyConstanze)
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RE: Real Male Submissives vs "Do Me Submissives" - 1/25/2011 12:22:26 PM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyNTrainer
Okay, if you were sitting in a stadium trying to watch the ball game, and people in this stadium kept shouting random crap and abuse at you, would you consider moving or getting earplugs? 


If I was going to a ball game I would be well aware that it could happen and if I attend, I have already accepted that possibility. I would then just ignore it I think wow... what silly people - good job my team rocks... (unless the guys on our side were bigger, then I would shout back even worse profanities...)
It's a football match after all! Either way - I am in control and not letting someone elses actions spoil it for me.


quote:

It's not just about being put off, it's about the overall cost to benefit ratio.  If you spend an hour sifting through messages and it nets you nothing but verbal abuse, it starts to make sense not to do that any more, or to tighten your filters so you aren't wasting so much of your time wading through ugly and useless crap. 


But if it's an hour of your time, I would find a different avenue, not lose out just because. That's like, usually taking the bus and it takes two hours to get to your destination and getting fucked off with doing that and deciding to not go... when you can easily take a train which might only take half an hour only you wont because it's still a form of transport.

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RE: Real Male Submissives vs "Do Me Submissives" - 1/25/2011 12:24:40 PM   
NihilusZero


Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

I really love it when guys tell women how they should react or what they should do despite the fact that they possibly never dealt with the situations most of us deal with on a daily basis.

Yes. Oh, the moral imposition of suggesting that succumbing to an availability heuristic could possibly be emotionally defeating.

While we're at it, let's not say anything the next time someone suggests trepanation is how they want to take care of their partner's headache. We wouldn't want reality to even teeter on the interpretative supposition that we're trying to supposedly tell someone how to live their lives.

And those traffic law enforcers! Automobile fascists, all of them!

< Message edited by NihilusZero -- 1/25/2011 12:25:29 PM >

_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
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Profile   Post #: 66
RE: Real Male Submissives vs "Do Me Submissives" - 1/25/2011 12:25:45 PM   
Charles6682


Posts: 1820
Joined: 10/1/2007
From: Saint Pete,FL
Status: offline 		Perhaps my question has already been answered with this thread.The main point I was trying to make is that clearly the "do-me" male subs,do have a negative stigma thats get attached to male submissives in general.Since 95% of the messages that Females get on here are from guys,is mostly from random guys who send digusting pictures.The other 5% who send sincere,thoughtful messages are simply are simply outnumbered.So,its just that much easier for a Domme to just click "ignore" on all men and just ignore their messages.

I don't blame Dommes who ignore all mail from men,if 95% of the letters are going to be useless,distasteful garbage.I am sure it is time consuming for any Lady on here to go through every single message,to find the sincere 5%.Why bother?

Just for the record,I have gotten along fine with people in this lifestyle in my local area.I did have a great Domme from this area.Normally,I am actually a very laid back person who gets along fine with just about anyone.The one exception,is if they want to be rude to me.Then I could care less.I think people need to blow some steam sometimes.I guess I just had my moment.

The biggest point of this post was said by someone else.Not all male submissives are a bunch of perverts that send weird pictures all night to everyone in sight.Submissives do have emotions,wants,needs,desires,just like anyone else.It is simply a matter of being human.I have met some great caring Dommes before,online and in real life.Just like any group of people,there are some good apples and some bad apples.I guess is makes sense to get rid of the bad apples in a tree.Just try not to get rid of the good apples in the process too.

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RE: Real Male Submissives vs "Do Me Submissives" - 1/25/2011 12:26:12 PM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

Fixed to reflect that some women do this as well, as evidenced by this thread. Because you know, just because you are not upset or affected by something, no one else is allowed to be.


Yeah ... profanities...

For fuck sake red... did you even READ what you just wrote when all you ever do is whine and complain and go on and on, that people should just not whine and complain when people blast them and 'aren't nice' or 'don't like what they say' just because they should apparently expect nothing but barrages of abuse when they post something on the forums that you or other don't like ....??????


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RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

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RE: Real Male Submissives vs "Do Me Submissives" - 1/25/2011 12:33:14 PM   
NihilusZero


Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		The funny thing is that I think this has genuinely been VERY informative for the OP in a sincere and serious way.

When we can get past the suggestion that I'm telling people how to live their lives (which I'm not. Telling people that there are likely to be certain realistic consequences for living the way they choose is a distinctly separate thing...and I'd like to think LNT doesn't feel I've been insulting or derogatory at all), this thread has been very useful to give Charles a window into how the private messaging system can grate on the patience of many female dominants.

I suppose the next question (if we're honestly trying to steer away from the craziness) is for those female dominants who feel that way to make suggestions as to how well-meaning male subs should go about showing that they are being sincere and respectful in their intentions or at least to show that they are 'out there' among the rest.

< Message edited by NihilusZero -- 1/25/2011 12:35:10 PM >

_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
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Profile   Post #: 69
RE: Real Male Submissives vs "Do Me Submissives" - 1/25/2011 12:35:12 PM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: RCdc
Regards Lady Pact.

