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RE: Being a 21 year old master and wanting older woman. - 2/20/2011 3:53:17 PM   
RCdc


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ORIGINAL: discreethusband

quote:

Only if you are influenced by generalisations. Personally, I look at an individual and their behaviour.


It's not that I don't think you should judge someone solely upon their merits, their behavior, ect, but there is a reason for such generalities. There is a reason we do not allow children to drink and smoke, ect.


No, there is a reason that the government has decided that there is age limitations to people. Depending where you are in the world, there are very different laws and even back in the past there was. Not so long ago, people of a different colous could not sit in certain seats simply because of their colour in your country. That never made it right, nor the people that put it into practice right either.

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RE: Being a 21 year old master and wanting older woman. - 2/20/2011 3:57:38 PM   
leadership527


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quote:

ORIGINAL: anthony69
To my defense there is a great deal that I have mastered in my 21 years of life. The reality of the situation is that i should have put more thought and consideration into my profile, which has been clearly obvious to me.

Perhaps. But in focusing on your profile I suspect you're missing a significant part of the reality of this situation. Consider you and I. You have had 3 years as an adult. I've had 29... almost an order of magnitude more. Even if you were kicking ass experiencing life and I was slacking, don't you think it's likely that I've accumulated a fair amount more life experience than you? From the standpoint of a 47 year old woman, the questions would be along the lines of, "How's he going to handle it when the mortgage is going under? Will he know how to deal with banks, credit card companies, employers? What when my 23 year old son "fails to launch" and ends up at home again? How will my 21 year old master cope with that?

Don't get me wrong. These things are not insurmountable problems. And, as we all know, at least some segment of women prefer younger men. Some of those have got to be subs. Some of those have to want a master. But in my opinion, I think you would do well to get a little more perspective on what you're asking.


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RE: Being a 21 year old master and wanting older woman. - 2/20/2011 4:01:18 PM   
discreethusband


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quote:

No, there is a reason that the government has decided that there is age limitations to people. Depending where you are in the world, there are very different laws and even back in the past there was. Not so long ago, people of a different colous could not sit in certain seats simply because of their colour in your country. That never made it right, nor the people that put it into practice right either.


AMEN, I couldn't agree more. Just because something is a law doesn't mean it's just. That's why, at least here in the US, there needs to be a strong compelling reason for the law to be valid yet discriminate against a certain class of people. In this case, I'm saying that fundamental reason, is as a group, young children are not generally capable of handling intoxicating liquors. That's why we have the generality.

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RE: Being a 21 year old master and wanting older woman. - 2/20/2011 4:05:06 PM   
RCdc


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quote:

ORIGINAL: discreethusband
In this case, I'm saying that fundamental reason, is as a group, young children are not generally capable of handling intoxicating liquors. That's why we have the generality.


As a group, neither are adults.

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RE: Being a 21 year old master and wanting older woman. - 2/20/2011 4:13:14 PM   
porcelaine


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quote:

ORIGINAL: RCdc

He will still get blasted for putting ages in too. Anyway he does it he will 'lose'. But then, look at what he has lost and does it really amount to a loss, rather than a gain? Like you suggest... he can get into reasons with people that he communicates with further and those are the ones that matter in the end.


Greetings,

I agree. I had an age range and still received flack because I wasn't scaling up. In my situation the reverse occurred and the number encouraged interest from those outside of it. As for the rest, you're spot on.

Namaste,

~porcelaine

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RE: Being a 21 year old master and wanting older woman. - 2/20/2011 4:14:28 PM   
Nanako


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ORIGINAL: JohnWarren
Modest comes off as strength and control.  Arrogance, particularly in one as young as yourself, simply makes you look foolish.


This ^_^

Almost all of the dominants I have respect for around here, are modest folks who can laugh at themselves, and are confident enough in their ability that they don't have to scream from the rooftops about how domly they are.

