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[Poll]

Selfish~Self-Centered~Selfless


Selfish
  68% (22)
Self-centered
  9% (3)
Selfless
  21% (7)


Total Votes : 32


(last vote on : 4/22/2011 3:41:04 AM)
(Poll will run till: -- )
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Selfish~Self-Centered~Selfless - 3/16/2011 11:42:21 AM   
FukinTroll


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As many of you are aware I dance to the beat of different drummer… honestly, I am not altogether sure it is even a drummer. So I am gonna say hit it Maestro and just do this thing.  

My personal views and opinions on selfish, self-centered and selfless always seem to be contrary to most and I mostly just kept it to myself because it only matters when it is applied to me. However I have had some good conversations with some other members here and we are clicking on this more and more. So I thought I would toss it out here so the community as a whole could lend their personal perspective to it.  I am going to affix some caveats to it though:  
  • YMMV, a given of course.
  • I am interested in your perception/perspective and do not want it to become a one true way fight, I am simply interested in your way and how it applies to you.
  • I am not interested in a debate of labels, as most of you are well aware how my label system works; gloss over MY labels and insert your own as it applies to you.
  • That said, let’s start fukin this mule.
  Self-Centered D: I would say the bulk of our HNGs and Goblins have been of the self-centered type. Our recent rash of stupidity bespeaks volumes of their self-centeredness; “I cannot get what I want so it is your responsibility to increase the pool of what I want”. I cannot imagine how an /s, boy or girl could allow themselves to fall in with this ilk. For a hard wired /s I know that submission is just as vital to them as air; but really… raise the bar already.   /s: For the longest time I has some cold callous shit on my profile because the amount of SAM, Princess, baby girls and do-me mail I was receiving was overwhelming and damaging my happy. When you tell someone to be into Pony-Play cuz you have a yoke, a plow and acreage they will be pulling said plow over, that cuts that shit way down. Conversely from above, Domination is as vital to us as air and how some of our D’s fall into with the self-centered /s is kinda spooky (again, please raise the bar already).  

Selfless Oh think of the possibilities of the selfless D or /s.

D: A selfless D is a true treasure to the self-centered type, hell I wouldn’t mind buddying up with a selfless D that had more money than they knew what to do with and a mansion full of lil do-me girls for me to come over and do. Show me a selfless D and I will show you someone waiting for a beating. I would like to use a two of our posters here as a point of reference to cull the confusion.

IronBear: I offer no illusions, what goes on at http://www.bruincottage.org looks very selfless (I will clarify and quantify that later). IB and Neets are doing amazing and wonderful things for boys and girls that are lucky enough to don their steel. However, IB and Neets are not Selfless, you earn the right to be there.

/s: The Selfless /s is the wonderful little Stepford slave. I tell people, being the pain in the ass Troll that I am, that the lap dance is always better when the stripper is crying. The same applies for the selfless slave. Show me a selfless slave and I will show you a micromanagement passionless nightmare.  

Selfish This might be a little harder for everyone to wrap their heads around.

D:
When you have a selfish D (not jealous or necessarily possessive), you have a D that owns your ass and the rest of you to boot. They know who they are, what they want, what they like and know exactly what you are going to be to them and they will groom you in that direction. To know yourself you have to be selfish… self reflecting, self analyzing and self aware. You clearly draw your line of what is and is not in your want/needs list and when you find that /s that fits, you grab on with both hands and fukin keep it. The selfish D is going to make good choices in an /s, because they understand that their need for X is only going to be truly satisfied by your need of giving/receiving/submitting to X, yin/yang. Again I am going to use a few points of reference here:

IronBear and Neets: Selfishly assume the responsibility, grooming and growth of wayward /s types. The better person they help the /s become the more satisfaction they receive (satisfaction is the point of selfishness). What they do, when it is done well, carries on with them till Valhalla calls.

Mnottertail: Go have a look at Ron and what, most, people is going to see is an arrogant control freak. The people on this side, however, see a man that knows himself very well, knows what he wants and selfishly will not settle for less.

