do you truely? (Full Version)

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needlesandpins -> do you truely? (3/28/2011 3:35:17 PM)

i have a question for anyone who considers themself to be a slave or owned.

i have searched for this but i'm not finding what i want to know so please bare with me.

i have seen some people refer to themselves as a slave or as owned and that they lead a 24/7 D/s relationship, therefore what the D says goes no matter what. i'm struggling to understand this concept. as i see it no-one is truely a slave or owned by anyone, you are free to walk away at any time. i try not to lable myself really as i don't seem to fit anything at all, i consider myself to be my own person.

now i maybe generalising here, but it is how it comes across, but some of the male Dom's just come over as complete arseholes. they seem to have a complete lack of seeing a woman as anything but an object. i get the whole you are my toy to do with as i please, but in some cases there really does seem to be a total disreguard for the woman as an actual person. that she is just a thing to be discarded when the next thing comes along.

as the 'slave' can you really tell the difference behind a man that is just a twat, and one who is basically a good guy but can satisfy what you want. also, do you truely consider yourself to be owned in such a fashion that he can do what the hell he likes under the umbrella of being a Dom?

if i'm not making myself clear, please ask questions or just type away as you see fit from what i've wrote. but please understand that i am trying to really understand the thinking because if alot of these guys spoke to me like they do, or about me like they do other women i'd be telling them to go away, c u next tuesday. because i want to understand i may ask you further questions in that effort.

thanks in advance, and please feel free to pm if you'd rather.

needles



Aileen1968 -> RE: do you truely? (3/28/2011 3:53:25 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: needlesandpins

i have a question for anyone who considers themself to be a slave or owned.

i have searched for this but i'm not finding what i want to know so please bare with me.

i have seen some people refer to themselves as a slave or as owned and that they lead a 24/7 D/s relationship, therefore what the D says goes no matter what. i'm struggling to understand this concept. as i see it no-one is truely a slave or owned by anyone, you are free to walk away at any time. i try not to lable myself really as i don't seem to fit anything at all, i consider myself to be my own person.

Of course I could walk away at any time. It's perfectly clear that if I make a conscious choice to not do what he wants, that's my way of walking away. He's also not a dick and knows that sometimes life trumps him and there are times that I can't do what he told me to do. As long as I tell him why, he's fine with it. I try very hard to not let that happen.

quote:

now i maybe generalising here, but it is how it comes across, but some of the male Dom's just come over as complete arseholes. they seem to have a complete lack of seeing a woman as anything but an object. i get the whole you are my toy to do with as i please, but in some cases there really does seem to be a total disreguard for the woman as an actual person. that she is just a thing to be discarded when the next thing comes along.

as the 'slave' can you really tell the difference behind a man that is just a twat, and one who is basically a good guy but can satisfy what you want. also, do you truely consider yourself to be owned in such a fashion that he can do what the hell he likes under the umbrella of being a Dom?

I don't think it's hard at all to spot a twat. [:)] And I don't think it's hard at all to recognize the best thing next to sliced bread.

quote:

if i'm not making myself clear, please ask questions or just type away as you see fit from what i've wrote. but please understand that i am trying to really understand the thinking because if alot of these guys spoke to me like they do, or about me like they do other women i'd be telling them to go away, c u next tuesday. because i want to understand i may ask you further questions in that effort.

thanks in advance, and please feel free to pm if you'd rather.


I had a lot of men talk to me in stupid ways. All it showed was that they were stupid. I suppose if one is just desperate or in a frenzy those kind of men would work.


So yes, I truly do whatever he wants. He's a fantastic man and it makes me proud to be his woman.



needlesandpins -> RE: do you truely? (3/28/2011 4:33:39 PM)

thank you for answering.

what happens though if you just plain don't want to do something, not because of life getting in the way, but just because you don't feel like it?

needles



sexyred1 -> RE: do you truely? (3/28/2011 4:35:17 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: needlesandpins

i have a question for anyone who considers themself to be a slave or owned.

i have searched for this but i'm not finding what i want to know so please bare with me.

i have seen some people refer to themselves as a slave or as owned and that they lead a 24/7 D/s relationship, therefore what the D says goes no matter what. i'm struggling to understand this concept. as i see it no-one is truely a slave or owned by anyone, you are free to walk away at any time. i try not to lable myself really as i don't seem to fit anything at all, i consider myself to be my own person.

now i maybe generalising here, but it is how it comes across, but some of the male Dom's just come over as complete arseholes. they seem to have a complete lack of seeing a woman as anything but an object. i get the whole you are my toy to do with as i please, but in some cases there really does seem to be a total disreguard for the woman as an actual person. that she is just a thing to be discarded when the next thing comes along.

as the 'slave' can you really tell the difference behind a man that is just a twat, and one who is basically a good guy but can satisfy what you want. also, do you truely consider yourself to be owned in such a fashion that he can do what the hell he likes under the umbrella of being a Dom?if i'm not making myself clear, please ask questions or just type away as you see fit from what i've wrote. but please understand that i am trying to really understand the thinking because if alot of these guys spoke to me like they do, or about me like they do other women i'd be telling them to go away, c u next tuesday. because i want to understand i may ask you further questions in that effort.

thanks in advance, and please feel free to pm if you'd rather.

needles


A woman, no matter if she is a sub or slave or vanilla, should know when a man is being a twat vs. being a good guy.