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RE: Being a 21 year old master and wanting older woman. - 2/20/2011 4:14:39 PM   
NocturnalStalker


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quote:

ORIGINAL: anthony69

So my question for the longest time is how do I go about establishing my self as a young master thats interested in older woman? I have had great attraction to older woman ever since I was A young boy.A older woman to is a woman in her late 30s,early 40s and 50s.


If the advice in this thread doesn't help you I could send you some old Jurassic Park action figures that you can enjoy.



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RE: Being a 21 year old master and wanting older woman. - 2/20/2011 4:20:58 PM   
gaujein


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quote:


quote:


The above scenario was valid. The replies to it were laughable and that's exactly what I thought when reading them in their original format. You are attracted to older women and admittedly since you were a young boy. It can hardly be a kink or fetish if you can't control it now can it?


Well, it can. It just depends how much someone wants to surrender/accept/give in to it.


I agree that it can.

quote:


quote:


People are not the same. You may have been bombarded with replies from mostly one side but keep in mind that there is still another side. Specifically a group of people that just tell it like it is. If they are older so what? It's a fact. If they are black so what? It's a fact. Like you said, there's no disrespect intended but if others perceive it that way... so what? It won't change the facts.


Except that some people also believe they are telling it like it is. I believe the wisest thing out of all of this is for the OP to realise that there will be different groups and whether - as you said in the post above - whether he wants to attract a woman who will be able to cope with the stigma that comes with being an older woman. That is probably one of the most important factors here.


I agree.

quote:


quote:


I suggest you ignore everyone all riled up about being called older. They have fixation on age and who does that help? Age does not equal maturity. Age is a number and a very overrated one at that (I have seen children more behaved than senior citizens).


Again, I wouldn't suggest to ignore... but to use this as a tool to work out who will be compatible.


I agree.

quote:


Can you really look around and say "Well I'm not white in comparison to..." No, not really.


Yes you can.

quote:


As far as the whole "age is just a number" argument. That's bunk. Age is more than just a number because it is reflective of certain levels of maturity and independence. If it were just a number, we wouldn't restrict the age to drive to 16 and older in the US, or the right to vote 18, ect.


We restrict things by age but it's not because they are incapable of doing them.

Like some I believe you should focus on the individual. Throw out age and focus on capability and watch everything change.

quote:


quote:


Only if you are influenced by generalisations. Personally, I look at an individual and their behaviour.


It's not that I don't think you should judge someone solely upon their merits, their behavior, ect, but there is a reason for such generalities. There is a reason we do not allow children to drink and smoke, ect.


What is it about drinking that you'll be wiser about when you are of age? What is it about smoking that you'll be wiser about when you are of age?

You can be shown the effects and consequences at both ages so tell me what wisdom are you lacking at 15 that you'll have at 30?

Many people underestimate children. They are wiser and more capable than you know. It is other factors that undo all that.

It is my belief that the rite of "becoming of age" has nothing to do with the number. It has to do with reaching a certain mindset. There are some who are 50 (and even 100) years old who have not even reached that mindset. I'm of the opinion that is they who are the true children and their ages mere decoration.

I see where you are coming from and obviously I disagree. However once more, we have both said what we wished to say.

< Message edited by gaujein -- 2/20/2011 4:25:52 PM >

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RE: Being a 21 year old master and wanting older woman. - 2/20/2011 4:27:28 PM   
discreethusband


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quote:

It is my belief that the rite of "becoming of age" has nothing to do with the number. It has to do with reaching a certain mindset. There are some who are 50 even 100 who have not even reached that mindset. They are true children and their ages mere decoration.


I agree completely. As far as what it is about smoking and drinking that you will be wiser about when you are of age? Hopefully moderation, discipline, and restraint, but the lack of such things isn't why we prohibit minors from enjoying such things. It's because once you are "of age" it's considered both fair and reasonable to PUNISH you for failing to gain such qualities. That's what it boils down to. Minors lack the maturity, the experience to justify punishing them for failing to act responsible.

