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RE: Low Libido - 2/5/2011 1:36:59 PM   
slaveluci


Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline 		Your own journal says this: "I'll be at the door waiting for you when you come home!! Please hug me!! I've waited all day for you, I know your job is hard and tiring. But you are the most exciting part of my day! The man I love is home!!! The man I've done everything for is home! The man I serve and care for and love so much more then anything in life is home!

Please hug me, please give me a kiss. I promise dinner will be made or is almost done cooking. I'll turn off the phone and the computer and everything and just let you de-stress. Please hold me while you do it? Or just pet my hair, or hold my hand, or even just let me lay my head in your lap. It reminds me how much you appreciate me."

Evidently, you don't feel that way with this man or you don't understand that maybe he DOES feel that way toward you. Try to see it from his point of view and be honest with him if you just aren't compatible. That's only the fair thing to do.......luci



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(in reply to Sunnyfey)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Low Libido - 2/5/2011 1:47:16 PM   
Toppingfrmbottom


Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline 		that can be a really big problem and drive wedges into the relationship. My x was always pestering me for sex or about sex, and he didn't even wanna take the time to do things that put me in the mood, he just wanted to do a little initiating an go from there, and he'd pout big time if I said no, one day I finally told him to pack his shit I was taking him home. His sulking because I didn't want sex was un acceptable and I'd had enough of it.
quote:

ORIGINAL: Sunnyfey

Work has been pretty stressful lately. We've lost 3 waitresses and I'm doing double duty on shifts, especially with the snow storm.....

Yeah I'm stressed, though I don't think its that. Generally when stressed, I need sex more.

The constant badgering is definitely annoying, but this has been going on for about 2 months now. For a little bit...a week or two after a big fight, he stopped asking me for sex.

Now he's throwing that in my face when we talk about it. Which just compounds the problem even more. His problem is me not "initiating sex enough". And my problem is he never shuts up ABOUT sex or something along those lines.


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(in reply to Sunnyfey)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Low Libido - 2/5/2011 2:30:38 PM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveluci

Your own journal says this: "I'll be at the door waiting for you when you come home!! Please hug me!! I've waited all day for you, I know your job is hard and tiring. But you are the most exciting part of my day! The man I love is home!!! The man I've done everything for is home! The man I serve and care for and love so much more then anything in life is home!

Please hug me, please give me a kiss. I promise dinner will be made or is almost done cooking. I'll turn off the phone and the computer and everything and just let you de-stress. Please hold me while you do it? Or just pet my hair, or hold my hand, or even just let me lay my head in your lap. It reminds me how much you appreciate me."

Evidently, you don't feel that way with this man or you don't understand that maybe he DOES feel that way toward you. Try to see it from his point of view and be honest with him if you just aren't compatible. That's only the fair thing to do.......luci




I read this too.  Who is this fictional person you feel this way about, because it doesn't appear to be the bloke you've ended up sharing a living space with.

You don't want to put out the effort before bed and *during the day isn't in your list of wants*. That doesn't leave him many options!

He wants to have a full, enjoyable sexual relationship with you, apparently........You don't want him/it. It's a bit of a piss take to have to justify wanting a hug.

What do you want him for, what do you want from him? How would you feel if your chap rolled you away from him in bed, and wanked instead * for an easier night's sleep*? It only matters when it matters.

agirl







(in reply to slaveluci)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Low Libido - 2/5/2011 4:31:47 PM   
xelinda


Posts: 9
Joined: 1/31/2011
Status: offline 		My ex was the same way. He would badger me for sex, but after working 40 hours a week on my feet and rarely having two days off in a row to recuperate, I was exhausted. Sex seemed like a chore. Plus I took care of the kids, laundry, cleaning, shopping, blah, blah, blah...

I had even got to the point that I told him that his drive home from work wasn't my foreplay. He worked an office job and had plenty of energy. I did not.

Sit down and talk. Maybe it's time to rearrange your schedules if you can so that take some well deserved time away and reconnect one on one. Maybe a bit more appreciation from him might be the trick to spark your libo more.

(in reply to agirl)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Low Libido - 2/5/2011 4:40:26 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		OP,

One advantage to dating is that since sex is not immediately available, anticipation has a chance to build up. I used to see someone regularly on Mondays and by the time Monday rolled around was so horny I was distracted at work.

Can you two make a date night and agree that any cuddling on other days will be just that and not foreplay? Put a lot of effort into the Scene on date night?

After 10 years of marriage, I was really bored with sex with my husband until we discovered BDSM. I really appreciated all the effort he put into Scenes. Suddenly, I had hours of foreplay instead of mere minutes! Knowing I was going to be thrilled with the sex boosted my libido tremendously.

(in reply to xelinda)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Low Libido - 2/6/2011 8:07:58 PM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: xelinda

My ex was the same way. He would badger me for sex, but after working 40 hours a week on my feet and rarely having two days off in a row to recuperate, I was exhausted. Sex seemed like a chore. Plus I took care of the kids, laundry, cleaning, shopping, blah, blah, blah...

