i need more attention! :( Advice please

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angelwings2006 -> i need more attention! :( Advice please (2/16/2011 1:34:09 AM)
this is my first time posting anything..so please bare with me... im having a biig problem..i like attention, acually i crave touch. but my Daddy live 3 hours away from me, i have met Him once and i plan on spending the weekend with Him next weekend..but i need more attention from Him..whether it be by text message or phone calls..He works ALOT and i understand that..but i can see on His profile whens He been online last, and its times when He should be working. but yet He cant take the same time it takes to get on here to send me a text or call me for a few minutes..He tells me He wants me to come live with Him soon..but i just feel like im not good enough and Hes on here looking for another lil girl..i sent Him a email about this because i knew i couldnt tell Him on the phone without crying and He said He was gonna look at it when He got home from work but its now 4:30am..i have not heard from Him since 5 am yesturday morning..and He has yet to look at my email....i just dont know what to think or say to Him to make Him understand how i feel.. im afriad Hes gonna get mad and end it with me... someone please help me!! Advice please!! ~Hislilbrat~

vield -> RE: i need more attention! :( Advice please (2/16/2011 2:04:56 AM)
Hi. You have a difficulty which many of us experience. Both doms and subs can feel very lacking if they percieve they are missing something they need. I do not know either of you, but from your age and the fact you have not yet met your partner I feel there are some things I can deduce. Often a sub who is not currently getting much real time attention feels pressure building up towards getting some. This can be something we call sub frenzy. It can seriously distort one's judgement and can lead us into agreeing to do things we might hesitate about if we had no pressure about it within us. Often the sub has different ideas about what "enough attention" means from what the dominant understands, no matter what gender either of them may be. Sometimes a dominant feels the sub is getting a bit pushy to try to get more of their attention or to criticize them for giving attention to others. This can lead to even less attention for the sub. Your dom has other friends and other people in his life, especially if he has been part of "the scene" much longer than you have. Some may be dear to the dom even if they are not playing with him. You may be feeling jealousy. The dom is on line so why not talking to you? This feeling can be destructive to kinky or vanilla relationships. Are you seeking a monogamous one on one relationship with your dom? Does he know this? Is he seeking the same thing? Or would he prefer multiple partners or a polyamorous relationship? The fact you have submitted to him long distance may not mean that he has fully accepted you as his sub or slave. It is usually not the best idea to consider things as long term committments before actually meeting in person. On line chemistry is rarely equal to in person chemistry, whether the chemistry is positive or negative. My suggestion would be for you to think about the ideas I have given you, see if there are other similar questions I've not come up with, and list them all. Then I suggest a long call to thoroughly discuss these things with him, and to also begin mapping out each other's goals, soft (pushable) limits, hard limits, needs, wants, likes, dislikes and dreams. I have found it good to discuss all these things in depth before allowing deep committments. If each of you has a different understanding about the things in your relationship, this could create problems. There is nothing wrong with partners having different ideas, and some different wants and needs, as long as all keep open minds and honest discussions. People can honestly argue about a term because it may have multiple definitions. Full and open discussions can relieve some potential misunderstandings!

