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BDSM and good 'ol sex! - 1/26/2011 2:39:57 PM   
fucksuckwhore


Posts: 7
Joined: 1/14/2011
Status: offline 		I've been told my screen name is a bit off-putting - quote 'sounds like it should be on adult friendfinder'; or on a porno films credits. All offers for the latter. please go direct to my inbox! But - it says how I regard myself, and to a great extent the way I want to be treated in a relationship. But I've also been criticised for not being 'service orientated' and basically wanting a kinky sex relationship. Hang on; what exactly is wrong with me wanting that, if its my thing? Why should I have to be offering myself to 'serve' others; unless they, as is made clear in my profile, are interested in the kind of service I am interested in giving? This 'service orientation'in my view can be a great way for women, and men, to genuinely 'use' someone to do what they want, and then spit them out. I have in fact been used in exactly that way in the past. Once I'd done all her back ironing, helped her with her studies and boarded out her loft, I was dumped. So, question: is bdsm in reality about one person serving another? Or is it about glorious foreplay for good sex?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: BDSM and good 'ol sex! - 1/26/2011 2:51:29 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Why are you asking? You clearly know what you want, and I think you'll be able to get it.

There isn't a rulebook of what kinds of service are acceptable or not.

_____________________________

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RE: BDSM and good 'ol sex! - 1/26/2011 2:57:55 PM   
FukinTroll


Posts: 6277
Joined: 2/6/2007
From: Under a bridge
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: fucksuckwhore

Fukin Trool - I'm not asllowed to put up other posts on this site? You actually own it? Tryt changing yourscreen name to Fukin Twat!


*shakes muh head*

Big mistake.


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RE: BDSM and good 'ol sex! - 1/26/2011 2:58:35 PM   
NihilusZero


Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: fucksuckwhore

So, question: is bdsm in reality about one person serving another? Or is it about glorious foreplay for good sex?

Well, "BDSM" specifically is about what the acronym stands for...but I suspect you're talking about it in a more comprehensive sense.

People tend to draw very defined lines as to "playas" and "serious folk", and this is evident even from vanilla interactions. Human companionships can take many forms...with ones that focus primarily on sex consistently being treated as the bottom of the barrel. Emotions, "spirituality" "connection", and "love" are very popular and strong forces that motivate people and, in addition to the allure they have on their own, the tendency to marginalize sex itself is still a straggling tendency from puritanical/religious/social morality that sticks with people and helps widen the division from sexuality.

Also, there is a social pushback many people in WIITWD feel because they don't want to feel reduced to mere kink and/or want to make sure the "world" sees them and their peers as not mostly one-dimensional deviants. This kind of further devalues the kinksters because they cannot be seen to be pursuing more than just their fetish list (even if they have other means by which to entertain/indulge the other facets of their lives).

In terms of your username, it's not so much a question of whether it is appropriate for you or not...it's the fact that it easily resembles the sorts of names that are habitually used for spam profiles. It doesn't seem "fake" in the sense that no one should be allowed to unashamedly pursue their sexual drives (although many people will suggest as much to you), but because it is arguably indistinguishable from someone who has made a profile on here only to push a membership link to a website or webcam or to some online survey.

Well, that and the fact that most people, even if they are focused just on the sex, still want to feel like they're showing interest in a more comprehensive set of human traits.

That being said, though, I'm not sure if the username (except for the actual "fake" suspicion) isn't a good idea after all as it will certainly keep people who aren't confidently interested in just the sexual aspects you're offering from bothering in the first place (which would likely only lead to bad things further down the road).

< Message edited by NihilusZero -- 1/26/2011 3:13:54 PM >

_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

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RE: BDSM and good 'ol sex! - 1/26/2011 3:00:11 PM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline 		For once I'm speechless.

