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RE: Internet bullying. - 3/11/2011 3:04:53 PM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
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Hello Lovely LaT,

quote:

So where are your lines? Where do you step in? Do you, do you feel any obligation to monitor your words? Do you feel more free to be nasty via the net? Do you ever consider that the person you are about to attack might not think, feel, have the same capacity to deflect, understand, cope........as you do? Do you even give a shit......ever?

I don't feel a need to be "nasty" on the net. However, I don't suffer fools. I like to think I don't say anything online that I couldn't say at a private dinner party. I consider myself to be held to task if I am out of line or something - but only by those who know me and care about me. The bitchy, mean-spirited people who deliberately try to bait me find that I don't rise to the occasion. They just look like people with sour grapes. I'm delighted to allow them to look like the jerks they are.

I generally try to be clear, honest and open in my responses. I'd like to think the things I say are more than just my spouting off opinion. Sometimes I am just spouting off opinion, though.

There are one or two people online that I have a bit of parental feeling toward and try to be particularly kind in how I word things with them. As for bullying generally, I just want to remind folks that it's not just about us DOING bullying but having bullying DONE TO us. I don't forget the few times I've seen people bullied on here, and it was shocking to me that people could be so ugly. I like to think people are good and decent (sometimes I'm foolishly optimistic, I know).

I am grateful actually for the internet and the message boards. It's here that I've learned to be a bit more direct and it has spilled over into other areas of my life.

best,
sunshine

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Post #: 41

RE: Internet bullying. - 3/11/2011 3:56:17 PM

rulemylife

Posts: 14614
Joined: 8/23/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

So where are your lines? Where do you step in? Do you, do you feel any obligation to monitor your words?

Nope.

quote:

Do you feel more free to be nasty via the net?

Yep.

quote:

Do you ever consider that the person you are about to attack might not think, feel, have the same capacity to deflect, understand, cope........as you do? Do you even give a shit......ever?

Nope.

Any more questions?

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 42

RE: Internet bullying. - 3/11/2011 4:06:50 PM

rulemylife

Posts: 14614
Joined: 8/23/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lazarus1983

I still have a hard time wrapping my head around the concept of internet bullying, when it comes to adults.

That someone can feel bullied, or threatened, by anonymous people through a computer is just...bizarre. I've been on plenty of threads, on here and other message boards, where my opinion was not popular, and had several other posters arguing against me. Did I feel bullied? No.

If things got 'nasty', if other people started attacking me personally, well then that just shows the weakness of the other person, lowering themselves to using an argument from intimidation. Do I feel bullied? No. I usually laugh at the absurdity of it.

Kids, however, are different. But we're adults, arguing over the internet. How can we take that seriously?

Exactly.

(in reply to lazarus1983)

Post #: 43

RE: Internet bullying. - 3/11/2011 4:33:18 PM

NocturnalStalker

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http://tinyurl.com/y6e7vjy

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Post #: 44

RE: Internet bullying. - 3/11/2011 4:36:02 PM

tiggerspoohbear

Posts: 19141
Joined: 6/27/2010
Status: offline

I try my hardest not to be mean or get personal with another poster. Sometimes, it's by the skin of my teeth that I don't press "ok" when it comes time to send, or I re-write it.

But if you're just not getting the point, and you never will, because you just have to keep arguing the same point in a different matter? Then I'm going to be blunt, to put it nicely. And if you come on here whining that x-y-z has happened to you, or that you don't like the site, then I can be a downright smartarse. I'll be the first to admit it.

When a question is seriously asked, and I can read that the person is in pain, then I reign it all in and answer to the best of my knowledge. I won't belittle those who really need help. If they keep posting other threads that are just a repeat of the first, then again the bluntness arises.

I once posted what I thought was an innocuous question in the "Ask A Master" forum and was lambasted. After the first few answers, I just never went back to the thread. If they wanted to give opinions to each other, that was fine, I was no longer going to participate.

I won't go looking to start a fight, but don't bring one to me. I've learned over the years on the internet that not everyone can be pleased, that's almost impossible. But neither do I need behindular attitude thrown at me time after time.

I stay away from certain posters, and have exactly one hidden, because I consider their threads or replies are enough to set my hair on fire. I can set my own hair on fire here at home, I don't need help from someone else to do it.