LadyPact: It is actually superfluous and pointless to point out her virtues of selfishness, but she deserved mention. You wanna see a fantastic example of how rewarding a selfish D is, go read her posts and profile.   /s: Okay boys an girls, prepare to be mentally damaged, shaking your heads in denial and dismay. The selfish slave is THE FUKIN PRIZE! He/she knows how valuable their submission is to them, know all the little monsters and demons of their submission (probably have cute lil names for each of them) and most importantly they know what their limits and limitations are. They are self-aware and know themselves quite well… they achieved this from a point of selfishness. They will not settle for a bad match or a mismatch, because they are selfish and know what they need and will not settle (nor should they). Again I will use a point of reference:

Wolf2Bear: How can you not love this guy? Once he hit his stride, knew who he was and what he needed, he became a ROCK STAR! For a lot of people, W2B is just beyond approach because the charisma and confidence is just so BIG.   

I am going to share a bit of conversation I had with our Greedy; We were on the phone a few days ago and I mentioned the selfish thing and the conversation just exploded. She and I are so simpatico in our thoughts about selfishness, self-centered and selfless it is just damn spooky. I alluded to the fact that once sex becomes selfish that it becomes divine. She agreed, like a hyper kitty chasing a mouse (chuckles), because she understood exactly where I was coming from. If we are so caught up in pleasing our partner we are not unleashing our primal monster.

I have to tell you, I don’t eat pussy for you… IT IS ALL ABOUT ME BEING SELFISH! Every touch, every bite, every kiss, every tug on your hair, everything everything everything is about ME. I do not do it for you! I want your body to respond to me beyond your control… that gives me control over your body. It is purely selfish for me, I want- you give. The fastest way for me to achieve that is for her to be just as selfish, working from her place that FEELS WAY TOO DAMN GOOD!  

Tear it up ladies and gents!


I made this a poll so that some of you may click and, hopefully, tell us why if you can only or choose only to speak from a Q&A

Edited to clear up the formatting BLEK~

< Message edited by FukinTroll -- 3/16/2011 11:45:19 AM >


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RE: Selfish~Self-Centered~Selfless - 3/16/2011 12:02:43 PM   
myotherself


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Selfish? Abso-fucking-lutely!

I am 45 years old, and I am single by choice (until very recently). For me to be the person I want to be within a relationship, I will make 100% damn sure that I am submitting to exactly the right guy. Which is why I never settled down with anyone until now - because I will not do second best.

Soooo...I think I've found him. We agreed limits (I have some hard limits, and would walk rather than have them broached). And guess what? I only turned into a slave! Who knew that would happen??

But I love it - and I will be that with him because he is totally selfish in wanting to make me what he wants me to be, and I'm totally selfish in wanting to be that, and wanting him to always be the man he is.

Did that make sense? Who knows!

FT - this poll is awesome, and I bow to you

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RE: Selfish~Self-Centered~Selfless - 3/16/2011 12:27:15 PM   
FukinTroll


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It made perfect sense! Thank you so much, you completely validated the place I was coming from.

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RE: Selfish~Self-Centered~Selfless - 3/16/2011 12:28:47 PM   
myotherself


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my pleasure, darling Troll

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RE: Selfish~Self-Centered~Selfless - 3/16/2011 12:43:29 PM   
sexyred1


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I never vote in these polls, but since it is the deliciously divine FT, I will.

Love the definitions.

To that end, I am selfish. I always thought I was selfish, but giving, until my last dance.

My partner was self centered and took and took and did what he wanted. At first, it was what I wanted because I introduced him to this world, so at the beginning, he was Dom of my Dreams.

Slowly, but surely he changed because he started ignoring my needs altogether.

If you ask me why I stayed, I can honestly say I stayed because he had made me feel so incredible for a very long time, that those feelings remained even when he was no longer doing so. A little bit like obsessing over a lost limb.

I thought if I was less selfish, it would help, but instead, it made it worse.

He was not the man for me and because of what went down, I will never again abandon my selfishness about my own needs and my need to be with a worthy partner and I still maintain that I will be as equally giving in my seflishness but only with someone equally as selfish in their giving back to me.

Make sense?

