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RE: Single Mothers - 3/6/2011 2:20:23 PM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline 		Little ones bring little problems, BIG ones bring big ones.  Sad, sorry but true.

agirl


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RE: Single Mothers - 3/6/2011 2:32:18 PM   
SexyBossyBBW


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quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl
Little ones bring little problems, BIG ones bring big ones.  Sad, sorry but true.
agirl
I usually agree with you, but I cannot say, I consider little ones as carriers of problems in general.   I adore my little one, and we were watching millionaire matchmaker one day, when lil one said, "mom, you should go on that show." 
Lil one also saw a picture on my computer, accidentaly met a date, and said, "hey I saw your picture on my mom's computer!"   We both smiled, and said bye.    M


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RE: Single Mothers - 3/6/2011 2:59:45 PM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
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quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl

Little ones bring little problems, BIG ones bring big ones.  Sad, sorry but true.

agirl


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RE: Single Mothers - 3/6/2011 9:33:25 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DapperDom30

I am moving towards a relationship with a single mother. Her child will always come first, I understand and respect that. She has strong need to submit, and wants back into the lifestyle. Due to her situation, I don't want to move things along too quick, nor appear too distant. Im also a little concerned about a submissive that has a young child (less than a year), and the hormonal/mental changes that comes with childbirth and being a new mother. Can anyone offer any advice or past experiences when combining the lifestyle and a single mother / new mother?

Thanks,

Dapper


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RE: Single Mothers - 3/7/2011 5:23:26 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I'm amazed she even wants any kind of a physical relationship now. I didn't get my libido back till they were about two. I will tell you that she won't have a lot of time for service. For her to have any energy, she's going to be the one needing help. 

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RE: Single Mothers - 3/7/2011 6:56:53 PM   
aerten


Posts: 6
Joined: 2/14/2011
Status: offline
quote:

I'm amazed she even wants any kind of a physical relationship now. I didn't get my libido back till they were about two. I will tell you that she won't have a lot of time for service. For her to have any energy, she's going to be the one needing help.


i got mine back in about a week. Six months later, it finally started to fade back to a semi-normal level.

Did you know that you can buy vitamin E by the gallon?

Really, to the OP... i'm a single mother. i call my daughter my adorable complication. That's really all that dating a single mother equates to. The children are a huge complication, yes, and bring a nice little horde of other complications along with them, but the big thing to remember is that it means she has other responsibilities than pleasing you. Sit down and talk honestly about it. Not just what role you expect to have in her life, but what role she expects you to take in her child's life. You won't own the child, and you're not the father, but especially if this goes long term, you and she both should discuss openly and in advance how it stands now and where it might stand in the future.

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RE: Single Mothers - 3/8/2011 7:11:43 AM   
sirssubk2008


Posts: 248
Joined: 1/1/2011
Status: offline 		I think that communicating with her is the most important thing you can do. I'm a single mother myself, though 2 of them are almost grown, I still have one home for at least 10 years. What I look for most in a potential mate is their ability to understand that I do have kids and that situations will arise when a date might have to be canceled or postponed because of a child's illness or whatever. I highly recommend that you not interact too much with the baby until you are sure what it is the mother and you have together. Kids tend to become attached easily at times and it could be very hard on the baby if you were to disappear. It is also important as another poster mentioned, to know what role the father plays, if any in the baby's life. Like in my case, my youngest enjoys a very close relationship with his father, I would never do anything to cause harm to that relationship, and that would include bringing someone in who might try to come between them. Kids can never have too many positive role models in their life and having adult male friends is good for my son, but he will never be able to look at another as his dad, 'dad-like', but never dad...if that makes sense?

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RE: Single Mothers - 3/8/2011 7:22:23 AM   
porcelaine


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quote:

ORIGINAL: sirssubk2008

Kids can never have too many positive role models in their life and having adult male friends is good for my son, but he will never be able to look at another as his dad, 'dad-like', but never dad...if that makes sense?


Exactly. It takes time to get to that place (if ever) and it has to be mutually desired. Not a role the other party impresses upon the child. This is why I found the notion of him "owning" the child to be totally asinine. Now, if one is positing a certain measure of responsibility that's a different apple. But in that instance I'd be mindful of the verbiage utilized to express the concept.

Namaste,

~porcelaine


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RE: Single Mothers - 3/8/2011 7:55:22 AM   
flcouple2009


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quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

Kids don’t come first around here . . . the family does.

Like it was in my parent’s house and their parent’s house, the family came first and the kids were a part of the family, not its priority.  The family was run by the head of the house and we were taught to contribute and participate, like setting the table at dinner etc.  We had duties to perform, protocols to follow and rewards for doing so.