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To my stalker:
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RE: BDSM and good 'ol sex! - 1/26/2011 3:03:24 PM   
Ishtarr


Posts: 1130
Joined: 4/30/2008
Status: offline 		Nobody said you "should" be more service orientated.
It was just pointed out to you that a lot of people will not be interested in you unless you're more service orientated.

And seeing that you invited people to explain to you why your mails may have been deleted unread, people explained to you that a lot of people will be put off by your nickname and the fact that your main focus is purely sexual.
To add to that, a lot of people will also be put off by your picture.

It's fine if you're only interested in a purely sexual relationship, or a relationship where the main focus is sex, but if that's the case, then don't come whining about how your mails are being deleted unread, when the fact is that the majority of people on this site are not interested in a relationship that revolved purely around sex, and the majority of people are put off by nicknames and pictures such are yours.


You can't have it both ways...

If you are interested in and looking for a niche, don't complain when most other people aren't looking for the same thing you are.

Ishtar

_____________________________


Du blutest für mein Seelenheil
Ein kleiner Schnitt und du wirst geil
Egal, erlaubt ist, was gefällt

Ich tu' dir weh.
Tut mir nicht Leid!
Das tut dir gut.
Hör wie es schreit!

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Profile   Post #: 6
RE: BDSM and good 'ol sex! - 1/26/2011 3:06:55 PM   
NihilusZero


Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Ishtarr

To add to that, a lot of people will also be put off by your picture.

Which, to be fair, could be said to not be marketedly different in content from yours. Granted, less people tend to complain about seminude women than they do about seminude men...


quote:

ORIGINAL: Ishtarr

If you are interested in and looking for a niche, don't complain when most other people aren't looking for the same thing you are.

Ishtar

True. I think, however, that not everyone comes to this epiphany right off the bat and, to people for whom WIITWD seems like a populace of people who are more comfortable and open with their sexuality, finding out that such is not readily the case can be a very confusing thing to balance one's footing on.


< Message edited by NihilusZero -- 1/26/2011 3:07:34 PM >

_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

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Profile   Post #: 7
RE: BDSM and good 'ol sex! - 1/26/2011 3:10:43 PM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero

quote:

ORIGINAL: Ishtarr

To add to that, a lot of people will also be put off by your picture.

Which, to be fair, could be said to not be marketedly different in content from yours. Granted, less people tend to complain about seminude women than they do about seminude men...



ditto
then: it's a gender bias


_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
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To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

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Profile   Post #: 8
RE: BDSM and good 'ol sex! - 1/26/2011 3:13:51 PM   
Ishtarr


Posts: 1130
Joined: 4/30/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero

quote:

ORIGINAL: Ishtarr

To add to that, a lot of people will also be put off by your picture.

Which, to be fair, could be said to not be marketedly different in content from yours. Granted, less people tend to complain about seminude women than they do about seminude men...




That's absolutely true, and I do catch crap sometimes for having the pictures that I do.

However....

I'm not here complaining that the people who find the profile I've crafted unattractive are deleting my emails unread.
My profile is designed to attract the people I'm interested it. It's seems to be doing a good job at that, so I don't really care that some people don't appreciate my pictures, or sometimes delete my emails unread (and yes, it happens to me too, so that's not a gender bias issue).

I'm not saying he should change his picture, nor am I saying that he should change his name or anything else.
I'm only saying that he shouldn't whine about people not being attracted to his profile, when he created a profile that most people on this site wouldn't be attracted to.

If he's attracting the type of people he is looking for, GREAT, he should keep his profile just the way it is.
If he's not attracting the type of people he is looking for, maybe he should reevaluate the way he's advertising himself.

But which ever one it is, whining about people not being interested in you on a dating site is always a bad move in my opinion...

Ishtar

< Message edited by Ishtarr -- 1/26/2011 3:16:39 PM >

_____________________________


Du blutest für mein Seelenheil
Ein kleiner Schnitt und du wirst geil
Egal, erlaubt ist, was gefällt

Ich tu' dir weh.
Tut mir nicht Leid!
Das tut dir gut.
Hör wie es schreit!

