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Therapy - 2/8/2011 1:15:53 PM

SyntheticPet

Posts: 30
Joined: 1/11/2010
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Not sure if a kink afficianado website such as collarme is the best place to ask this, but does anyone know of any instances where someone (particularly a submissive male) has gone to a therapist to get rid of their kink and has successfully been cured? If so, how does the therapist go about curing someone of this nature?

Post #: 1

RE: Therapy - 2/8/2011 1:18:05 PM

myotherself

Posts: 7157
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From: The cold bit of the UK
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I wasn't aware that being submissive was a mental illness!

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Post #: 2

RE: Therapy - 2/8/2011 1:21:59 PM

lisub4one

Posts: 94
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you seem to have answered you own question. If this is your nature then there is no "cure" for it - it is who and what you are.

(in reply to SyntheticPet)

Post #: 3

RE: Therapy - 2/8/2011 1:24:40 PM

DarkSteven

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You could probably go to a pro Domme for the same money.

Seriously, the only way I know of would be to use aversion therapy - show you pictures of a woman tying up and beating a man, while electric shocks were applied. Any therapist doing that would likely be risking his or her license.

_____________________________

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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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Post #: 4

RE: Therapy - 2/8/2011 1:25:43 PM

sexyred1

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OP, you can find a kink friendly therapist to discuss your needs with; someone here has the link for that.

But here is the thing, it is not a mental illness to be wired or interested in BDSM. Remember, you don't have a choice as to what turns you on, but you DO have a choice whether to engage in it.

Remember that very important distinction.

(in reply to lisub4one)

Post #: 5

RE: Therapy - 2/8/2011 1:36:34 PM

SyntheticPet

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Joined: 1/11/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

OP, you can find a kink friendly therapist to discuss your needs with; someone here has the link for that.

But here is the thing, it is not a mental illness to be wired or interested in BDSM. Remember, you don't have a choice as to what turns you on, but you DO have a choice whether to engage in it.

Remember that very important distinction.

What would a non-kink friendly therapist do to help me?

(in reply to sexyred1)

Post #: 6

RE: Therapy - 2/8/2011 1:39:27 PM

sexyred1

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Well, I am not an expert by any means, but the few times I went to see non-kink friendly therapists to talk about my last relationship for example; they did not focus on the relationship, instead they tried to find out why I WANTED to be submissive. They saw being submissive as an affliction, which clearly, it is not.

You may be lucky to find a terrific therapist that is not presented as kink friendly, but that is just my experience.

Also, what do you want help with? To not be submissive or to understand your feelings better?

(in reply to SyntheticPet)

Post #: 7

RE: Therapy - 2/8/2011 1:39:40 PM

osf

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I have been know to have cured female subbies, or driven them to lesbianism

I also seem to cause high blood pressure

< Message edited by osf -- 2/8/2011 1:40:09 PM >

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Post #: 8

RE: Therapy - 2/8/2011 1:40:42 PM

sexyred1

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Yes, I can see that osf. I might turn to being a Domme if I hear the word subbie used again.

< Message edited by sexyred1 -- 2/8/2011 1:41:37 PM >

(in reply to osf)

Post #: 9

RE: Therapy - 2/8/2011 1:42:54 PM

subtlebutterfly

Posts: 2230
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From: Not your hood
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Isn't this like curing homosexuality? You are what you are, at most you can suppress your desires and therapists could help you to do that (similarly to those that claim to cure homosexuality).

However, I'm not saying that it's healthy at all.

I guess it's probably a tactic similarly to training a dog, by enforcing positive behavior with rewards, and even...in the case of us humans, making the supposed "wrong" behavior undesirable because of the consequences that will follow if you submit to the non-preferred behavior.

...but no I don't know of any cases, but I'm quite sure there are some cases of this out there...and it has probably been dealt with by going to a similar place as those that claim to cure homosexuality..you could try asking those places if they're aware of cases like that.

< Message edited by subtlebutterfly -- 2/8/2011 1:47:33 PM >

_____________________________

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(in reply to SyntheticPet)

Post #: 10

RE: Therapy - 2/8/2011 1:54:12 PM

Palliata

Posts: 371
Joined: 8/9/2010
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Firstly, by the traditional definition BDSM falls under "sadomasochism" which is a mental illness in the category of paraphilia, literally 'sexual desire for nonsexual stimuli.' There HAVE been multiple attempts at cures, which mostly go along two lines:

1. Aversion therapy, as mentioned above - provide BDSM-related stimuli in the form of BDSM pornography or similar, and at the same time provide additional 'negative' stimuli in order to reassociate BDSM with that negative sensation. These have ranged from electroshock to cold water, and have been 100% unsuccessful as far as I'm aware.

2. Talk therapy to attempt to cognitively overcome what psychiatric medicine perceives as a conditioned response. In laymen's terms, make you think about it and realize that BDSM is wrong/bad/unhealthy so that you overcome your desire for it. This is what others have described - find the root of it, and provide therapy to overcome that. I knew a person who went through this and it can be far more unpleasant than it sounds. As far as I'm aware this has also been 100% unsuccessful.

In fact, every study I've read has said that paraphilia is incurable with modern methods. While the behavior can be overcome with extended therapy, it has effect of creating mental instability due to the added cognitive dissonance and, correspondingly, it doesn't actually alter the desire but instead only alters the behavior. You still want to participate in D/s or whatever your particular kink is, but you don't because you've been brought to the conclusion that it is wrong/bad/unhealthy.

