RE: Mistress is worried (Full Version)

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MistressWolfen -> RE: Mistress is worried (5/10/2006 4:24:22 AM)

Indeed Valkyrie...but what the heck I actually checked this last night as well 18 yr old fem slave, 45 year old male sub and 47 year old Domme with profile written as a quebecioss speaker would. *shakes head*. Oh well livened up the afternoon.



feastie -> RE: In Urantiams defense.......... (5/10/2006 4:49:28 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: collarworthy

When my sub Urantiam...

...I dont have a Domme bone in my body, and Urantiam is aware of that fact.. I cant even punish my puppy when it pees on the floor. I would be just as happy for him to call me by my given name instead of Mistress, but it makes him happy to address me that way so I dont question it. Urantiams' feelings, altho intense, are stemmed merely from a desire to serve, and mine in return to his, are based on the need to be worshipped and cared for. He has no problem accepting the fact that I still seek dominants for sex, and I have no problem accepting the fact that he isnt capable of fulfilling me in that department.  His relocation here will either work or it wont. ...


Enough said.



SweetDommes -> RE: Mistress is worried (5/10/2006 11:31:56 AM)

I'm not exactly sure what my profile has to do with this thread ... but whatever.  There happen to be many people we know (both in the vanilla realm and the WIIWD realm) who understand exactly what my profile means - the fact that you don't doesn't really phase me.  I think you are just trying to distract attention from the very real concerns that people are trying to raise here. 

The issues that I brought up are that there are a lot of convienent happenings going on related to the topic being discussed. 

I understand that not everyone knows that they want to be a PYL/pyl at age 6 ... but it's VERY unusual for someone to proclaim that they don't have a dominant bone in his/her body, but yet be searching for a stable of male slaves.  I am admittedly a switch, but I only submit to my girlfriend ... so no matter how many "Doms" e-mail me and proclaim things like "Dommes make the best submissives" or "all women really want to be submissive to their men, they just need to find a *real* man", I'm not going to suddenly decide that I want to be a submissive.  I don't know of anyone that has done a complete 180 in such a short time.  I know of many who were approached about trying the other side, and it made them curious and they eventually tried it ... or they had always had such desires and finally decided to act on them after someone else brought them up, but it took time ... weeks, months, even years in more than one instance - yet here you are proclaiming that you do not "have a Domme bone in [your] body," but you still suddenly decide (seemingly overnight) that you want a stable of slaves - well, yeah, I'm afraid that you are just going to have to deal with people being INCREDIBLY sceptical.

And there are so many people on this site with multiple profiles ... it wouldn't surprise me one bit if it turns out that I'm right about my 3rd point.  Be offended if you like, just understand why I have my suspicions - it is rather interesting timing, I'm sure that even you can see that.



Proprietrix -> RE: Mistress is worried (5/10/2006 12:21:33 PM)


I've been following this thread since it began, and I commented once asking if the couple had met in real time. After which, I was messaged privately by the OP with his answer. I have also followed his other threads.

Based on what I have observed, I feel that the OP is a very confused individual, who is quite sub frenzied, and jumping into a situation without logically thinking it through. I also fully believe that his new "Domme" is a very confused individual who is completely (though maybe unintentionally) taking advantage of him. I'm not saying this is or is not the situation, but it is the conclusion I've come to in observing the OP, his various posts, this thread, and his private responses to me. I truly, in my heart, believe that this boy is going to get hurt.

As for the OP... I believe the reason no one is providing direct feedback to the questions you posed, is because they are responding to the bigger picture. When *I* look at this situation, I see a potential victim posing hypothetical questions about what might or might not happen to a third party who might or might not be involved. Your hypothetical questions are of no importance to me when I'm sitting back watching a situation that is all too familiar, that potentially could result in the total dissaray of your life and emotions.


It's kind of like a child standing in the middle of the road asking me how to tie his shoe, and I can see an oncoming truck. I simply *can't* take the time to teach the lesson of shoe-tying when I feel an obligation to get this kid out of the freaking road so he doesn't get hit by this truck.


