Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: Question about a rude sub.


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> RE: Question about a rude sub. Page: <<   < prev  1 2 3 [4]
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: Question about a rude sub. - 2/19/2011 11:07:44 PM   
SexyBossyBBW


Posts: 1693
Joined: 2/25/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder
I admit I don't always answer emails right away and don't always tell someone I'm logging off for various reasons. The other night someone wanted to email. If they were pissed by something like email then that's their problem, not mine. As I was responding back to a second email my computer died. It was 2am and I just went to bed. Didn't bother to plug in my laptop and go through the trouble of logging back in, etc...

If I were her I would have given it until the next day and if he still hadn't responded I just would have shrugged my shoulders and blown him off. I wouldn't have bothered to email him back with a rude response and I wouldn't have started a forum topic on how rude it is. It's just email...not the end of the world. It's just not a big deal at all.

I think you both have a bit of anger issues.
I agree with this, because, the computer dying or freezing, has happened to me, where I just go to sleep.  
I've also gotten crazy response as a result.   What I generally do, is write or expect an explanation the next time we meet online.   If none comes, I delete and forget the person/conversation.   M

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 61
RE: Question about a rude sub. - 2/20/2011 12:37:03 AM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

I think porcelaine was referring to the part that said "she is supposed to be a sub so she should know to wait".


Bingo. By the way, I love the pic! :)

Namaste,

~porcelaine


_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to Aileen1968)
Profile   Post #: 62
RE: Question about a rude sub. - 2/20/2011 3:48:04 AM   
lally2


Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: porcelaine

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

I think porcelaine was referring to the part that said "she is supposed to be a sub so she should know to wait".


Bingo. By the way, I love the pic! :)

Namaste,

~porcelaine



yes, but this sub wasnt sub to the OP at the time. 

ive had this but from the other way around. ive read a cmail and gone away to think about it, sometimes i havent even read a cmail and i get another one asking me why i havent responded to them yet.

expectations kick in too soon at times.

as for the question.  looking at it from the subs POV, she was asked what turned her on, she came back with a neutral but nevertheless genuine answer and got nothing back.  its possible she thought that the OP didnt get what they were looking for in terms of wank fodder and moved on - thus the 'arsehole' comment.  i personally wouldnt bother sending such an email, id probably wait and see what came (something or nothing) from my neutral response, but we're all different and i dont tend to invest that much into a person that i get upset by them after only a couple of emails.

but the above point from porcelaine does pose an interesting dilemma of sorts.  how soon do you assume submissive etiquette to a stranger on the net in order to allow the possibilities to progress.

ive had clumsy, assumptive comments thrown at me and ive pulled back. given them time to realise their mistake and recover themselves (or not).  im rarely that rude, infact im only rude if someone is rude to me.  but my rudeness barometer is different to others.  presumably this subs rudeness barometer kicked off due to the number of men who come here just to tell us how much we turn them on and what theyd like to do with us, oh yes, and how hard theyre cocks are. 



_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to porcelaine)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: Question about a rude sub. - 2/20/2011 4:25:34 AM   
Scala


Posts: 63
Joined: 7/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

I asked her what turns her on and she responded (very short response, couple of phrases and then "openness").


Maybe I am being a bit old fashioned here .. but if I was looking to date in RL another woman , I certainly would not be be asking her after only a couple of conversations what turns her on ?

Nor would I embarrass myself still further by coming to the "ask a sub"  you as dom and asking what is basically a really stupid question ? How on earth can any of know what was going through her mind at the time? How can any of us know what her expectations were? .. well we can guess .. so lets take a guess then.

My guess is that you had already pissed her off by asking , " Uhhh ..well what tuns you on ?.."  and that after only a couple of emails .

need to go before I say something that I may regret .., like after blocking you , did you burst into tears because your questions sound like they come from a teeny ?