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RE: Being a 21 year old master and wanting older woman. - 2/20/2011 4:31:57 PM   
sirsholly


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quote:

ORIGINAL: oceanwynds2

I do not mean to be impolite, but a 21 yr old who refers to themselves as a master would be a red flag to me. It is a young age, especially to an old lady like me. I cannot imagine anyone mastering life at that age.
I agree. It is not just mastering life, but mastering himself so that he can master another.

I apologize to the OP for what i am about to say, but at 21 you simply have not been alive long enough to be an expert in all your profile claims. Your responses to other posters tells me you have an open mind, so i hope you do not take offense.

When i was your age i too thought i was an expert in a few things. I assume you are like i was...not arrogant in my thinking, but confusing a skill or talent with expertise. Being good at something does not an expert make. As i have matured i realize that i am an expert at nothing. Every day is a learning experience and the more i learn, the more there is to learn, making the "expert" title farther out of my reach.

There is a massive difference between one with a dominant personality and one who is a true Master. Time and experience will make these differences more clear to you. Enjoy the journey!




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RE: Being a 21 year old master and wanting older woman. - 2/20/2011 6:26:39 PM   
CarpeComa


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quote:

ORIGINAL: anthony69

So my question for the longest time is how do I go about establishing my self as a young master thats interested in older woman? I have had great attraction to older woman ever since I was A young boy.A older woman to is a woman in her late 30s,early 40s and 50s.


Generally speaking, you can't. Not trying to be discouraging, but the hard fact of the matter is that in life and especially here, women tend to prefer someone their age or older. A large percentage of them will have a hard even considering someone younger than them as 'relationship material', much less 'authority material'. Because of your age, your competence and maturity will always be questioned. It will always be in doubt to strangers. You will be not be given the benefit of a doubt often. Online, the situation is much worse as people searching only have a blurb and that small selection of stats to decide who to talk to you. This means they are much more likely to use age cutoffs, and you aren't likely to make the cut.

My advice to you is to avoid the whole online scene, unless you have no other option. The only way to establish yourself in a way that is going to help you is in meatspace. There will get the chance to interact with others in way that will allow you to build a reputation. It is that reputation that will allow you to overcome the age issue.

< Message edited by CarpeComa -- 2/20/2011 6:27:59 PM >

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RE: Being a 21 year old master and wanting older woman. - 2/20/2011 6:38:16 PM   
porcelaine


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quote:

ORIGINAL: anthony69

So my question for the longest time is how do I go about establishing my self as a young master thats interested in older woman? I have had great attraction to older woman ever since I was A young boy.A older woman to is a woman in her late 30s,early 40s and 50s.


Greetings,

I participate in a group in another venue that addresses this subject. And while you've been given sound advice my observations paint a different picture. Many women that are attracted to younger men aren't seeking someone with lots of experience. They prefer someone with a compatible personality, lots of energy, and a willingness to learn. What is presumably a stumbling block for some is an asset to its aficionados. In their mind it's the bones that count.

Namaste,

~porcelaine


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RE: Being a 21 year old master and wanting older woman. - 2/20/2011 7:33:20 PM   
NihilusZero


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quote:

ORIGINAL: anthony69

I'm glad I have not taken action yet. All of this constructive criticism is helping me to open my eyes a little more wider.

In the sense that older people tend to be sensitive about their age.

Additionally, don't mention any other characteristic that may not be specifically unique to that individual for concern that you may appear simply to be seeking out someone with a list of traits that you actually want. Only creepazoids would do that.

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RE: Being a 21 year old master and wanting older woman. - 2/20/2011 8:33:05 PM   
sweetsub1957


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quote:

ORIGINAL: discreethusband
Just a suggestion, I'd start by not calling them "older".


quote:

ORIGINAL: myotherself
And for someone in her 40s, being reminded that I'm 'older' is really not going to score any brownie points, lol


quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder
Just treat all women like a human being instead of as your kink or fetish and you might have some luck.


quote:

ORIGINAL: oceanwynds2
I do not mean to be impolite, but a 21 yr old who refers to themselves as a master would be a red flag to me. It is a young age, especially to an old lady like me. I cannot imagine anyone mastering life at that age.