In my house, it is the same, even if I was the new dad to a woman and her children.  Once, a newcomer’s older daughter asked why mom called me “Sir”.  It was explained that Sir means gentleman and it was polite and respectful.  Kids were taught respect and to call me as well as people in public sir or ma’am.  Good ol' fashioned manners go a long way.   

With good manners, respect and an old fashioned attitude of family first, with you as head of the family, there should be no conflicts in your lifestyle fitting your home life.  In my experience, you can make your “house” a home.  


The needs of an infant often take priority.  That's just the way it is with little people who can't fend for themselves.

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RE: Single Mothers - 3/8/2011 2:39:45 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		Going to upset some of y'all. I keep a great distance between myself and children. I'll tell people that I am not child friendly and have little patience in that area.... Neets is the child loving human in our home not me.....

Now that you've had a chance to ;load a gun or get a lynching party together, I'll explain. For the last 12 years my ex-wife has illegally (according to the terms of our divorce) kept my son from me. H'ee be 18 at the end of the year and i was stopped from attending his graduation last year. She has deliberately (I have sworn evidence to this) turned him virulently against me, costing him his inheritance. I am taking action and will see the bitch in Federal jail where I will see that s suitable dyke committee will welcome her and keep doing so.. However, this is beside the poiint, I hurt and that hurt is too great to allow me to drop my protective barriers. here in Aussie, after Vietnam vets (till they were publicly welcomed home ) deposed fathers were the highest adult suicide group in Australia. We learn and we develop support groups and coping mechanisms. Neets is the only person to actually watch me go all gooy over a new born, carry a crying bub (giving it's mum a rest) and sing Irish lullaby to it. I can still change nappies with the best too.. Part of me wants nothing more than to have children all over the place... BUT the pain is still there and does not lessen. so I stay away.. I can handle that even when it costs me possible dynamic relationships.

On another aspect, y'all be talking about single mothers.. There are a jolly lot of single dads out there too, in Kink-land.. What advise do you give lasses who want to hook up with a single dad lad?

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RE: Single Mothers - 3/8/2011 4:00:02 PM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

Going to upset some of y'all. I keep a great distance between myself and children. I'll tell people that I am not child friendly and have little patience in that area.... Neets is the child loving human in our home not me.....


That doesn't upset me in the list bit. I'm not anti-child at all. I merely choose not to date men that have them. However, I do think it is a button pressing issue for some. I've seen it firsthand.

quote:

On another aspect, y'all be talking about single mothers.. There are a jolly lot of single dads out there too, in Kink-land.. What advise do you give lasses who want to hook up with a single dad lad?


I believe it is imperative that they are realistic in their partner selection. I've spoken to a few privately for long stretches of time and I usually find a pattern in the women they pursue. There's often an errant belief that women are naturally maternal, accepting of children without complaint, and will understand the challenges that single parenting brings. As you're well aware that isn't always the case. I've advised a good friend on this subject that shares custody with his ex. He prefers to chase single unicorns rather than fan a more suitable mate. His formula has proved unsuccessful.

Namaste,

~porcelaine


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RE: Single Mothers - 3/8/2011 4:18:16 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ClassAct2006

I'm slightly biased but I think sexy feminine women are more likely to have chldren than not and that it's great she has a child.


Really?

That is news to me and all the other sexy feminine childless women I know.

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Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Single Mothers - 3/9/2011 1:50:33 PM   
sirssubk2008


Posts: 248
Joined: 1/1/2011
Status: offline 		IronBear,
I'm sorry to hear what your ex has done, and I can completely understand your feelings on children, and though I know it may have cost you more pain to share your reasoning, I appreciate it, Thank you.

I would give females the exact same advice as men...

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RE: Single Mothers - 3/9/2011 4:02:10 PM   
DapperDom30


Posts: 10
Joined: 3/8/2009
Status: offline 		Thanks for the input everyone.

Much appreciated!

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Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Single Mothers - 3/9/2011 8:08:59 PM   
StrongSpirit


Posts: 575
Joined: 4/10/2005
Status: offline 		My advice is simple. Make the child's concerns yours as well as your subs. I don't mean tell her how to parent. Instead I mean make sure that part of your routine is to make sure she has taken care of the kid(s) first. If she has a baby sitter, start the kinky sessions, ask her about when the baby sitter has to leave, has she checked the baby sitter's references, etc.

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RE: Single Mothers - 3/10/2011 7:05:31 AM   
xssve


Posts: 3589
Joined: 10/10/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: porcelaine

quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

Going to upset some of y'all. I keep a great distance between myself and children. I'll tell people that I am not child friendly and have little patience in that area.... Neets is the child loving human in our home not me.....