Nanako -> RE: i need more attention! :( Advice please (2/16/2011 2:34:23 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: angelwings2006 but my Daddy live 3 hours away from me, Hello miss ^^ I think this is a problem you should have thought about before submitting. quote: i have met Him once and i plan on spending the weekend with Him next weekend..but i need more attention from Him..whether it be by text message or phone calls..He works ALOT and i understand that..but i can see on His profile whens He been online last, and its times when He should be working. but yet He cant take the same time it takes to get on here to send me a text or call me for a few minutes. Neglecting communication is never good. Could be red flags, but always give people the benefit of the doubt. I would say discuss this matter with him quote: but i just feel like im not good enough Why? Does he feel you're good enough ? quote: and Hes on here looking for another lil girl This doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. Some people just really love multiple subs. Perhaps he thinks you're perfect in every possible way, and is looking for another girl exactly like you to complete his life. But if you're not ok with this, you need to talk to him. Ideally you needed to have discussed this before beginning a relationship. quote: ..i sent Him a email about this because i knew i couldnt tell Him on the phone without crying and He said He was gonna look at it when He got home from work but its now 4:30am..i have not heard from Him since 5 am yesturday morning..and He has yet to look at my email.... Perhaps his mother died, or he broke his leg, or had a power cut all night. Benefit of the doubt again, though I know how easy it is to worry. Be patient, but ask why it took so long when you do get in contact again quote: i just dont know what to think or say to Him to make Him understand how i feel Telling him how you feel should accomplish that, unless he's not willing to listen. quote: someone please help me!! Advice please!! You need to have a good long discussion about the relationship. If he's unwilling, unable, or doesn't have the time, to listen, then I would end it. Perhaps tell him you'd like to talk sometime this week. If it takes more than a week for him to find time to talk to you, I'd be doubtful of the future. If the above goes well, you ideally want to get a definite time frame on moving in together. I think 3 hours apart is too far for a healthy relationship, though personally I wouldn't get into one with someone so far away.

DarkSteven -> RE: i need more attention! :( Advice please (2/16/2011 2:51:02 AM)
You're new to this whole world. You've only met him once and you're his? The guy's making a huge mistake. He absolutely needs to have thus resolved prior to the weekend or else it will cast a shadow over the weekend. I'm going to be blunt. You strike me as needing far more attention than most, and him as someone who gives way less. You also sound terribly invested in a relationship that sounds like it might not be able to feed your needs. . After only one meeting. You're an attractive young woman with a lot to offer. Once you accept that the end of the relationship won't be the end of the world, you'll be able to be calmer about this. Good luck.

subtlebutterfly -> RE: i need more attention! :( Advice please (2/16/2011 4:00:19 AM)
I'm just gonna brush my teeth on that one..before I say something I am going to regret.[sm=brush.gif]

angelwings2006 -> RE: i need more attention! :( Advice please (2/16/2011 4:10:32 AM)
i appreciate everyones response and not being mean about it..ive been in this lifestyle for 5 years going on 6..ive had 3 Doms.. and it didnt start out like this with the One this is about..maybe im just reading to much into things..im just gonna hang back and see what happens.. but thank you to lose who responded and those who decided to keep their opinions to themselves

kalikshama -> RE: i need more attention! :( Advice please (2/16/2011 4:34:06 AM)
I have found that with online dating, I must assiduously practice non-attachment. Attachment is the origin, the root of suffering; hence it is the cause of suffering. Relax, and you will suffer less. It's too early to make your world revolve around him. Keep busy. Are you in school? Immerse yourself in your studies. Join a gym. Volunteer. Until he has proved himself worthy and appropriate for your obsession, spend your time elsewhere.

gungadin09 -> RE: i need more attention! :( Advice please (2/16/2011 4:44:53 AM)
OP, you remind me of myself. i've gotten huge crushes on men who saw me as the next best thing. i've become frantic trying to please them and "earn" their attention. i've allowed their opinion of me to determine my self worth. i've been willing to do almost anything they asked, no matter how stupid. i remember waiting around for them to show up or to call; wondering if i had done something wrong, afraid to say anything about it. i know from experience that it's difficult to be sensible in that situation. i'm not saying that that's what's happening to you. Maybe your Daddy is acting in good faith. Maybe you just have different needs. And maybe there's a good reason why He hasn't read the email yet. But, honestly, i kind of doubt it. You need to talk to Him ASAP. The fact that you're afraid to do so indicates a problem on top of everything else. You should be allowed to voice these kinds of concerns. If He gets mad at you for that, well, that's a REAL bad sign. i can't tell if you have sub frenzy or you're just a little... needy. i can't tell if He's busy and distracted or just a jerk. But you should be allowed to talk to Him about it, and you should be able to expect Him to address your concerns in a timely manner. Good luck to you! hugs, pam

Killerangel -> RE: i need more attention! :( Advice please (2/16/2011 6:00:45 AM)
I'm not sure the two of you are a solid match in that you seem to need different things to be fulfilled. Maybe you should reconsider the relationship and seek one that gives you the things that make you happy? It's a bitch for both of you to be constantly striving to be something that you just aren't. Neither of you is at fault, it just might be a mismatch.