I have to say I find that surreal. I just cannot fathom allowing just anyone to have that much impact on me that it alters my actions to against my core. The only time I can comprehend that would be for some type of stalker scenario. I totally get that not everyone has the mental strength to do that, but (and I am totally aware that I'm sticking one of my expectations on a generic group here which is my issue to deal with, which I will think over) if you can't control how you allow someone to make you feel, how can you control another or allow another such authority?
Maybe I am just being really dense here.


Greetings dark.  My best to you and your Master.

I actually don't consider it emotional impact.  I see it more as folks not wanting to tolerate things that they don't want to.  For example, I prefer to only receive correspondence from people local to Me or from the forums.  When I receive mail that is from those outside of that, I send a message that restates what is already written in the profile.  Then, I block that person, mark as spam, and delete.  It's all of two clicks.  That doesn't make it an emotional response.  It just means that I don't have to be bothered twice.



Master sends his regards Lady Pact

I totally understand the whole not wanting to tolerate things. I just don't see why people let people of no consequence affect the way they might behave/respond/act. It's surely all about accepting the responsibility of your choices and actions and not about moulding around what other people might want or might behave, just so you can get through your mail(in this case).

Your reaction (block/delete etc) is a classic example of dealing on a level that is right for you and that gives everyone a chance to prove their own worth. But what I have been garnering from some of the response and the OP is that there are some people who automatically group a whole minority together on the basis of a small section of that minority.


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love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

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RE: Real Male Submissives vs "Do Me Submissives" - 1/25/2011 12:35:38 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: RCdc


quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

Fixed to reflect that some women do this as well, as evidenced by this thread. Because you know, just because you are not upset or affected by something, no one else is allowed to be.


Yeah ... profanities...

For fuck sake red... did you even READ what you just wrote when all you ever do is whine and complain and go on and on, that people should just not whine and complain when people blast them and 'aren't nice' or 'don't like what they say' just because they should apparently expect nothing but barrages of abuse when they post something on the forums that you or other don't like ....??????



You said above: I just don't see why people let people of no consequence affect the way they might behave/respond/act.

That is amusing dark. Of course I understand what I wrote and I stand by it. I never whine and complain; I simply state my opinion of the whiners and complainers and any other topic I choose.

Sorry you don't care for my opinions; just as I don't care for your inability to empathize with a particular topic simply because you either never experienced it or you are not upset by it.

You always have the option of blocking me should my posts upset you; but with your prior comments about how everyone should not let pixels on a screen upset them, it would seem you should be above being upset, no?

Especially as I am sure I am one of the many people of "no consequence" to you.

< Message edited by sexyred1 -- 1/25/2011 12:37:43 PM >

(in reply to RCdc)
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RE: Real Male Submissives vs "Do Me Submissives" - 1/25/2011 12:44:15 PM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

quote:

ORIGINAL: RCdc


quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

Fixed to reflect that some women do this as well, as evidenced by this thread. Because you know, just because you are not upset or affected by something, no one else is allowed to be.


Yeah ... profanities...

For fuck sake red... did you even READ what you just wrote when all you ever do is whine and complain and go on and on, that people should just not whine and complain when people blast them and 'aren't nice' or 'don't like what they say' just because they should apparently expect nothing but barrages of abuse when they post something on the forums that you or other don't like ....??????



You said above: I just don't see why people let people of no consequence affect the way they might behave/respond/act.

That is amusing dark. Of course I understand what I wrote and I stand by it. I never whine and complain; I simply state my opinion of the whiners and complainers and any other topic I choose.

Sorry you don't care for my opinions; just as I don't care for your inability to empathize with a particular topic simply because you either never experienced it or you are not upset by it.

You always have the option of blocking me should my posts upset you; but with your prior comments about how everyone should not let pixels on a screen upset them, it would seem you should be above being upset, no?

Especially as I am sure I am one of the many people of "no consequence" to you.


Yes, but what is IYO... 'stating your opinion of whiners and complainers' is to someone else... whining and complaining. Good god... all I ever see recently is you moaning that someones moaning instead of tackling the actual subject.

Let's be real here... I could be considered whining and moaning about you whining and moaning about whiners and moaners....

And then there is the classic... 'oh sorry ...I must have upset you'... it's a straw man hunni. Of course I care... just as much as you care when people are - in your opinion - whining or moaning which is WHY you have this seemingly inherent need to bring it up on so many threads... and then complain that people are telling others what to do, when on another thread you just told someone what to do !... (ie ... don't post if you don't like it/ don't post if you just want nice/ blahblahblah...*sorry... giggling here because it's just soooo funny....

At least you helped brightened my day.


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love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

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RE: Real Male Submissives vs "Do Me Submissives" - 1/25/2011 12:47:07 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		The fact that I have brightened your day has brightened my dark and snowy day here to the nth degree..

Thanks for your input, hon. :)

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RE: Real Male Submissives vs "Do Me Submissives" - 1/25/2011 12:51:10 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero
I suppose the next question (if we're honestly trying to steer away from the craziness) is for those female dominants who feel that way to make suggestions as to how well-meaning male subs should go about showing that they are being sincere and respectful in their intentions or at least to show that they are 'out there' among the rest.