(in reply to NihilusZero)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: BDSM and good 'ol sex! - 1/26/2011 3:21:01 PM   
NihilusZero


Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Ishtarr

That's absolutely true, and I do catch crap sometimes for having the pictures that I do.

Which is a pity. The visual capture of human sexuality is a wondrous thing. Now if i could only find some male models for my AE project...

quote:

ORIGINAL: Ishtarr

I'm not here complaining that the people who find the profile I've crafted unattractive are deleting my emails unread.

You've been on this site for some time and are aware of how it technically functions.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Ishtarr

I'm not saying he should change his picture, nor am I saying that he should change his name or anything else.
I'm only saying that he shouldn't whine about people not being attracted to his profile, when he created a profile that most people on this site wouldn't be attracted to.

But there's no genuine way for him to know that the site's social preferences have swayed towards more serious, protocol-driven and/or emotional dynamics. And, frankly, that likely only encompasses a percentage of the more vocal and regular persons on the fora, not necessarily the site as a complete whole.

Coming to a kink site thinking people might be unashamedly engaging in, enjoying, and talking freely about sexual interactions and sexual exploits isn't that crazy. You could call it somewhat naive about the varied ways that WIITWD manifests, but I don't find it overwhelmingly surprising in general.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Ishtarr

But which ever one it is, whining about people not being interested in you on a dating site is always a bad move in my opinion...

Ishtar

Surely, whining is never pretty. It seems, though, that his whines are mostly based on confusion about site-related issues and being sort of looked down upon because he's obviously very driven by his libido (as opposed to prettier things).

*shrug*


< Message edited by NihilusZero -- 1/26/2011 3:22:07 PM >

_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

NihilusZero.com

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Profile   Post #: 10
RE: BDSM and good 'ol sex! - 1/26/2011 3:32:00 PM   
Ishtarr


Posts: 1130
Joined: 4/30/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero


quote:

ORIGINAL: Ishtarr

I'm not saying he should change his picture, nor am I saying that he should change his name or anything else.
I'm only saying that he shouldn't whine about people not being attracted to his profile, when he created a profile that most people on this site wouldn't be attracted to.

But there's no genuine way for him to know that the site's social preferences have swayed towards more serious, protocol-driven and/or emotional dynamics. And, frankly, that likely only encompasses a percentage of the more vocal and regular persons on the fora, not necessarily the site as a complete whole.

Coming to a kink site thinking people might be unashamedly engaging in, enjoying, and talking freely about sexual interactions and sexual exploits isn't that crazy. You could call it somewhat naive about the varied ways that WIITWD manifests, but I don't find it overwhelmingly surprising in general.



Except that when he made this topic, he did know.
He asked why his mails where being deleted unread, and people told him... nobody there chastised him for whining about it, he just got the explanation he asked for.

And apparently after he got the explanation he asked for, he decided that he didn't like the answers he got, and found it necessary to make this thread instead, complaining about how it's unfair that people told that most of them wouldn't be interested in him.

In his previous topic, nobody criticized him for not being service orientated, instead, they just pointed out to him that it could be why he's getting little positive responses.
It wasn't said that he couldn't or shouldn't be sexually oriented, just that most people wouldn't be interested in him if he was.

And so now that he did know why his mails may have been deleted unread, he made this topic to complain that most people aren't interested in what he is...

Ishtar

Edited to add: and I disagree that there's no genuine way for him to know that the site's social preferences have swayed towards more serious, protocol-driven and/or emotional dynamics.
If he would have read a relatively small sample of random profiles of dominants (this excludes male submissive), he would have found them to more often say something like "not interested in somebody who is in it purely for sex" than something like "I have checklist of only sexual activities that I'm interested in".
If, in fact. he didn't know that indicateds he was most likely not bothering to pay a lot of attention to other people's profiles...

