RE: When do you start vanilla conversion?

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: When do you start vanilla conversion?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: When do you start vanilla conversion?

Page: << < prev 1 2 [3] 4 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: When do you start vanilla conversion? - 1/27/2011 7:38:56 PM

VaguelyCurious

Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline

FR

This seems like an odd question to me - I've never needed to *tell* anyone, per se. I've got quite a dark sense of humour, and I think it's that which means that in any given social situation someone *will* eventually make a joke about how they bet I'm kinky. I still haven't worked out how not to freeze, just for a moment, on hearing that. Each time it's a shock to hear it, and in that moment I think it must be written all over my face, because after that the other party just... knows.

Given that all the people I've ever been on dates with have been a) met through vanilla group social situations where the above has happened b) met through kink sites/introductions from other kinksters/kink events, I don't think I've ever been on a proper date with someone who hasn't known I'm kinky on some level.

_____________________________

Sthetic on FetLife.

(in reply to Toppingfrmbottom)

Post #: 41

RE: When do you start vanilla conversion? - 1/27/2011 7:45:01 PM

girlygurl

Posts: 6973
Joined: 8/5/2007
From: in the palms of His hands
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Okay. You find a vanilla you're interested in. You're compatible outside the bedroom. When and how do you let him/her know about your dark, evil side?

We've all seen the posts to all and sundry "Hey! Anyone interested in my specific kink in the XX area?" Too early.

And the posts "My husband/wife, to whom I've been married for twelve years and have two children with, won't indulge my kink and it's a NEED that MUST be met." Way too late.

I do it in two phases.

1. First date. Small, subtle signs. "Let's go for a walk." Taking control of the conversation.
2. First pass. When making a pass at her, I let her know, vaguely and gently, that I like to take control in bed, and may swat her a few times.

What's your time frame?

First may I say, you made me hawt just reading your two phases

To answer your question.... I don't think there's a specific time frame for everyone. Depends on her receptiveness to your advances don't you think? If she responds in a positive way to you taking charge then I'd move a little bit closer to the dark side.... kinda taking baby steps, then BAM go in for the spank!!!!

_____________________________

i see You

happily forever one

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 42

RE: When do you start vanilla conversion? - 1/27/2011 7:52:20 PM

NocturnalStalker

Posts: 3858
Joined: 12/4/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Okay. You find a vanilla you're interested in. You're compatible outside the bedroom. When and how do you let him/her know about your dark, evil side?

We've all seen the posts to all and sundry "Hey! Anyone interested in my specific kink in the XX area?" Too early.

And the posts "My husband/wife, to whom I've been married for twelve years and have two children with, won't indulge my kink and it's a NEED that MUST be met." Way too late.

I do it in two phases.

1. First date. Small, subtle signs. "Let's go for a walk." Taking control of the conversation.
2. First pass. When making a pass at her, I let her know, vaguely and gently, that I like to take control in bed, and may swat her a few times.

What's your time frame?

I like to say, "screw subtlety" and be all...

"Hi, my name is Christian. I would like to tie you up and make efficient German love to you."

No lawsuits yet. ^5

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 43

RE: When do you start vanilla conversion? - 1/27/2011 8:40:59 PM

SexyBossyBBW

Posts: 1693
Joined: 2/25/2010
Status: offline

A vanilla conversion is a problem I would welcome (in due time)... Having never met a man, who hates an exciting woman in the bedroom, I wouldn't imagine it a problem, in time.

However, I have met a man, who couldn't deal with the fem dom, as also a lady. It was hurtful at the time.

quote:

-the guy says, wow, that is hot, so does that mean we can just fuck and not have to go through the ritual of dating since you must be easy since you are into that stuff

He really liked me, but could never get past the lady/dominant lady-sex object problem in his head. I should say, he's still trying (not with me, but in his head/life).

I've heard all the other statements as well. For myself, now that I'm a little older, getting along well outside of the bedroom is much more important, than wondering if he can handle D/s... I figure, if I'm getting along well outside of bedroom, it would usually mean he is not an authoritarian type, and hasn't reacted adversely to my taking the lead at times. I'm fairly flexible sexually, so unless a guy is really bad/slobbering/gross in the boudoir, it wouldn't be a problem. M

(in reply to sexyred1)

Post #: 44

RE: When do you start vanilla conversion? - 1/27/2011 8:44:52 PM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SexyBossyBBW

A vanilla conversion is a problem I would welcome (in due time)... Having never met a man, who hates an exciting woman in the bedroom, I wouldn't imagine it a problem, in time.

