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Smarts? - 3/20/2011 10:08:52 PM   
LillyBoPeep


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Status: offline 		Lately, i've met a few fellas who only seem interested in women they can talk down to. they say they aren't threatened by chicks who aren't lacking upstairs, but they don't seem interested either.
I guess i'm just wondering, if anyone's willing to admit to seeking out a less "intelligent" partner, what was the motivation, and what did it bring to the relationship?
("intelligent" is in quotes because there are so many kinds of intelligence, it's impossible to really use one as THE standard)

i remember a thread somewhere, either here or on FL, where a girl's friend told her something to the effect of "if you want to find someone, you have to dumb yourself down." while i don't believe that's universally true, i think in a lot of cases, it is.
is it an ego thing?

(yes, i did search for similar threads on similar topics, but with the "no necro'ing rule," i figured it'd just be best to start another one.)


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RE: Smarts? - 3/20/2011 10:19:06 PM   
FelineFae


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From: i do wander everywhere...
Status: offline 		Well, Knowledge is Power.

As the sub/slave girl i am, i don't feel talked down to if my partners knows more about something than i do. It's another way to release control to them and surrender to the unkown.



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RE: Smarts? - 3/20/2011 10:19:26 PM   
Arpig


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quote:

"if you want to find someone, you have to dumb yourself down."
Nope, not me. I HATE HATE HATE it when women do this. Always have, always will. I don't mind women being less "intelligent" than me, but I cannot stand the ones who play stupid. When I want to discuss the situation in Japan...I want her to know what I am talking about. Far too many women see their intelligence as a negative factor, and yet, for me it is one of the major attractants. If she can outsmart me or best me in an debate...Right on!! I'll have to be on my toes the next time. It may be their body that fucks me...but its their mind that makes love to me.

< Message edited by Arpig -- 3/20/2011 10:20:27 PM >

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RE: Smarts? - 3/20/2011 10:25:30 PM   
LillyBoPeep


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quote:

ORIGINAL: FelineFae

Well, Knowledge is Power.

As the sub/slave girl i am, i don't feel talked down to if my partners knows more about something than i do. It's another way to release control to them and surrender to the unkown.




if my partner knows something that i don't, i don't feel talked down to, either, to have that explained to me. i think that's just about being a well-adjusted adult, not necessarily a sub/slave thing. =p
i guess i'm talking more about the attitude of "i'm better/smarter than you;" like that's the ONLY place the power comes from for some.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig
If she can outsmart me or best me in an debate...Right on!! I'll have to be on my toes the next time.

in my experience, this is a really rare perspective. =p people say it a lot, but very few of them live up to it, yanno?
sometimes it just seems, once you show you pay attention the world around you and have a little bit of activity in your noggin, they're out to "beat you" from then on. =p
anyway, more points for Arpig =p

< Message edited by LillyBoPeep -- 3/20/2011 10:26:21 PM >

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RE: Smarts? - 3/20/2011 10:33:26 PM   
FelineFae


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From: i do wander everywhere...
Status: offline 		Ah oks, i see now.
Hmm...

Well, yes, there are lots and lots of people like that. This is why i'm constantly saying " Bad humans. " under my breath.
But every once and a while, you find people that are different, and they make it easier to tune out all the others.

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RE: Smarts? - 3/20/2011 10:41:48 PM   
IronBear


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Status: offline 		A little local knowledge here lass.  One of the state govt departments who deal with disabled pensioners are guilty of talking down to pensioners and treat them as being worthless, semi literate and lii educated.. Fact is most of the pensioners here are excellently educated, very literate and have proved their worth over the years until their retirement. My wife physically rubbed the face of one such male )area manager0 over my two degrees and made sure he could read them..The local area manager knows and refuses to accept it.. It will become an election issue this year in the State Elections.. generally sweet lass, such people have a lack of self esteem and need to put others down to feel good about themselves. You scare them by being intelligent so they can't handle it... Collar the bastards and keep them under strict, very strict discipline. Alternatively just ignore them after telling them they are no match for you intellectually.. You deserve better in the men folk you are attracted to.


