RE: Responsibilities of a Top? (Full Version)

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NocturnalStalker -> RE: Responsibilities of a Top? (3/6/2011 8:21:38 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: 0ldhen


quote:

ORIGINAL: NocturnalStalker

I didn't type any post.



Well a day! Since I am the OP, I guess it falls upon me to inquire; Why not?


Because I have mind-blowing information that would change your view on the world.

Or I just couldn't think of much to say.

Whichever sounds better to you.



FukinTroll -> RE: Responsibilities of a Top? (3/6/2011 3:46:28 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: 0ldhen

Wow, this a good bit to address. First thank you Troll for this post.

I love the first line, Spoken like a true D.

Total Power Exchange, you know I often wonder what those three seemingly innocent words mean to those who use them.

Often I see members on the other side with those words in their profile, read said profile and am left shaking my head.

Cool, I think, YOU are in charge. In charge of WHAT exactly. Woohoo so you are in charge of the rope and the floggers, great. What about the all important "happy"? Apologies Troll dear, that term fit better than any I could think of.

If I am going to place my entire being in your hands, you damn sure better be in charge of everything. Now that does not mean I expect micro management. But it does mean I expect you to be there facing whatever comes down the path, my guard and my shield in life.

It also goes without saying, to my mind at least, that while you are standing in front of me, I will have your back.

Now to digress a bit. I think (yes, heavens help us all) too often folks have their masochism and submission way to tangled together. Same goes for their dominance and their sadism.

The power they give to me comes with great responsibility.

Their well being is my responsibility, just as mine is theirs.


No long creed, no huge explanation, just two simple lines, yet to me they perfectly a describe a dominant.


Yup, the red stuff is the most important stuff darlin. The rest is just window dressing.

SLURP~



LadyPact -> RE: Responsibilities of a Top? (3/6/2011 7:54:25 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: 0ldhen
Wow LP, that was awesome!

I do not think I've seen a more concise yet descriptive reply, Thank you.

From that I can say I bet your handbills for your DM was great.

Lol, my wet dream is a hottub full of coffee to swim in when I wake up.

I apologize for the delay in responding, but I'm glad you liked it. 

I have to admit, from reading the responses, I've been led to think of another thread where this topic got touched on and the concern of 'My dog's better than your dog' would come up.  No shock there.  Also not a surprise that some folks don't seem to understand the difference between the breeds.  Granted, some folks don't know the difference between a golden retriever and a cocker spaniel so there are times that patience has to be displayed.

I happen to love being a top.  These days, I'd probably be one even if I didn't consider Myself a Dominant.  Topping is a heck of a lot of fun for those of us who enjoy it. 



LPslittleclip -> RE: Responsibilities of a Top? (3/6/2011 9:05:06 PM)

in each dynamic there will be diffrent ideas and interactions as there is no one way of anything i am a slave i could not be a top as it does not mesh with me i have see many do it and i could not i enjoy being the slave and pleasing my Mistress no mater what the label it is the person in charge that has the ausom responsibility to remain so and the other can just be enjoying the ride.
pleasant journeys to all who go forth



0ldhen -> RE: Responsibilities of a Top? (3/7/2011 5:31:16 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I apologize for the delay in responding, but I'm glad you liked it. 

  Also not a surprise that some folks don't seem to understand the difference between the breeds.  Granted, some folks don't know the difference between a golden retriever and a cocker spaniel so there are times that patience has to be displayed.

I happen to love being a top.  These days, I'd probably be one even if I didn't consider Myself a Dominant.  Topping is a heck of a lot of fun for those of us who enjoy it. 



And there you have it. It seems to me that there are a lot of people who DO NOT know the difference. What I am finding even more baffling as I veture back out into the wide world of wiitwd is the fact that so many individuals are calling themselves dominants when after talking with them, to me at least, it is quite plain they are tops.

Thank you LP for your post and for presenting the opportunity to discuss this particular issue further.



0ldhen -> RE: Responsibilities of a Top? (3/7/2011 5:34:53 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LPslittleclip

i am a slave i could not be a top as it does not mesh with me

pleasant journeys to all who go forth


Clip, I can see where for some who are a hard wired s type topping would be a hard limit.

Thank you and your Lady for your post.

Pleasant journeys, warm winds and bright sunbeams on your way you adorable guy.



LillyBoPeep -> RE: Responsibilities of a Top? (3/7/2011 6:28:30 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: FukinTroll

The power they give to me comes with great responsibility.

Their well being is my responsibility, just as mine is theirs.



that's pretty spot-on.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Oldhen

so many individuals are calling themselves dominants when after talking with them, to me at least, it is quite plain they are tops.


mmhmm mmhmm
sometimes you meet people who don't have any Dominant leanings at all -- it's important that people realize that it's okay to be whoever/whatever they are, because there are so many types of people, it's still very likely they'll find others who fit them. (one thing i like about FL is that it has all those extra designations like Top, Bottom, Kinkster, etc, so people can pick something that really fits.)
there are other types who you meet who would be a great fit for someone else, just not the brand of Dominance that you respond to or need, but every man wants to think he's a Dom, though, or they ASSUME they are simply because they're male, and that's just not enough. =p





0ldhen -> RE: Responsibilities of a Top? (3/7/2011 8:45:49 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep

it's important that people realize that it's okay to be whoever/whatever they are, because there are so many types of people, it's still very likely they'll find others who fit them.

there are other types who you meet who would be a great fit for someone else, just not the brand of Dominance that you respond to or need, but every man wants to think he's a Dom, though, or they ASSUME they are simply because they're male, and that's just not enough. =p


And all I can say to that my sweet Sheperdess is;

AMEN!!!!!!!



