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Question for the ladies, from a scared tranny.. - 1/30/2011 11:52:19 AM   
VioletGray


Posts: 359
Joined: 10/29/2007
From: Baltimore, MD
Status: offline 		Any input would be appreciated, but women in particular.

I apologize if I rambled a bit, it was past 2 am in the morning, and the night had been.. eventful.

Anyway, skip to 2mins. 30 seconds to get to the point... There is a question, but I think I just needed to rant...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RMcroadi1-c&feature=feedu
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RE: Question for the ladies, from a scared tranny.. - 1/30/2011 12:09:53 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Looking at you, I would not suspect you are a trans.

What happened is that at 2:00 AM any guy who is out on the street is drunk or high. And horny. They see a pretty woman walking, they assume she is horny also. This is why there are "Take Back the Night" walks, This is why women don't usually go walking by themselves at that hour. What you did wrong was to not take out your cell phone and punch 911 in obviously, and respond to this guy by yelling "Go away, I'm calling the cops".

And if you have a car, drive next time. Rates of sexual assault on women is 1 in 4. You almost became a statistic.


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RE: Question for the ladies, from a scared tranny.. - 1/30/2011 12:39:05 PM   
MaxsGirl


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From: The Arctic Circle
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Looking at you, I would not suspect you are a trans.

What happened is that at 2:00 AM any guy who is out on the street is drunk or high. And horny. They see a pretty woman walking, they assume she is horny also. This is why there are "Take Back the Night" walks, This is why women don't usually go walking by themselves at that hour. What you did wrong was to not take out your cell phone and punch 911 in obviously, and respond to this guy by yelling "Go away, I'm calling the cops".

And if you have a car, drive next time. Rates of sexual assault on women is 1 in 4. You almost became a statistic.



All of this.  Also, learn some self defense techniques, and carry pepper spray or something, if you can.  I've been propositioned in creepy ways a couple of times, and was once dragged by my neck towards an alley.  Yes, it happens, and you need to do whatever you can to keep it from happening to you.  Don't live in fear, but take reasonable precautions.

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RE: Question for the ladies, from a scared tranny.. - 1/30/2011 1:49:44 PM   
WyldHrt


Posts: 6412
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline 		Like Des, I would not suspect that you are trans if I passed you on the street. I would think that you are a pretty woman.

What the two ladies above said is spot on. I'll add that if you don't have a car and are going home at 2AM (when the bars are letting out and the drunks are awake and horny), call a taxi. I shudder to think what could have happened to you last night if Mr. Minivan had been a bit more aggressive than he was.

ETA- If the store was very close, going there would have been a better choice, IMO. It's a public place with at least some people, and you could have waited there awhile or called a taxi to take you the rest of the way. I'm not blaming you, because it isn't something men are brought up knowing, but the last thing you want to do if you can avoid it is to lead one of these guys to your home.


< Message edited by WyldHrt -- 1/30/2011 1:53:45 PM >

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RE: Question for the ladies, from a scared tranny.. - 1/30/2011 2:02:30 PM   
Phoenixpower


Posts: 8098
Status: offline 		What DesFIP said and on top of that I don't use abandoned alleyways when I already felt targeted. Some years ago I felt targeted from 3 guys when I was waiting for the bus as they kept talking with their heads together and looking at me unusually often... as I knew it is still quite a distance to walk for me once I get off the bus I was waiting for, which, to make the feeling about the situation even worse as it included passing a park, I listened to my gut feeling and walked to the cab station nearby to get a lift home by cab. When that cab passed that bus station one of thoe guys stared at me, which gave me confirmation enough that it was good to take a cab home, when you have doubts about your safety, as after all, better safe than sorry

My impression might have been wrong, but if it was wrong, then still better to acknowledge red flaggs from your surroundings than to risk your wellbeing.

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RE: Question for the ladies, from a scared tranny.. - 1/30/2011 2:10:47 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		To answer your direct question, which took over nine minutes for you to actually get to, yes, it happens all of the time.  A woman, any woman (you are presenting as female and the majority of the population are going to think genetic female rather than trans) is going to get hit on more aggressively at 2:00 AM.  The reason for this is <drum roll> that's when the bars let out.  There's a good chance that they've been drinking or they think *you* have been drinking.  In their mind, this means they have an easier shot at getting laid. 

