RE: Dominant feeling lost

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IronBear -> RE: Dominant feeling lost (3/22/2011 5:12:25 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist Hard audience . . . smart audience maybe? Is this really a case of a hard audience or an OP full of bullshit? How can we help with what he describes? It is self inflicted. He says "we"don't want 24/7 but goes on to describe DAILY duties/rules and encounters. That is 24/7. So how can we as posters help someone who is self conflicted and self inflicted . . . or bullshitting us. When he lists things and says "we", me thinks he really means "she". There seems a gap between the "I" goals and the "we" goals. He puts up with this and serves her on hand and foot. I truly feel like the OP is trying to pull my leg or his own. Am supportive of RS. (Not that he needs it or really gives a shit what I think.. ) I'm going to attract flack but that is like: a DILLIGAF situation..... As far as I am concerned, The OP can either Suck It Up & Be A Man or piss off and cry on the Girl Guides, the YWCA or even the RSPCA....He is not nor ever will be (in this incarnation) a Dominant worthy of My respect.. (((((GOD HAS FUCKING SPOKEN SO YOU CAN ALL GO BACK TO SLEEP)))). As an after thought, y'all will note we haven't heard from the Goddess who may disagree and if so there will be a screw fest in wherever (Valhalla probably)

NihilusZero -> RE: Dominant feeling lost (3/22/2011 5:25:41 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: IronBear The OP can either Suck It Up & Be A Man I think the fact that your manhood is instrinsically held upright by how little tender emotion you put into relationships can easily be said to be merely a YKINMK issue. quote: ORIGINAL: IronBear or piss off and cry on the Girl Guides, the YWCA or even the RSPCA....He is not nor ever will be (in this incarnation) a Dominant worthy of My respect.. (((((GOD HAS FUCKING SPOKEN SO YOU CAN ALL GO BACK TO SLEEP)))). Dude. I just freaking saw you cry about "insults" from Awareness in the "Ask a Master" thread that has been mod-shredded to bits. Please keep the selective hypocrisy to a minimum (unless your manhood is also based on that, in which case...YKINMK). quote: ORIGINAL: IronBear As an after thought, y'all will note we haven't heard from the Goddess who may disagree and if so there will be a screw fest in wherever (Valhalla probably) Genius. So your problem is not that the roles may be reversed in his relationship and that he should think about that and whether it fits what he's seeking. No. Your problem is that he is desecrating domliness because you don't like how he's dealing with a sensitive issue while calling himself a D-type title. Brilliant!

Asfixation -> RE: Dominant feeling lost (3/22/2011 5:37:30 PM)
quote: I feel that I don't trust her to always tell me when something is wrong, if something hurts in the "wrong way", if she's not up for it, if I do something to her that she doesn't want me to do. But this is the subservient position and key to the rest of it. You are a switch. And she is testing the quality of your mastery. This is a first: I am repeating myself.

IronBear -> RE: Dominant feeling lost (3/22/2011 5:49:56 PM)
quote: YKINMK quote: ORIGINAL: NihilusZero quote: ORIGINAL: IronBear The OP can either Suck It Up & Be A Man I think the fact that your manhood is instrinsically held upright by how little tender emotion you put into relationships can easily be said to be merely a YKINMK issue. All about hormones and blood flow.. (whore moans too) quote: ORIGINAL: IronBear or piss off and cry on the Girl Guides, the YWCA or even the RSPCA....He is not nor ever will be (in this incarnation) a Dominant worthy of My respect.. (((((GOD HAS FUCKING SPOKEN SO YOU CAN ALL GO BACK TO SLEEP)))). Dude. I just freaking saw you cry about "insults" from Awareness in the "Ask a Master" thread that has been mod-shredded to bits. Please keep the selective hypocrisy to a minimum (unless your manhood is also based on that, in which case...YKINMK). Crying about insults?? You overstate your case. I was chastising him for his attitude with insults of my own quote: ORIGINAL: IronBear As an after thought, y'all will note we haven't heard from the Goddess who may disagree and if so there will be a screw fest in wherever (Valhalla probably) Genius. So your problem is not that the roles may be reversed in his relationship and that he should think about that and whether it fits what he's seeking. No. Your problem is that he is desecrating domliness because you don't like how he's dealing with a sensitive issue while calling himself a D-type title. Brilliant! Kindly DO NOT tell me what problems I have. You can not walk in my shoes or put my head on your shoulders.. To make such assumptions is way beneath you and a gross insult. I simply do not like the bloke and his miseries.. It is that simple.... WTF is YKINMK????? To busy makin money to figure it out atm.. (that's why you are on the secret payroll too)

