When do you start vanilla conversion?

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

When do you start vanilla conversion?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> When do you start vanilla conversion?

Page: [1] 2 3 4 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

When do you start vanilla conversion? - 1/27/2011 7:00:03 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

Okay. You find a vanilla you're interested in. You're compatible outside the bedroom. When and how do you let him/her know about your dark, evil side?

We've all seen the posts to all and sundry "Hey! Anyone interested in my specific kink in the XX area?" Too early.

And the posts "My husband/wife, to whom I've been married for twelve years and have two children with, won't indulge my kink and it's a NEED that MUST be met." Way too late.

I do it in two phases.

1. First date. Small, subtle signs. "Let's go for a walk." Taking control of the conversation.
2. First pass. When making a pass at her, I let her know, vaguely and gently, that I like to take control in bed, and may swat her a few times.

What's your time frame?

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

Post #: 1

RE: When do you start vanilla conversion? - 1/27/2011 7:20:16 AM

OttersSwim

Posts: 2860
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline

You know, we have a friend who is just now going through this with a young lady and we have been fortunate enough to lend a hand in the introduction of kink into their conversation. I don't know all of the specifics, but I do know that they established a vanilla connection first over a couple of dates. They had a conversation after a few dates about kink where he introduced his interests, and they had time over the holidays being quite separate for her to consider things.

This past weekend, we were able to host them and another kinky couple in our home for a dinner that introduced her to "other kinky folk" and hopefully showed her that we are not freaks, and that he is part of a sane and responsible community that will most certainly consider her wants needs and desires in whatever the two of them finally do, or do not, work out. We had dessert in our dungeon and she was able to see the toys, the cross, the suspension points, and she asked some good questions. From his feedback, she came out of the evening feeling pretty good and had a good time and wants to spend more time with his friends...and so that is a good sign I think. :)

_____________________________

I am on a journey of authenticity and self.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 2

RE: When do you start vanilla conversion? - 1/27/2011 7:21:01 AM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

I've given up on vanilla, but before I did, mentioned my fondness for spankings, etc, etc during the flirting stage. This always received an enthusiastic response, but they couldn't deliver etc, etc in the bedroom.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 3

RE: When do you start vanilla conversion? - 1/27/2011 7:56:48 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

I wouldn't date anyone that didn't know what I was about first.

Master was not an active participant of BDSM when we first met. When I met Master and we started getting beyond the 'working together and being friends' phase... had he not already been aware who I was, what I was into and what I was (I have never been a person to pigeon hole parts of my life), then I would have come right out and told him way before the first date phase.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 4

RE: When do you start vanilla conversion? - 1/27/2011 8:15:46 AM

Hillwilliam

Posts: 19394
Joined: 8/27/2008
Status: offline

Put a blindfold on them and see how they react.

If they like that, combine it with some light bondage and teasing 'orgasm denial'

You have to learn to dogpaddle before you dive off the 10 meter platform.

(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 5

RE: When do you start vanilla conversion? - 1/27/2011 8:23:20 AM

came4U

Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline

quote:

I do it in two phases.

1. First date. Small, subtle signs. "Let's go for a walk." Taking control of the conversation.
2. First pass. When making a pass at her, I let her know, vaguely and gently, that I like to take control in bed, and may swat her a few times.

What's your time frame?

Those are a lil too subtle perhaps. We all know men who do this sort of thing as habit but when it comes down to it one can get their hopes up and when ya finally hit the sack ...he wants you on top *which includes asking you to hold him down lol, and, even worse..he cries like an infant when he orgasms LOL

It has to be a lil more obvious to me before I sleep with a guy with FULL knowledge or even suspicion that he might be an awesome Dominant sob.

_____________________________

It hurts.....that you call me a masochist

(in reply to Hillwilliam)

Post #: 6

RE: When do you start vanilla conversion? - 1/27/2011 8:23:55 AM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

I don't have a dark, evil side....

I've never dated anyway , so anyone I've been interested in spending time with has always begun as a *potential friend* situation or as *someone I quite like as a person*. Anything about me from how I wash my knickers to how I wank has always been information that may or may not come to light depending on how long I've known them and how relevant it is.