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RE: Selfish~Self-Centered~Selfless - 3/16/2011 12:46:12 PM   
CreativeDominant


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Nice post, FT. ~smiles~

I agree with most of what you have said on here. I think I tend to fall into the selfish category Myself more and more, though I do have the occasional bouts of selflessness. I tend to think that selflessness is more the "human" side of Me than the dominant side of Me coming through.

There've been some people in the last couple of months that have found out that the CD they knew is not quite the same old CD, at least not to them. He's more selfish and less compromising because he has come to believe more and more in the idea that his thoughts seem to match an awful lot of others that he considers to be good dominants and submissives and people. Don't always agree with them...Ron and I disagree alllllll over the place politically. Doesn't mean I don't respect his right to his viewpoint as a human when it comes to politics (even though he's wrong).

And for CD...that's a good thing.

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RE: Selfish~Self-Centered~Selfless - 3/16/2011 12:49:52 PM   
FukinTroll


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quote:

I will be as equally giving in my seflishness but only with someone equally as selfish in their giving back to me.

Make sense?


Perfect sense darlin, spechuly the last part.

SLURP~


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RE: Selfish~Self-Centered~Selfless - 3/16/2011 12:53:48 PM   
FukinTroll


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quote:

though I do have the occasional bouts of selflessness


I've seen it... it's true!
Considering your occupation and D status, it is pretty amazing how quickly you cavalier your selflessness to the right causes. I completely understand the shift to selfish, it is a must if we are going to get our happy, and I also have bouts of cavalier selflessness, but I manage them better and better as I live and learn.

Thank you for the insight CD.
SLURP~


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RE: Selfish~Self-Centered~Selfless - 3/16/2011 1:04:06 PM   
IronBear


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 FT, I can not add to what you have already said about us as far as BC goes.  I'm the first to admit that I am a selfish bastard because I always want and demand perfection..  There, is admittedly a flaw there. there are times when I will drop what I am doing and run because it is my duty as a priest or a psych and someone is hurting and needs me. happens rarely theses days but does still  does happen.. So that makes me selfish with light moments selflessness.. Sorry about that mate.. Never did make the prefect list.

< Message edited by IronBear -- 3/16/2011 1:05:58 PM >


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RE: Selfish~Self-Centered~Selfless - 3/16/2011 1:04:34 PM   
LaTigresse


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I have been too selfless in the past (probably will have moments of it in the future). It is too imbalanced a place for me. The more selfish I've become, the less people I've had as a part of my life. To many, that would seem to be a negative thing. To me, it is a positive thing. No longer do I give more of myself, energy, time, patience, whatever....than I can, and still remain a balanced ME. Now I try to focus more on, what is best for me.

The more selfish I've become, the more I've seen my loved ones flourish. And, I am much happier and have a much more balanced and peaceful life.


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RE: Selfish~Self-Centered~Selfless - 3/16/2011 1:08:36 PM   
slaveluci


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Well, you pretty much said that "selfless" is only to be imagined and if someone IS selfless, they're a nightmare. That doesn't exactly make it an appealing choice in your poll. However, I would say I'm closer to selfless than the other two descriptions BUT with a portion of self-centered thrown in. To me, this means that I am as selfless as I can realistically be but am also centered on my own needs (not necesarily wants) when I feel it's necessary ........ luci

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RE: Selfish~Self-Centered~Selfless - 3/16/2011 1:10:52 PM   
divi


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I'm selfish

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RE: Selfish~Self-Centered~Selfless - 3/16/2011 1:11:56 PM   
needlesandpins


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i am completely and utterly selfish. i want what i want and that is everything. i want to take everything he has to give me and i want him to take everything from me in return, whatever senario/role we are in at the time.

FT i have read parts of two posts from you tonight that i have thought 'i like that alot' about. the first being your give on making love in another section of the site. and then....

quote:

I have to tell you, I don’t eat pussy for you… IT IS ALL ABOUT ME BEING SELFISH! Every touch, every bite, every kiss, every tug on your hair, everything everything everything is about ME. I do not do it for you! I want your body to respond to me beyond your control… that gives me control over your body. It is purely selfish for me, I want- you give. The fastest way for me to achieve that is for her to be just as selfish, working from her place that FEELS WAY TOO DAMN GOOD!


needles

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RE: Selfish~Self-Centered~Selfless - 3/16/2011 1:13:17 PM   
divi


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I didnt see his post about him making love ...