When I can actually remember the last time that I was out at 2:00 AM and didn't get hit on, I'll come back to the thread and let you know. 


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RE: Question for the ladies, from a scared tranny.. - 1/30/2011 2:30:51 PM   
flcouple2009


Posts: 2784
Joined: 1/8/2009
Status: offline 		First thing I have to stay is wow.  I never had any idea you weren't a woman.  I just looked at your profile and looking at your pictures I would still say you are a woman.

2 am is a not the greatest to be out on a street.  Nothing good happens after the bars let out.



< Message edited by flcouple2009 -- 1/30/2011 2:31:20 PM >

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RE: Question for the ladies, from a scared tranny.. - 1/30/2011 3:45:35 PM   
petmonkey


Posts: 1053
Joined: 7/7/2009
Status: offline 		i'd like to add: the first, "No, thank you" was enough conversation and politeness.  If they engage you in conversation again: firm, clear, short, assertive answers without letting in room for conversation or even no response at all is entirely appropriate in a situation such as this.  When walking alone at night, always consider your route before starting out.  Are there safe places along the way?  Are there good ways to evade a car?  Find a cabbie you feel comfortable with and get their personal card.

Here is one group that works within the community in Baltimore, perhaps you could contact CAVP (listed under services) and share your story, ask more questions:

http://www.turnaroundinc.org/


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RE: Question for the ladies, from a scared tranny.. - 1/30/2011 10:17:27 PM   
VioletGray


Posts: 359
Joined: 10/29/2007
From: Baltimore, MD
Status: offline 		Thank you everyone for your input.. It's really food for thought.  Now I find myself thinking about all those time when, as a male I've ever spoken to or complimented a woman out in public, and they just ignored me or kept walking.. It really gives it an entirely new perspective on these encounters..  then I again, I've never "pursued" a woman in those settings, so I don't know..

LadyPact, I did warn you that I was going to ramble a bit, and to skip ahead.. I made that video probably about 7 mins. or so after the incident happened, I was a little rattled and my thoughts were a bit like cat-herding..

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RE: Question for the ladies, from a scared tranny.. - 1/30/2011 10:40:03 PM   
hlen5


Posts: 5890
Joined: 3/2/2008
Status: offline 		I can't urge you enough to read 2 books. The titles are The Gift of Fear (Gavin DeBecker, author) and Her Wits About Her (can't remember the author's name and unfortunately it might be out of print).

Don't worry about sparing their feelings. If someone refuses your first no, it's entirely appropriate to get loud and look for help. As others have said, don't let them know where you live.

I'm sorry you got rattled. You got home safe and sound (minus your fries!!).

ETA:I think I mentioned it when you posted the link on CM, but I love your Modest Diet Proposal clip on Youtube!!

< Message edited by hlen5 -- 1/30/2011 10:41:32 PM >

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RE: Question for the ladies, from a scared tranny.. - 1/31/2011 8:25:16 AM   
cpK69


Posts: 1593
Joined: 5/9/2008
Status: offline 		To me, no; I suspect, largely due to where I live.

If I were in a similar situation, I’d follow petmonkey’s advice.

It is highly inappropriate to assume that because a man is out at 2:00am they must be drunk or high; as much as it is to assume that someone dressed as a woman, must be a woman. ; )

Kim


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RE: Question for the ladies, from a scared tranny.. - 1/31/2011 8:49:28 AM   
VaguelyCurious


Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline 		Oh, honey, I'm sorry this happened so close to your home and I'm sorry it freaked you out.

But yeah, it happens. In fact, even though people are saying 'it's because it was 2am!', that's not true in my experience - I've been followed and grabbed hold of during daylight hours just as much as I have at night - it's just a lot less scary when there are other people to hear you yell 'get the fuck off me'.

Don't walk at 2am in a sweater dress and stockings. Take a bag to the event with a hoodie and some baggy jeans in it. And *flat shoes*. You'd be amazed at how much difference knowing you can run if you have to makes to your feelings of safety, even if you don't actually end up running.

But don't ever be embarrassed to just start running.

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RE: Question for the ladies, from a scared tranny.. - 1/31/2011 8:55:47 AM   
VaguelyCurious


Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

What you did wrong was to not take out your cell phone and punch 911 in obviously, and respond to this guy by yelling "Go away, I'm calling the cops".