I had even got to the point that I told him that his drive home from work wasn't my foreplay. He worked an office job and had plenty of energy. I did not.

Sit down and talk. Maybe it's time to rearrange your schedules if you can so that take some well deserved time away and reconnect one on one. Maybe a bit more appreciation from him might be the trick to spark your libo more.


Well, yes. When sex is a CHORE there's something seriously wrong. It's rarely something that cannot be sorted out, unless it's the death knell.

As the cliche goes...Where there's a will, there's a way*. Sadly, a lot of the time there really is no will, apart from Heapo-Plentyo-Blameo.

agirl

(in reply to xelinda)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Low Libido - 2/7/2011 12:36:40 AM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline 		Sounds to me like he needs to man up toss your vibe in the trash, and take what belongs to him.

BadOne

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(in reply to RapierFugue)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Low Libido - 2/7/2011 5:17:04 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		FR

On the other side of the bed, You are not the only person facing these problems. I know a goodly number of males to just can't get the old tallywacker up and ready for action. Has to be as frustrating for the female half of the partnership. The biggest problems these guys face and yes I am one of them is caused by T2 Diabetes resulting in a loss of adequate blood flow to the extremities resulting in ED (Erectile Dysfunction) aka FDS (Floppy Dick Syndrome). Not a great deal can be done at this time. There is oft no loss of libido and yes you can orgasm but what female wants a limp dick cumming inn or over her with none of the fun?  We deal with this so that Neets who is a healthy and sexually loving female, han have her fun and games with no sense of shame or cheating. We swing with both singles and couples after we have got to know them. If Neets is happy I am ok with it two and mostly when playing with a single male join in as the second male.. I have also discovered that a hard cock is NOT the only way to satisify a female too which is good for my personal ego.

< Message edited by IronBear -- 2/7/2011 5:18:28 AM >

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(in reply to SailingBum)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Low Libido - 2/7/2011 3:04:33 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I'm wondering if the op feels as though she is expected to have sex with him in exchange for a roof over her head. If so, no wonder she doesn't want it. That's making it into a job, not a pleasure. And there's a word for women who do that job.

Beyond that, does he just want to cuddle or does five minutes hand holding constitute foreplay for him and he only offers affection when he wants it to lead to sex? Because if so, no wonder she doesn't want to cuddle, she knows it's bait and switch.


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(in reply to RapierFugue)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Low Libido - 2/7/2011 3:06:25 PM   
RapierFugue


Posts: 4740
Joined: 3/16/2006
From: London, England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

I'm wondering if the op feels as though she is expected to have sex with him in exchange for a roof over her head. If so, no wonder she doesn't want it. That's making it into a job, not a pleasure. And there's a word for women who do that job.


Talented?

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Low Libido - 4/1/2011 1:44:53 AM   
deb55555


Posts: 7
Joined: 3/26/2011
Status: offline 		just want to say that somethings like antidepressants kill my libido. it dissapered for about 6 months after i started taking them and returned when i stopped. they never tell u that when the doctor gives u the prescription !

(in reply to RapierFugue)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Low Libido - 4/1/2011 6:40:56 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Many medications cause loss of libido or performance ability. Unfortunately studies show that if they tell you it may happen, then a very high percentage of people complain about it. If they don't tell you, less of the people taking them actually suffer from it.

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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


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Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Low Libido - 4/1/2011 8:37:55 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

I'm wondering if the op feels as though she is expected to have sex with him in exchange for a roof over her head. If so, no wonder she doesn't want it. That's making it into a job, not a pleasure. And there's a word for women who do that job.

Beyond that, does he just want to cuddle or does five minutes hand holding constitute foreplay for him and he only offers affection when he wants it to lead to sex? Because if so, no wonder she doesn't want to cuddle, she knows it's bait and switch.



That was the first thing that came to mind when I read it also.

Another thing, that no one has mentioned, is hormones. A slight bit of change there, can totally kick my libido into nothing land.

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 4/1/2011 8:38:18 AM >

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(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Low Libido - 4/1/2011 8:46:41 AM   
Arieno


Posts: 32
Joined: 2/4/2011
Status: offline
quote:

he's mentioning or asking for sex like every other day, and it's causing fights. I'm not really sure what to do right now.


I hear a lot of self-blame in your comments and responses and am caused to think why a man would put that much guilt on a woman he supposedly cares about. I question if awareness and sensitivity are part of this man’s thinking and if so why has he not recognized it’s time to work with you, not against you in working through this. It sounds to me like the door to selfish inconsideration has become unlocked.

(in reply to Sunnyfey)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Low Libido - 4/1/2011 8:57:35 AM   
Hillwilliam


Posts: 19394
Joined: 8/27/2008
Status: offline 		For the OP

1. Since when do subs just do what the fuck they feel like doing?

2. You 2 are incompatible. Split.

(in reply to RapierFugue)
Profile   Post #: 55
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