daintydimples -> RE: Dominant feeling lost (3/22/2011 5:59:49 PM)
I love it when the big dogs get in a pissing contest. it's just so fun to watch. Okay now that I have that out of my system. . . . I am one who sees a power dynamic in pretty much all relationships. If you let your hair dresser cut and style your hair the way she likes it, she dommed you. Which is (maybe) fine if you trust her to do so. We are all involved in numerous relationships with many levels and depths of involvement, and are basically dominant or submissive in each of them depending on on wants, needs and bents. My point being you can suck (hi Ron) all of the BDSM out of a relationship and still discuss who is dominant and who is submissive. In the OP's relationship, she is calling all the shots and he's not getting needs met. Personally I don't think she is any happier than he is, but as has been stated, they need to talk. Some professional relationship help is in order.

ResidentSadist -> RE: Dominant feeling lost (3/22/2011 5:59:59 PM)
Sensitivity ? ? ? . . . my ass. He isn't sensitive. He says he is afraid of rejection, of losing the greatest pussy he ever played with. That’s insecurity not sensitivity. I don’t blame the bitch for Domming him, who would follow someone so insecure they are afraid to lead for fear of rejection? If you're gonna' reinterpret the OP, put words in his mouth like "top" and “kink” when he says Dom, BDSM and D/s . . . you may as well finish your rewrite and just make up the whole thing. He is clear about wanting kink through daily rules/tasks... living under a daily set of rules about what you do when you wake and when you come home from work, being bottomless all evening to supply your partner with kink . . . well that is 24/7. The only break she gets is at work. I can't understand how you missed it, it’s in the 3rd paragraph? If you truly empathize with the guy, call a spade a spade and tell him being a cuck is next on her list. If he really wants to make improvements in the quality of his life, he needs to follow what so many have advised . . . and I quote: OP is no longer the dominant in the relationship you are a switch a load of miserable BS it is accept it, correct it, if unhappy / move on man up sit down with her and tell her what you told us quit acting like a bitch... grow a set Again I say, smart audience.

ResidentSadist -> RE: Dominant feeling lost (3/22/2011 6:06:15 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: daintydimples I love it when the big dogs get in a pissing contest. it's just so fun to watch. I didn't see watersports on your profile list??? [:)]

LadyPact -> RE: Dominant feeling lost (3/22/2011 6:22:26 PM)
Exactly how did you jump from this: quote: ORIGINAL: NihilusZero He's speaking of not wanting the authority dynamic 24/7, but he enjoys daily kink. He uses terminology that may be misleading to some people because of expectations associated with those terms (you can thank all the people who have said "Titles mean whatever the person wants them to mean!" in a discussion about the labels/titles/terms in BDSM for that). He mostly means "top" when he says "dom" or "master" and, from that perspective, as far as the relationship is concerned he has the normal worries and desires to please as anyone in any relationship. To this? quote: Your problem is that he is desecrating domliness because you don't like how he's dealing with a sensitive issue while calling himself a D-type title. Are you going for the "all Dominants are created equal" position? If that were the case, nobody would ever have any compatibility issues related to things like authority, structure, or even protocol for that matter. There are a lot of folks out there who don't consider tops to be Dominants because they aren't the one running the household. They are just running the kinky play. This isn't saying that there is anything wrong with being a top. Rock on! At the same time, it's not the same as being the person in charge. When folks have mentioned on this thread that they don't see what is happening in the original as Dominance, it's that they are comparing it to their own style and what is happening on this thread wouldn't be happening in their house. When they see less control, power, or authority in a situation, it doesn't match up to their own definition. I'd have a lot of difficulty believing, NZ, that you really subscribe to the theory that anyone who chooses the Dominant label really is a Dominant. That you feel that everyone has reached the same level of competence in being one.