The reason we keep all swaying from the questions at hand is because we are trying to warn you that you are about to get hit by a truck. It is more a priority to get out of a potentially dangerous situation. Tend to safety first, *then* we can sit back and have discussions about alpha males and the dynamics of being a switch.
(And I'm not insinuating that there is physical danger impending. Although I feel it *could* be. I am more concerned at this point with the emotional damage that seems inevitable in this situation.)


As for the "Domme" in this situation. I fully admit, I don't know you and I have no clue what your intentions are in this situation, but based on what I've been observing, I see red flags all across the board. As I stated above, I absolutely feel that you are just as, if not even more, confused than the OP. I see you taking advantage of an already confused person, and then to boot, you are trying to disuade the lifestyle community from telling him honest truths.
I'm not accusing you of any behavior in particular, but it might be wise for you to note that trying to isolate a submissive from community opinion, can be seen as a precursor to abuse. Perpetrators quite often isolate their victims from differing points of view for the fear that the victim might be persuaded to start thinking for him/herself.

Many people here have offered honest, forthright feedback and advice. They have advised him, without sugar-coating, to slow down, not jump into potentially volatile situations, to step back and look at the bigger picture, to set up face-to-face meetings, to do background checks, to do drug & STD testing, to get to know someone before sacrificing his current way of life, and to think long and hard about moving across the country.

You hear this advice and say you are disheartened, say we could be hurting his feelings, and accuse them of poking fun at him. You tell us to only say nice things to him. (Even though sometimes the truth isn't always feel-good and nice.) You try to draw attention away from our concerns for his well-being by saying it isn't the issue at hand.

You bring up your past activities of being hogtied within 5 minutes of meeting someone. Most people in this lifestyle place high emphasis on safety. We see that you do not. And it concerns us for the OP.

You have proven your confusion about your role. The OP has proven his confusion about his role. You flat out say that you don't see how anyone can be hurt if it doesn't work out. But many of us are trying to tell both you and he, that we *DO* understand how he can get very hurt emotionally. You have little to lose because *he* is the one sacrificing his current way of life.
It seems to me like you are trying to come across as a martyr to the OP. I find it manipulative at best, and potentially abusive at worst.

***After having written all of this I noticed that the "Mistress" in question here has completely deleted her profile anyway. I can only hope the OP is still paying attention to the threads he started and can at least think logically about the different types of advice he has been given, to form logical conclusions about his relationships and his life. If not, I'm satisfied chalking this up to natural selection.



Dustyn -> RE: Mistress is worried (5/10/2006 1:25:39 PM)

*singing softly* And they called it... puppy love...

*grabbing some marshmallows in preparation for the impending crash and burn coming*

S'mores, anyone?

- Dustyn



theRose4U -> RE: Mistress is worried (5/10/2006 9:01:19 PM)

quote:

It's kind of like a child standing in the middle of the road asking me how to tie his shoe, and I can see an oncoming truck. I simply *can't* take the time to teach the lesson of shoe-tying when I feel an obligation to get this kid out of the freaking road so he doesn't get hit by this truck.


I really like the way that you put this. I too find it curious that this confused woman is rather arrogantly using the arguement of  "WELL I'd be more worried if he was contacting you after meeting me"...wasn't that the whole point of a post like this? To get the point of view of others and discuss both openly and in private (I too got multiple private email before and after). I find it interesting that someone would "send" their boy to post like this without any real guidence then take so many personal pot shots at those trying to warn the pup.



thetammyjo -> RE: In Urantiams defense.......... (5/11/2006 10:29:58 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: collarworthy

