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RE: Punishing a new sub for the first time. - 3/4/2011 10:08:20 AM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
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You have to KNOW the gal you have in your collar. When you know her, you'll know how to get the best out of the relationship,situation and her.

Much like with parenting, the people that fous on the * what can I do to punish and how?* have their focus on the cart while the horse does what it likes.

She hasn't even done anything to be punished for and you're already thinking about how to?

The simple answer is * you do this and I do that*. Make your *that*, stinky, horrible and severe, no matter how firey a person is (take it from me)...everyone has a point at which they'd rather take the easier route.

agirl

_____________________________

See how easy it can be?

(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 21

RE: Punishing a new sub for the first time. - 3/4/2011 10:10:13 AM

watersign69

Posts: 16
Joined: 2/21/2011
Status: offline

I happy I posted this. reason being I needed to say it. The reality is that if you do something wrong you must be punished for it, end of story. I believe this to be true and apply it to my Dominance. I do realize that that some may look at the post as a sign of weakness but I honestly do not care. I know that I am a great Dom, I'm still very young and still learning but I always end up correcting myself and move forward.

(in reply to porcelaine)

Post #: 22

RE: Punishing a new sub for the first time. - 3/4/2011 10:15:37 AM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

*nods*

Then you are trapped in your own self-conflict watersign69. You should know though that you're reality is not objective reality. There are several of us on these boards that expect, and get, obedience without the need to punish. So the FACTS of the matter are that you choose to punish. Now you just need to get good with that.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to watersign69)

Post #: 23

RE: Punishing a new sub for the first time. - 3/4/2011 10:26:56 AM

Pedestrian

Posts: 12
Joined: 4/1/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

*nods*

Then you are trapped in your own self-conflict watersign69. You should know though that you're reality is not objective reality. There are several of us on these boards that expect, and get, obedience without the need to punish. So the FACTS of the matter are that you choose to punish. Now you just need to get good with that.

I could believe that...in an almost perfect world. The prospect of punishment is still necessary or one simply allows any aberrations as a matter of...'I don't get disobedience.'

(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 24

RE: Punishing a new sub for the first time. - 3/4/2011 10:35:32 AM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

I can hear it now... I broke up with my dominant a bit ago and something keeps bothering me and keeps me from wanting to seek another dominant when it is time. See, when I asked him why certain things happened and why he did these things... his only answer was that he had checked it out with the collarme community and they said this and that. Couldn't he just weigh things out and deal with me rather than ask people that didn't know me? Did he know me at all? Did he know himself? Couldn't he live true to himself rather than go ask others? Please help me!

Before you punish someone for anything, you ought to have a good handle on what that something is and how that punishment is going to effect them, yourself and the situation.

To think... some people parent... and do the same things. It's bad enough with an adult... but damn it... clueless people causing damage to other human beings, then justifying it with... if I make a mistake, I say I am sorry and correct myself.(Type attitude.) Gee... sometimes there shouldn't be an I'm sorry because it shouldn't have happened in the first place. People prepare for certain things in life. Preparing doesn't mean going and asking stranger's, with little details, to get involved with dynamics only you have created. Controlling another human being should be one of them... prepare, life preparedness and experience... means before you go there, understand a few things, which would mean you wouldn't have to post questions like this one.

Where is the discussion of a punishment dynamic? Where are the discussions of how one could do something different and get a different or better effect? Where are the details other than... she's a feisty lil thing. Where do you state you have considered, read and done this or that to enable you to know when to punish and how if that is your choice in life and relationships? Where is the communication example here that would suggest you are able to communicate well enough to control another and punish 'them' when they are wrong and you know they will be?

When someone responded in what to say... oh... that's what I would do! ROFL! Then why the fuck did you ask? Why the need to hear what others would say about it, if you are all okay with how you do it and would do that too... and... and... and...

Now... if it is true.. you do something wrong and you get punished for it... who punishes you, the op for posting as you have?

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 25

RE: Punishing a new sub for the first time. - 3/4/2011 10:39:34 AM

peppermint

Posts: 5169
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline

quote:

The reality is that if you do something wrong you must be punished for it, end of story. I believe this to be true and apply it to my Dominance.

Really sad. You expect and seem to want your submissive to fuck up rather than help her succeed. That is just messed up. I guess helping her succeed is more work than you are willing to do. Sad.

(in reply to watersign69)

Post #: 26

RE: Punishing a new sub for the first time. - 3/4/2011 10:47:28 AM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Pedestrian
I could believe that...in an almost perfect world. The prospect of punishment is still necessary or one simply allows any aberrations as a matter of...'I don't get disobedience.'