daintydimples -> RE: Dominant feeling lost (3/22/2011 7:25:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist quote: ORIGINAL: daintydimples I love it when the big dogs get in a pissing contest. it's just so fun to watch. I didn't see watersports on your profile list??? [:)] Yeah yeah, there all KINDA things not on my profile...hello I am attached and it's not active. Besides, I am one of those shy girls, I don't give it all away at first perv, er glance, er...... NM

IronBear -> RE: Dominant feeling lost (3/22/2011 9:57:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: daintydimples I love it when the big dogs get in a pissing contest. it's just so fun to watch. Je ne sais quoi BIG DOGS????? Wouldn't class myself in that league Not enough exposure or hard core experience yet.. Another 40 years and looking like RS I may be close to being elected.. As for NZ.....In my book he has graduated (finally), from the baby kitty litter box and pissing/shitting over himself, To the KITTEN LITTER BOX WITH BASIC POTTY TRAINING. NZ and I don't talk much, don't share latte`s, don't have warm showers together at midnight, nor do we share midnight walks along a beach, holding hands under a full moon.. I'm leaving him for the ladies of CM to share often and regularly...... (commented with as much savoir faire as possible)

Asfixation -> RE: Dominant feeling lost (3/23/2011 1:04:18 AM)
Letter from the UK Dear OP You are a switch. You haven't thrown it yet is all. There's a transition from one side of the kneel to the other for some of us. It feels like limbo. It felt for me like all of my D/s relationships were falling apart. It felt like I couldn't speak out. Ot felt like I did not have the right to from my subservient position. It felt like the other's dominance sickened me. It felt like 'He' was wrong. It felt like I was scared to take control. It felt like being pulled in both directions at once. One day my attention would be on 'Him' and the next day on myself. At worse I would be interpreting my own needs not being met as some fault 'He' had. You can intra switch within this relationship if you: 1. Recognise where you are right now and she might own up to being a switch also. 2. Have more than one partner, one who satisfies your dominant energy, and one who satisfies your subservient energy: inter switching. Or you might just sit the transition out and call it quits in this relationship and start over. There is more than one perfect pussy in the world. Grief is the price we pay for love. Sincerely: Asfixation (read the small print below).

angelikaJ -> RE: Dominant feeling lost (3/23/2011 4:54:23 AM)
...Or there is a lot of information that there just wasn't room for in the OP. Jeeze, people! You know, there is only so much one can do, dominant or no if someone in a relationship is not communicating with their partner. Pulling their hair and fucking them where ever ain't gonna fix that and if their partner has a history of NOT using his/her safe words when appropriate has a likely chance of making things much worse. Pussy whipped? ...And all that other conjecture, is just that, conjecture. Do you know what I do when I have a question or am curious about information that might NOT being in the OP? I ask. It is really quite simple: I open the PM box and shoot them a query or 3... . It sure as hell beats the consequences of making assumptions. I now return you to your regularly scheduled lynching. Carry on. [:'(]

