stellauk
Posts: 1360
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It's simple. Don't be a co-dependent. As far as I'm aware nobody has ever died from a lack of sex or opportunities to serve or submit.
I don't know where you get this idea that there's extreme pressure on submissives to hide faults and compete. This isn't some sort of competition or contest, it's not a game. That extreme pressure which you (and others) perceive actually isn't the reality.
This is all about levels - Level 1 - the person, who they are, Level 2 - the relationship and interaction and then Level 3 - the agreed upon dynamic. Most people, especially women, want to start out at Level 1 and start at the beginning. Some people, mainly men, want to skip Level 1 and start out at Level 3 and maybe try to combine it with Level 2. I say mainly men because it's a male machismo thing. Most men generally have the male machismo thing under control. A few women can also try to skip the steps.
It's important not to generalize or rely too much on labels. Humans are generally far more complex than the labels they choose to identify themselves.
The neediness all comes from the projecting, the expectations and the expression of desires.
If you find yourself in a situation where you need to be loved by someone else then maybe you need to take a step back and ask yourself why. Is it actually love you're needing? Or something else? And why does it need to come from another person?
People generally operate out of self-interest, many think in terms of trade and generally speaking they're looking for some sort of payoff. Sometimes there are exceptions, there are people who are more altruistic, and others who can be a bit more altruistic in a given situation, but usually people are generally pretty choosy over when, where and with whom they share their altruism.
But they also like having freedom of choice and also opportunities to come up with their own input.
Generally speaking dommes are women who are highly intelligent, very much aware of what's what and they have usually a fair degree of life experience. The amount of attention they receive also teaches them very quickly that not everybody is who they appear to be and also that they can be overlooked for the women they are by those who just want the domme part.
They don't need the big picture or the relationship handed to them on a plate. That's their role, is it not? To make the decisions? Decide what's what? Steaming in there like the cavalry takes away all those opportunities.
But they are also human beings, women, they have thoughts, feelings, opinions, and stuff they want to share. They consistently make really warm, supportive, close friends.
How do I know this? Roughly half of my closest friends are all dommes. If I have a problem or need advice, it's generally 50/50 it will come from a woman who identifies as a domme. They also know it runs both ways, and that I am there for them when they need advice or have a problem.
There's your answer in a nutshell - start out with friendship, and don't expect anything else until she wants to talk about it. No need to be a white knight, a superhero, the ideal sub, a damage case, or a cause to be rescued.
Just be a friend. Nothing more, nothing less. If something develops, you win, and if it doesn't you win. You still have a friend.
It's no different to anyone else being honest. We are all human at the end of the day.
< Message edited by stellauk -- 3/12/2011 12:44:51 PM >
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