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RE: Smarts? - 3/20/2011 11:08:30 PM   
Palliata


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quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep

Lately, i've met a few fellas who only seem interested in women they can talk down to. they say they aren't threatened by chicks who aren't lacking upstairs, but they don't seem interested either.
I guess i'm just wondering, if anyone's willing to admit to seeking out a less "intelligent" partner, what was the motivation, and what did it bring to the relationship?
("intelligent" is in quotes because there are so many kinds of intelligence, it's impossible to really use one as THE standard)

i remember a thread somewhere, either here or on FL, where a girl's friend told her something to the effect of "if you want to find someone, you have to dumb yourself down." while i don't believe that's universally true, i think in a lot of cases, it is.
is it an ego thing?

(yes, i did search for similar threads on similar topics, but with the "no necro'ing rule," i figured it'd just be best to start another one.)



It's honestly pretty irrelevant to me, in either direction. For the longest time I had a strong desire for women at or above my intelligence level, but I realized at some point that intelligence is not the be-all and end-all and that interesting people were far more valuable than intelligent ones. Certainly I'm in no way opposed to brilliant women, but it isn't something I focus on or even really consider when choosing anymore.

That being said, I could definitely see where it would be challenging to get inside the head of someone smarter than you, so it might be best to avoid the unique challenges that would present if you're not the type that wants to make their own life more difficult than it needs to be


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RE: Smarts? - 3/20/2011 11:14:00 PM   
porcelaine


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quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep

Lately, i've met a few fellas who only seem interested in women they can talk down to. they say they aren't threatened by chicks who aren't lacking upstairs, but they don't seem interested either.


Greetings,

I have grown bored with the commentary regarding my perceived intelligence and recently asked if there was a glaring omission in the submissive populace. I don't believe the suggestion is always complimentary, and in many respects its a backhanded insult to the other parties mentioned. I have never comprehended the continued inference on something that is generally understood when one is selecting a companion. I believe its routine articulation by those in lofty positions serves to promote the notion of their 'intelligence' and a capacity to unearth other persons like themselves in a sea of unworthy subjects. Pardon me, but I'm not buying it.

I have little need to emphasize my desire for a man of a certain intellect because I'm well aware that I'd never partner with a dominant jack rabbit. In terms of selectivity, I prefer men that are generally more adept than myself. I find we usually pair well and I learn a great deal. I have no interest in engaging in a battle of wills or aligning myself with an individual that will harbor a bruised ego concerning my accomplishments. That's a recipe for disaster in my mind.

On the other hand, I'm vehemently opposed to reducing my mental capacity to assuage the male ego. However, I don't feel the necessity to insert my knowledge in every instance, particularly when he has the floor or prefers to be the leading party on the subject. Being of use and making valuable contributions for our betterment is more important than showcasing my prowess at his expense. We each bring something of merit to the relationship table, and I don't believe in belittling either party when differences in attainment are apparent. I view them as complementary benefits instead.

quote:

i remember a thread somewhere, either here or on FL, where a girl's friend told her something to the effect of "if you want to find someone, you have to dumb yourself down." while i don't believe that's universally true, i think in a lot of cases, it is. is it an ego thing?


I recall the thread and did a rapid skim to avoid necessary aftercare from its contents. From my perspective you attract that which you are. If you nullify your strengths you'll find others on the same vibration that may have a difficult time accepting the 'real' you when the curtain comes down. In my mind the man that desires me will want every single inch. Not selective bits and pieces. That brand of conditional ownership which says, I'll have you if a,b,c are in place would require a correlating response of servitude when d,e,f are on the horizon. Perhaps that works for some, but it's a wee bit too fragmented for my tastes.