When my sub Urantiam told me he was posting threads on this site for advice, I was glad to see he had an audience to help answer the questions that plague him, even tho I knew he was opening himself up to potential ridicule. But Urantiam is a very "by the book" kind of sub; he lives for the written word; whereas I'm more of a "fly by the seat of my pants" kinda gal. I learn something new about myself every day, such as the fact that my need to be dominated is purely sexual. In the bedroom, I cry like a kitten and beg to be used; in the business world, I go toe to toe with management and would rather die than be told what to do. let alone get on all fours and accept a whipping for someones personal gratification. . I'm grateful that I made this discovery before it was too late. Therefore, when Urantiam told me he wanted to ask you people online their advice on this subject, I saw no real harm.
But after reading the responses he's gotten, I'm a little disheartened at some of the feedback he's been receiving. I dont think anyone is intending to hurt his feelings, but I fear they are nonetheless. Urantiam is a very emotional person. He feels things deeply. I dont see what can be gained by poking fun at his genuine quest for advice, and while I thank those who have answered him sincerely, I would suggest that those who have nothing nice to say should say nothing at all. In particular, the concern about us having spent any " real time " together, altho warranted, shouldn't be the main issue here. We have spent hours and hours on the phone, and webcams are a wonderful way to prove whether a person is "real" or not. While I can understand those who question the viability of "love" on his side in such a new relationship, I have to ask: in a world where people use others as human toilets; where subs / slaves are beaten and tortured in their quest for " happiness"; where people are shoving ponies tails up their butts and allowing themsevles to be branded like cattle to prove their worthiness, how can anyone question whether its possible for a sub to love someone so quickly. I will plead guilty to the fact that this relationship is moving at a fast pace, but that certainly didnt seem to bother any of the potential Doms I spoke to before realizing I wasn't capable of lasting in that arrangement. They had me hogtied and collared after the first five minutes. Suggestions of piercings and whippings and torture...oh my!
I dont have a Domme bone in my body, and Urantiam is aware of that fact.. I cant even punish my puppy when it pees on the floor. I would be just as happy for him to call me by my given name instead of Mistress, but it makes him happy to address me that way so I dont question it. Urantiams' feelings, altho intense, are stemmed merely from a desire to serve, and mine in return to his, are based on the need to be worshipped and cared for. He has no problem accepting the fact that I still seek dominants for sex, and I have no problem accepting the fact that he isnt capable of fulfilling me in that department. His relocation here will either work or it wont. But as no children or family are involved in this decision, neither of us can see where anyone can be hurt if it doesnt work out. And on a site where people hurt people every day, physically AND mentally, how can that be wrong? In closing, I ask that if you have to poke fun at someone, then please, poke it at me. My skin is much thicker than his, and the only place I can ever be hurt is in the bedroom. Urantiam is guilty of nothing more than being a complete submissive and seeking someone to serve. I only hope Im able to do him justice as his Mistress


I tried to write and send this earlier but our internet provider is being a pain this past week -- and getting the normally quite laid back and passive husband into a really uproar in the process (sort of scary to watch folks).

collarworthy, if you do not have a "domme bone" in your body how can you offer or accept the position of being Urantiam's dominant and mistress?

Do you not wonder how it will all play out? How long you can maintain a role you are not in your own words suited for? How much emotional toil might this take on you as well as you try to fulfill the role that you are unsuited for?

Perhaps you'll get lucky and you will discover that you do in fact have some "domme bones" but you might not. Do you both have a plan for if things don't go well? Have each of you taken steps to protect yourself financially, physically or emotionally?

Do you really believe that while you are discovering so many new things about yourself it is the time to take on a serious role as domme to not just one but potentially multiple people?

You don't thing there is much harm in jumping into things so deeply, right? What is the harm in slowing down and learning step by step?



Dustyn -> RE: In Urantiams defense.......... (5/12/2006 7:35:49 PM)

quote:

Do you really believe that while you are discovering so many new things about yourself it is the time to take on a serious role as domme to not just one but potentially multiple people?


Some people have a sink or swim mentality, Tammy, and that is the only way that they know how to go about doing things.  I've got a bull in a china shop mentality frequently, but time has shown the bull that it's easier on the hooves to not rampage around all willy-nilly.  That glass hurts when it gets in yer hooves. LOL

There has been a great deal of advice and misgivings posted up on this thread, but if neither side wants to give them any contemplation, all we can do is just sit back adn what where things go.  Personally, I've got a bag of marshmallows and hot dogs, just in case there is a pretty fire. =)

- Dustyn



urantiam -> RE: In Urantiams defense.......... (5/16/2006 5:51:40 PM)

To all members.

I must thank all of you for your friendly advice. I guess you have done your duty. I am very happy to know that many members cared about my security. But I will now leave the forum for good. I have decided to serve Mistress Cynthia and I will stick with this decision. I must remind you all, that the original question was: "Would I be interfering with my Mistresses sexual life?"
But I guess all members really drifted away from answering my question.