I like spending time with people that just behave how they want to, how they normally would. I'm just as likely to suggest going for a walk as any *dominant* guy...just because I'd like to go for a walk....lol

I have no timeframe at all for anything, it's all been what seemed alright at the tiime.

agirl

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 7

RE: When do you start vanilla conversion? - 1/27/2011 8:24:41 AM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

I've never run into this situation seeing as I ran into BDSM when I was... *laugh* married for 12 years with two children (no kidding). I imagine though that if I was in the market again it would come up early on. I can't really imagine how I'd be meeting some new woman and Carol wouldn't come up. She's such a huge part of my life. Honestly though, I'd already know about whether or not this new person was submissive. I'd have known that pretty much from the first moment we'd met.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 8

RE: When do you start vanilla conversion? - 1/27/2011 8:25:18 AM

NihilusZero

Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

My bedroom activities are probably the towards the side of least suspicious hobbies of mine.

_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

NihilusZero.com

CM Sex God du Jour
CM Hall Monitor

(in reply to Hillwilliam)

Post #: 9

RE: When do you start vanilla conversion? - 1/27/2011 8:26:52 AM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

I mention it if I feel we have chemistry after a few vanilla dates. My experiences doing so:

-the guy says, oh great! I always wanted to find a Dominant woman
-the guy says, what do you mean, you are into whips and chains??
-the guy says, wow, that is hot, so does that mean we can just fuck and not have to go through the ritual of dating since you must be easy since you are into that stuff
-the guy says, that is too weird for me, you must be kind of psycho
-the guy says, yes, I love to take control, but never does or never demonstrates a capability to do so.
-the guy says, yes, I am into BDSM as well, but our kinks did not match up AT ALL

The only time it worked was my last relationship; he never did it before and I told him about it, we engaged in it and he became awesome at it.

< Message edited by sexyred1 -- 1/27/2011 8:28:43 AM >

(in reply to Hillwilliam)

Post #: 10

RE: When do you start vanilla conversion? - 1/27/2011 9:20:24 AM

preytolife

Posts: 138
Joined: 11/29/2010
From: LaLa Land
Status: offline

If they either don't know about my preferences at the end of the 2nd date OR haven't displayed any "Dominant tendencies" (like preferring traditional, vanilla, male-lead relationships then I lose interest. I either get up the guts to have the conversation of there's no point in continuing. Usually if I don't bring it up it's because I'm not interested or they steer the conversation in a completely opposite direction that makes me think prude.

It helps that the D/s side interests me much more than kink, though it's a plus. I don't even need to bring up sex.

< Message edited by preytolife -- 1/27/2011 9:21:59 AM >

(in reply to sexyred1)

Post #: 11

RE: When do you start vanilla conversion? - 1/27/2011 10:43:39 AM

Prinsexx

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Okay. You find a vanilla you're interested in. You're compatible outside the bedroom. When and how do you let him/her know about your dark, evil side?

We've all seen the posts to all and sundry "Hey! Anyone interested in my specific kink in the XX area?" Too early.

And the posts "My husband/wife, to whom I've been married for twelve years and have two children with, won't indulge my kink and it's a NEED that MUST be met." Way too late.

I do it in two phases.

1. First date. Small, subtle signs. "Let's go for a walk." Taking control of the conversation.
2. First pass. When making a pass at her, I let her know, vaguely and gently, that I like to take control in bed, and may swat her a few times.

What's your time frame?

I thought the title asked:
when do you start vanilla conversation? and I thought well hell that takes forever....
hence the need for this size type.

< Message edited by Prinsexx -- 1/27/2011 10:44:14 AM >

_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 12

RE: When do you start vanilla conversion? - 1/27/2011 10:49:10 AM

FukinTroll

Posts: 6277
Joined: 2/6/2007
From: Under a bridge
Status: offline

As is my habit, it takes a bit for me to crawl out from under the bridge. That being said, my idea of a great first date is talking on the phone. Yup, can meet them anywhere, chit chat and play nice, but the first real date we are having is on the phone. By the end of the conversation my closing is "Google FukinTroll".

I like having my lil monsters lined up in the open so the whole shock an awe dance is over and done with.

