RE: Unconditional Love - Is it possible?

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RE: Unconditional Love - Is it possible? - 5/3/2006 7:00:17 PM

redpetals

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I think there is a very neccessary element of unconditional love in D/s.

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RE: Unconditional Love - Is it possible? - 5/3/2006 7:14:36 PM

KnightofMists

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I guess I am one that is going against the grain here.

I don't believe in Unconditional love. and I don't beleive in Unconditional Relationships. I will admit at one time I believed it. I beleived it because the depth of my love for alandra over many years caused me to forget the constant choices made to build a relationship that fostered love and happiness. I believed it because I have 4 wonderful little ones that came into this world and I preceived them to unconditional love me.

However, Life experiences has shown me that I made choices that brought this incredible love that I enjoy in my life. My young ones seeked me unconitional not out of love but a inherent push that living being have to live! As I continued to make wise decisions in my life and build all the relationships I have, love a foundation of many grew and grew... I became lost in it... began to believe it unconditional.

As I said, life experiences has showed me that what I can build by wise decisions can also be torn away with bad decisions. Not only bad decisions of myself but of others as well. It would take many wrong decisions to likely cost the love I may have for another, or they for me... but when a relationship ends by the choice of one or the other.... in time the love will fade away. Love is a decision as much as an emotion! My love is conditioned on the principles of who I am... my morals and my values.. on being a part of my life.. be it past or future... it is always in the presence of my mind and heart. If the person is in past and not in my presence... I can still keep them in my love as long as I choose to nurture this emotion. My parents will always will be loved by me.. not because it is unconditional, but because of everything we are together. When they past on... the love will still be there.... by choice not becuase it is unconditional.

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RE: Unconditional Love - Is it possible? - 5/3/2006 7:34:29 PM

puella

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I didn't say it was unimporta.nt. Just that on it's own it is valueless... if it goes unvalued, it is of no real worth

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RE: Unconditional Love - Is it possible? - 5/3/2006 7:39:49 PM

fullofgrace

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i think it is possible. i try to practice it in my relationships, especially with my Dominant - but do not always succeed. i hope that i love Him unconditionally enough that if He were to leave tomorrow because He would be happier without me, i could trust Him and love Him enough to accept it, even if it hurt me. i know i was able to unconditionally love my father, though that was hard and very much a learning experience for me.

i've often heard that unconditional love is like the love we have for our dearest pets - even when they pee on the rug or tear up the house, though we might get annoyed, we don't stop loving them. even though they don't always show affection towards us, even though we might be somewhat hurt, we don't stop loving them.

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RE: Unconditional Love - Is it possible? - 5/3/2006 9:12:32 PM

GeekFreak

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Interesting that people ask if there can be unconditional love. In my mind conditional love is an oxymoron. However, as someone implied by saying "you must define love first" we all have our own opinions about what the word means.

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RE: Unconditional Love - Is it possible? - 5/3/2006 9:37:14 PM

redpetals

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Puella?
What do you mean it has no value on its own?
Surely you know what it is to love someone no matter what...do you feel that there should be a justification for giving it? That would mean it wasnt unconditional wouldnt it?
I am not following your reasoning and I would sincerly like to know because I am rather fond of your writing.

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RE: Unconditional Love - Is it possible? - 5/3/2006 10:58:36 PM

Vancouver_cinful

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I believe that all my love is unconditional. However, a person's presence in my life is not. No such thing for me as unconditional acceptance of someone's behaviour.

I can love you, and accept you no matter what...but if you are not healthy for me to be around, then I'll love you from a safe distance.

We often forget that we can hate the behaviour and still the love the person.

Cin

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RE: Unconditional Love - Is it possible? - 5/3/2006 11:22:31 PM

cillydom

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Isn’t falling/growing in love conditional on something?

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RE: Unconditional Love - Is it possible? - 5/4/2006 12:14:27 AM

UtopianRanger

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Vancouver_cinful

I believe that all my love is unconditional. However, a person's presence in my life is not. No such thing for me as unconditional acceptance of someone's behaviour.

I can love you, and accept you no matter what...but if you are not healthy for me to be around, then I'll love you from a safe distance.

We often forget that we can hate the behaviour and still the love the person.

Cin

I'll tell ya what.... It takes an awfully powerful /strong person to be in a relationship with another and love them unconditionally. For those who are truly capable..... you have my envy. As for myself, I'm still working on it. ; }

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RE: Unconditional Love - Is it possible? - 5/4/2006 5:37:20 AM

RiotGirl

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quote:

I’ve heard the term unconditional love many times in my life. But what does that mean? Personally I don’t know that unconditional love is truly possible since even animals have expectations that need to be met for them to love us. Tolerance and acceptance is one thing, but can we truly love without conditions or expectations? Isn’t the very nature of D/s and M/s based on meeting conditions and expectations? I can commit to not leaving another or abandoning them but even then I cannot expect this of myself with absolutely no conditions.