All good points. OP, I think it would be better to put an age range on your profile rather than just calling your preference "older." And I am another one that wonders how a 21-yr old can possibly have mastered life.

~sweetsub~

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RE: Being a 21 year old master and wanting older woman. - 2/20/2011 9:01:20 PM   
porcelaine


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Status: offline 		The gender bias on this subject is rather intriguing. The OP is too young to be considered master worthy but a woman in his position is rarely questioned regarding her desire for submission or slavery. Although their life experiences may vary, she's at the same age point as her male counterpart. But we rarely bat an eye in protest.

Namaste,

~porcelaine


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RE: Being a 21 year old master and wanting older woman. - 2/20/2011 9:06:01 PM   
Nanako


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quote:

ORIGINAL: porcelaine

The gender bias on this subject is rather intriguing. The OP is too young to be considered master worthy but a woman in his position is rarely questioned regarding her desire for submission or slavery. Although their life experiences may vary, she's at the same age point as her male counterpart. But we rarely bat an eye in protest.

Namaste,

~porcelaine


Hi miss ^_^

I don't feel that's a gender bias. It's a role bias (or perhaps it's both, which doesn't give meaningful information). For a gender bias, try comparing him to a female dominant. Do young Dommes get questioned on if they're really ready for a sub?

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RE: Being a 21 year old master and wanting older woman. - 2/20/2011 9:34:14 PM   
Kana


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quote:

ORIGINAL: anthony69

So my question for the longest time is how do I go about establishing my self as a young master thats interested in older woman? I have had great attraction to older woman ever since I was A young boy.A older woman to is a woman in her late 30s,early 40s and 50s.


Not to get all zen on you or anything, but the answer to the age old dilemma of "How to become a master of __________ is always the same-first Master thyself.
As for what your particular kink/attraction/fetish is, that's really irrelevant. Become a worthy man and you will attract the type of people you desire. Now, this doesn't mean they are gonna come knocking on your door, you still gotta work for it (i.e go to munches, local clubs, collarme etc...), but it's my experience that women are far more drawn to what a man IS as opposed to what he has or has not done.
And dude, don't get to hung up on the black, older women thing. There are folks who like old people, there are folks who like diapers, this is the internet, pretty much whatever you like, there is someone out there seeking to experience the same. If your kink is that you like ass raping (willing and of legal age) left handed, one legged, harelipped Bangladeshi monks with a slab of provolone while beating them over the head with a salami and urinating on them, somewhere out there a very desperate holy man is looking for you.
To flip a cliche on it's head, when the teacher is ready, the student will appear.



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RE: Being a 21 year old master and wanting older woman. - 2/20/2011 9:44:16 PM   
sweetsub1957


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quote:

ORIGINAL: porcelaine
The gender bias on this subject is rather intriguing.

I don't really think it's gender bias so much as role/orientation bias. I've seen young Dommes say They aren't taken seriously either. I think it's more the idea that, if Someone wants to be Master over someone ELSE, S/he should master His/Her OWN life FIRST. Master thine ownself.

~sweetsub~

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"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

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RE: Being a 21 year old master and wanting older woman. - 2/20/2011 9:51:39 PM   
sexyred1


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quote:

ORIGINAL: porcelaine

quote:

ORIGINAL: anthony69

So my question for the longest time is how do I go about establishing my self as a young master thats interested in older woman? I have had great attraction to older woman ever since I was A young boy.A older woman to is a woman in her late 30s,early 40s and 50s.


Greetings,

I participate in a group in another venue that addresses this subject. And while you've been given sound advice my observations paint a different picture. Many women that are attracted to younger men aren't seeking someone with lots of experience. They prefer someone with a compatible personality, lots of energy, and a willingness to learn. What is presumably a stumbling block for some is an asset to its aficionados. In their mind it's the bones that count.