< Message edited by Scala -- 2/20/2011 4:41:26 AM >

(in reply to StrongSpirit)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: Question about a rude sub. - 2/20/2011 4:36:05 AM   
gungadin09


Posts: 3232
Joined: 3/19/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lally2

quote:

ORIGINAL: porcelaine

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

I think porcelaine was referring to the part that said "she is supposed to be a sub so she should know to wait".


Bingo. By the way, I love the pic! :)

Namaste,

~porcelaine


yes, but this sub wasnt sub to the OP at the time. 

but the above point from porcelaine does pose an interesting dilemma of sorts.  how soon do you assume submissive etiquette to a stranger on the net in order to allow the possibilities to progress.


Thanks, that was what i was trying to say, but you said it better. i don't understand why she was expected to "act submissive" in this situation. Various people have made comments like "well, He's a Dom so He should be acting like *this*" or "she's a sub, so she should acting like *this*". As if Doms and subs have a certain behavior prescribed to them because they are Doms and subs. i don't understand that. These two people weren't in a dynamic. In fact, they had barely "met". They were just talking. Why should either of them be expected to
behave in ANY particular way, other than with common courtesy? (Which, arguably they didn't have.)

What does Dominance or submission have to do with rudeness in the OP's example? Is there a code of conduct that is expected from kinksters outside of a relationship? Is a person supposed to act submissive or Dominant the rest of the time?

pam

< Message edited by gungadin09 -- 2/20/2011 4:56:55 AM >

(in reply to lally2)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: Question about a rude sub. - 2/20/2011 6:22:25 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		I just thought I'd add that I think the title of this thread is biased.  If you're asking whether a sub was rude, don't draw the conclusion already in the title.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to gungadin09)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: Question about a rude sub. - 2/20/2011 6:59:51 AM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lally2

yes, but this sub wasnt sub to the OP at the time.


Greetings lally,

There was a little mixup in the comments. I didn't agree with the portion I quoted. And I feel the whole thing was handled rather poorly by both parties in all truth. Now to your remarks... :)

quote:

ive had this but from the other way around. ive read a cmail and gone away to think about it, sometimes i havent even read a cmail and i get another one asking me why i havent responded to them yet. expectations kick in too soon at times.


Oddly enough that's one of the reasons I don't entertain prospects on CM. The feature is an irritant and seems to influence certain personality types. Although I've reactivated my profile (so to speak) at the other venue, I won't do the same here. I agree with your sentiments regarding expectations and approach it from a different vantage point. If I find myself getting that gnawing feeling it's a clue that I'm becoming too involved and a little perspective is in order.

quote:

as for the question.  looking at it from the subs POV, she was asked what turned her on, she came back with a neutral but nevertheless genuine answer and got nothing back.


In my opinion she made a conscious decision to engage that line of questioning. I wouldn't. I have learned through trial and error that it invites a different energy that rarely progresses and often leads to errant assumptions. Especially if you're merely discussing the subject matter and the other party is generating ideas that run rampant. This is where board participation works in ones favor. It's clear that you have some measure of sensuality, but if that is the only conversation piece for the interested party I'm inclined to bid him adieu.

quote:

i personally wouldnt bother sending such an email, id probably wait and see what came (something or nothing) from my neutral response, but we're all different and i dont tend to invest that much into a person that i get upset by them after only a couple of emails.


This topic has been raised in the other place. My perspective is rather fixed. Losing control with someone that isn't in control of me is not acceptable. Plus I'm apt to attract men that enjoy pushing my buttons and if I can't hold it together with a stranger I'll definitely have an issue with them. Did I mention I like this?

I chalk their debacle up to play gone awry.

quote:

but the above point from porcelaine does pose an interesting dilemma of sorts.  how soon do you assume submissive etiquette to a stranger on the net in order to allow the possibilities to progress.