Would really like to hear your thoughts and experiences.

What does unconditional love mean? It means no strings attached, no expectations, pure. Think of it like how a parent loves a child.

Personally I don’t know that unconditional love is truly possible since even animals have expectations that need to be met for them to love us. i tend to think thats not true. Ever heard of the dog that was neglected, mistreated and then abandoned? Only to find his wake back home? i heard a story from my mother once. Of a man who kept trying to abandon his dog in the woods. No matter what he did to that dog, it came back.

Tolerance and acceptance is one thing, but can we truly love without conditions or expectations? Depends on who you are i suppose. But yeah, its possible. Its not about loving with out expectations - we all have them. Its about loving even when they arent met. Conditions.. well i dont understand how that applies to love. Love isnt about you, its about the other person. Its the most selfless emotion. Question for you. How do you love some one with conditions? How is that love? How is it love when expectations arent met? Do you just "fall out" of love??

Isn’t the very nature of D/s and M/s based on meeting conditions and expectations?

i dunno. Never really thought much about that. Though i dont see the relevance. i think in relationships in general, there are normally conditions and expectations. But, erm, what happens when they arent met? Do you just stop caring, turn your back and walk away? Sounds like a business arrangement. Sounds like some one that doesnt truely care. Question for you. Do friendships have conditions and expectations? If yes, how is that different? If no, do you turn your back and walk away? How is that through thick and thin.. any of it?

I can commit to not leaving another or abandoning them but even then I cannot expect this of myself with absolutely no conditions. How can you commit? What is a commitment to you?

You know, i'm thinking about this conditions thing. i can see, with people, standards that i hold. Honesty, being upfront, no lying, no games, no manipulation. Yet its a process i wait and watch to see if the person can hold true, if they dont - they dont become a friend. i can see friends lying to me, randomly. Yet as a friend, i'll know they are honest and will overlook it. Hmmm.. i do have one rule. Dont F*** me over. Yet thinking about that.. or a repeated liar.. if they do so, then they arent really a friend and i misjudged them. So yeah i will walk away as i'm not going to be dicked over by a jerk. But then, it takes years for me to label some one as a friend. i think i took 2 or 3 years to make my last friend. i rarely pick up friends.. but have tons of acquaintances.

Well love, for me, is no matter what. i can not abandon one i love for anything, unless its forced upon me. i dunno, i think its all i know, unconditional love. Blame my childhood dog as she's the one that taught me about love. <shrugs>

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RE: Unconditional Love - Is it possible? - 5/4/2006 5:47:29 AM

RiotGirl

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quote:

I believed it because I have 4 wonderful little ones that came into this world and I preceived them to unconditional love me.

unconditional love is a selfless act. its not about you.. not even about being loved. You were disapointed because you werent loved the way you were loving. But you screwed up because you expected something in return. IMO

quote:

in time the love will fade away. Love is a decision

It does and it is? i still love a man10 years later, yet i never got a choice in doing so. Heck, i've chosen during 2 different periods of my life to NOT love. i was fed up and through with love. Yet here i am again, loving another. where was my decision? Why hasnt it faded away for me? You know 10 years later, i found a man that i got seperated from by half of the earth. Found out some things i rather have not found out. Silly as it sounds, i cried for 2 days straight. For him. As all i wanted was for him to be happy. Yet his life is shit and he isnt the man i saw him as 10 years ago. i cried, twas angry for awhile - yet i still love him. Imagine - 10 years of searching. Trying to track a man lost some where in the world.

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RE: Unconditional Love - Is it possible? - 5/4/2006 6:07:05 AM

agirl

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Love itself has to be defined first .....it does not mean the same thing to each individual.

It's possible to FEEL loved by someone who doesn't feel that they love YOU.

How do you KNOW if someone loves you?

How do you show you love someone else?

For every person that breathes there will be a unique reply.

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RE: Unconditional Love - Is it possible? - 5/4/2006 6:32:34 AM

MsRachelxxx

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i think most of us who are in any kind or relationship experience some form of unconditional love, or perhaps more truly selective love; we love someone in spite of their "whatever" . i think we tend to use the term more where someone has extended their ability to love to incorporate everything about another, not just some things, and as far as i know one can only love another unconditionaly when one is complete in oneself and pretty much loves oneself unconditionaly, that is has forgiven themselves completely and truly understands and experiences agape love, (as in we love all people, we do not love neccasarily their behavior, but still we love them)
Unconditional love is difficult to attain, a bit like enlightenment, LOL, but the more we love and experience our own true nature the more we can both love unconditionaly AND become more enlightened,,,LOL

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RE: Unconditional Love - Is it possible? - 5/4/2006 6:50:23 AM

MsRachelxxx

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Everything i have read where people are unhappy and feel they do not have the ability to love, or are cynical about relationships, comes from that persons negative experiences that they are unable to set down, and have built stories and judgements around.