LillyBoPeep -> RE: i need more attention! :( Advice please (2/16/2011 6:04:04 AM)
i have to agree with kalikshama (as usual hehe) -- how long have you guys been together? or at least somewhat together. you've only met him once and he isn't being all that talkative with you. sometimes talk is all that sustains a long distance relationship, and taking that away doesn't make me feel all that hopeful that he really wants it to survive long. i could be wrong. attachment is a difficult thing; sometimes if you go out of your way to keep it from happening, you can have a hard time letting it grow when it's safe. OR you'll overly attach as some kind of "reverse psychology situation." but kalikshama is right -- this relationship doesn't seem to have really developed enough for you to have wrapped your universe up in him. it's fairly common for relationships to "not start out like this;" how else do you snag someone and reel them in than by pretending to be or genuinely being interested at first? it would really be a good idea to get this stuff resolved before you go spend a weekend. if he's treating you badly in your opinion, you could start resenting hm -- resentment is such a sneaky thing, and before you know it, you've lost respect for the guy. you don't want that happening while you're there because then you'll be feeling like "i have wasted time and money on this." if he's unwilling to talk to you, that's a bad sign in and of itself... but you need to talk about your need for attention, talk about your expectations for the relationship (and his too -- you may have different expectations but haven't communicated well enough to know that), talk about feeling jealous, talk about polyamory/monogamy, talk about everything. keep a level head and be frank about it. these things are really important to know before you get so wrapped up in someone, you know? it's really good to know what you feel is necessary to your own happiness; if you dont know how to make yourself happy, it can be pretty hard to make someone else happy. you end up attaching yourself to unsuitable situations. the # of Doms you've had before this doesn't really matter, because it still seems that you haven't quite worked out what your needs are and how to communicate them. that's a really important skill in ANY relationship, but particularly a power-exchange situation.

OsideGirl -> RE: i need more attention! :( Advice please (2/16/2011 7:04:10 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep and he isn't being all that talkative with you. Actually, her post says that she's talked with him within the last 24 hours. quote: ORIGINAL: angelwings2006 but its now 4:30am..i have not heard from Him since 5 am yesturday morning.. My honest reaction is that if you need more contact than once per day, then you both need to sit down, discuss it face to face and come up with a schedule. But it really seems like he's in contact with you, but you don't like the schedule and you're trying to force it to your liking. It's driven by insecurity. You say he works alot. If that's the case, then the clinging behavior is just adding to his stress. And this: quote: ORIGINAL: angelwings2006 and He has yet to look at my email How do you know he hasn't read your email? Maybe he's read it and decided to think about it before he responds. There's no rule that says that email demands a response the moment it's read. Again, you're trying to control his schedule. quote: ORIGINAL: angelwings2006 but i just feel like im not good enough and Hes on here looking for another lil girl.. This is the most telling line in that whole post. You need to be comfortable with yourself and start by working on this.

came4U -> RE: i need more attention! :( Advice please (2/16/2011 7:14:27 AM)
A man who lives 3-6 hours away is just perfect for me--for one, he wouldn't live close enough to be a pest lol., but for you, it seems you do need such attention, fine and dandy. But honestly, If interested, genuinely (especially if he has mentioned you moving in someday) he wouldn't be on here (unless he is posting on forums) unless he was trolling for another, I mean get real, he IS lol. Bet your bottom dollar he is checking the place out for fresh meat while (something better) while you sit at home waiting and weeping. He is stringing you along. Get to grips with that, he is no gentleman, nor is he likely an honest person. What you do have to do though is wonder why you are weepy and distressed over someone you met once. Don't be a sucker, seriously, there are far better fish in the sea. Hated to be harsh but reality likely is that you are being a fool for a fool. He is not only a fool, but a sneaky, dumb one at that. I mean, does he think you don't know he logs on? lol. He not only knows but doesn't care to even make excuses for it. Bahhh, he is a time waster, insincere and rude. Give attention where and when it is worthy--this situation ain't worthy, by any means.