I'm certain my opinion will sharply differ from most. But I don't view myself as a submissive to the individual or any man I'm entertaining in that regard. In fact, the emphasis on exchange in the initial stages is inappropriate (for me). However, I am committed to displaying decorum and conducting myself according to the standard I feel is most suitable. I see no conflict in showing ones womanliness without the introduction of the submissive energy. They're two aspects of the same coin, however, the interested stranger isn't privy to that part of me. It's too soon.

quote:

due to the number of men who come here just to tell us how much we turn them on and what theyd like to do with us, oh yes, and how hard theyre cocks are.


A gentleman cannot tell you anything you aren't willing to entertain. And I sincerely believe there are differences on how one can and should conduct themselves when they're seeking as opposed to when the position has been filled. There is a double standard and I'm not oblivious to the conclusions drawn. If you elect to portray yourself in a certain manner you cannot complain when you attract those of a like mind.

Namaste,

~porcelaine

_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to lally2)
Profile   Post #: 67
RE: Question about a rude sub. - 3/7/2011 3:08:54 AM   
Phoenixpower


Posts: 8098
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

quote:

ORIGINAL: StrongSpirit

A) This was email, not chat. Was I rude? Did I have to reply to her email that day, or is it still allowable to wait some time and think about my reply? I had sent two emails and she had sent 3, before I left.

B) Regardless of whether or not I was rude to not answer with one and a 15 minutes, was she rude? Did I get lucky and avoid a problem person?

C) I found out that she had blocked me when I sent a polite explanatory email that also stated how I like it when subs apologise (without actually asking her to do so.) Was this a wimpy thing to do? Should I have just blocked her? Should I have required her to apologise?



Dude, you're a Dom.  YOU make the rules, within reason.

A. For all she knew, your neighborhood was burning down and you were out saving dozens of lives.  She had no right to get upset.  After a few days, yeah, you would have been rude, but not two or three hours.

B. I don't know if I'd call her a problem person, but she clearly thinks that the world rotates around her to some degree.  And she has a temper.


Have to agree with steven on that one...but according to that side of the story it appears that you might have had a lucky escape

on the other hand, as sexyred1 correctly says:

quote:

And I will be the voice of reason and say to everyone who is blaming the sub in question that none of you know her side of the story.

She, perhaps like many of us, has had numerous emails, IM's, and other types of communications with Doms who are rude as well.


On top of that sometimes can also missunderstandings occur, as I had recently on ebay where one person got snappy at me asking where her item is, despite that she had just paid the day before...following that she apologised and according to her that email was not meant for me and will probably have happened as she was showing her kid what she had ordered for him/her and then not changed the email before typing her rant...so theoretically it could also be that she ranted at you when in reality she wanted to rant towards someone else and didn't realise that muddle up in her actions.

Anyhow, I would consider it as a lucky escape as in that instance not much time has been wasted...

_____________________________

RIP 08-09-07

The PAST is history, the FUTURE a mystery, NOW is a gift - that's why it's called the PRESENT

www.butyoudontlooksick.com/navigation/BYDLS-TheSpoonTheory.pdf

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 68
RE: Question about a rude sub. - 3/7/2011 6:39:17 AM   
SpiritedRadiance


Posts: 1341
Joined: 3/3/2010
Status: offline 		Id call you an asshole and block you too.... OP

But then i dont entertain men in my mailbox asking me what turns me on in anyway shape or form. Im not here for sex or for masturbation Ideas. Im not here to get my jollies off with some random stranger.

However If I DID for some reasons answer such a personal question and go no reply... id be peeved...

Equate it to someone asking you your dick size hearing the answer and them never responding again... you always wonder ...was it too big too small too thick too thin?

Were my answers not good enough, did he find me a freak because lamps really turn me on?



_____________________________

"Theres nothing in life like the feeling of cool leather sliding over your skin, the tears that fill your eyes as you realize someone else thinks you deserve it even if you havent reached that conclusion yet"- Forever to remember 11/5/11

(in reply to Phoenixpower)
Profile   Post #: 69
RE: Question about a rude sub. - 3/7/2011 6:41:50 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		Is this going to be a real bad time to solicit a blowjob from you?