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(in reply to rulemylife)

Post #: 45

RE: Internet bullying. - 3/11/2011 4:45:36 PM

PeonForHer

Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
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FR

Now that we've all agreed that there's no place for softies on this forum, that we're all blunt, straight shootin' sons of guns, that no-one can really get hurt on the internet, and there's no gang mentality here - shall we all agree to beat the s**t out of any newbie who turns up now to argue with all this?

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(in reply to rulemylife)

Post #: 46

RE: Internet bullying. - 3/11/2011 4:57:45 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Since we're all thinking of being kinder and gentler, peon, I'm sure you'll step up and taken any beating that would have been given a new person; in the spirit of being nice and all.

Bend over!

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(in reply to PeonForHer)

Post #: 47

RE: Internet bullying. - 3/11/2011 4:58:50 PM

Aylee

Posts: 24103
Joined: 10/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

FR

Now that we've all agreed that there's no place for softies on this forum, that we're all blunt, straight shootin' sons of guns, that no-one can really get hurt on the internet, and there's no gang mentality here - shall we all agree to beat the s**t out of any newbie who turns up now to argue with all this?

As long as we get to steal their ice-cream cone!

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I don’t always wgah’nagl fhtagn. But when I do, I ph’nglui mglw’nafh R’lyeh.

(in reply to PeonForHer)

Post #: 48

RE: Internet bullying. - 3/11/2011 4:59:37 PM

Arpig

Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
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quote:

shall we all agree to beat the s**t out of any newbie who turns up now to argue with all this?

I'll second the motion <weg>

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(in reply to PeonForHer)

Post #: 49

RE: Internet bullying. - 3/11/2011 5:19:20 PM

Tantriqu

Posts: 2026
Joined: 12/29/2006
Status: offline

Interesting!
I think most women have been bullied on line. What is 'I'm going to duct-tape you and cut out your eyes and fuck your skull, but misogynistic bullying to a sociopathic extent? I was bullied off another site by a size=queen, who felt no one could call herself a strap-on domme without constantly increasing the size of one's strap-on. I happen to enjoy everything from deflowering virgin men to fisting experienced subs; why would I make a good man incontinent??!
But you can't fix everyone on the internet.

I post to elucidate, entertain and vent.
So yes, I play hardball, in life as on line, but I try to take the tenor of the group. I'm not going to tell my gran's friends about strap-ons, unless they ask, but I will correct a basement-dwelling troll on, as has been pointed out, an adult site.

(in reply to Arpig)

Post #: 50

RE: Internet bullying. - 3/11/2011 5:44:16 PM

Arpig

Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline

quote:

I was bullied off another site

Not meaning to belittle your experience Tantriqu, but there is something I don't understand, and its a serious question: How can one be bullied off a site?

_____________________________

Big man! Pig Man!
Ha Ha...Charade you are!

Why do they leave out the letter b on "Garage Sale" signs?

CM's #1 All-Time Also-Ran

(in reply to Tantriqu)

Post #: 51

RE: Internet bullying. - 3/11/2011 5:55:57 PM

rick1283

Posts: 223
Joined: 2/17/2011
Status: offline

I'm sarcastic, pointless, unorganized, cynical and an ass in general.

I often insult without meaning to insult, but I will admit when I am wrong.

If I offend you, please, tell me. I may do it again so that I can enjoy it.
But, by no means, will I ever be a bully.

< Message edited by rick1283 -- 3/11/2011 5:58:19 PM >

(in reply to Arpig)

Post #: 52

RE: Internet bullying. - 3/11/2011 6:10:40 PM

needlesandpins

Posts: 3901
Status: offline

i haven't read every post in depth i'm affraid, it's too late after a long day.....

however, just to add my bit and sorry if it's already been said, just take it as agreement

ignorance breeds insults in an arguement, which in turn maybe seen as bullying. our own mood depends on how we read things. people say things in the heat of the moment. it's much easier to say something when hiding behind a screen and no-one can punch you in the face. person a and b may fall out and so person b starts bitching at person c who is person a's friend that b doesn't like because a nolonger likes b. people hold a grudge from a debate in another thread instead of leaving whatever there etc etc etc

the thing is, people will always be the same people no matter where they are in life. so if they come over as a bad person, walk away and ignore them. easier said than done sometimes, but this is a forum (and i am very new so no idea what it or the people here are like yet) and not real life. i have come across people online that i don't like within the fora. but i live in hope that if i were to meet them in person i have an open enough mind to give them a chance to prove me wrong.

having said that, some people can't help but pick and poke. sometimes it's just fun to fight back and give as good as you take.

i'm sorry, i've probably made no sence at all. you'll have to forgive me, i sleep very little and the brain doesn't work so well after a while lol

needles

(in reply to Arpig)

Post #: 53

RE: Internet bullying. - 3/11/2011 6:35:19 PM

lazarus1983

Posts: 828
Joined: 2/25/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Since we're all thinking of being kinder and gentler, peon, I'm sure you'll step up and taken any beating that would have been given a new person; in the spirit of being nice and all.