I just saw this.

Oh, god, no. That's a walking invitation for him to get out of his car and smash your phone, which happened to a friend of mine. And what do you do then? He's a hell of a lot closer than when he was in the van, he's angry, and you've got no mobile phone.

Luckily she also had mace and self-defence training, but it was still a needlessly antagonistic thing for her to do.

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RE: Question for the ladies, from a scared tranny.. - 1/31/2011 1:13:32 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		VC, I've had me pull out the phone and punch 911 in be enough to have them run off. Unfortunately you're right, there's no way to know when it's going to scare a guy off and when it's going to make him more aggressive.

If it happens again, call the cops and tell them you're being followed, around here they would show up quickly. If you live some place with a long response time, I'm not sure what else to suggest. Except for not getting into such a position next time.


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RE: Question for the ladies, from a scared tranny.. - 2/1/2011 12:15:55 PM   
hlen5


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Joined: 3/2/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

............................. I'm not sure what else to suggest. Except for not getting into such a position next time.



She was walking home. Please don't blame the victim.



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RE: Question for the ladies, from a scared tranny.. - 2/1/2011 12:40:56 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I'm not blaming her. But a lone woman on the streets at that hour is going to attract bad attention. If she asked her local police, I'm sure they would suggest she would be safer if getting a lift home or using a cab. 

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RE: Question for the ladies, from a scared tranny.. - 2/1/2011 12:55:31 PM   
VaguelyCurious


Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: hlen5

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

............................. I'm not sure what else to suggest. Except for not getting into such a position next time.


She was walking home. Please don't blame the victim.

See, I've got mixed feelings about this. I'll often refuse to let a man walk me home, mostly because I refuse to give in to a culture of fear (but also because if something happens I don't want to have to worry about another person's wellbeing, I just want to be able to run).

But at the same time it's a probability thing. Walk down road x at y o'clock and the danger of being attacked is undoubtedly higher than it is the rest of the time, and you have to acknowledge that. It would be lovely be able to say that we have a right to walk safely wherever and whenever the hell we like, but the fact is that we don't. Automatic safety is a precarious privilege at best, even in a developed society, and it's one that gets taken away at night or in particularly dangerous areas.

Saying 'don't blame the victim' is naive.

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RE: Question for the ladies, from a scared tranny.. - 2/1/2011 2:51:03 PM   
petmonkey


Posts: 1053
Joined: 7/7/2009
Status: offline 		The way i think of it; as a loner, a non-driver and a person who sees "take back the night" as not just a rally but something which can only be achieved by doing exactly that, is that we do have the right to walk safely wherever and whenever the hell we like, but the fact is that this right isn't guarded, utilized or enforced properly.

VioletGray:
Keep your wits about you, don't rely wholly on the systems in place to save you from danger, keep your boundaries big and strong, think ahead and keep moving.
And if you need to: push toward the thumb, not away and into the grip. The spots to go for: eyes, throat, groin and knees.


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RE: Question for the ladies, from a scared tranny.. - 2/1/2011 4:16:20 PM   
VaguelyCurious


Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: petmonkey

The way i think of it; as a loner, a non-driver and a person who sees "take back the night" as not just a rally but something which can only be achieved by doing exactly that, is that we do have the right to walk safely wherever and whenever the hell we like, but the fact is that this right isn't guarded, utilized or enforced properly.

Ok, perhaps that's a better way of putting it.

Although I suppose it defends how you define 'right'. In a pragmatic sense we don't have the right at all - safety whilst travelling is a privilege many women around the world don't have at any time. We have it during the day, but not so much if we travel unescorted in the early hours of the morning.

We ought to have the right. But it's still naive to pretend that any woman who walks alone isn't dramatically increasing her probability of being attacked. Which is, I think, Celeste's point.

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RE: Question for the ladies, from a scared tranny.. - 2/1/2011 4:36:07 PM   
petmonkey


Posts: 1053
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Status: offline 		Indeed, it is naive to think that. A woman does greatly increase her risk of being attacked by walking alone. i was trying to express that there are more ways than simply not doing it at all or relying on outside help to reduce that risk. Being informed, sensible and trained for a bit of self-defense is another way of going about it.

Phooey, i'm suppose to go to a bellydance show, but i promise to check the thread when i get home, VC.  i'm sorry to post and run. *grumbles*


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