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RE: Punishing a new sub for the first time. - 3/4/2011 11:35:46 AM   
agirl


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quote:

ORIGINAL: NorthernGent


quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: NorthernGent


quote:

ORIGINAL: watersign69

Any ideas on what I could say to my sub before I spank her for breaking my rules ?



You could say: "Look, I'm fuckin' sick to the back teeth of you and your non compliance. How fuckin' old are you? The rules are there for a very good reason; take heed or I will make your life beyond uncomfortable"......or: "never mind, put the kettle on and we'll have a cup of tea and a slice of cake and forget about it".




I'd think he was a bit of a prick if he said * How old are you?*....just saying....lol. The rest of it, pretty bang on.

agirl



Act like child - treat like a child.


Non-compliance isn't limited to behaving like a child.

agirl


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Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Punishing a new sub for the first time. - 3/4/2011 11:47:43 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline 		You've been totally inconsistent in your postings. I was actually quite helpful as far as my experience goes.

Jeff gave you another big old hefty dose of onfo from his POV along with other posters.

Let's be fair, you DID make a foolish *original post*, considering you supposedly know what you're doing, have no real need of advice, are a great dominant with a firm grasp of what you're faced with. :)

My bet is that you're nothing of the sort, basically because..... guys with real girls sucking their cocks, obeying or even DIS-obeying, don't have time to post such hogswash.

Just a hunch...lol

agirl




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RE: Punishing a new sub for the first time. - 3/4/2011 11:51:29 AM   
NorthernGent


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quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: NorthernGent


quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: NorthernGent


quote:

ORIGINAL: watersign69

Any ideas on what I could say to my sub before I spank her for breaking my rules ?



You could say: "Look, I'm fuckin' sick to the back teeth of you and your non compliance. How fuckin' old are you? The rules are there for a very good reason; take heed or I will make your life beyond uncomfortable"......or: "never mind, put the kettle on and we'll have a cup of tea and a slice of cake and forget about it".




I'd think he was a bit of a prick if he said * How old are you?*....just saying....lol. The rest of it, pretty bang on.

agirl



Act like child - treat like a child.


Non-compliance isn't limited to behaving like a child.

agirl



Interpretation. To me adults accept responsibility - they know what they are getting themselves into and do not appeal to excuses further down the line.

But maybe I'm wide of the mark. Do you have an example?


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Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Punishing a new sub for the first time. - 3/4/2011 11:57:22 AM   
myotherself


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Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
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quote:

ORIGINAL: NorthernGent


quote:

ORIGINAL: myotherself

Assuming she is aware that she has broken one of your rules and she knows that a punishment will follow...

Then surely the only grown-up way to deal with this is to tell her what she did wrong, tell her what the punishment will be, and that afterwards you will be moving forward and not dwelling on mistakes?

YMMV



Oh god. May as well buy a manual and have a relationship with it.

Just do whatever comes natural, bang the bitch into oblivion in some form or other. Fuck the fuckin' movin' on! What about the present?!


I disagree with some of this (except the last 2 sentences...which sound pretty hot...)

Some have a punishment dynamic. I do with my Master. I like/need rules, he likes/needs to make rules. Makes us both happy. Occasionally I fuck up, for whatever reason. He tells me I have, we discuss it. We have agreed that there will be a punishment which he will decide upon. It's done, then it's all over.

Not a manual - just the way that some run their relationships.

*shrugs*

YMMV


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RE: Punishing a new sub for the first time. - 3/4/2011 12:17:44 PM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: NorthernGent


quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: NorthernGent


quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: NorthernGent


quote:

ORIGINAL: watersign69

Any ideas on what I could say to my sub before I spank her for breaking my rules ?



You could say: "Look, I'm fuckin' sick to the back teeth of you and your non compliance. How fuckin' old are you? The rules are there for a very good reason; take heed or I will make your life beyond uncomfortable"......or: "never mind, put the kettle on and we'll have a cup of tea and a slice of cake and forget about it".




I'd think he was a bit of a prick if he said * How old are you?*....just saying....lol. The rest of it, pretty bang on.

agirl



Act like child - treat like a child.


Non-compliance isn't limited to behaving like a child.

agirl



Interpretation. To me adults accept responsibility - they know what they are getting themselves into and do not appeal to excuses further down the line.

But maybe I'm wide of the mark. Do you have an example?



Yup, loads of them  and yes, you're wide of OUR mark. I've no problem with drawing attention to less than stellar behaviour. I'm fortunate enough to not have the *adults behave* line fed to me. Both he and I know that THAT doesn't mean either of us make excuses in the least...it means that we realise that we don't always behave at our best.

Yes, we hope to, try to, wish to and want to.......but all the same , we don't.

Kids aren't the only ones that behave badly...just a head's up.

Attitude is all.

agirl



< Message edited by agirl -- 3/4/2011 12:18:44 PM >

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RE: Punishing a new sub for the first time. - 3/4/2011 12:28:06 PM   
NuevaVida


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quote:

ORIGINAL: watersign69

What ever, I came for advice and help, but you intentions are to give non constructive criticism I see.