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to SpiritedRadiance)
Profile   Post #: 70
RE: Question about a rude sub. - 3/7/2011 7:13:58 AM   
JDsPersephone


Posts: 1
Joined: 3/6/2011
Status: offline 		Psycho... you got lucky if you asked me.  Bear in mind that email often comes across curtly.  


(in reply to StrongSpirit)
Profile   Post #: 71
RE: Question about a rude sub. - 3/7/2011 8:54:06 AM   
stellauk


Posts: 1360
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: StrongSpirit

A sub emailed me yesterday. We sent a couple of emails back and forth (not chat). I will not reveal her identity, it is not relevant.



I take this to mean a woman listing as a sub or identifying as such e-mailed you and there was an exchange of e-mails back and forth.

quote:

ORIGINAL: StrongSpirit

I asked her what turns her on and she responded (very short response, couple of phrases and then "openness"). She did not include any question or other significant stimuli to continue the conversation.



Okay, so the e-mail conversation between you, the man, and her, a woman turned to sexual matters.

I still don't see any dom sub or BDSM element here, or indeed any sort of dynamic.

quote:

ORIGINAL: StrongSpirit

As I was reading her email, I got a phone call and answered it, turning off my computer.



Okay. It happens.

quote:

ORIGINAL: StrongSpirit

Today I go back to my computer to find 3 things.



Hang on, wait, wait, wait one minute here. When did this e-mail conversation take place? Yesterday? How long was the telephone call? All night?

How come the e-mail exchange took place on one day but your attention after the phone call didn't return to the computer until the day after?

Did the conversation take place late at night? Last thing?

quote:

ORIGINAL: StrongSpirit

1) About 45 minutes after I had turned off the computer she saw that I had read her last email and sent me another email, asking if her answer was "not good enough."

2) About thirty minutes after that she sent me a one word email "asshole"

3) And then blocked me.



Okay, so I take it these time intervals are based on the date and time recorded with each message, right? Yes?

quote:

ORIGINAL: StrongSpirit

Note, she should have been able to see that the email in point 1) had not been read. Apparently she assumed I was ignoring her, but not blocking her.



This is online, via a computer, between two people who I assume don't know each other.

There is no such thing as 'should'. There is only what is, and what isn't.

People often have a hard enough time figuring out the other person face to face. Online, when you just have a keyboard, mouse and computer with monitor, and their words and your words, it's that much harder.

People can't read minds, most have difficulties reading into simple sentences from someone they haven't met and don't know. They can't see you, they're not there with you in the same room. Therefore it helps if you make a bit more effort to be explicit in your communication so the other person knows what is going on.

quote:

ORIGINAL: StrongSpirit

So I need to ask the subs out there:

A) This was email, not chat. Was I rude? Did I have to reply to her email that day, or is it still allowable to wait some time and think about my reply? I had sent two emails and she had sent 3, before I left.



Okay, what was the topic of the last successful exchange of messages? What turns her on?

That's quite an intimate subject, don't you think? Bear in mind you don't know each other, and it's online. Also please bear in mind you were discussing her turn ons, and she's a woman. She's sharing intimacy.

Let me put it another way. Imagine you're in some room somewhere, on a date, the date's gone well, in fact it's gone so well she's taken you back to her place and you're in her bedroom, and there's a bit of jiggy jiggy. Your cellphone rings, you answer it, and wander off, getting dressed, and then leave her apartment (dressed of course). No word until the next day.

How would you rate your chances of a second date with that woman?

Different situation, but do you not see any parallels? You got her to open up, share something intimate with her. Then walked away. How do you think that made her feel?

quote:

ORIGINAL: StrongSpirit

B) Regardless of whether or not I was rude to not answer with one and a 15 minutes, was she rude? Did I get lucky and avoid a problem person?



Yes she was rude. She could have handled it differently, she could have also assumed that you had been called away, she could have assumed a lot of things.