< Message edited by Ishtarr -- 1/26/2011 3:36:27 PM >

_____________________________


Du blutest für mein Seelenheil
Ein kleiner Schnitt und du wirst geil
Egal, erlaubt ist, was gefällt

Ich tu' dir weh.
Tut mir nicht Leid!
Das tut dir gut.
Hör wie es schreit!

(in reply to NihilusZero)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: BDSM and good 'ol sex! - 1/26/2011 3:34:34 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: fucksuckwhore

I've been told my screen name is a bit off-putting - quote 'sounds like it should be on adult friendfinder'; or on a porno films credits. All offers for the latter. please go direct to my inbox! But - it says how I regard myself, and to a great extent the way I want to be treated in a relationship. But I've also been criticised for not being 'service orientated' and basically wanting a kinky sex relationship. Hang on; what exactly is wrong with me wanting that, if its my thing? Why should I have to be offering myself to 'serve' others; unless they, as is made clear in my profile, are interested in the kind of service I am interested in giving? This 'service orientation'in my view can be a great way for women, and men, to genuinely 'use' someone to do what they want, and then spit them out. I have in fact been used in exactly that way in the past. Once I'd done all her back ironing, helped her with her studies and boarded out her loft, I was dumped. So, question: is bdsm in reality about one person serving another? Or is it about glorious foreplay for good sex?

Nobody told you not to want what you want.  What you were told was that not everybody wants the same thing. 

Hey, I've got kinks that not everybody likes, too.  My screen name could be BloodyCutNTop because I happen to like cutting.  Do I realize that some people won't want to talk with Me because I'm shoving My preference in kinks in their face?  You bet I do!

You have to realize that, while your idea of BDSM is getting used and tossed, that isn't what it's about for everybody.  If no strings attached sex is your idea of kink, that's great!  Have a party!  Just realize that not everybody wants in on the same thing.  Some people are going to want other things than what you want.

So, to answer your question, For Me, this isn't about "glorious foreplay for good sex".  I know Myself and I want bonding in the dynamics that I have.  Even with the people that I use. 

On a personal note, do Me a favor.  That person that you're calling a twat on this thread happens to be pretty insightful.  Just because you didn't want to hear what he told you when you asked a question doesn't mean anything but he gave you an honest reply.  The very same way that I did.


_____________________________

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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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Profile   Post #: 12
RE: BDSM and good 'ol sex! - 1/26/2011 3:44:43 PM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: fucksuckwhore

I've been told my screen name is a bit off-putting - quote 'sounds like it should be on adult friendfinder'; or on a porno films credits. All offers for the latter. please go direct to my inbox! But - it says how I regard myself, and to a great extent the way I want to be treated in a relationship. But I've also been criticised for not being 'service orientated' and basically wanting a kinky sex relationship. Hang on; what exactly is wrong with me wanting that, if its my thing? Why should I have to be offering myself to 'serve' others; unless they, as is made clear in my profile, are interested in the kind of service I am interested in giving? This 'service orientation'in my view can be a great way for women, and men, to genuinely 'use' someone to do what they want, and then spit them out. I have in fact been used in exactly that way in the past. Once I'd done all her back ironing, helped her with her studies and boarded out her loft, I was dumped. So, question: is bdsm in reality about one person serving another? Or is it about glorious foreplay for good sex?


Sad thing is - people do see somehting like your profile name and have a stereotype in their head. Not your fault... and nothing probably to do with you personally, but experience of others that have something like yours.

I think the biggest issue you might have is that your name and profile image is male orientated. By that I mean that you have either catered for yourself, or not taken into consideration that females are attracted to the opposite of what you are portraying. There isn't anything 'wrong' with your chosen name or image and if you were female and looking for a male with that name and with that pose then it would be all good for you - but you are not. So you have to think of it like marketing - or selling yourself... what is going to make you attractive to females without denying or misleading or breaking trade descriptions.