I have total confidence in my new Mistress and even if her intentions were to take advantage of me and kill me or hurt me, I still would love her with all my heart. I am not afraid of dying and would be glad to sacrifice my life for her pleasure.

Yes, maybe we are both new and confused, but we will work it out.

URANTIAM



ladyseekinglord -> RE: Mistress is worried (5/16/2006 6:07:01 PM)

IMHO, it is impossible to love someone you have never met.  What you are in love with, is the IDEA of her and this situation.  At this point, it is all still fantasy.  Not until you meet and get to know each other, does it become reality.

lady



Estring -> RE: Mistress is worried (5/16/2006 6:15:30 PM)

I don't think there are too many things that would stop a guy from the chance to have dirty sex with a woman. Probably wouldn't stop many even if you were watching. I wouldn't worry.



feastie -> RE: In Urantiams defense.......... (5/16/2006 6:18:34 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: urantiam

To all members.

I must thank all of you for your friendly advice. I guess you have done your duty. I am very happy to know that many members cared about my security. But I will now leave the forum for good. I have decided to serve Mistress Cynthia and I will stick with this decision. I must remind you all, that the original question was: "Would I be interfering with my Mistresses sexual life?"
But I guess all members really drifted away from answering my question.

I have total confidence in my new Mistress and even if her intentions were to take advantage of me and kill me or hurt me, I still would love her with all my heart. I am not afraid of dying and would be glad to sacrifice my life for her pleasure.

Yes, maybe we are both new and confused, but we will work it out.

URANTIAM


That's because the very question itself lost any importance whatsoever when compared with what all else we learned about you and your ...mistress.




ladyseekinglord -> RE: In Urantiams defense.......... (5/16/2006 6:19:28 PM)

I read all the posts, and some did have an element of ridicule in them.  However, as many have said, he is obviously unexperienced and those who replied "know better."  His mindset kind of reminds me of when I first started dating online in the vanilla world.  Naive is the word that best described me then.  Yes, we can advise against this all we want, but I wouldn't have let anything stop me then.  I had to learn the lessons myself, as will he.

lady



urantiam -> RE: Mistress is worried (5/16/2006 6:21:18 PM)

ESTRING.

Thank you very much for your advice. You are the only one who truly answered my question. I think you are very mature and wise. I really needed the advice of male doms on this one.

Thank you again.

URANTIAM



Reflectivesoul -> RE: Mistress is worried (5/16/2006 6:47:16 PM)

oh boy where to start with this huh? ( oh yeah run away cause the queen of oppinionation has arrived lol )
 
1.) a submissive that is going to another submissive to find Dominance obviously has some understanding problem.
 
2.) Jumping head first into the "cyber" Domme bed after a few days or weeks that is a train wreck waiting to happen.
 
3.) Several hours on the web cam and phone equates to knowing someone????? what fucking planet do you live on lady cause its obviously not this one, all that equates to in My mind is the equavilent of some trailor park white trash whore thats opening her front door saying come get a piece of this stretched out over used gaping puss.
 
4.) But the slave is in "love" and only wants domestic work. Hunny you'll have all of that you want when you're elbow deep trying to clean the massive amounts of shit from between your ears, because a brain is obviously not present.
 
5.) oh and I forgot he's going to serve her forever but yet he's asking everyone else questions cause oh wait thats right he doesnt know a damn thing about what service is because they still dont know the rules!!!!!!! ( oh and reserve the right to cry when people who have busted their asses in this lifestyle and for this lifestyle actually say wtf this is not right...... )
 
For all the posts and topics about "cyber" Doms and subs I submit this whole situation for any and all future references.
 



Sinergy -> RE: Mistress is worried (5/16/2006 6:53:06 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Submotive
i'm sorry, maybe i'm missing something here. You haven't met this woman but you love her?????? i strongly recommend you slow WAY down and think.


"God gave man two heads and only enough blood supply to run one at a time."  Robin Williams.

"I dont know what all the fuss about gay men getting married is. Marriages dont generally work out even when there is only one man involved."  Graham Norton

Having said that, I wish you both good luck.  I have seen things I thought were more odd, and hey, it could happen.