LillyBoPeep -> RE: i need more attention! :( Advice please (2/16/2011 7:21:57 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OsideGirl quote: ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep and he isn't being all that talkative with you. Actually, her post says that she's talked with him within the last 24 hours. well yeah, but the general tone of the OP is that she hasn't been able to talk with him as much as she might like. i dunno what that really means, it's probably a matter of semantics or some missed point of communication between the two of them. quote: ORIGINAL: OsideGirl It's driven by insecurity. You say he works alot. If that's the case, then the clinging behavior is just adding to his stress. And this: quote: ORIGINAL: angelwings2006 and He has yet to look at my email How do you know he hasn't read your email? Maybe he's read it and decided to think about it before he responds. There's no rule that says that email demands a response the moment it's read. Again, you're trying to control his schedule. quote: ORIGINAL: angelwings2006 but i just feel like im not good enough and Hes on here looking for another lil girl.. This is the most telling line in that whole post. You need to be comfortable with yourself and start by working on this. if she sent the message via Collarme, it'll show her when it's been read (and i really wish they'd get rid of that feature because i think it promotes some of this anxiety -- or it gives people some sort of entitled feeling that you should read their message within a certain time frame, and if they see that it hasn't been read, they get pissy about it.) you can also mouse over messages and preview them, so maybe he did that, and didn't like where it was going, and just hasn't wanted to deal with it yet. i do agree with you that the clinginess might be adding to his stress, but it's also weird that he gets online when he's supposed to be at work (of course, he could be doing it from his phone over a break -- but if he's doing that, why not talk to her -- at least to tell her "hey, i'm just not the chattiest guy on the block, i just look around over my breaks to make the day go faster." i'm not a once-a-day communication kind of person either, so i would probably get frustrated, but not so much with "i'm not good enough for him feelings," but just wanting to talk to someone i care about who is too far away to spend physical time with. dealing with insecurity is a great point; no matter what he says, none of it will sink in until she's begun to deal with her self-worth and insecurity issues.

OsideGirl -> RE: i need more attention! :( Advice please (2/16/2011 7:44:54 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep well yeah, but the general tone of the OP is that she hasn't been able to talk with him as much as she might like. i dunno what that really means, it's probably a matter of semantics or some missed point of communication between the two of them. If it's not as much as she likes then she needs to discuss it calmly and clearly. Not hysterically, waiting until 4:30am to see if he's read her email. But, again, she doesn't get to control his schedule. If she doesn't like his schedule it needs to be either discussed or she needs to move on. quote: if she sent the message via Collarme, it'll show her when it's been read (and i really wish they'd get rid of that feature because i think it promotes some of this anxiety -- or it gives people some sort of entitled feeling that you should read their message within a certain time frame, and if they see that it hasn't been read, they get pissy about it.) you can also mouse over messages and preview them, so maybe he did that, and didn't like where it was going, and just hasn't wanted to deal with it yet. If their only means of email is CollarMe, than there are larger issues than her wanting more contact. quote: but it's also weird that he gets online when he's supposed to be at work (of course, he could be doing it from his phone over a break -- but if he's doing that, why not talk to her It's easier to disengage from a website than a phone call when the need arises. Some people are hard to get off the phone. Maybe their phone conversations are her complaining that she wants more contact and he doesn't want to deal with that while at work. Or maybe he's like me, he uses the internet to decompress his mind. I go onto some mindless site to get my brain to stop for a few minutes. quote: i'm not a once-a-day communication kind of person either, so i would probably get frustrated, but not so much with "i'm not good enough for him feelings," but just wanting to talk to someone i care about who is too far away to spend physical time with. But, honestly, it's been my experience that a lot of guys aren't the type to do more than once a day. Particualrly, if they lead busy lives. As one of my guy friends said, "She keeps calling asking if I miss her. I told her that I can't miss her if she doesn't go away."