Namaste,

~porcelaine


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RE: Smarts? - 3/20/2011 11:18:38 PM   
LillyBoPeep


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Palliata
but I realized at some point that intelligence is not the be-all and end-all and that interesting people were far more valuable than intelligent ones



your post kinda illustrates why i put "intelligent" in quotes; i don't think intelligent always has to mean brilliant, or is opposite or exclusive of interesting. to me. to me, someone who is intelligent is interested in learning and never stops. they're interesting, too, because they generally have a huge variety of interests.
there are so many types of intelligence, it really depends on what you're looking for and how you define it yourself.

i'm simply questioning why it seems sometimes that some aspiring M's base their power on wanting to believe you're dumb. if they can't believe that, they're not interested. i guess i don't get it.


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RE: Smarts? - 3/20/2011 11:23:19 PM   
Palliata


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quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep

quote:

ORIGINAL: Palliata
but I realized at some point that intelligence is not the be-all and end-all and that interesting people were far more valuable than intelligent ones



your post kinda illustrates why i put "intelligent" in quotes; i don't think intelligent always has to mean brilliant, or is opposite or exclusive of interesting. to me. to me, someone who is intelligent is interested in learning and never stops. they're interesting, too, because they generally have a huge variety of interests.
there are so many types of intelligence, it really depends on what you're looking for and how you define it yourself.

i'm simply questioning why it seems sometimes that some aspiring M's base their power on wanting to believe you're dumb. if they can't believe that, they're not interested. i guess i don't get it.



No, I'm not saying the two are mutually exclusive by any means, I'm just saying that if one exists the other doesn't matter. I do suspect there are plenty who avoid bright subs out of either insecurity or laziness, and probably more than a few that seek it out for the same reasons 'nillas do, but to me it's just not something I take into consideration unless someone is at the extreme low end of the spectrum and I feel like we can't even relate.


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RE: Smarts? - 3/20/2011 11:34:32 PM   
Arpig


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quote:

I realized at some point that intelligence is not the be-all and end-all and that interesting people were far more valuable than intelligent ones.
You see, I find intelligence interesting. I have never met a stupid person I found truly interesting. I have known some who are funny, some who are great people, some who are great friends...but interesting? Not by half. I'm a pretty smart guy, and dull people tend to bore me. In order to capture my interest you have to be pretty smart as well. Would I fuck and spank a dumb bimbo...yeah, probably, but I'd get bored of her pretty damned quick because she'd have no way of engaging my mind after the sex/play session.

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RE: Smarts? - 3/21/2011 12:45:15 AM   
RapierFugue


Posts: 4740
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From: London, England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep

i'm simply questioning why it seems sometimes that some aspiring M's base their power on wanting to believe you're dumb. if they can't believe that, they're not interested. i guess i don't get it.


They're insecure. It's just that simple :)

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RE: Smarts? - 3/21/2011 12:53:20 AM   
NocturnalStalker


Posts: 3858
Joined: 12/4/2010
Status: offline 		Like Arpig, I like a woman with brains.  I also like them attractive.  So I have to choose one of those...

Just kidding, just kidding. 


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RE: Smarts? - 3/21/2011 1:10:14 AM   
SexyBossyBBW


Posts: 1693
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quote:

ORIGINAL: porcelaine
I have grown bored with the commentary regarding my perceived intelligence and recently asked if there was a glaring omission in the submissive populace. I don't believe the suggestion is always complimentary, and in many respects its a backhanded insult to the other parties mentioned. I have never comprehended the continued inference on something that is generally understood when one is selecting a companion. I believe its routine articulation by those in lofty positions serves to promote the notion of their 'intelligence' and a capacity to unearth other persons like themselves in a sea of unworthy subjects. Pardon me, but I'm not buying it.
Namaste,
~porcelaine

Damn Prcelaine, you have a way with words... I agree entirely. I get anxious when someone approaches with "you're smart," because for me, it usually means "I think you possess the same information as I, so we'd automatically find one another "interesting" to use Arpig's description. Not necessarily a correct assumption, when it comes to me.

