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LaTigresse -> RE: When a Dom is too laid back... (4/2/2011 5:40:33 AM)
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ORIGINAL: wandersalone
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ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
To specify further, I consider myself laid back because I tend to waste time on the Internet (surprise!), and don't feel comfortable setting up and enforcing a set of rules that includes more than three or so. I recently had to write off as incompatible a woman who had everything - attractive, intelligent, sweet, and a wonderful mesh in conversation, but she felt that I wasn't strong enough, and couldn't handle my house being such a mess.
I have been ruminating on the posts in this thread for a while .... I have a feeling that laid back may mean something different in Australia to what it does in the US. I often say that I like people that are laid back but what I am referring to are people who are easy going as in they don't get annoyed or angry easily eg. no road rage, happy to wait in line in the grocery store, don't mind too much if the waiter/waitress brings out the wrong order initially and they are fine with changing plans at the last minute eg. instead of us going to a movie we end up going for a drive to the hills.
I have had Dominant's that were laid back however they were still very Dominant over me without needing to ever let go of their laid back nature. hmmm how do I explain it..... with past laid back Dominant's I knew without a doubt that even though we had only a few "rules" and that the guy spent most of the time joking and teasing me that I would be in big trouble if I crossed the line into disrespect or broke one of the rules. And because I preferred the laid back fun person I never even thought about doing anything that would show this other side of them.
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ORIGINAL: tiggerspoohbear
Just my opinion again, and yes, your place may have been a mess, but I would have cleaned up for you as opposed to having you bring in a maid service. I personally don't see a problem with that. That's a huge part of service for me, the cooking, cleaning, dishes, the every day stuff so that the Dom I'm with wouldn't have to worry about it.
I consider myself more a service submissive tha anything else as I really enjoy knowing that I am pleasing my Dominant however to be honest if I went to a D's house for the first time and it was messy I would be out the door fairly quick smart. Yep I love doing the dishes etc for someone however this would only be once we had established a relationship. The first (or second) time that I went to their place I would be hoping that their place is spic'n'span (even if this means that everything has been stuffed into the cupboards out of sight [:D] ) as I would hope that they wanted to show me themselves at their best.
My house is generally ....um .... lived in ha ha. My kitchen bench has bills and papers strewn over it, my lounge always has a few books scattered around and my bedroom has even more books buried under the sheets!! And the back room generally has my laundry waiting to be folded and put away. However when I know that I have someone coming over the papers gets tidied into one (huge) pile, the laundry gets folded and put away and all of the books get stacked neatly. I make sure the dishes are washed and give my place a super quick vacuum.
Wanders I don't believe, though I may be wrong, that we have different definitions on the whole. Myself, I see laid back, much as you do. It is a personality trait.......to me.
How one keeps their home, hasn't got anything, or at least very little, to do with that. I've known a great many laid back people who's homes are neat and clean. I've also known a great number of people that are not at laid back in temperament, but are utter lazy slobs.
My home is rarely a shining example of clean freakiness or anal retentive organization. Considering it is the beginning of the weekend, end of the work week, I am quite certain it would take me less than a minute to find a dog hair dust bunny. I know there is unfolded/unhung laundry in my spare bedroom/closet. Jewellry on the dressing table. And two bowls/forks and a pan in the kitchen sink. The laundry is not 100% done and there is a fine layer of dust in the place. The plants need watered and outside, in the dog pen, I need to do the weekly poo patrol raking. There is photography gear and some empty frames on the dining table along with my purse. A stack of paid bills waiting to be filed, sitting in the corner on the counter. But I sure as hell don't see my house as a filthy pit.
I have been in filthy pits. I grew up in one. There were rooms in that house that had petrified cat shit hidden away. There were areas of the floor where you would not have known what colour the flooring was. I've been in houses where farm animals came in and out. Where the dishes hadn't been done in so long there was mould growing on them. I've been in houses that there was no place to set a glass on the kitchen counter or table because of filthy clutter. Houses that would make the worst young man's bachelor pad look pristine.
When I go into someone's home for the first time there are two rooms that tell me immediately whether or not I ever want to sit down. The kitchen and the bathroom. If those two rooms are dirty, I am thinking filthy slob. If I open a microwave and it looks like many science experiments blew up in there....nothing coming out of it will I be eating. If the stove and counter top looks like a 3 year old was finger painting with the contents of the fridge a week ago, I am declining an offer of dinner. If the sink looks like it WAS white, but is now more gray to black, I am not asking for a drink of water. I won't even begin with the bathroom. My nose will usually tell me before my eyes.
These are not signs of being laid back. These are signs of filth and laziness.
Unfolded clean laundry. A few stacks of books. Some newspapers laying around. A little dust and dustbunnies. These are signs of a busy life. Often a well lived life.
If a grown adult does not know the difference between a little messy and filth, then perhaps they needs some professional help.
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