How many threads would you like for Me to pull up for you through the search feature where we have done exactly that?


_____________________________

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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

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Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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RE: Real Male Submissives vs "Do Me Submissives" - 1/25/2011 12:51:47 PM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline
quote:

Sorry you don't care for my opinions; just as I don't care for your inability to empathize with a particular topic simply because you either never experienced it or you are not upset by it.


Oh and I missed this (I dislike editing in cases like this...other than a typo)... do NOT assume or try and make it look like I have not experienced such deluges of mail.. as I previously stated I have... and don't for a minute - just because I cannot understand someones inability to deal in the same way that I do, does not mean that I am going to completely shut down and not try to see it from their POV and listen and take in their POV... which both Lady Pact and Lady'n'Trainer has so graciously tried to assist me with.

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RE: Real Male Submissives vs "Do Me Submissives" - 1/25/2011 12:54:04 PM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

The fact that I have brightened your day has brightened my dark and snowy day here to the nth degree..

Thanks for your input, hon. :)


It's all good. It's dark here now and lacking snow thank the gods... we had enough of that in December... ah... for the spring!

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love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

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RE: Real Male Submissives vs "Do Me Submissives" - 1/25/2011 12:55:56 PM   
NihilusZero


Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

How many threads would you like for Me to pull up for you through the search feature where we have done exactly that?

Really?

In the attempt to salvage something useful out of this, your response is the old "it's there is the search feature!"? I get the idea that the OP perhaps qualifies as the sort of poster who most aren't interested in helping with answers anyway, but this wasn't meant for my benefit and I thought LNT was genuinely offering a position worth listening to and was wondering if she cared to provide useful insight (because, at worst, there are always lurkers about who might care about the topic).

Or not.

_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

NihilusZero.com

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Profile   Post #: 77
RE: Real Male Submissives vs "Do Me Submissives" - 1/25/2011 12:57:52 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		Jeez louise, get over yourself already. Look, both LadyP and LadyNTrainer and LadyC said the exact same thing that I did.

But, and this is fascinating, you did not get upset with anything they said, you got upset with me.

Perhaps that is because my opinion as a sub is not as important to YOU as the opinions of the gracious Dominant ladies I mentioned who I was AGREEING with.

So that makes your entire exercise of getting upset with me, false.

Oh and I did read that you used to get deluged by mail, I did not miss anything, as you did.

Funny how personal dislike of a particular poster clouds your stellar judgement when interpreting POVs, especially when the one you are critiquing is the same as the ones you now claim to agree with.

Too funny. But I am sure this diatribe has entertained the denizens of the boards, so some good has come of this.

If you did not desperately need to possess the last word on this, you might go back and read how I was agreeing with things that you accept more readily from the other ladies.

(in reply to RCdc)
Profile   Post #: 78
RE: Real Male Submissives vs "Do Me Submissives" - 1/25/2011 12:58:08 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Pulled from the FAQ thread at the top of the Ask A Mistress forum:

Q: Why won’t dommes answer my CMail?

A: There are many reasons a dominant woman doesn’t respond to email. Perhaps you are too young, too old, too far away, married, or you don’t share the same interests. Sometimes, it just boils down to lack of chemistry. If she reads your message, inspects your profile, looks at your picture, and doesn’t feel a spark of interest, she probably won’t reply. Most women will not respond to a message of only one or two lines or one that demonstrates you haven’t read her profile. Another possibility is that your profile is too short or comes across as too focused on yourself and your kinks. Below are links to on-going threads dedicated to getting help with your profile and improving your introductory email.

Profile Help: How to Attract a Dominant Woman
CMail Help: How to Contact a Dominant Woman


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to NihilusZero)
Profile   Post #: 79
RE: Real Male Submissives vs "Do Me Submissives" - 1/25/2011 1:01:54 PM   
LadyNTrainer


Posts: 1584
Joined: 5/20/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RCdc
Either way - I am in control and not letting someone elses actions spoil it for me.


So am I.  I don't enjoy being randomly shouted at and abused, so I keep my social profile on sites with no A/S/L search enabled.  I can *get up and move* if I am not enjoying myself in a particular location.  I don't waste my time banging my head against a wall trying to improve conditions in that location; I just accept that they suck and go somewhere else that actually is fun for me. 


quote:


But if it's an hour of your time, I would find a different avenue, not lose out just because. That's like, usually taking the bus and it takes two hours to get to your destination and getting fucked off with doing that and deciding to not go... when you can easily take a train which might only take half an hour only you wont because it's still a form of transport.


As I've been saying, any adult site with A/S/L enabled is going to have an extremely high noise to signal ratio.  If you don't feel like taking the time and energy to deal with it, your options are to hit Munches and BDSM events in real life or find sites that do not have A/S/L enabled to socially network on.  Pretty simple really.  And that's why a lot of women leave.  They certainly aren't leaving the RL scene; most of the local femdom events I attend have *more* women than men, because it's a totally comfortable social environment that doesn't tolerate ugliness, discourtesy or abuse.


_____________________________

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Profile   Post #: 80
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