Of course, that is not always the case as you might have read from some of the stories on the boards and sometimes, even smart girls can make foolish choices.

If one is truly in a consensual D/s relationship then you can feel truly owned in whatever manner that takes shape within your own dynamic.




windchymes -> RE: do you truely? (3/28/2011 4:38:32 PM)

And, just because a guy acts like a twat in here doesn't mean they are in real life. Some people like to "be" someone in here for their own entertainment, just to have fun, escape from the world a little bit.



Aileen1968 -> RE: do you truely? (3/28/2011 4:39:54 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: needlesandpins

thank you for answering.

what happens though if you just plain don't want to do something, not because of life getting in the way, but just because you don't feel like it?

needles


Not an option. If he tells me to do something, I do it.



sexyred1 -> RE: do you truely? (3/28/2011 4:42:02 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: windchymes

And, just because a guy acts like a twat in here doesn't mean they are in real life. Some people like to "be" someone in here for their own entertainment, just to have fun, escape from the world a little bit.


Please let us hope that is true. :)



DesFIP -> RE: do you truely? (3/28/2011 4:44:54 PM)

He's a smart man. He knows that there are times I need to be taken care of instead of tending to him. And he enjoys doing that as well. We are both human and have days when we are in bad moods for whatever reason. Like  adults should, we talk it out instead of acting it out. He doesn't come home and kick me because he got cut off on the road, he comes home and says "I'm so furious, there was this idiot driving" in exactly the same way that I will say "I'm tired and disgruntled and need some alone time". If I know why, I tell him. If I don't know why, I tell him that too.

Like in any other relationship, communication is a must.



windchymes -> RE: do you truely? (3/28/2011 4:45:04 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1


quote:

ORIGINAL: windchymes

And, just because a guy acts like a twat in here doesn't mean they are in real life. Some people like to "be" someone in here for their own entertainment, just to have fun, escape from the world a little bit.


Please let us hope that is true. :)


I know of a case or two where it is [;)]



LadyBeckett -> RE: do you truely? (3/28/2011 4:48:44 PM)

quote:

quote:

ORIGINAL: windchymes

And, just because a guy acts like a twat in here doesn't mean they are in real life. Some people like to "be" someone in here for their own entertainment, just to have fun, escape from the world a little bit.


Most often I believe it is more likely the other way around.



needlesandpins -> RE: do you truely? (3/28/2011 5:08:57 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1


quote:

ORIGINAL: needlesandpins

i have a question for anyone who considers themself to be a slave or owned.

i have searched for this but i'm not finding what i want to know so please bare with me.

i have seen some people refer to themselves as a slave or as owned and that they lead a 24/7 D/s relationship, therefore what the D says goes no matter what. i'm struggling to understand this concept. as i see it no-one is truely a slave or owned by anyone, you are free to walk away at any time. i try not to lable myself really as i don't seem to fit anything at all, i consider myself to be my own person.

now i maybe generalising here, but it is how it comes across, but some of the male Dom's just come over as complete arseholes. they seem to have a complete lack of seeing a woman as anything but an object. i get the whole you are my toy to do with as i please, but in some cases there really does seem to be a total disreguard for the woman as an actual person. that she is just a thing to be discarded when the next thing comes along.

as the 'slave' can you really tell the difference behind a man that is just a twat, and one who is basically a good guy but can satisfy what you want. also, do you truely consider yourself to be owned in such a fashion that he can do what the hell he likes under the umbrella of being a Dom?if i'm not making myself clear, please ask questions or just type away as you see fit from what i've wrote. but please understand that i am trying to really understand the thinking because if alot of these guys spoke to me like they do, or about me like they do other women i'd be telling them to go away, c u next tuesday. because i want to understand i may ask you further questions in that effort.

thanks in advance, and please feel free to pm if you'd rather.

needles


A woman, no matter if she is a sub or slave or vanilla, should know when a man is being a twat vs. being a good guy.

Of course, that is not always the case as you might have read from some of the stories on the boards and sometimes, even smart girls can make foolish choices.