There is an old saying, "a victim once after that a volunteer" or better, "get over yourself, already!" and i will add another: "watch what you you think for thoughts become words, watch what you say for words become deeds, watch what you do for deeds become habits, watch your habits for they become your destiny."

For my mind life is nothing if we are not the ones steering and by that i mean making those choices that manifest our highest goals, our highest selves. Who we are is not neccasarily who we can become so thoughts and intentions become everything if we are to accomplish our goals.

Continualy holding on to the past, on to ones habits, onto ones way of thinking, on to ones way of seeing things, is a sure way of continuing ones suffering and experiences over and over again.

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RE: Unconditional Love - Is it possible? - 5/4/2006 6:50:35 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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quote:

ORIGINAL: cillydom
Isn’t falling/growing in love conditional on something?

It certainly wasn't with my nephews.

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RE: Unconditional Love - Is it possible? - 5/4/2006 7:35:47 AM

MHOO314

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Submotive

I’ve heard the term unconditional love many times in my life. But what does that mean? Personally I don’t know that unconditional love is truly possible since even animals have expectations that need to be met for them to love us. Tolerance and acceptance is one thing, but can we truly love without conditions or expectations? Isn’t the very nature of D/s and M/s based on meeting conditions and expectations? I can commit to not leaving another or abandoning them but even then I cannot expect this of myself with absolutely no conditions.

Would really like to hear your thoughts and experiences.

An awesome post grasshopper---<smiles>--I have and have had what I term as unconditional love---for My child and for My mother--a giving to them with no expectation in return--if one of them hurts Me for some reason, it hurts, but its gotten over quickly--and the relationship continues from that point--there is never a rebuild of the "trust"--it continues.

As I thought about this in relation to an intimate relationship--its the word "trust"--that keeps coming to the forefront and I guess that's where the "conditions" start--the word trust keeps coming to the front- I go into a relationship with the intent of unconditional love, but I need to know the trust is there so I guess that's a condition--and in that relationship I expect love back--so I guess that's another condition--that I don't have of family. I think unconditional love--feels they can move mountains, but--probably at times foolishly--but as I think one stated, one has to also realize that not all mountains can be moved--

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RE: Unconditional Love - Is it possible? - 5/4/2006 9:53:28 AM

BitaTruble

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I absolutely believe in unconditional love. I only have to gaze upon the face of one of my grandchildren to find it.

Celeste

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RE: Unconditional Love - Is it possible? - 5/4/2006 10:14:28 AM

LaTigresse

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I agree KoM that loving is a choice and there are those that I choose to love unconditionally. Perhaps I just look at it differently. I can use some of my family members for an example....I love them, I will always love them. I don't always like them, I don't always want to be around them, more often not than do. However, I still and will always love them regardless of any of the other feelings. There have only ever been two people that I can think of that I ever loved and stopped. Sadly, one is my mother and the other my exhusband. I do not hate either one, I just have no feelings for them at all.

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RE: Unconditional Love - Is it possible? - 5/4/2006 10:28:29 AM

MistressSassy66

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I can love someone unconditionally,doesnt matter what they do I still love them.

I might not like what they are doing,like others have stated above Me,but I still love them.

Thats what unconditional love is.Loving no matter what.

That doesnt have to mean they are in your life.Sometimes those people we love are not good for us.Doesnt stop the love.Just means you love them from afar.

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RE: Unconditional Love - Is it possible? - 5/4/2006 2:13:16 PM

puella

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quote:

ORIGINAL: redpetals

Puella?
What do you mean it has no value on its own?
Surely you know what it is to love someone no matter what...do you feel that there should be a justification for giving it? That would mean it wasn't unconditional wouldn't it?

Hello, redpetals.

Let me take your questions one by one... Firstly... I mean that love, just as anything else you give to another person, can be taken either positively or.. not so positively. Even love can be a burden, if the person doesn't really want that from you. So, in an of itself, love, even unconditional love (and sometimes especially unconditional love) can be either nothing at all in the scope of a relationship or even a terrible burden to the one who doesn't value it and doesn't want it. As an example... I gave up singing a while back and so many people got very upset and kept asking.. "Why, it is such a gift." My response is... it is only a gift if the person you give it to wants it... otherwise it is just another unwanted burden they have to find something to do with. It is very easy for it just to be another chick screaming her ass off when you want peace and quiet.

As for your second question.. does that make the love conditional? No not at all.. I didn't quit singing because I needed a bunch of people telling me how great they thought I was.. I quit because it served no purpose of good. But out of the singing metaphor... just because a love has no real value to the person you love.. it doesn't mean you stop loving them. It doesn't work that way for me, at least... it just means that in that instance, it is worthless....ever present, but worthless.

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