NuevaVida -> RE: i need more attention! :( Advice please (2/16/2011 7:46:07 AM)
In all honesty, if it were me, I'd be rethinking things. First, a man who wants to live with me after meeting me only once, would make me suspicious. Also, if a man didn't give me much attention (for me, once a commitment was made between us, I needed to talk at least once a day), it would tell me "he's just not that into me" and I would think we weren't a good match and eventually drift off. I'm not the "plead for attention" type - I used to be, but it wasn't healthy for me. If he's into me, I'll know it. If he's not, I'll move on. Finally, you're obsessing. This can't possibly be healthy for you. Why do you think you're not good enough? Maybe he's just an asshole? Maybe he's awesome but doesn't manage his time well? Maybe maybe maybe....lots of possibilities here. Not sure why the ONE possibility you focus on is that you're not good enough. Stop that. [;)]

LillyBoPeep -> RE: i need more attention! :( Advice please (2/16/2011 7:57:07 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OsideGirl If their only means of email is CollarMe, than there are larger issues than her wanting more contact. can't disagree with you there. =p quote: ORIGINAL: OsideGirl But, honestly, it's been my experience that a lot of guys aren't the type to do more than once a day. Particualrly, if they lead busy lives. As one of my guy friends said, "She keeps calling asking if I miss her. I told her that I can't miss her if she doesn't go away." maybe "a lot" but i wouldn't say most. it really depends on the guy; i've had dudes in my life who only wanted to talk "whenever," and ones who wanted to talk whenever the mood struck them, even if that was like 3 times a day. =p it just boils down to communication issues, which seem to be the primary problem. they probably didn't clearly communicate their needs and expectations with each other in the beginning, which has lead her to some expectation that he should be talking to her constantly all day, and he's probably wondering why she thinks that's necessary or possible. communication is easier said than done, obviously, but it HAS to be done.

DesFIP -> RE: i need more attention! :( Advice please (2/16/2011 8:03:17 AM)
He's just not that into you. Because if he wanted to talk to you, he would. When actions and words disagree, believe actions. And although you may feel you are head over heels for a dude you've met exactly once, he obviously doesn't feel the same way. Why the hell would you be making plans to move in with someone who doesn't want to talk to you and doesn't make the effort to see you regularly?

kalikshama -> RE: i need more attention! :( Advice please (2/16/2011 9:05:59 AM)
quote: He's just not that into you. Because if he wanted to talk to you, he would. When actions and words disagree, believe actions. Yup.

sexyred1 -> RE: i need more attention! :( Advice please (2/16/2011 9:19:31 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP He's just not that into you. Because if he wanted to talk to you, he would. When actions and words disagree, believe actions. And although you may feel you are head over heels for a dude you've met exactly once, he obviously doesn't feel the same way. Why the hell would you be making plans to move in with someone who doesn't want to talk to you and doesn't make the effort to see you regularly? Right. And then we have the old adage of not making someone a priority who sees you as an option. Of course, this could be the case, or it could be miscommunication or just drama. In my experience, if someone is into you, they give you the attention you deserve, especially if you have communicated you need it.

leadership527 -> RE: i need more attention! :( Advice please (2/16/2011 10:35:36 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP When actions and words disagree, believe actions. Not a bad idea, but it tends to lead people to ruin. The problem with "actions" is that they require interpretation. Pretty much everyone I know is WAY THE HELL more certain about their interpretation of other people's actions than they ought to be. So the quote is really... When actions and words disagree, believe your certainly flawed to a greater or lesser degree interpretation of the actions. There, not quite so solid now, is it? I tend to line up the actions with the words. If I can come up with a fit that makes them both make sense I'm happy. If not, I seek clarification. I do not sit and reinterpret people's words and world for them.

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