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RE: Question about a rude sub. - 2/19/2011 6:51:42 AM   
gungadin09


Posts: 3232
Joined: 3/19/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: gungadin09
The situation You have described seems so clear cut that i wonder why You have any problem forming Your own opinions about it.


Okay, i take that back too. Going over the responses, it seems like it's NOT clear cut. Different people have different expectations about what net-iquette is. i agree with the ones who say that it's NOT like a face to face or phone conversation. Hanging up on someone, or just walking away in THAT situation would be rude. On the internet, i don't think it is. However, obviously there are people who disagree. If You wanted to be sure there was no misunderstanding, You could have told her You'd get back to her. i probably wouldn't have, but then i wouldn't have gotten upset about waiting for a response, either.

This site has features i don't like. The "who's viewing me" feature and the "has he read me email yet?" feature are two of them. (Not to mention the "when was he last online?" feature.) i think those features contribute to the high school-like behavior that sometimes happens on collarme.

pam


< Message edited by gungadin09 -- 2/19/2011 7:42:14 AM >

(in reply to gungadin09)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Question about a rude sub. - 2/19/2011 7:02:08 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

Try approaching prospective partners as women first, and subs second. Talk to them like you would talk to someone you would meet in a bar and were interested in. Remember that communication by message is not only about the words you write, but when you write them.


This would be sooooooooooooooo refreshing!

(in reply to myotherself)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Question about a rude sub. - 2/19/2011 7:32:59 AM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline 		Thankfully it does happen!

It's how Master and I first met, and how I made friends with lots of lovely guys on here too.

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(in reply to kalikshama)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Question about a rude sub. - 2/19/2011 7:43:38 AM   
subtlebutterfly


Posts: 2230
Joined: 6/15/2008
From: Not your hood
Status: offline 		Without having read the responses...
Personally, I read the mails, then log off and come back to them later when I've got more time to reply. I don't let the person know and maybe..MAYBE it's rude. However, I believe most people have plenty of other things to do than sitting there, waiting on an email or watching the "read/unread" status of the mail they sent n then hitting the refresh button desperately. I simply believe people have other things to do, so if they consider me rude for not saying "I'll get back to you later" then well, not my problem....

That being said, I don't expect dominants to reply to me ASAP after I send them a message I give them a couple of days, and if they don't reply at all..then no harm no foul.

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(in reply to StrongSpirit)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Question about a rude sub. - 2/19/2011 8:02:20 AM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline 		Frankly, I'd consider myself to have dodged a bullet. Anyone who gets that dramatic after a few e-mails is someone I don't want/need/care for in my life so I'd say you saved yourself some time, effort, and maybe hurt by discovering that the "sub" was loony tunes outta the gate.
JMHO


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(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Question about a rude sub. - 2/19/2011 8:06:34 AM   
frazzle


Posts: 1212
Joined: 6/20/2009
Status: offline 		FR

We are all different, and all situations are different.

If i'm having a back and forth conversation via cmail, (yes i know its a slow method, but often happens before giving out an msn addy) i do expect someone to say, sorry got to go, or whatever.

Would i have sent a cmail name calling, No. But like the female in the Op, if someone just disappears, i leave a reasonable amount of time incase comp crashed, then decide it isnt worth it.

9 out of 10 times someone vanishes mid conversation, wether by cmail or messenger, its because their significant other just walked in.

(in reply to subtlebutterfly)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Question about a rude sub. - 2/19/2011 8:10:59 AM   
BonesFromAsh


Posts: 1362
Joined: 6/17/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

snip> Anyone who gets that dramatic after a few e-mails is someone I don't want/need/care for in my life <snip



Just curious, do you feel the OP might also be considered a bit dramatic by reacting as he did with the creation of this thread?

(in reply to Kana)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Question about a rude sub. - 2/19/2011 8:40:27 AM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BonesFromAsh


quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

snip> Anyone who gets that dramatic after a few e-mails is someone I don't want/need/care for in my life <snip



Just curious, do you feel the OP might also be considered a bit dramatic by reacting as he did with the creation of this thread?


I dunno, depends on their motive.