It bears mention that homosexuality was included in the paraphilia bracket until fairly recently - it was deemed incurable as well - but was removed after the gay rights movement. Apparently they have a better lobby than we do, because we still haven't escaped.

_____________________________

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I'm male. I know it sounds female. Work with me.

(in reply to subtlebutterfly)

Post #: 11

RE: Therapy - 2/8/2011 1:55:35 PM

OttersSwim

Posts: 2860
Joined: 9/1/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

You could probably go to a pro Domme for the same money.

Seriously, the only way I know of would be to use aversion therapy - show you pictures of a woman tying up and beating a man, while electric shocks were applied. Any therapist doing that would likely be risking his or her license.

And you run the risk of actually enjoying the treatment! Where in the wide world of sports would you be then!?

_____________________________

I am on a journey of authenticity and self.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 12

RE: Therapy - 2/8/2011 1:56:28 PM

SyntheticPet

Posts: 30
Joined: 1/11/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

Well, I am not an expert by any means, but the few times I went to see non-kink friendly therapists to talk about my last relationship for example; they did not focus on the relationship, instead they tried to find out why I WANTED to be submissive. They saw being submissive as an affliction, which clearly, it is not.

You may be lucky to find a terrific therapist that is not presented as kink friendly, but that is just my experience.

Also, what do you want help with? To not be submissive or to understand your feelings better?

To not be submissive. I'm not saying it's a disease or anything, but it's definitly not right. If men were supposed to be submissive, more women would be dominant. One doesn't need to look closely to realize there's a lot more submissive males than dominant females.

(in reply to sexyred1)

Post #: 13

RE: Therapy - 2/8/2011 2:02:47 PM

subtlebutterfly

Posts: 2230
Joined: 6/15/2008
From: Not your hood
Status: offline

If you're saying it's wrong, and you want a cure...then... why are you on a kink site seeking a mistress?

No offense or anything, it just sounds a bit off that your profile is actually written as if you're actively seeking a mistress.

_____________________________

~Ms. Awesomeness to YOU!~

(in reply to SyntheticPet)

Post #: 14

RE: Therapy - 2/8/2011 2:06:07 PM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

quote:

To not be submissive. I'm not saying it's a disease or anything, but it's definitly not right. If men were supposed to be submissive, more women would be dominant. One doesn't need to look closely to realize there's a lot more submissive males than dominant females.

This is a supply and demand problem, not a therapy moment.

Perhaps the universe is trying to teach you a lesson in delayed gratification?

(in reply to SyntheticPet)

Post #: 15

RE: Therapy - 2/8/2011 2:07:23 PM

SyntheticPet

Posts: 30
Joined: 1/11/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: subtlebutterfly

If you're saying it's wrong, and you want a cure...then... why are you on a kink site seeking a mistress?

No offense or anything, it just sounds a bit off that your profile is actually written as if you're actively seeking a mistress.

Well I thought the people here would know a thing or two about kink and the psycology behind it. That's why I asked here. As for my profile, I made that a while ago when I was trying to cope with it instead of cure it.

(in reply to subtlebutterfly)

Post #: 16

RE: Therapy - 2/8/2011 2:11:12 PM

Icarys

Posts: 5757
Status: offline

quote:

I wasn't aware that being submissive was a mental illness!

In your case it might be....

Wait, that might not have anything to do with you being a submissive..(ZING)

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(in reply to myotherself)

Post #: 17

RE: Therapy - 2/8/2011 2:13:52 PM

sirssubk2008

Posts: 248
Joined: 1/1/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SyntheticPet

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

Well, I am not an expert by any means, but the few times I went to see non-kink friendly therapists to talk about my last relationship for example; they did not focus on the relationship, instead they tried to find out why I WANTED to be submissive. They saw being submissive as an affliction, which clearly, it is not.

You may be lucky to find a terrific therapist that is not presented as kink friendly, but that is just my experience.

Also, what do you want help with? To not be submissive or to understand your feelings better?

To not be submissive. I'm not saying it's a disease or anything, but it's definitly not right. If men were supposed to be submissive, more women would be dominant. One doesn't need to look closely to realize there's a lot more submissive males than dominant females.

To be honest with you, I think you would do better to enter therapy to understand your feelings, first, then decide if you want to try to inhibit those feelings. I agree with the poster that said this would be unhealthy, but as with anything else, that is your choice. It is important to understand your nature before you do anything else.
The amount of submissive men vs the amount of dominant women, does not play into what is right or wrong.

(in reply to SyntheticPet)

Post #: 18

RE: Therapy - 2/8/2011 2:15:15 PM

subtlebutterfly

Posts: 2230
Joined: 6/15/2008
From: Not your hood
Status: offline

Ah okay. If it really bothers you, you could try to see a psychologist about it. I'm guessing they could teach you on how to cope with it, but not give in to your needs. Similarly to the AA process, being "dry" doesn't mean that the desire is gone but they learn how to deal with it.

However, I would also recommend you to talk to a kink friendly psychologist that may be able to give you better unbiased view. (I believe a kink friendly one might give you a more unbiased opinion because he can see both sides of the coin.)

_____________________________

~Ms. Awesomeness to YOU!~

(in reply to Icarys)

Post #: 19

RE: Therapy - 2/8/2011 2:17:34 PM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

quote:

Well I thought the people here would know a thing or two about kink and the psycology behind it. That's why I asked here. As for my profile, I made that a while ago when I was trying to cope with it instead of cure it.

Here ya go: http://www.collarchat.com/m_3492151/tm.htm

(in reply to SyntheticPet)

Post #: 20

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