So it's not really about what you want - but what you can portray to get what you want - if that makes any sense?

Right now though(at least on this site)... I am seeing a growing issue of sexism or at least some sexual inequality here.

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RE: BDSM and good 'ol sex! - 1/26/2011 3:45:52 PM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero

quote:

ORIGINAL: Ishtarr

To add to that, a lot of people will also be put off by your picture.

Which, to be fair, could be said to not be marketedly different in content from yours. Granted, less people tend to complain about seminude women than they do about seminude men...



ditto
then: it's a gender bias



Absolutely.


_____________________________
RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

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Profile   Post #: 14
RE: BDSM and good 'ol sex! - 1/26/2011 4:05:15 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

I think the biggest issue you might have is that your name and profile image is male orientated. By that I mean that you have either catered for yourself, or not taken into consideration that females are attracted to the opposite of what you are portraying.


Females are not his target demographic:

quote:

Actively Seeking:

Dominant Men
Switch Men
Dominant Trans
Dom/Domme Couples
Male-Dom Couples

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Profile   Post #: 15
RE: BDSM and good 'ol sex! - 1/26/2011 4:10:19 PM   
NihilusZero


Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Ishtarr

And apparently after he got the explanation he asked for, he decided that he didn't like the answers he got, and found it necessary to make this thread instead, complaining about how it's unfair that people told that most of them wouldn't be interested in him.

I didn't get that from his OP at all. I think there would have to be some intent-reading into his words the come up with that.


_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

NihilusZero.com

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Profile   Post #: 16
RE: BDSM and good 'ol sex! - 1/26/2011 4:12:29 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

I didn't get that from his OP at all. I think there would have to be some intent-reading into his words the come up with that.


Here's the context you are missing: http://www.collarchat.com/m_3544788/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#3544788

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Profile   Post #: 17
RE: BDSM and good 'ol sex! - 1/26/2011 4:15:27 PM   
Ishtarr


Posts: 1130
Joined: 4/30/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero

quote:

ORIGINAL: Ishtarr

And apparently after he got the explanation he asked for, he decided that he didn't like the answers he got, and found it necessary to make this thread instead, complaining about how it's unfair that people told that most of them wouldn't be interested in him.

I didn't get that from his OP at all. I think there would have to be some intent-reading into his words the come up with that.



I drew that conclusion because he claimed that he's been criticised for not being 'service orientated' and that people have told him that it's wrong for him to want what he is looking for.

None of that happened on his previous topic, instead, people simple explain why it might be that a lot of people don't find his profile attractive.

If he equates getting answers to his questions to being criticized and told what he wants is wrong, I indeed feel like he's annoyed and finds it unfair that people aren't more interested in what he's looking for.

Ishtar

_____________________________


Du blutest für mein Seelenheil
Ein kleiner Schnitt und du wirst geil
Egal, erlaubt ist, was gefällt

Ich tu' dir weh.
Tut mir nicht Leid!
Das tut dir gut.
Hör wie es schreit!

(in reply to NihilusZero)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: BDSM and good 'ol sex! - 1/26/2011 4:15:45 PM   
VaguelyCurious


Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RCdc

Right now though(at least on this site)... I am seeing a growing issue of sexism or at least some sexual inequality here.

Of course there's sexual inequality - different things appeal to men and women, quick, call the papers!

Sarcasm aside: men and women take things differently. This site is pretty heteronormative (or at least the forums are), so in general most of the male pictures are on female-seeking profiles and most of the female pictures are on male-seeking profiles. Is it really such a surprise that people are going to recommend different content for male-seeking and female-seeking profiles?

_____________________________

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Profile   Post #: 19
RE: BDSM and good 'ol sex! - 1/26/2011 4:18:35 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		Lance, yoohoo, what's your take on fucksuckwhore's profile?

(in reply to VaguelyCurious)
Profile   Post #: 20
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