But the thing is, she didn't. She responded the way she did.

quote:

ORIGINAL: StrongSpirit

C) I found out that she had blocked me when I sent a polite explanatory email that also stated how I like it when subs apologise (without actually asking her to do so.) Was this a wimpy thing to do? Should I have just blocked her? Should I have required her to apologise?



I see this pretty much as six of one and half a dozen of the other with neither showing the other any consideration or giving each other chances.

You don't know who else she was in contact with, or who she had been corresponding with before you. For all you know she could have been dealing with a dozen guys who got her to talk about things intimately and then - POOF!! Maybe some were giving it the old five fingers and shot their load and logged off. Therefore, from her perspective she could have tarred you with the same brush, quite legitimately saw you as an 'asshole' and responded accordingly.

I still don't see how this has got anything to do with any sort of dynamic, other than speculation and conjecture.

Does there really need to be any sort of 'apology' from either side. I'd divorce myself from any sort of expectation from anyone you don't know in giving you any sort of apology. When people don't know each other, especially online there are no grounds for apologies, there's only misunderstandings and what is acceptable and what isn't. I'd chalk this one up as a misunderstanding.

The thing is, it's all online, and even if one identifies as a dom and the other a sub, it doesn't necessarily turn the communication into a dynamic of any sort. I'd focus on the basics, the communication, the connection,the understanding, and leave the dynamic until later.

The dynamic is really in the mind, it doesn't exist in cyberspace and it's nigh impossible to control anybody online.

Next thing is, if you are getting intimate with someone, especially if the other person is a female, make sure that you have enough time to follow through such communication and have time for it. Nobody likes to share intimacy and then have someone walk away without any explanation. It makes them feel objectified.

Lastly, be explicit when you're communicating with people online. If you get a phone call then take it, but there's nothing to stop you asking the other person to hold on while you type a short e-mail explaining that you have a phone call (when the exchange of messages become like chat) or explain to the other person that you really need to go off and do something. That other person isn't there with you, they just have your words, and when the words stop the relationship or communication ends.

Best of luck the next time round.


_____________________________

Usually when you have all the answers for something nobody is interested in listening.

(in reply to StrongSpirit)
Profile   Post #: 72
RE: Question about a rude sub. - 3/7/2011 9:18:31 AM   
Jennislut


Posts: 234
Joined: 2/24/2011
Status: offline 		What the cute bearded guy said

_____________________________

i just popped in to say

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 73
RE: Question about a rude sub. - 3/7/2011 6:27:27 PM   
SpiritedRadiance


Posts: 1341
Joined: 3/3/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

Is this going to be a real bad time to solicit a blowjob from you?


For you Ron if you dont mind a girl with a runny nose :P


_____________________________

"Theres nothing in life like the feeling of cool leather sliding over your skin, the tears that fill your eyes as you realize someone else thinks you deserve it even if you havent reached that conclusion yet"- Forever to remember 11/5/11

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 74
RE: Question about a rude sub. - 3/11/2011 9:13:26 AM   
Straponqueen


Posts: 3
Joined: 5/6/2004
Status: offline 		Not all subs are truly subs. Some folks are just freaky and want to experience the different types of fun that a sub can have.I am usually able to weed out the 'wanna bees' you the tru sub...his/her joy and need to serve is paramount 

_____________________________

On your knees!

(in reply to came4U)
Profile   Post #: 75
RE: Question about a rude sub. - 3/11/2011 10:00:58 AM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline 		sweeping generalisations tend to go down like a lead balloon round here...

Your idea of a "true sub" may be someone else's idea of a nightmare, and vice versa.

Those who only want to experience submission in the bedroom are still submissive...just not YOUR kind of submissive. Labelling them 'freaky' is just plain nasty.





_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk


(in reply to Straponqueen)
Profile   Post #: 76
Page:   <<   < prev  1 2 3 [4]
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> RE: Question about a rude sub. Page: <<   < prev  1 2 3 [4]
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.172