You came for advice, then said you weren't actually asking a question (ie; didn't really want advice), then said we shouldn't take you seriously. 

I think a lot of people gave sound advice, and if you want to receive it, you will.  I came to do the same, until I read that we shouldn't be taking you seriously. 

Step one in inspiring obedience is to be consistent.  You have not been in this thread.  Are you with your slave?


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RE: Punishing a new sub for the first time. - 3/4/2011 12:30:03 PM   
agirl


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quote:

ORIGINAL: NorthernGen

Act like child - treat like a child.



Of course, all children are the same. What a daft comment you've made.

agirl




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Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Punishing a new sub for the first time. - 3/4/2011 12:30:08 PM   
NuevaVida


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quote:

ORIGINAL: NorthernGent

Interpretation. To me adults accept responsibility - they know what they are getting themselves into and do not appeal to excuses further down the line.



Adults behave irresponsibly all the time.  We may want them to behave responsibly, or even expect them to, but if we decide for ourselves that they always will, we will be sorely disappointed. 

I'm a pretty responsible person, but I have my moments of sheer irresponsibility.  I suspect any fallible human being does, as well.


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Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Punishing a new sub for the first time. - 3/4/2011 12:45:56 PM   
agirl


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quote:


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quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

quote:

ORIGINAL: NorthernGent

Interpretation. To me adults accept responsibility - they know what they are getting themselves into and do not appeal to excuses further down the line.



Adults behave irresponsibly all the time.  We may want them to behave responsibly, or even expect them to, but if we decide for ourselves that they always will, we will be sorely disappointed. 

I'm a pretty responsible person, but I have my moments of sheer irresponsibility.  I suspect any fallible human being does, as well.



I'm in agreement. No matter how brilliant I am most of the time ( no need to hear M's view...lol) I do NOT behave well all of the time. BIG surprise.!!

MY children don't expect to behave any differently than I do.... just because they are young males. They have hormones, *I* have them too. None of us use them as an excuse as we'd cancel each other out....lol *Battle of the testosterone versus the dodgy HRT, Mama*.

I've no idea what *excuses* you are referring to *down the line*....NOR what that has to do with being a child or adult.

agirl




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Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Punishing a new sub for the first time. - 3/4/2011 12:47:22 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Maybe in somebodies world, children are not accountable for their actions, but in my world they are. Children are not excluded from being held accountable. Adults even more so because they are older, but because a child is a child, doesn't mean it is a free ride into adulthood and doesn't mean I get a free ride and an easy out either. So this acting like a child, treated like a child... doesn't make sense to me. They are not an adult yet, they are learning to be an adult and when some steps to adulthood are missed or done wrong... we have adults that aren't accountable or try not to be. Punishment doesn't always work. So acting like a child and treated like a child doesn't work for me.

I learned when working with children, that if I treated them like an adult, I got better behavior. They felt respected and acted in ways to deserve that respect. I did it with large groups of children and my programs were integrated into other agencies. You treat an adult like a child and you are going to have some issues in my opinion. I don't wish to raise children; I raise adults. I don't want a child standing there when I am done and I am happy with the adults I raised to be adults.

I corrected my children. There was one that needed punishment to get some things when he was young, but mostly I did my job and I relate that to similarities with submissive's. If I do my job (position in life) correctly, I don't have issues. I must know them... just as I needed to know my children. I must know how they learn, what works best with them and not treat them all the same. I must expect that they can learn and will do so under my leadership/parenting. It is up to me to find the way. It is not my job to expect things that cannot be or to project that they will do this or that without the facts about them personally to guide my expectations or projections.

If I can't know them and what I am doing... I am going to mess up. I can mess up simply by being human... but, I am going to work damn hard not to have to say I am sorry and to get it right from the start. I'm sorry means... I missed something and I will hope not to miss it again. Anything less is unacceptable. Sometimes it isn't the child or submissive that is in the wrong or misbehaving, but the parent or dominant.

< Message edited by Lockit -- 3/4/2011 1:04:31 PM >

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RE: Punishing a new sub for the first time. - 3/4/2011 12:57:29 PM   
leadership527


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quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl
Non-compliance isn't limited to behaving like a child.

I have to say that despite the differences in our relationships, I totally agree with this. As I've read your posts over the years there's very little that sounds "childish" to me. Just as Carol, you operate within the boundaries set by your owner. Overall actually, I've always seen your posts as some of the most solidly grounded on this site.


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I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
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RE: Punishing a new sub for the first time. - 3/4/2011 1:25:59 PM   
ExSteelAgain


Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline 		There's nothing wrong with getting opinions from others. But don't get trapped into thinking you have to do something. It could be as you know her even better, you will know what the perfect punishment would be or if one is even necessary with her.

If she is into being spanked and so on, how are you going to make that a punishment? It's possible, and some submissives say it's all with the intent of their Dom, but I doubt it.

My slave, Chain, is into being spanked, flogged and other things. I punished her once by putting her over my lap and simply touching her nude ass with the flogger, crop, slapper and paddle while telling her she would not be enjoying these things for a long time.