_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to BonesFromAsh)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Question about a rude sub. - 2/19/2011 9:17:01 AM   
hlen5


Posts: 5890
Joined: 3/2/2008
Status: offline 		I would not have insulted/blocked you, but if the emails went down as you said, I would have definitely considered the possibility you were a wanker.

I've had guys (yes, guys) ask me my bra size with the second email. Sleazy. This automatically moves them from serious possibility to possible wanker. I might keep chatting (without answering the stupid question) to see if they continue in the same vein.

Knowing that people can mostly tell if I've read what they wrote, I would reply with at least a "will get back to you" short kind of note.

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(in reply to Kana)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Question about a rude sub. - 2/19/2011 10:21:18 AM   
SexyBossyBBW


Posts: 1693
Joined: 2/25/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TreasureKY
A)  It sounds as if she didn't care if it was via email or instant chat... you left a conversation without so much as a "I have to log off now; I'll respond later".  Is that rude?  I don't know.  What would you have thought in the same circumstances and in her place?

B)  Yes... at least in my opinion and for me.  Then again, perhaps she was lucky to find out so quickly how little consideration you have.

C)  It sounds like this is one of those cases when "better late than never", isn't.  What you like, want, or require is entirely meaningless.
I agree with this!    I think a simple, must go now, would have been respectful, and considerate.    Of course you don't owe her any courtesy, and she overreacted a bit, in her response to a perceived rejection, sans explanation.   
It's just as well I suppose, for both of you, to crash and burn before even trying a relationship.   M

(in reply to TreasureKY)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Question about a rude sub. - 2/19/2011 10:27:34 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I admit I don't always answer emails right away and don't always tell someone I'm logging off for various reasons. The other night someone wanted to email. As I was responding back to a second email my computer died. It was 2am and I just went to bed. Didn't bother to plug in my laptop and go through the trouble of logging back in, etc...If they were pissed by something like email then that's their problem, not mine.

If I were her I would have given it until the next day and if he still hadn't responded I just would have shrugged my shoulders and blown him off. I wouldn't have bothered to email him back with a rude response and I wouldn't have started a forum topic on how rude it is. It's just email...not the end of the world. It's just not a big deal at all.

I think you both have a bit of anger issues.


(in reply to SexyBossyBBW)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Question about a rude sub. - 2/19/2011 10:29:04 AM   
coookie


Posts: 541
Joined: 10/25/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

I admit I don't always answer emails right away and don't always tell someone I'm logging off for various reasons. The other night someone wanted to email. As I was responding back to a second email my computer died. It was 2am and I just went to bed. Didn't bother to plug in my laptop and go through the trouble of logging back in, etc...If they were pissed by something like email then that's their problem, not mine.

If I were her I would have given it until the next day and if he still hadn't responded I just would have shrugged my shoulders and blown him off. I wouldn't have bothered to email him back with a rude response and I wouldn't have started a forum topic on how rude it is. It's just email...not the end of the world. It's just not a big deal at all.

I think you both have a bit of anger issues.





Yep what she said. I am such a YES girl

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Question about a rude sub. - 2/19/2011 10:30:40 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subtlebutterfly

Without having read the responses...
Personally, I read the mails, then log off and come back to them later when I've got more time to reply. I don't let the person know and maybe..MAYBE it's rude. However, I believe most people have plenty of other things to do than sitting there, waiting on an email or watching the "read/unread" status of the mail they sent n then hitting the refresh button desperately. I simply believe people have other things to do, so if they consider me rude for not saying "I'll get back to you later" then well, not my problem....

That being said, I don't expect dominants to reply to me ASAP after I send them a message I give them a couple of days, and if they don't reply at all..then no harm no foul.


This.

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(in reply to subtlebutterfly)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Question about a rude sub. - 2/19/2011 10:34:03 AM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: phoenixmoonn13

email is jsut that its not chat and i would never expect an instatn reply nice if it happens but 24 or 48 hours is ok. after that then i dont expect to hear but you never know what has happened. so would wait to make a judgment. she is supposed to be a sub she should know to wait.


Greetings,

A decision to wait has little to do with ones role but their approach to such matters. To ascribe a suggestion on what one should do based on an anonymous encounter with a stranger is a little fantastical in my opinion. If she wanted to do so she would have. End of story.

