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RE: Abandoned by Dom - 5/6/2006 5:09:51 PM   
feastie


Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline 		He dumped you in vanilla, but not in BDSM?  How the heck does that work? 

Nice kick, tendergirl.

_____________________________

Snarky and loving it.

Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

(in reply to tendergirl)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Abandoned by Dom - 5/6/2006 5:16:11 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Phoenixandnika

I strongly beleive that everything in our lives happen for a reason. Sometimes we don't see or understand those reasons but they are there. I also strongly beleive that everything we go through gives us strength for what ever the future will hold. Go through the stages of grief. Survive. Grow. And live.
 
Blessed Be,
 
Phoenix's Nika
I have to agree with the above statement....To all there is a season...be well..Tempting

(in reply to Phoenixandnika)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Abandoned by Dom - 5/6/2006 5:20:28 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline 		Sorry posted before I read the last update...all I can say is way to go girl!  WOOF!!!...be well....Tempting

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Abandoned by Dom - 5/6/2006 7:33:42 PM   
wistfulsapphire


Posts: 3
Joined: 7/3/2005
Status: offline 		I'm confused... is this the same Dom as you speak of in this thread?
 
http://www.collarchat.com/I_still_feel_collared/m_358188/tm.htm

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Abandoned by Dom - 5/7/2006 12:37:24 AM   
LaMalinche


Posts: 2077
Joined: 10/20/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tendergirl

For anyone following this thread, I would like to update you all.

My "Dom" has finally confessed that after 5 months D/s and vanilla, after organising living together, introducing kids to each other etc, that he wanted to keep me as a sub, but dump me in vanilla.

Soooo tendergirl was not dumped after all.  He rejected who I am in vanilla.

Needless to say, I kicked him to the curb for good.

love from tendergirl


I started reading this and thought, "Oh No no no no no"

But when I read that last line . . . Woo Hoo!!!!!  Woot Woot Woot!

Way to go!


Best,

LaMalinche


(in reply to tendergirl)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Abandoned by Dom - 5/7/2006 2:22:17 AM   
tendergirl


Posts: 103
Joined: 11/25/2005
Status: offline 		Yes,   I know what you are thinking.  It is funny how just one too many twists of the knife in your heart can sever all ties, including a collar.

The curtain was pulled back from the wizard last nite and I now see him for exactly what he is and never really was.


(in reply to wistfulsapphire)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Abandoned by Dom - 5/7/2006 3:48:07 AM   
ExistentialSteel


Posts: 676
Joined: 1/18/2005
Status: offline 		There is nothing wrong with staying friends after a break-up. I’ve stayed friends with everyone that I’ve had a relationship with. I, positively, do not intentionally slam anyone personally when a break-up happens.

The truth is that there is not one particular thing that causes a relationship to become tiresome. You can’t describe exactly what it is that makes you want to just be friends from now on as much as the sub demands hearing exactly what has happened. How can you describe your personality in concrete terms?

My goal if someone from the past is asked about me is that they say, yeah, he is a nice and sincere guy, but he was too busy or whatever.

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For those who are like Roman Candles leaving bright trails in the night sky while the crowd watches until the dark blue center light bursts into magnificent colors and the crowd goes, ahhhhhhhhhh.

(in reply to tendergirl)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Abandoned by Dom - 5/7/2006 5:59:53 AM   
tendergirl


Posts: 103
Joined: 11/25/2005
Status: offline 		To be honest, I have bent over backwards following our break up for this man.  I did relent, forgave him and said if he wished to remain friends, I would do my best.  But I am not prepared to listen for hours on end about how I ruined our relationship, as I did not.

I have offered my hand in friendship to him despite his cruel behaviour.  But I don't actually think he deserves my support.  Maybe once the anger has gone I will feel better.

(in reply to ExistentialSteel)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Abandoned by Dom - 5/7/2006 6:16:50 AM   
redpetals


Posts: 229
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		okay..i dont think anyone understood what i was asking and i was trying to be realistic ....if  you love him..and he can not (for whatever reason) maintain his dominance then the logical solution would be to attempt to give him what he needs.
maybe he would enjoy being topped..just saying..have you asked him? i know if i loved someone and this happened i would do what i was able to..not saying you havnt ,,just trying to explain myself...

i have tried topping my vanilla...it made me ill .i was unable to enjoy it...but there are others that are able to do it....


_____________________________

Love is a verb.

(in reply to tendergirl)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Abandoned by Dom - 5/7/2006 6:34:54 AM   
sublizzie


Posts: 1252
Joined: 5/26/2004
Status: offline 		Good for you!! If someone can't accept all of who we are, who needs them?

Find ways to pamper yourself (my favorite is eating good chocolate!) and let yourself reconnect with your inner, beautiful self.

(in reply to tendergirl)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Abandoned by Dom - 5/7/2006 6:49:45 AM   
tendergirl


Posts: 103
Joined: 11/25/2005
Status: offline 		He has made it clear that he has no interest in me vanilla anymore.  I could have with him a D/s relationship if I wished to.  I do not.


(in reply to redpetals)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Abandoned by Dom - 5/7/2006 7:03:18 AM   
Rayne58


Posts: 746
Joined: 2/22/2005
From: Sydney Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tendergirl

He has made it clear that he has no interest in me vanilla anymore. I could have with him a D/s relationship if I wished to. I do not.




So reading between the lines, he would want you for kinky sex but no commitment or life together? Sounds like he got cold feet and has a commitment phobia.....