Good luck. You seem thoughtful and will do the right thing.

< Message edited by ExSteelAgain -- 3/4/2011 1:28:49 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Punishing a new sub for the first time. - 3/4/2011 2:59:46 PM   
DesFIP


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Pedestrian
I could believe that...in an almost perfect world. The prospect of punishment is still necessary or one simply allows any aberrations as a matter of...'I don't get disobedience.'


It's worked here for eight years. We don't do punishment because a punishment doesn't help me succeed. We problem solve instead to find a solution for the next time the problem arises.

Additionally in the half dozen times when he could have chosen punishment, it would have stopped flat when he asked if I understood. Because I have never said fuck you, I'm not going to do what you want.  I have never been willfully disobedient. What I have been is confused as has he. Each time it has come down to misunderstanding each other.

If he gives me an order I am unable to accomplish I am supposed to tell him what the problem is so he can teach me how to succeed. Doesn't matter how badly he could beat me, if I don't know how to do something then a beating won't teach it.


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RE: Punishing a new sub for the first time. - 3/4/2011 4:39:31 PM   
IronBear


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From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		Well said Celeste lass, my view also. girl fail to meet expectations, my responsibly for not teaching properly and ensuring she was adequately equipped to succeed. I like to chart the successes not the punishments. Successes go in the "Bravo" file and punishments go in the "Shame File" (My shame not hers)

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Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

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RE: Punishing a new sub for the first time. - 3/4/2011 4:53:52 PM   
porcelaine


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quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

Well said Celeste lass, my view also. girl fail to meet expectations, my responsibly for not teaching properly and ensuring she was adequately equipped to succeed. I like to chart the successes not the punishments. Successes go in the "Bravo" file and punishments go in the "Shame File" (My shame not hers)


I wonder if it's human nature to dwell upon the negative or at the very least give it far more attention than our gains and success. I see this sometimes on this side of the whip. There's often an over emphasis on discomfort, hardship, and negative consequences and far less praise and promotion of positive experiences. At times it lends the impression that suffering is a badge of honor and its opposite is viewed askance.

Namaste,

~porcelaine


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RE: Punishing a new sub for the first time. - 3/4/2011 5:03:25 PM   
IronBear


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From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		I'd rather a girl wear as her badge of honour one of success, joy and happiness in her servitude.. Must more satisfying and honourable I would think. My comments on an other thread about bulls cunts and telling the rest to get fucked probably applies here too..   LOL

< Message edited by IronBear -- 3/4/2011 5:04:21 PM >

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Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

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Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Punishing a new sub for the first time. - 3/4/2011 5:15:03 PM   
Prinsexx


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit


I learned when working with children, that if I treated them like an adult, I got better behavior. They felt respected and acted in ways to deserve that respect.

I agree in part.
I don't think there is a dividing line between child and adult. I think that altough many adults attempt to forget they ever were children two truths are beyond exception: that we have all once been children and that one day we're all gonna die.
regarding 'childishness' (the state of returing to earlier forms of ~behaviour and/or thinking~...unless I am a saint (?) then I often revert to being what someone else might call a 'child'. Often anything which is nonconformist, unpredictable or indeed creative and not last of extravert might ne interpreted as childish. On this side (dominant) such behaviour is more easily accomodated and goes without any form of chiding or judgement. So it should. But then I have to be my own parent.
For a submissive there is the temptation to revert to early forms of behaviour simply because in earlier experiences 'childishness' got noticed.
So basically what I am saying is attention. any form of attention, reinforces bad behaviour. Although as a parent I am as guilty of this as the next person.
Ignoring bad behaviour is by far the most effective.
Sorry if this has been stated above as I haven't read everything (yet)


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RE: Punishing a new sub for the first time. - 3/4/2011 7:33:03 PM   
NocturnalStalker


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quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl



My bet is that you're nothing of the sort, basically because..... guys with real girls sucking their cocks, obeying or even DIS-obeying, don't have time to post such hogswash.






Oh how wrong you are.


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RE: Punishing a new sub for the first time. - 3/4/2011 9:27:41 PM   
porcelaine


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quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

I'd rather a girl wear as her badge of honour one of success, joy and happiness in her servitude.. Must more satisfying and honourable I would think. My comments on an other thread about bulls cunts and telling the rest to get fucked probably applies here too


I can't foist the entire blame on her. The demeanor shown is a reflection of the influences she's exposed to. In all instances the slave will encounter his positive and negative traits. Whether she consciously embraces both is a matter of choice, though they're in the mix somewhere if we're honest. Her honor or lack thereof is in proportion to the dominant's.

While I've encountered my share, it isn't something I'm directly affected by. As one progresses down the rabbit's hole you learn the wisdom of keeping your alliances to a minimum.

Namaste,

~porcelaine


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RE: Punishing a new sub for the first time. - 3/4/2011 11:37:05 PM   
Arpig


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From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline 		sprinkle a bunch of uncooked rice on the kitchen floor and have her kneel on them for a while

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Profile   Post #: 60
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