Fortunately, my ego isn't too entangled these days, with being the most important/best anything. M

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RE: Smarts? - 3/21/2011 3:18:21 AM   
kalikshama


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quote:

i remember a thread somewhere, either here or on FL, where a girl's friend told her something to the effect of "if you want to find someone, you have to dumb yourself down." while i don't believe that's universally true, i think in a lot of cases, it is. is it an ego thing?


That was me, and you had the gist of it - my friend advised me, "You'll have better luck if you dumb it down." While my friend is right is terms of "getting lucky", quality is more important to me than quantity.

I'm with porcelaine:

quote:

I'm vehemently opposed to reducing my mental capacity to assuage the male ego.


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RE: Smarts? - 3/21/2011 4:15:42 AM   
sunshinemiss


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Status: offline 		So.... lying about who one is. Not good.

Got it.

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RE: Smarts? - 3/21/2011 5:16:45 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
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From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		I am intelligent.  This does not always translate to SMART.

Intelligent would be to seek folks who have a similar level of intelligence.

lack of SMART has led me to a few disastrous relatinships with folks that had pseudosmart, but not intelligence.

*DISCLAIMER*

the parameters of intelligent and SMART may vary according to your personal tatses, so YMMV*

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RE: Smarts? - 3/21/2011 5:34:12 AM   
LastThoughts


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Status: offline 		Perhaps we're not being fair to the 'insecure dom' stereotype?

From those that have discussed such things with me, rare is the relationship that lasts more than a year where the submissive person is fairly more intelligent than her partner.  She begins to get annoyed that he doesn't pick up on things before she has to mention it.

I find in the standard D/s role, women WANT to feel submissive.  It's comfortable and it's just not just a physical thing.  What if the 'insecure dom' is subconsciously filtering out something that has a low percentage of success?  One that might likely lead him to be less dominant in his roles as either of them would really require for the interaction.

I'm pretty sure we all know a marriage or two that started out young and grew apart - often with the women indicating her male partner just 'doesn't get it'?  Which is a common word used between two people of slightly different intelligence. 

Again, this isn't about the strange hyper-IQ, but for your average intelligent person - those few points in the IQ chain I think can have a pretty big difference in lasting chemistry.

_LT

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RE: Smarts? - 3/21/2011 6:47:39 AM   
lizi


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quote:

ORIGINAL: RapierFugue


quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep

i'm simply questioning why it seems sometimes that some aspiring M's base their power on wanting to believe you're dumb. if they can't believe that, they're not interested. i guess i don't get it.


They're insecure. It's just that simple :)



Every man I've ever been with has celebrated my intelligence as a positive thing, my Dom thinks it's a feather in his cap to have an intelligent woman at his side. However one man in my past said my intelligence was a positive, but I could definitely see that it bothered him. He was the jock type through school, barely made it with his grades, and I think forever carries a feeling that he doesn't measure up. He IS intelligent, just not in an aquired learning/school type of way.

He was insecure in many ways, this was one more thing that made him feel he wasn't all that and he definitely loves to be admired. In the end it's on him if he's not happy with himself or feels like less. I'll be damned if I pretend to be something I'm not to make someone else happy. There are men out there who will love me for who I am.

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RE: Smarts? - 3/21/2011 7:29:23 AM   
vegetablelamb


Posts: 40
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From: The Cabbage Patch
Status: offline 		I've been told by quite a few people to dumb it down, smile, look pretty, et cetera in order for things to go smoothly, but I agree with the previous statements. Unless I'm planning on somehow permanently regressing to a less-intelligent state, why should I start out that way? I'm only going to get tired of acting, or slip up somehow, and then bam; the brain's out of the bag. But then I tend to like men who are roughly on or around my level, and I luckily haven't had too much of a problem with them being butthurt if I know more than them. I adore good conversation, particularly if I'm learning, and I would hope the man I'm engaging in discourse with would rather take an expanse on knowledge like an adult instead of getting pissy or losing interest because he didn't beat me out on the subject of ____, and I wouldn't be rubbing his face in it or trying to show off, either.

Or just go with a "shut up with that damn intee-lect, woman; make me a sandwich" and I'll get back to the kitchen, no harm no foul.

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