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RE: Selfish~Self-Centered~Selfless - 3/16/2011 1:17:11 PM   
BurntKitty


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Love the poll, Troll... Or would that be Troll's pole poll?

I've come to realize now that I've become a selfish "/s" type. I know what I want out of a relationship and I'm stubborn enough to wait for it.
I never thought of it as being selfish, but in the context you've posted, and with the examples given... hells yeah!!!

Now I must get back to caring for the needs of the house Domme.... her majesty's litter box awaits me...

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RE: Selfish~Self-Centered~Selfless - 3/16/2011 1:29:39 PM   
Arpig


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Selfish...all the way. Though it may not look like it at first.
I know what I want and I'll be damned if I'll settle for anything less at this point in my life...I'd rather be single than disappointed.

In what I do to get my happy on, to borrow FT,s phrase (I hate that abbreviation, but what else are we to use...Fuk?), I give orgasms...lots of them, not because I particularly want her to have a good time, but because I get my kicks out of seeing her a totally cummed out pile of sub flavoured jello begging me to stop...and meaning it.

In day-to-day vanilla life, I am apparently very selfless. I help just about everybody I can (unless they are a total fuck up). I regularly have people sleeping on my couch, my present roommates were old friends who found themselves homeless. But in all honesty, I don't do it for them..I do it because I like it, I enjoy it...so I do it for me.

And my sub..yeah I want her to be doing it for her as well. If it turns her crank to wait on me hand and foot...cool, fetch my slippers and another beer slut. But I don't want her doing it because it is her duty to do so...I want her to want to do it, to derive pleasure from doing so. Again for selfish reasons...if she does get her rocks off that way, then she'll do a much better and enthusiastic job of it.

So, yeah..selfish all the way...even my selflessness is selfish.

Now back to the pussy thread to see if there's anything on display!

< Message edited by Arpig -- 3/16/2011 1:31:05 PM >


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RE: Selfish~Self-Centered~Selfless - 3/16/2011 1:31:57 PM   
needlesandpins


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quote:

ORIGINAL: divi

I didnt see his post about him making love ...


there you go divi

quote:

Now... making love is true Elysium. Warm breath across sweat beaded skin, soft lips searching urgently to be satiated by burning desire, quivering fingers dancing delicately across impassioned flesh... the air becomes electric, the energy of two bodies enraptured in the moment... eyes, windows-- deep pools of sultry hunger gazing into the soul. The heart pounds like a hammer against the ribs, breath catching in the throat, the head begins to swim, the fog encroaches... we slip away, as if into a warm bath-- deep into that spiritual connection. We float above mortal coiled flesh as one being...we arrive in that place eluded to but rarely acheived... one soul dwelling in two bodies.


sorry to c/p it here FT but it beautifully written.

needles

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RE: Selfish~Self-Centered~Selfless - 3/16/2011 1:33:12 PM   
divi


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thanks needles !! 

Wow!  Sounds like he took that from a romance novel. 

< Message edited by divi -- 3/16/2011 1:34:24 PM >


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RE: Selfish~Self-Centered~Selfless - 3/16/2011 1:33:18 PM   
FukinTroll


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quote:

sorry to c/p it here FT but it beautifully written.

needles


No problem darlin. I am very happy you did. Saved divi the dredge of trying to find it.

SLURP~


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RE: Selfish~Self-Centered~Selfless - 3/16/2011 2:29:52 PM   
leadership527


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I dunno, to me this sounds like the whole enlightened self-interest rat chasing it's own tail thing. Carol and I are on the same team. Our interests coincide. I'm "selfless" in the sense that my "self" is way less important to me than "us". I only feel that way, of course, because where I happen to selfishly find my happiness is in the intimate union between us.

Yeah, I'm not smart enough to sort that out. Can't we talk about who really has the power?

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