Palliata -> RE: Responsibilities of a Top? (3/8/2011 12:50:08 PM)

I'm not going to say my way is right or wrong, but my responsibilities as I see them are:

Keep my slave safe, emotionally and physically
Keep my slave healthy, emotionally and physically

From these things all else springs – the need for care before during and after play, the need for not pushing on hard limits too hard, the need to protect her from the assorted unpleasantnesses of real life, and so forth. Those two things are my only concrete directives.



Jennislut -> RE: Responsibilities of a Top? (3/8/2011 1:49:50 PM)

ok, from my very limited experience, a top's responsibility is to do to me what i want done to me. i don't know about aftercare, i have never needed any - perhaps the play was not intense enough, i don't know



IronBear -> RE: Responsibilities of a Top? (3/8/2011 2:02:26 PM)

I see unbinding the girl, giving her a towel to wipe herself down (help with that if wanted). and to give her something to drink  (water, juice or hot sweet tera if she has been "traveling" ) as part of after care, Sometimes just company, non intrusive company to keep unnecessary outside contact away until she is ready to continue playing or socializing. It may not always even be wanted, especially with independent women, but it is nice to have a "Big Brother"/"Big Sister" handy just in case and you know you are being looked after. 



Prinsexx -> RE: Responsibilities of a Top? (3/8/2011 3:38:04 PM)

And sometimes someone just 'tops'...without permission.
You know the shitty narcisistic toppy kind of one-upman (person) stuff that feels like the tables have been turned.
If it's emotional topping, or psychological topping then I say woooooo. No way.
That simply feels like a return to a power over relationship.
I guess this kind of 'topper' will just go on topping until they meet their match. Until the karmic carpet gets pulled right from under them
Rant over.



VaguelyCurious -> RE: Responsibilities of a Top? (3/8/2011 3:53:59 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: 0ldhen

What I am finding even more baffling as I veture back out into the wide world of wiitwd is the fact that so many individuals are calling themselves dominants when after talking with them, to me at least, it is quite plain they are tops.

I think what people forget, sometimes, is that we're only pretending that BDSM terms are a common, universal language.

They aren't. A lot of people will use top and dominant fairly interchangeably, and I don't know that that makes them wrong or ignorant - just because a sector of a community has decided that a particular word ought to mean a particular thing doesn't mean they get to criticise other people for not then falling in line with that (fairly arbitrary) decision.

In this discussion the difference between the terms was stated pretty clearly, so it's acceptable to expect people to use them as you've defined them. I don't think that holds true for general conversation in the 'wide world', though.



0ldhen -> RE: Responsibilities of a Top? (3/8/2011 7:28:50 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Palliata

I'm not going to say my way is right or wrong, but my responsibilities as I see them are:

Keep my slave safe, emotionally and physically
Keep my slave healthy, emotionally and physically


Thank you so much for your reply. I like your answer.

I bolded the first line because I want to again emphasize that there is no right or better "thing" to be, only different.



0ldhen -> RE: Responsibilities of a Top? (3/8/2011 7:30:52 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jennislut

ok, from my very limited experience, a top's responsibility is to do to me what i want done to me.


I like this answer as well, very concise, Thank You.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

Until the karmic carpet gets pulled right from under them


Karme IS a wonderful thing, Thank you as well.



LillyBoPeep -> RE: Responsibilities of a Top? (3/8/2011 7:34:05 PM)

this is totally OT: but i just saw a commercial about "chicken subs" and thought of you. ^_^ haha ♥



0ldhen -> RE: Responsibilities of a Top? (3/8/2011 7:34:49 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

"Big Brother"/"Big Sister" handy just in case and you know you are being looked after. 


Thank you IB, you really are a big sweety aren't you?



0ldhen -> RE: Responsibilities of a Top? (3/8/2011 7:36:17 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep

this is totally OT: but i just saw a commercial about "chicken subs" and thought of you. ^_^ haha ♥


Soo.....if I slather myself with oil and lay between two pieces of bread will you eat me?



LillyBoPeep -> RE: Responsibilities of a Top? (3/8/2011 7:39:23 PM)

you can totally uh... leave the bread off........... yanno? [;)]
heheee

(okay, i'll stop hijacking your thread. ^_-)



0ldhen -> RE: Responsibilities of a Top? (3/8/2011 7:44:27 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious


In this discussion the difference between the terms was stated pretty clearly, so it's acceptable to expect people to use them as you've defined them. I don't think that holds true for general conversation in the 'wide world', though.


I think you are 100% right with your entire post, Thank You.

Too often though, since we do not have a universal dictionary of BDSM or D/s or M/s terms, there is confusion as to who is responsible for what. I've recently seen this cause a great deal of relationship issues even after both parties thought they had been very clear about what they expected of the other.

This of course piqued my curiosity as to other folks ideas of what a Tops or a Doms responsibilities lie.

In truth it is up to each of us to define as clearly as we can our expectations in any gven situation and then hope we were understood.



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