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CherryNeko -> RE: Should I be here? And what can I do here? (2/2/2011 2:01:46 AM)
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Ziroic,
It is not necessary that you go, especially if you're uncomfortable with the idea.
You need to have more confidence in you, I think, but that is a personal issue and I won't mess with it. I'm kind of terribly insecure, therefore not one to speak.
Being submissive by nature is not something to be worried about, and a healthy inclination for BDSM is not bad. Hey, a lot of people feel it and we're all here. So if someone EVER sees your profile, they should mind their own business.
I think the best way to message a dominant girl is, be yourself. It is important that first of all, you catch her interest by showing her you took the time to read her profile. Also, pay attention to the way she wants to be called. Some people like to be called *something* since the beginning (and they're not recommended). Some people will say it's okay if you call them by their name.
Some people capitalize some words which refer to dominants, but some are okay with not doing it. If you're in doubt, just check out her forum posts, journal, or profile.
I don't know if serious girls like effusive first-contact messages. They like honest ones, though. If you write her a list of your sexual fetishes, she'll think you only want kinky sex and will most probably ignore you, especially if she's looking for something serious. An invitation for coffee is a good idea, but first try to get to know each other. Make sure that in any case, if the coffee invitation is accepted, you go to a fairly crowded, safe place. It'd be better if there was someone with you. Maybe not IN THE DATE with you, but at least around, somewhere.
Decide if you will be sending (not recommended!) any pictures to people who ask for them. Don't ever do it if you barely know someone. It's always safer to know them before.
Just proceed like you would with any other girl you'd like to meet, and remember this is the Internet and you have to be careful with privacy and the like. Take into account that if they ask for money, are rude to you, ask for naked pictures, or push you too much, they're most probably a fake.
Remember again, it's people. Everyone is different. Even though we are in a BDSM site, vanilla conversation is the best prelude to getting to meet someone. Standard interaction is all that is needed for the first contact. Most people won't enjoy discussing their fetishes if they're uncomfortable with whoever is asking, so it's a good idea to stick (not so desperately, though) to vanilla conversation until you feel safe.
The girl you're looking for will most probably make you feel this nervousness, so follow your instincts and stick to what you feel. It's always wise to say no if you feel like something isn't right, even if you don't know what it is. (Of course, think about it rationally too, but do pay attention to intuition.)
I hope that helped a little.
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