Namaste,

~porcelaine




I agree with this. OP, there are lots of submissive women who like younger men and some of the best Doms I have known were younger and less experienced than me. I don't get insulted being called an older woman, what else would I be if I am older than someone???

It is silly to be insulted by that or the word, mature woman.

I think you have gotten good advice for the most part, but don't let anyone tell you that generalizations are strictly truths.

Just be open to things and don't focus on the age thing, focus on someone compatible in all the other important ways.

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RE: Being a 21 year old master and wanting older woman. - 2/20/2011 10:08:43 PM   
MaamJay


Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline 		OK OP, there has been some good advice here (and some philosophical debate too!). Here's My 2c worth:

Firstly, I AM an older woman (54) who's not afraid to admit her age ... and whose submissive side is happily collared to Master who has yet to attain 40. We have lived together 24/7 since June 2004 so it's not exactly a flash in the pan. So yes, it CAN happen! The 15 year age gap isn't all that obvious at our present ages, though we do laugh about the fact that I began teaching school the same year he began going to school! It would have been a whole lot more obvious then! And that's where your trouble is ... at your age of 21, someone that much older than you is going to be a bit obvious when out together. So that's stumbling block #1 and a reason to look for someone in their late 30s rather than someone in their 40s or 50s (as no matter how well preserved they are, it's going to show!). How you both handle comments such as "Ask your mother ..." or "Send your son to fetch it" can be interesting (we had our share of those in the beginning, but now His grey hairs are showing and I get to dye mine purple *grin*). Not bragging but many people assume I'm mid-40s (I claim not having kids as the secret to My youthful looks!) so He and I don't look so obviously different.

Secondly, while He ALWAYS liked older women, there was no big fuss about that when we first corresponded. He read a forum post and liked what I had to say, wrote to Me privately about that and we began conversing. That was responding to My Dominant side in fact, and so at first we just chatted D to D. Only later after we'd met in the flesh (and we were a long way apart, diagonally across Australia so it took some doing!), did the tables turn and my sub side began to respond to His Dominance. Friends first could get you much further! Don't mention what you are looking for ... just quietly look for it! You can politely say no to the younger ones.

Thirdly, all of us regulars on the boards know that someone who insists on people calling them by a title first off is inexperienced ... it's a giant red flag announcing their lack of confidence in themselves. You'd get much further by saying something like "I consider myself a Dominant personality and that is the role I would like to take in interactions, but I realise I have a lot to learn and don't expect people to call me that till I merit it in their eyes". Trust Me, the first time a sub you have been talking to for a while calls you Sir ... that will be a very precious moment, not to be rushed. 'Master' generally refers to a Master/slave relationship or being recognised by your peers to be a Master of certain aspects of the lifestyle. It is a term that can even be applied to a woman (eg MasterFireMaam). So I'd steer clear of that one, just as I changed My first choice of nickname from Mistress Jay to MaamJay ... only someone I have interacted with for some time gets to call Me Mistress ... once I have BECOME their Mistress.

Fourthly, you may not realise it but how lucky you are to have had someone as venerable in this lifestyle as John Warren reply to your post. Likewise LadyPact ... and others! Heed their advice, they took you seriously and gave great answers. Stay willing to learn, open-minded and you could go a very long way. I do think getting out into the real scene would also help no end. At play parties we used to run, there was a young Dominant your age. His rope skills were phenomenal, and He was much respected and admired. Never a shortage of willing subbies for Him to tie and suspend (unless their weight precluded it!). A Domme My age (who was also working part time as a pro-Domme) and He struck up a platonic friendship and they run a website together and also work together at times. I've moved away and lost touch but I have little doubt that He has gone on to have a bright future in the scene, last I heard He was starting up a Next Generation group (specifically aimed for 18-35 yos). It IS possible to be respected in the scene at your age but you have to earn it, you cannot demand it.

Good luck!
Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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