I'm afraid you are missing the point. I do not allow aberrations... period. Whether or not you think that's feasible over the really long haul, the current facts of the matter are that it HAS worked for 3.5 years. During that time there has been one "close call" that needed some sorting to determine if it was, in fact, disobedience. For the rest of the time it was simply "obedience".

We could argue indefinitely over whether it's possible to continue in this way indefinitely or not. But arguing hypotheticals is a fool's errand, especially on the internet. To date it has worked.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to Pedestrian)

Post #: 27

RE: Punishing a new sub for the first time. - 3/4/2011 10:58:49 AM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: watersign69

I happy I posted this. reason being I needed to say it. The reality is that if you do something wrong you must be punished for it, end of story. I believe this to be true and apply it to my Dominance. I do realize that that some may look at the post as a sign of weakness but I honestly do not care. I know that I am a great Dom, I'm still very young and still learning but I always end up correcting myself and move forward.

You didn't *say* anything....you *asked*. If you're at home with your great dominance, I'm a little curious as to why you did the asking.

The reality for ME is that I'll always do things *wrong*. Punishment won't fix that.

Whether it's a penalty inducing offence is down to attitude, not offence.

I didn't look at your post as a sign of weakness.... I looked at it thinking that you didn't know your arse from your elbow, or had bitten off more than you could chew.

agirl

_____________________________

See how easy it can be?

(in reply to watersign69)

Post #: 28

RE: Punishing a new sub for the first time. - 3/4/2011 11:02:54 AM

NorthernGent

Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: watersign69

Any ideas on what I could say to my sub before I spank her for breaking my rules ?

You could say: "Look, I'm fuckin' sick to the back teeth of you and your non compliance. How fuckin' old are you? The rules are there for a very good reason; take heed or I will make your life beyond uncomfortable"......or: "never mind, put the kettle on and we'll have a cup of tea and a slice of cake and forget about it".

_____________________________

I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

(in reply to watersign69)

Post #: 29

RE: Punishing a new sub for the first time. - 3/4/2011 11:05:44 AM

NorthernGent

Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: myotherself

Assuming she is aware that she has broken one of your rules and she knows that a punishment will follow...

Then surely the only grown-up way to deal with this is to tell her what she did wrong, tell her what the punishment will be, and that afterwards you will be moving forward and not dwelling on mistakes?

YMMV

Oh god. May as well buy a manual and have a relationship with it.

Just do whatever comes natural, bang the bitch into oblivion in some form or other. Fuck the fuckin' movin' on! What about the present?!

_____________________________

I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

(in reply to myotherself)

Post #: 30

RE: Punishing a new sub for the first time. - 3/4/2011 11:06:35 AM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

quote:

ORIGINAL: Pedestrian
I could believe that...in an almost perfect world. The prospect of punishment is still necessary or one simply allows any aberrations as a matter of...'I don't get disobedience.'

I'm afraid you are missing the point. I do not allow aberrations... period. Whether or not you think that's feasible over the really long haul, the current facts of the matter are that it HAS worked for 3.5 years. During that time there has been one "close call" that needed some sorting to determine if it was, in fact, disobedience. For the rest of the time it was simply "obedience".

We could argue indefinitely over whether it's possible to continue in this way indefinitely or not. But arguing hypotheticals is a fool's errand, especially on the internet. To date it has worked.

My relationship doesn't resemble Jeff and Carol's but it's hard to argue with the facts.

Jeff hasn't ever come to this forum asking what to say/do should Carol misbehave .....and M wouldn't either. My guess........ all jolly well know what they're doing.

agirl

_____________________________

See how easy it can be?

(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 31

RE: Punishing a new sub for the first time. - 3/4/2011 11:09:25 AM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NorthernGent

quote:

ORIGINAL: watersign69

Any ideas on what I could say to my sub before I spank her for breaking my rules ?

You could say: "Look, I'm fuckin' sick to the back teeth of you and your non compliance. How fuckin' old are you? The rules are there for a very good reason; take heed or I will make your life beyond uncomfortable"......or: "never mind, put the kettle on and we'll have a cup of tea and a slice of cake and forget about it".

I'd think he was a bit of a prick if he said * How old are you?*....just saying....lol. The rest of it, pretty bang on.

agirl

_____________________________

See how easy it can be?

(in reply to NorthernGent)

Post #: 32

RE: Punishing a new sub for the first time. - 3/4/2011 11:11:51 AM

frazzle

Posts: 1212
Joined: 6/20/2009
Status: offline

Why are you expecting her to break your rules????