It would only be a problem if said man is insecure; and there are many who are. That is why I think telling a purely vanilla guy about the fact that you are kinky is risky, but is it really a risk if you find out you would not be wasting yours and his time?

(in reply to SexyBossyBBW)

Post #: 45

RE: When do you start vanilla conversion? - 1/27/2011 8:52:06 PM

SexyBossyBBW

Posts: 1693
Joined: 2/25/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

quote:

ORIGINAL: SexyBossyBBW
A vanilla conversion is a problem I would welcome (in due time)... Having never met a man, who hates an exciting woman in the bedroom, I wouldn't imagine it a problem, in time.

It would only be a problem if said man is insecure; and there are many who are. That is why I think telling a purely vanilla guy about the fact that you are kinky is risky, but is it really a risk if you find out you would not be wasting yours and his time?

Have you been spying on my life, and reading my emails?

I forgot those, but it's probably because I've learned to read them better/sooner. M

(in reply to sexyred1)

Post #: 46

RE: When do you start vanilla conversion? - 1/27/2011 9:14:06 PM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline

I've not had to experience this yet so I can't give any RL examples, but if I lost my relationship and entered the dating world again, I think I would tell my prospective partner about my kinkiness when the subject of sex came up whenever that was. If it was before we met ok, after, ok too. Up until then he'd have plenty of clues about my personality, such that it is, and what I am like, so if we hit it off he would be the type that appreciated someone who deferred to him. That part isn't something I'd need to tell him- it would be obvious.

I'm ok without kink in my life, I'm more focused on the man. I probably wouldn't ever need to have the I'm kinky talk. At some point I'd probably ask for something in the bedroom and see what he said because I really can live without it if I'm happy with the guy and how we interact. We don't necessarily have to fit a role but our personalities have to mesh.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 47

RE: When do you start vanilla conversion? - 1/27/2011 10:18:34 PM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

heh... push the right buttons and just about anyone can find the way.
Proper time is when ever sensuality creeps into the conversation. Honestly I have inadvertently sparked the interest in this stuff since those ages which we are not supposed to be sexual. DAMN those old detective magazines!

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

All right, I used the wrong word. I meant 'When is the proper time to broach the subject.' I'm not advocating proselytizing or converting.

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 48

RE: When do you start vanilla conversion? - 1/27/2011 10:21:10 PM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

Whew... oh yeah. Touch my monkey.. touch it!

quote:

"Hi, my name is Christian. I would like to tie you up and make efficient German love to you."

No lawsuits yet. ^5

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

(in reply to NocturnalStalker)

Post #: 49

RE: When do you start vanilla conversion? - 1/28/2011 5:05:45 AM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

Sunny
Quote of the Day
goes to
NihilusZero

for
My bedroom activities are probably the towards the side of
least suspicious hobbies of mine.

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to NihilusZero)

Post #: 50

RE: When do you start vanilla conversion? - 1/28/2011 5:07:02 AM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

... as an aside... just what is "efficient German love"?

Go on, y'all want to know... in detail.

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

Post #: 51

RE: When do you start vanilla conversion? - 1/28/2011 5:27:12 AM

lally2

Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sblady

Is vanilla conversion a Dom thing? I'm dating someone who is vanilla and it never crossed my mind to convert him nor would I attempt to do so.

ah see, thats a good point and my mind was runing along that path too.

as a sub, trying to convert a man to be more of a Dominant type just feels way too impossible to comtemplate. they have to have that energy in them to start with. i cant MAKE a man be dominant if his nature is to be egalitarian.

if a Dominant finds a fairly acquiescent female and discovers she has a kink or two then the gradiation from vanilla to Ds will be in his court far more - it can be subtle and steady and carefully done, i would imagine.

i mean lets face it, most people have a slight kink somewhere but not everyone is Dominant or submissive in inclination. but submission can be coached sensitively, depending on the level of course that you hope and expect for. a vanilla woman is unlikely to end up as a slave type but there is a chance, if her tendency is to be passive, for a Dominant to bring elements of control in as the relationship builds and strengthens.