Good for you for sticking to your guns and I hope you find what you're seeking.

(in reply to tendergirl)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Abandoned by Dom - 5/7/2006 7:23:07 AM   
redpetals


Posts: 229
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		i am sincerly sorry for your pain..i did not understand what was going on...yeah.. i think you are doing just fine ..good luck..

_____________________________

Love is a verb.

(in reply to Rayne58)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Abandoned by Dom - 5/7/2006 9:21:02 AM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tendergirl

Because I gave Him my life, because I handed over everything to Him, now that He is gone, I feel hollow.

Because He has said that this experience has turned Him away from the lifestyle, how can I not take it personally?

He had waited 30 years to act out His desires and He says that I became so strong in vanilla, that I repelled Him.  Now all I have is the very strength He condemns me for.

Watching Him self destruct is horrific for me.  But hearing Him tell me again and again that I destroyed our relationship and that He will never ever scene again in His life, that He only did D/s to please me (I met Him here advertising for a submissive), has ripped out my soul.

How will I ever recover both vanilla and D/s?  I can act normal in vanilla, but the loss of a Dom has been unbearable.

love from tendergirl


The statements above jump out at me. These are what tell me he's indecisive & full of crap. People sometimes run from the very thing they've been seeking because they actually GET what said they wanted. In making you into the strong sub that he and he alone controls he got all he'd asked for. In creating a strong and capable woman his boy parts shrivled up because he saw that you were an actual strong person where he might have to actually step up as a dominant to "control" you.

Personally what makes me be a good Domme is the strength that was harnessed by my alpha. Learning from experiences is difficult and painful but learning is what makes you strong. Take some time to choose the changes that actually work for you, what changes make you feel better about yourself, work better, cope better.

Leaving work is going to harm you in the long run, you need to find a way to work through this that doesn't cause harm to the positive direction you were headed. Eventually you will see that losing this poser before you could full enmesh your life with his was the best thing that could have happened. It just may take some time to get past that leap of faith.

(in reply to tendergirl)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Abandoned by Dom - 5/7/2006 10:01:18 PM   
tendergirl


Posts: 103
Joined: 11/25/2005
Status: offline 		I have accepted that no matter what I do or say, the relationship is over and I have to go through the process of being hurt and then getting over it.

This was my first D/s relationship and I have to say that I just cannot see me ever getting into another one.  I gave parts of myself to him that I had never given to anyone before.  Those deepest, most intimate emotions that came from so far in my soul that now I have lost the relationship, my life is in tatters.

Yes, that sounds pathetic.  Yes, I am embarrassed by that.  I am a 44 year old, mother of 3, who just simply should have known better.

Leaving my job was not wise. I went to work when I should have phoned in sick, freaked out (my direct supervisor had always been a bit of a pain, a bully) when someone got in my face, and then went and got a sick note.

In all honesty, right now, what job I do does not matter to me, so I will get other work, I know that.  What is worrying me is how I am feeling deep down inside. Quite unstable.  As if someone has had their hand inside my brain and screwed around with it.

This does not feel the same as a normal breakup to me.

(in reply to theRose4U)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Abandoned by Dom - 5/7/2006 10:34:43 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FeminineDomme
grieve now and know that this is an opportunity for something else.  I doubt that your Dom's abandonment had as much to do with his rejection of D/s as with other issues, such as perhaps a fear of commitment which so many out there now have.
I agree completely with this sentiment.
I'm very sorry for your loss/hurt tendergirl   M 

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a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to FeminineDomme)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Abandoned by Dom - 5/8/2006 2:40:22 AM   
bandit25


Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline 		RavenMuses' advice is excellent.  I know it's easy to say and oh, so very hard to do, but try and follow it,

(in reply to RavenMuse)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Abandoned by Dom - 5/8/2006 2:47:27 AM   
bandit25


Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline 		Ah, this is what happens when I post BEFORE I read the entire thread.  Screw him.  Reach down inside yourself and gather up the strength you so clearly have.  Stop feeling bad, the jerk definitely isn't worth much more than a passing thought, if that.

(in reply to bandit25)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Abandoned by Dom - 5/8/2006 2:56:37 AM   
gestapololita


Posts: 8
Joined: 4/27/2006
Status: offline 		something similar happened to me last year, it's crushing, and i know how you feel. (big§ hug)
but the old cliche is correct, time does heel, and a real Dom is out there for u some where, one that will treat u as you properly, and one that has a back bone.
in the long term you'r far better off without a spineless master.

(in reply to tendergirl)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Abandoned by Dom - 5/8/2006 3:05:30 AM   
lilbitnella


Posts: 42
Joined: 5/7/2006
Status: offline 		When you posted "He said he was too weak to be a Dom", it reminded me of when my first Dom did the same. I was crushed. He released me with basically the same words. Then, I came to realize that he was not worthy of my submission--it was a gift I gave to him that he could not handle.

It is not that you were abandoned...it was that He does not know, possibly, who he is...or what he wants. That is his issue and not yours.

When he returned to say he was sorry and that he was "wrong," to release me, I took him back (several times over...) and it turned out to be a mistake.

I'm sure you were a giving and loving submissive. His loss. In time, you will find One who is worthy of you
Lilbit
PS. Be prepared for when He asks you back...think it through and best wishes


_____________________________

"It doesn't matter who you love, or how you love, but that you love"
~Rod McKuen~

(in reply to tendergirl)
Profile   Post #: 60
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