BossyShoeBitch -> RE: Dominant feeling lost (3/23/2011 6:15:41 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NocturnalStalker quote: ORIGINAL: BossyShoeBitch quote: ORIGINAL: Arturas Wow. Hard audience. She is new to this so I think pouncing on her as she walks in the door is high risk with low return. Let me suggest you walk before running. Wait till Friday night, take her to dinner, sit next to her, not across in a booth and touch her lightly on the face and talk sweet somethings into her ear. Then, kiss her and as you do, slowly reach back and close your fist around her hair, no jerking, just close it and continue the kiss gently pulling her head back slightly so her neck is exposed and while keeping hold of her "handle" drop down and kiss her neck and as you raise your lips take your free hand and firmly but softly (no jerking) grasp her jaws, stay away from the throat since you are in public, and then release her. Place a piece of steak in the palm of your hand and tell her to take in in her mouth, chew it and then she is to kiss your palm. Continue dinner normally, stop by the local toy store and get some bondage tape. Take her home and ignore her. In the morning, have her shower with you and have her wash you, kneeling at your feet as she washes you and then make a fist in her hair and take her but do not cum. Force her against the wall of the shower with your hand gripping her hair firmly now, Ok to jerk her a little, and take her from behind but do not cum. Withdraw, take a few fingers and get her moaning. Stop, drag her to be bed face down, bind her with the hopefully bright red bondage tape (or rope, if you are ready to do that quickly, speed and smooth moves are important here) and spank her softly at first and then harder as her fanny warms up. Fist her carefully letting her make the later moves, when you get her moaning and moving best she can in the binds, grab her hair again, pull her neck up just a little so she knows who has her and then fuck her brains out in both holes using a condom in her ass but making sure that gets her screaming but ignore her protest (they all do, but she does not mean it) and after she cums, withdraw and cum on her tramp stamp if she has one so she knows you've marked your territory. OK. This works too. LOL BUT... I am not sure what exactly is wrong with the idea fucking her as soon as she gets home. It's not like she's coming over for their first date. Reading your posts in this thread has made "Ode To Joy" go off in my head both times. LOL ************ I am dismayed at all the negativity coming from all the Doms here with many, many, years of experience. Here is this guy in his 20's, just starting out, who came here asking for concrete advice in a very well thought out and respectful manner. He is just like a freshman at university, eager to learn and do things right, and the "Doctoral Candidates and Full Professors" here choose to berate the guy because he doesn't intrinsically know what he is doing?

Asfixation -> RE: Dominant feeling lost (3/23/2011 8:08:48 AM)
And to the dominant male pirahhnas: I am somewhat impressed by your staying power amd tenacity within human evolution but please don't snap so hard at someone's attempts to adapt. You will only end up eating each other.

ResidentSadist -> RE: Dominant feeling lost (3/23/2011 4:07:16 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BossyShoeBitch ..........I am dismayed at all the negativity coming from all the Doms here with many, many, years of experience. Here is this guy in his 20's, just starting out, who came here asking for concrete advice in a very well thought out and respectful manner. He is just like a freshman at university, eager to learn and do things right, and the "Doctoral Candidates and Full Professors" here choose to berate the guy because he doesn't intrinsically know what he is doing? I understand what you are saying and see your perspective. I think the OP became collateral damage because not all the replies caught the fact he "doesn't intrinsically know what he is doing" and asked us how to fix her when he is the one that needs adjustment. My reply alone was harsh and literally called him a pussy whipped fool . . . because he is being one. I call a spade a spade. Perhaps he missed the #1 basic rule of domination . . . the one making the rules is the ruler. Then he posts an example of how he is not taking the lead and gives us her framework of excuses, her rules and asks us how to work within them to fix it. The answer many gave was cohesive and consistent - man up, grow a set and take charge. All valid and very realistic advice. It really seems like some of us told him very nicely to stop being the submissive and take charge. From nice colorful examples of not tolerating her bullshit to just bending her over the couch when she comes home. I didn't bother with those examples because my powers of observation noted the passion in his words, he loves being pussy whipped. I sincerely meant what I said, I think he needs to try the other side of the kneel and stop fighting for control. Out of all this, one thing he should learn from the "Doctoral Candidates and Full Professors here" is that his fantasy of part time kink is really M/s slavery 24/7. And no matter what happens in life, we sure as hell can't control his bitch for him. He has to do that himself. [:D]