_____________________________

I'm the guy your girl is thinking about when she is fucking you!

TrollTopia
Greedy Groupie!

The Mods have me on speed Spank!! Gotta luv'em.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 13

RE: When do you start vanilla conversion? - 1/27/2011 11:42:49 AM

Chulain

Posts: 283
Joined: 1/27/2011
Status: offline

You might be able to tap into to unrealized D/s desires, but conversion? Not possible, no more than it's possible to convert a gay person straight or vice versa.

(in reply to FukinTroll)

Post #: 14

RE: When do you start vanilla conversion? - 1/27/2011 11:49:26 AM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

I have converted a number of people over the years. It is hard for me to think of it as conversion though, since I believe if they did not have some leanings this way, they could not have been led so willingly. Usually it begins the first time we start talking about sensuality. I am pretty open about being kinky, even though I don't mention being submissive. I will talk about passion, about intensity and overwhelming need to the point where one party will do what ever to please the other. So far.. it has labeled me as a highly sexual dynamo, even when they have never spent time between my legs.

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

(in reply to Chulain)

Post #: 15

RE: When do you start vanilla conversion? - 1/27/2011 11:52:33 AM

Chulain

Posts: 283
Joined: 1/27/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst
I have converted a number of people over the years. It is hard for me to think of it as conversion though, since I believe if they did not have some leanings this way, they could not have been led so willingly.

See, that's what I say. The desires have to be there to start with. If someone truly has zero desire to be tied up and spanked, no amount of talk is going to convince them otherwise. Now, mind you, it's my opinion that there are probably more people interested in a bit of kinky sex than are willing to admit it seriously.

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 16

RE: When do you start vanilla conversion? - 1/27/2011 12:00:12 PM

FukinTroll

Posts: 6277
Joined: 2/6/2007
From: Under a bridge
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Chulain

quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst
I have converted a number of people over the years. It is hard for me to think of it as conversion though, since I believe if they did not have some leanings this way, they could not have been led so willingly.

See, that's what I say. The desires have to be there to start with. If someone truly has zero desire to be tied up and spanked, no amount of talk is going to convince them otherwise. Now, mind you, it's my opinion that there are probably more people interested in a bit of kinky sex than are willing to admit it seriously.

Exactamundo. Why waste my time and hers/theirs. FukinTroll get's strait to the point and the gooderest part of it all is you can google it!

_____________________________

I'm the guy your girl is thinking about when she is fucking you!

TrollTopia
Greedy Groupie!

The Mods have me on speed Spank!! Gotta luv'em.

(in reply to Chulain)

Post #: 17

RE: When do you start vanilla conversion? - 1/27/2011 12:08:56 PM

Chulain

Posts: 283
Joined: 1/27/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FukinTroll
Exactamundo. Why waste my time and hers/theirs. FukinTroll get's strait to the point and the gooderest part of it all is you can google it!

I fuckin' hate google.

(in reply to FukinTroll)

Post #: 18

RE: When do you start vanilla conversion? - 1/27/2011 12:12:44 PM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

. It is hard for me to think of it as conversion though, since I believe if they did not have some leanings this way, they could not have been led so willingly. So far.. it has labeled me as a highly sexual dynamo, even when they have never spent time between my legs.

Really good point. I find the same thing. If someone does not have the desire residing within them, no amount of conversion technique will work.

And yes, I find the same thing happens as well; whoever you tell this to thinks you are a sex goddess, at least in their imagination, even though in my case, it is patently true.

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 19

RE: When do you start vanilla conversion? - 1/27/2011 12:45:28 PM

FukinTroll

Posts: 6277
Joined: 2/6/2007
From: Under a bridge
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Chulain

quote:

ORIGINAL: FukinTroll
Exactamundo. Why waste my time and hers/theirs. FukinTroll get's strait to the point and the gooderest part of it all is you can google it!

I fuckin' hate google.

Um... bing? It might be bingable.

_____________________________

I'm the guy your girl is thinking about when she is fucking you!

TrollTopia
Greedy Groupie!

The Mods have me on speed Spank!! Gotta luv'em.

(in reply to Chulain)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 3 4 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> When do you start vanilla conversion?

Page: [1] 2 3 4 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.109