That doesn't upset me in the list bit. I'm not anti-child at all. I merely choose not to date men that have them. However, I do think it is a button pressing issue for some. I've seen it firsthand.

A not uncommon attitude unfortunately: I think women automatically assume you'll foist all the parenting duties on them at the first opportunity. I get into more shit because I tell them to butt out - I've been taking care of my kids since they were born, they're my responsibility.

quote:

ORIGINAL: porcelaine
quote:

On another aspect, y'all be talking about single mothers.. There are a jolly lot of single dads out there too, in Kink-land.. What advise do you give lasses who want to hook up with a single dad lad?


I believe it is imperative that they are realistic in their partner selection. I've spoken to a few privately for long stretches of time and I usually find a pattern in the women they pursue. There's often an errant belief that women are naturally maternal, accepting of children without complaint, and will understand the challenges that single parenting brings. As you're well aware that isn't always the case. I've advised a good friend on this subject that shares custody with his ex. He prefers to chase single unicorns rather than fan a more suitable mate. His formula has proved unsuccessful.

Namaste,

~porcelaine



Flat out, I've found very few women that werent' scared off by the kids for one reason or another.

Just from watching others, I think the best advice is that when you have a relationship with somebody who has kids, realize that you're not the one and only, there are established relationships here: you're in a line, and not always at the front.

Just be yourself, don't try to play daddy unless she asks, just back the mother up and be there for her, 'cause kids are born game players, they'll eat you alive if you give them a chance, they love to play both sides against the middle, you have to present a united front - if there's a dispute, hash it out in private, not in front of the kids.

You'll find out very quickly if you're mature enough for this.

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RE: Single Mothers - 3/10/2011 8:56:07 AM   
hisdevin


Posts: 28
Joined: 3/7/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

Going to upset some of y'all. I keep a great distance between myself and children. I'll tell people that I am not child friendly and have little patience in that area.... Neets is the child loving human in our home not me.....



Why should this upset anybody? I can totally understand not wanting to have children around. I love kids myself and I have one. But why should this be any different than preferring a non-smoker or someone who doesn't own cats? It's a personal preference and I don't think that it says anything about someone as a person.

What upsets me is your story, because I can relate. I don't want to get into it because it will just make me (more) upset, but my master has gone through similar.

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RE: Single Mothers - 3/10/2011 9:33:36 AM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: xssve

A not uncommon attitude unfortunately: I think women automatically assume you'll foist all the parenting duties on them at the first opportunity. I get into more shit because I tell them to butt out - I've been taking care of my kids since they were born, they're my responsibility.


Many men believe that if a woman has a child she's automatically receptive. That was the button presser I was referencing. And while you may be different, more than a few are seeking a mother. There's a reason the women cling to that idea.

quote:

Just be yourself, don't try to play daddy unless she asks, just back the mother up and be there for her


I didn't encounter that. The hierarchy was understood by all parties involved. Nonetheless they were very supportive. It was explained to me that my refusal to ask for assistance is why they were so inclined to give beyond the norm. Bringing my vision to fruition was my greatest priority. Everything else was secondary. My selfishness is well deserved.

Namaste,

~porcelaine


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RE: Single Mothers - 3/10/2011 1:18:06 PM   
VATiki


Posts: 9
Joined: 1/14/2011
Status: offline 		IronBear-sorry to hear of your situation. As a single mother, I have had a Dom or two say they weren't interested because they did not want to compete with a child for my attention. So be it, atleast they were honest about why. But, as IronBear points out, I would not have a problem with a single father Dom. I could respect his needs to tend to his child which may interfere with my time with him, just as my own children's needs may interfere with his time with me...Its called life and stuff happens.

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RE: Single Mothers - 3/10/2011 1:24:07 PM   
LillyBoPeep


Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline 		this thread has taken a turn so now i feel like i can reply to it. haha =p
personally, i love kids. i'd like a boatload of them someday.  i don't mind guys with kids. once completed, my degree will have an arm that will let me work with kids, which will be pretty grand.
that said, i have run into guys who assume that, simply because you're female, you are automatically going to take care of their kids and become insta-mom. i have a "friend" who only wants to hang out with me conveniently when he needs a babysitter. =p that's frustrating/annoying, and after a while, i started to feel like he was taking advantage of me, so i just haven't spent a lot of time with him anymore. and if i find that kind of behavior in a person, it puts me off. i want a family, i don't want to be a single mom with a male roommate. haha ^_^

< Message edited by LillyBoPeep -- 3/10/2011 2:12:47 PM >

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