And if memory serves it's the dominant arguing his position, not the other party crying foul.

Namaste,

~porcelaine


_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to phoenixmoonn13)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Question about a rude sub. - 2/19/2011 10:40:41 AM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline 		My position is simply that it's absurd to act as judge, jury and executioner without at least hearing the other sides reason first. Hence my original post.

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to porcelaine)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Question about a rude sub. - 2/19/2011 11:08:16 AM   
gungadin09


Posts: 3232
Joined: 3/19/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: porcelaine

quote:

ORIGINAL: phoenixmoonn13

email is jsut that its not chat and i would never expect an instatn reply nice if it happens but 24 or 48 hours is ok. after that then i dont expect to hear but you never know what has happened. so would wait to make a judgment. she is supposed to be a sub she should know to wait.


Greetings,

A decision to wait has little to do with ones role but their approach to such matters. To ascribe a suggestion on what one should do based on an anonymous encounter with a stranger is a little fantastical in my opinion. If she wanted to do so she would have. End of story.

And if memory serves it's the dominant arguing his position, not the other party crying foul.

Namaste,

~porcelaine



i don't think it's a question of Dominance and submission. Two people exchanged emails, that's it. They were strangers, not Dom and sub. *If* He was rude not to say He would respond later, *if* she was rude to call Him an asshole for not answering right away, *if* she's immature for blocking Him, *if* He's immature for writing a thread about it...then it's not because of BDSM. They didn't get that far. The same rules apply here as would apply for any other conversation between two people. If any of that is rude it's not because of the orientation of the two people involved. It's because... it's just rude.

pam

(in reply to porcelaine)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Question about a rude sub. - 2/19/2011 12:52:30 PM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: gungadin09


quote:

ORIGINAL: porcelaine

quote:

ORIGINAL: phoenixmoonn13

email is jsut that its not chat and i would never expect an instatn reply nice if it happens but 24 or 48 hours is ok. after that then i dont expect to hear but you never know what has happened. so would wait to make a judgment. she is supposed to be a sub she should know to wait.


Greetings,

A decision to wait has little to do with ones role but their approach to such matters. To ascribe a suggestion on what one should do based on an anonymous encounter with a stranger is a little fantastical in my opinion. If she wanted to do so she would have. End of story.

And if memory serves it's the dominant arguing his position, not the other party crying foul.

Namaste,

~porcelaine



i don't think it's a question of Dominance and submission. Two people exchanged emails, that's it. They were strangers, not Dom and sub. *If* He was rude not to say He would respond later, *if* she was rude to call Him an asshole for not answering right away, *if* she's immature for blocking Him, *if* He's immature for writing a thread about it...then it's not because of BDSM. They didn't get that far. The same rules apply here as would apply for any other conversation between two people. If any of that is rude it's not because of the orientation of the two people involved. It's because... it's just rude.

pam


I think porcelaine was referring to the part that said "she is supposed to be a sub so she should know to wait".

_____________________________



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Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Question about a rude sub. - 2/19/2011 3:25:28 PM   
MasterSlaveLA


Posts: 3991
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

What are your real intentions with this thread?



This --->  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LHLNG08Yfok
 

 


_____________________________

It's only kinky the first time!!!

(in reply to tazzygirl)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Question about a rude sub. - 2/19/2011 3:48:41 PM   
gungadin09


Posts: 3232
Joined: 3/19/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968
I think porcelaine was referring to the part that said "she is supposed to be a sub so she should know to wait".


i wasn't sure if porcelaine was agreeing or disagreeing with phoenixmoonn13. i'm sorry if i misunderstood her. But i was really making more of a general comment, not specifically directed at anyone. To me, it's a question is whether the girl was rude (or whether the guy was rude), and not whether they're a rude Dom or sub.

pam

(in reply to Aileen1968)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Question about a rude sub. - 2/19/2011 5:51:09 PM   
petmonkey


Posts: 1053
Joined: 7/7/2009
Status: offline 		MSLA, that was cute.

i hope StrongSpirit comes back and comments on the thread he created.


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Be excellent to each other.


(in reply to MasterSlaveLA)
Profile   Post #: 60
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