Just me, etc.

Sinergy



apb -> RE: Mistress is worried (5/16/2006 8:45:57 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: urantiam

ESTRING.

Thank you very much for your advice. You are the only one who truly answered my question. I think you are very mature and wise. I really needed the advice of male doms on this one.

Thank you again.

URANTIAM


i wish i could have been more help to you Urantiam ... but i don't have any experience with multiple males, only multiple females ... and we all (typically) play together well (interesting when you have one sub, two Dommes and one vanilla all pleasing one Master)...

like i mentioned - i have been lucky enough to meet my Dom/mes in real life.  i have also been lucky enough to meet good Dom/mes - especially my life Partner and Domme (yourMissTress).  i truly wish that you find the same happiness that we have ...  just make sure you communicate - A LOT!

warmest regards,
~mouse



MistressLove999 -> RE: Mistress is worried (5/17/2006 1:52:17 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: urantiam

I will be serving Mistress Cinthia known as (collarworthy) on this site, starting in July. I really love this woman and I want to serve her for the rest of my life. We have agreed that even if she is a switch, I will always be her slave and I will never be permitted to dominate her. My Mistress is however very worried that my presence in her home might drive away dominant males from wanting to dominate her in bed. She really loves to be treated like a whore in the bedroom as states her profile and she does not want to lose this exciting real time bedroom action.

Will my presence interfere with her sex life?

Will alpha males still want to abuse my Mistress knowing she owns a slave?

We are both new to this, so all the advice can only help us.

Urantiam 

If your still around
I  can honestly answer your question dear.
Being a married domme, the answer is YES it can and it will.
When meeting a person(sub) for the first few times, my husband goes with me. I for safety's sake do not go alone.
Some men balk at this, even though hubby isn't bi and has his own subs, some men are very uncomfortable with another male around. Yes, even to chat over coffee. Those who don't like it are told nicely that I understand. (my safety comes first to my husband).
So yes, your being there will put a damper on her bedroom playtime.

Also, as the others have really tried to warn you dear, you haven't met her. Right now in your mind she is perfect, hell you could be chatting with anyone, any of us and we would all be perfect in your mind.
Your in LOVE with what your mind has pictured, all I ask you to do is stop, go meet her first. Stay a few days at a hotel. Then go home clear your head. Keep going back for visits. Until you really really know her. There doesn't have to be a big rush, if what you and she feel is a connection with time it will only get better.
And the warnings about diseases is valid, honey Aids dont wash off and there is no magic shot.
Loneliness can sure make us into fools..............



urantiam -> RE: Mistress is worried (5/17/2006 8:00:06 AM)

Mistresslove999.

Thank you for your reply.

When I make a commitment to serve, I cannot go back on my word. It is just  not right. The problem today is that people do not have a word anymore. In the ancient times, native and primitive human beings did not use contracts, they gave their( word) and that was better for them than a contract. But then humans became such liars, that contracts had to be created.

I speak with my Mistress every day on the phone. So I know that she is real. OK! So she could have posted another picture to fool me, but how stupid would that be. Also! Even if she did this, I will still serve her if she is not the one I saw in her pictures. If she is an old Lady or if she is 3oo pounds does not matter to me. I am crazy about her because she is an extraordinary Lady.

She is smart and funny, strong and witty. I could go on and on, but it would be to long. It just feels so right. OK! She does enjoy sex alot and her sex life will be very active and will be with other doms, so I understand the safety issues. But like I said before, if I do get AIDS after being used by her sexualy, than I will simply die and I would still be very happy that I sacrificed myself for her.

I know this sounds naïve, but I am not naïve. I have been single for 20 years and I had sex only in once in those years. I did this for fear of diseases. But this has all changed now. I am willing to serve her sexualy and to take that risk. This is because I am really in love with her. And I am willing to die for the one I love.

Thank you again.

You are all very sweet to care for me.

PS: My Mistresses profile has not been deleted like some said. (collarworthy)


Urantiam



Reflectivesoul -> RE: Mistress is worried (5/17/2006 10:35:19 AM)

[sm=ofcourse.gif]



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