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to sblady)

Post #: 52

RE: When do you start vanilla conversion? - 1/28/2011 11:35:57 AM

MalcolmNathaniel

Posts: 1394
Joined: 9/20/2010
Status: offline

After the first time we have sex, just before the second time, "You know what might be fun..."

However it never leads to what I am searching for, hence, my presence here.

(in reply to lally2)

Post #: 53

RE: When do you start vanilla conversion? - 1/28/2011 12:36:31 PM

porcelaine

Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lally2

i mean lets face it, most people have a slight kink somewhere but not everyone is Dominant or submissive in inclination. but submission can be coached sensitively, depending on the level of course that you hope and expect for. a vanilla woman is unlikely to end up as a slave type but there is a chance, if her tendency is to be passive, for a Dominant to bring elements of control in as the relationship builds and strengthens.

Greetings lally,

In my opinion it's largely dependent on what the individual hopes to gain from their influence. If they're merely seeking some kinky sex it may be of little consequence that a full fledged D/s or M/s situation may not come into being. However, if you're looking at the bell curve and leaning towards the latter half, the concept seems nonsensical or fairly risky with no definitive payoff. In my mind kink does not equal ownership and if that is what one is seeking on either side of the coin, one wonders why they're strolling in an opposing pumpkin path. While exceptions due occur the likelihood is pretty slim.

Namaste,

~porcelaine

_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to lally2)

Post #: 54

RE: When do you start vanilla conversion? - 1/28/2011 1:50:47 PM

oceanwynds2

Posts: 66
Joined: 1/8/2011
Status: offline

Greetings DarkSeven
I have never had to bring up the subject, but I can offer my view as a vanilla who was approached.

He lived breathed and talked BDSM, and I had to keep asking what the initials were, as well as others words he was talking about. Oddly in the astrology chatrooms, I never noticed he had kink on his mind, but than I never was one to stay in chatrooms very long. So when we met, with common interests of astrology and my metaphysical background, I was blown away with this other side. If he though hid it at first, when we met, than I would had not been curious. His self-assurance, self-respect and self-identity, is what drew me to him and be open to the world of BDSM. He opened a door that I can only be grateful for.

Regards,
Oceanwynds2

(in reply to porcelaine)

Post #: 55

RE: When do you start vanilla conversion? - 1/28/2011 2:12:04 PM

NocturnalStalker

Posts: 3858
Joined: 12/4/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

... as an aside... just what is "efficient German love"?

Go on, y'all want to know... in detail.

I would happily elaborate but I'm a very classy guy, as you can see!

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

Post #: 56

RE: When do you start vanilla conversion? - 1/28/2011 2:19:03 PM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

Eh..come on..who needs classy on a site like this..we want details!

(in reply to NocturnalStalker)

Post #: 57

RE: When do you start vanilla conversion? - 1/28/2011 2:31:54 PM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero

My bedroom activities are probably the towards the side of least suspicious hobbies of mine.

Do elaborate. Inquiring minds want to know.

(in reply to NihilusZero)

Post #: 58

RE: When do you start vanilla conversion? - 1/28/2011 3:07:02 PM

Chulain

Posts: 283
Joined: 1/27/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero
My bedroom activities are probably the towards the side of least suspicious hobbies of mine.[/quote
The demand queue. It's all about the demand queue.

(in reply to NihilusZero)

Post #: 59

RE: When do you start vanilla conversion? - 1/28/2011 5:25:41 PM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

Probably, 90% of my conversations are mundane because I'm talking to mundane folk about business or business opportunities.I'll tend to explain that we have a lifestyle based upon the late 1800's and early 1900's (Australian federation period) especially when someone comments about my period preference for dress. If they are local they will find out for themselves that we are pagan (something which does cause some problems with any hard core or born again Christian folk until they get to know us). It would be pure businessn suicide to try to subvert these folk to my BDSM aspect, so I tend to keep a healthy seperation even at the risk of maintaining well dusted and cleaned empty collars.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to Chulain)

Post #: 60

Page: << < prev 1 2 [3] 4 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: When do you start vanilla conversion?

Page: << < prev 1 2 [3] 4 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.094