SailingBum -> RE: Dominant feeling lost (3/23/2011 8:09:21 PM)
quote]ORIGINAL: BossyShoeBitch quote: ORIGINAL: NocturnalStalker quote: ORIGINAL: Arturas Wow. Hard audience. She is new to this so I think pouncing on her as she walks in the door is high risk with low return. Let me suggest you walk before running. Wait till Friday night, take her to dinner, sit next to her, not across in a booth and touch her lightly on the face and talk sweet somethings into her ear. Then, kiss her and as you do, slowly reach back and close your fist around her hair, no jerking, just close it and continue the kiss gently pulling her head back slightly so her neck is exposed and while keeping hold of her "handle" drop down and kiss her neck and as you raise your lips take your free hand and firmly but softly (no jerking) grasp her jaws, stay away from the throat since you are in public, and then release her. Place a piece of steak in the palm of your hand and tell her to take in in her mouth, chew it and then she is to kiss your palm. Continue dinner normally, stop by the local toy store and get some bondage tape. Take her home and ignore her. In the morning, have her shower with you and have her wash you, kneeling at your feet as she washes you and then make a fist in her hair and take her but do not cum. Force her against the wall of the shower with your hand gripping her hair firmly now, Ok to jerk her a little, and take her from behind but do not cum. Withdraw, take a few fingers and get her moaning. Stop, drag her to be bed face down, bind her with the hopefully bright red bondage tape (or rope, if you are ready to do that quickly, speed and smooth moves are important here) and spank her softly at first and then harder as her fanny warms up. Fist her carefully letting her make the later moves, when you get her moaning and moving best she can in the binds, grab her hair again, pull her neck up just a little so she knows who has her and then fuck her brains out in both holes using a condom in her ass but making sure that gets her screaming but ignore her protest (they all do, but she does not mean it) and after she cums, withdraw and cum on her tramp stamp if she has one so she knows you've marked your territory. OK. This works too. LOL BUT... I am not sure what exactly is wrong with the idea fucking her as soon as she gets home. It's not like she's coming over for their first date. Reading your posts in this thread has made "Ode To Joy" go off in my head both times. LOL ********** I am dismayed at all the negativity coming from all the Doms here with many, many, years of experience. Here is this guy in his 20's, just starting out, who came here asking for concrete advice in a very well thought out and respectful manner. He is just like a freshman at university, eager to learn and do things right, and the "Doctoral Candidates and Full Professors" here choose to berate the guy because he doesn't intrinsically know what he is doing? BSB *********************** ahhhhh Bull Shit His post clearly states that he has 5 years of exp. The advice given was clear and concise. This guy is not some rookie maybe a slow learner or maybe he doesn't know how to handle someone who stands up to his authority! So my advice remains the same, quit acting like a whiny bitch. BadOne

Arturas -> RE: Dominant feeling lost (3/23/2011 8:58:06 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Asfixation quote: I feel that I don't trust her to always tell me when something is wrong, if something hurts in the "wrong way", if she's not up for it, if I do something to her that she doesn't want me to do. But this is the subservient position and key to the rest of it. You are a switch. And she is testing the quality of your mastery. This is a first: I am repeating myself. Yes. Repeat it again and I will agree on the third time! Promise! Trust Me! Dom's never miss lead! More or less seriously, let's not jump to such conclusions on so little to go on. He's not for certain a subservient male or a switch. It is just as likely that he is simply unsure and inexperienced and he has an inexperienced partner. What a challenge that is, eh? He is a beginner and we all were like this starting out. Some of us (like me) were lucky to meet an experienced submissive or two who thought our Domly looks (they must have been blind!) and honest desire made it worthwhile to put up with our miss-steps and halting first efforts and take the inconsistant wraparound bad flogging strokes knowing I will likely get it right some day if they survive long enough! Our friend the OP simply has a vanilla but semi-interested partner which means he goes on here for advice instead of getting it from gaining experience in the field with great submissives or at a club with great Doms. To the OP, the way I advised you is a confidence builder for you as it was for me at that stage. It is also a step by step submissive builder for her and one I know works, is fun for both and you both grow together step by step. You are both frustrated and burned out with the daily exercise in pretend BDSM and instead I feel you need to make it special and start out with special and very sexy real efforts and less daily text messages talking about it.

Arturas -> RE: Dominant feeling lost (3/23/2011 9:06:51 PM)
quote: His post clearly states that he has 5 years of experience In what? LOL. When I read the way he handles things I think he has experience with something other than what he is trying to achieve now. Am I way out in left field on that? Maybe. Oh well, it will work out.

ResidentSadist -> RE: Dominant feeling lost (3/23/2011 10:05:27 PM)
5 experience in BDSM 1 year experience in D/s relationship His bitch ain’t vanilla if she’s been in a D/s for a year. He still may not know what he is doing after 5 years, but he is experienced. Even failure counts as experience. Why the hell does everyone want to rewrite the OP into something it isn’t?

MaxsBoy -> RE: Dominant feeling lost (3/23/2011 10:07:55 PM)
There's a difference between not having technical skills in areas of kink, and not being dominant. Dude isn't dominant. Period.

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