If she does, might it be you werent clear??

No obviously not..........

Try leaving the porn alone and deal with being a sadist.

You are not that either??

ask mummy when will dinner be ready/

< Message edited by frazzle -- 3/4/2011 11:13:32 AM >

(in reply to watersign69)

Post #: 33

RE: Punishing a new sub for the first time. - 3/4/2011 11:12:14 AM

NorthernGent

Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: NorthernGent

quote:

ORIGINAL: watersign69

Any ideas on what I could say to my sub before I spank her for breaking my rules ?

You could say: "Look, I'm fuckin' sick to the back teeth of you and your non compliance. How fuckin' old are you? The rules are there for a very good reason; take heed or I will make your life beyond uncomfortable"......or: "never mind, put the kettle on and we'll have a cup of tea and a slice of cake and forget about it".

I'd think he was a bit of a prick if he said * How old are you?*....just saying....lol. The rest of it, pretty bang on.

agirl

Act like child - treat like a child.

_____________________________

I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

(in reply to agirl)

Post #: 34

RE: Punishing a new sub for the first time. - 3/4/2011 11:13:46 AM

watersign69

Posts: 16
Joined: 2/21/2011
Status: offline

What ! I never said Don't want her top succeed, I'm not sure why everyone is taking what I posted the wrong way. I want nothing more than to help them all succeed, it makes happy to see them happy and vise versa. The post was a random thought at that moment in time of posting it, a quick glance of what is to come if i did not get ahold of my thoughts and correct my thinking. If you take everything Im saying seriously here in this forum than "that's just sad".

(in reply to agirl)

Post #: 35

RE: Punishing a new sub for the first time. - 3/4/2011 11:15:34 AM

SirRussellP

Posts: 107
Joined: 1/10/2006
Status: offline

First do you use and enjoy spanking, flogging, paddling, etc. in your play? If you do then your style of punishment will work against your best interests and her's. Use corrections rather then physical punishment you will find that they work better.

I want mine to go willingly over my knee, thrill to the flogger not remember that when she was bad she was punished in that manner. Have her write an essay on which rule she broke, why she broke it and how will she make amends for it. Punish the mind play with the body.

Oh if she feels she needs a beating to get rid of the guilt that is a different story but also remember if she like to be spanked or physically punished then using physical punishment is only letting her top from the bottom.

Russell

(in reply to agirl)

Post #: 36

RE: Punishing a new sub for the first time. - 3/4/2011 11:16:04 AM

NuevaVida

Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: watersign69
If you take everything Im saying seriously here in this forum than "that's just sad".

Hmm...Note to self: Do not take this poster seriously. Got it.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.

(in reply to watersign69)

Post #: 37

RE: Punishing a new sub for the first time. - 3/4/2011 11:17:05 AM

NorthernGent

Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: watersign69

If you take everything Im saying seriously here in this forum than "that's just sad".

You've got my attention here.....does this mean you want people to take you as a joke? No wonder she's busy showing scant regard for your rules.

_____________________________

I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

(in reply to watersign69)

Post #: 38

RE: Punishing a new sub for the first time. - 3/4/2011 11:19:13 AM

watersign69

Posts: 16
Joined: 2/21/2011
Status: offline

What ever, I came for advice and help, but you intentions are to give non constructive criticism I see.

(in reply to NuevaVida)

Post #: 39

RE: Punishing a new sub for the first time. - 3/4/2011 11:23:35 AM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

Say what you mean and mean what you say. Don't ask people to decipher it for you when you make random thoughts loud enough for others to hear. They will read/hear what you say. You said enough to let some know you are confused, could be confusing and it could turn out, not so well.

Look, there are many that would like to help people. The thing is, when people come in with an attitude that they know what they are doing while asking what they are doing or how to do it, they say... I don't know what I am doing. You come in with a spirit of wanting to learn... all well and fine... you come in with a spirit of... I know this, but what do you think and then say things that are mixed messages... we have to assume you are going to be sending mixed messages in other communications, where the communications count far more.

What are the things you have heard/learned from this thread?

One thing, in your response to not wanting your submissive to succeed... did you hear any experience or think about what you might have said that would make people think that you didn't want your submissive to succeed... since you were practically setting her up not to succeed by your expectations that she wouldn't succeed in behaving? This is where some experience in life in general or with human nature might benefit you and might be a good reason to slow down that fast horse to a slower pace so you can gain a better footing in being that great dominant you say you are.

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to watersign69)

Post #: 40

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