Bend over!

:D

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The smallest minority on earth is the individual. Those who deny individual rights cannot claim to be defenders of minorities.

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(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 54

RE: Internet bullying. - 3/11/2011 8:01:57 PM

Tantriqu

Posts: 2026
Joined: 12/29/2006
Status: offline

Chivvied would be a better word. Everytime I posted, she would post immediately after me, even if the thread had nothing to do with her fetish.
I waited a few days, then a few weeks for her to cool down, post something new and she would immediately post something old. There was no handy 'ignore' or 'hide' button, and being a free site, admins never responded to my requests. It was like going to a wedding with someone faking Tourette's and deliberately screaming obscenities at you and enjoying themselves immensely.
Pick your battles [shrug]. It's InternetTown.

(in reply to Arpig)

Post #: 55

RE: Internet bullying. - 3/11/2011 8:28:37 PM

Arpig

Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline

OK, yeah I get it...just became too annoying to enjoy the site.

Ummmm...would it count as bullying if I followed you around here answering every one of your posts by saying how much I like your avatar

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Big man! Pig Man!
Ha Ha...Charade you are!

Why do they leave out the letter b on "Garage Sale" signs?

CM's #1 All-Time Also-Ran

(in reply to Tantriqu)

Post #: 56

RE: Internet bullying. - 3/11/2011 9:07:42 PM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

lol well I can definitely say I was not one of the priveleged minorities. I was just one that didn't happen to live on the other side of the tracks.

Or as one of my good friends told me when I was growing up "Oh, you are not like those others"

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig

I don't think its being a minority itself that matters...I was a minority all my youth (grew up all over Asia), but I was a privileged minority...and that, I believe, makes all the difference.

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pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

(in reply to Arpig)

Post #: 57

RE: Internet bullying. - 3/11/2011 9:24:43 PM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Thanks for all the thoughtful replies.

It is a topic I tend to have many 'in head' conversations about. I DON'T want to be a bully. But yet, I am sure that many of my posts COULD be taken that way. Hell, I am sure that some of them actually have been written in that intent.

I really do see a lot of gray in this particular instance. Only the person writing can honestly know intent. Even then, I think there are personal issues and subconscious intent that will colour what they honestly believe is their intent. We all have our own 'stuff' we bring to the table here.The bullied can become the bully. The perpetual victim usually does not see their addiction to being one. We are adults and we SHOULD be able to take responsibility for our shit..........yet, all around us is examples of grown adults with unresolved shit. Even in our mirrors.

Now don't expect me to join hands and want to sing Kumbaya......I am just typing my 'in head' discussion this time.

See, that is key. I know when I am relating to something, my responses are of course colored by my own experiences, be it anger, negativity, empathy or compassion. Sometimes I am snarky, but I think I have toned that down since I started here.

I try to be helpful if I can, but I do not suffer fools gladly, so if someone comes off as a jerk, I will respond in kind.

I don't think I am a bully though, and I find it hard to understand how anyone here could feel bullied by anonymous posters. I do understand that children and teens feel the bullying harder, but they are still in their formative years.

Ostensibly, we are all adults here and have grown past that. I don't necessarily think the perceived cliques are bullies; some are, some are not.

What I personally prefer is someone who tells it like it is in no nonsense terms. I find bluntnes refreshing. I hate when people are passive aggressive online; our words are all we can go on so they need to be clear.

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 58

RE: Internet bullying. - 3/11/2011 9:59:12 PM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
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Sunny
Quote of the Day
goes to
Tantriqu

for
It was like going to a wedding with someone faking Tourette's and deliberately screaming obscenities at you and enjoying themselves immensely.

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(in reply to Tantriqu)

Post #: 59

RE: Internet bullying. - 3/11/2011 10:41:46 PM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

~FR~

Nice to see a post from NorthernGent! Hope you've been well!!

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Post #: 60

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