If one is truly in a consensual D/s relationship then you can feel truly owned in whatever manner that takes shape within your own dynamic.




this is what i'm trying to figure out. if the way i see some of these guys is because my stance is different to that of a sub/slave who is looking at them from that point of view. i get that people can hide or be a certain way in a forum that they wouldn't be face-to-face. in r/l you get to see facial expressions and in a relaxed enviroment maybe a bit of the real person. but in the fora it's harder to tell who is really behind the keyboard.

thank you for the answers ladies, it's much appreciated!

needles



agirl -> RE: do you truely? (3/28/2011 5:09:36 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: needlesandpins

i have a question for anyone who considers themself to be a slave or owned.

i have searched for this but i'm not finding what i want to know so please bare with me.

i have seen some people refer to themselves as a slave or as owned and that they lead a 24/7 D/s relationship, therefore what the D says goes no matter what. i'm struggling to understand this concept. as i see it no-one is truely a slave or owned by anyone, you are free to walk away at any time. i try not to lable myself really as i don't seem to fit anything at all, i consider myself to be my own person.

now i maybe generalising here, but it is how it comes across, but some of the male Dom's just come over as complete arseholes. they seem to have a complete lack of seeing a woman as anything but an object. i get the whole you are my toy to do with as i please, but in some cases there really does seem to be a total disreguard for the woman as an actual person. that she is just a thing to be discarded when the next thing comes along.

as the 'slave' can you really tell the difference behind a man that is just a twat, and one who is basically a good guy but can satisfy what you want. also, do you truely consider yourself to be owned in such a fashion that he can do what the hell he likes under the umbrella of being a Dom?

if i'm not making myself clear, please ask questions or just type away as you see fit from what i've wrote. but please understand that i am trying to really understand the thinking because if alot of these guys spoke to me like they do, or about me like they do other women i'd be telling them to go away, c u next tuesday. because i want to understand i may ask you further questions in that effort.

thanks in advance, and please feel free to pm if you'd rather.

needles


Oh, I'm in total agreement with this....

Quote...but some of the male Dom's just come over as complete arseholes. they seem to have a complete lack of seeing a woman as anything but an object. i get the whole you are my toy to do with as i please, but in some cases there really does seem to be a total disreguard for the woman as an actual person. that she is just a thing to be discarded when the next thing comes along.....Unquote

Quote.....I have seen some people refer to themselves as a slave or as owned and that they lead a 24/7 D/s relationship, therefore what the D says goes no matter what. i'm struggling to understand this concept. as i see it no-one is truely a slave or owned by anyone, you are free to walk away at any time. i try not to lable myself really as i don't seem to fit anything at all, i consider myself to be my own person.....Unquote

Of course I'm free to walk away and I have, more than once:)  AS M's *owned* yes, what he says jolly well goes.Yes, NO matter what!

Clearly, being *owned* has to be a concept that both M and I subscribe to.

He's free to walk away just as much as I am.....That's not a prospect I'd relish anymore than he would.
It's not simply a case of *he does what he wants* like some moron firing on one cylinder. It's all within the context of deep affection, long held respect and understanding.

Any old chap can't *do what he wants* with or to me.......but M can. He's earned it, he has that right, he has my unreserved compliance with that *right*. He proved that time and time over before he even owned me years beforehand.

Like Aileen, I don't find it that tricky to spot a twit.......(to be fair, some are actually rather benign, they are just doing the internet D/s courting *Dance* They just don't know that it's wasted on some folk.)

Yes, he can do what he pleases, I AM an object if that's what he fancies, I'm still his girl, the one person in this world that he owns.....by the same token ....HE is my owner the ONE person in this world that can be that. It's been SO long built and oh, so precious.........and there's not the remotest chance of me being disregarded in ANY way at all.

In regards to your other question...Quote..

As the 'slave' can you really tell the difference behind a man that is just a twat, and one who is basically a good guy but can satisfy what you want. also, do you truely consider yourself to be owned in such a fashion that he can do what the hell he likes under the umbrella of being a Dom?....Unquote

As a woman and as a person I know a twat when I see one (eventually, sometimes quicker than others)........ being an *owned* person didn't render me stoooooooopid.

He doesn't do what he wants under the umbrella of being a *dom*. He does what he wants because he OWNS me. If I don't want him owning my arse, bossing me around, stopping me doing stuff, making me do stuff.......I can just say * Go away*. He'd only stop to ask * You sure?* The only thing that holds me here is my desire to be here.

It's lovely.

The boss is the one that DOES it, not the one that says it. A simple idea you'd think.





leadership527 -> RE: do you truely? (3/28/2011 5:23:59 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: needlesandpins
i have seen some people refer to themselves as a slave or as owned and that they lead a 24/7 D/s relationship, therefore what the D says goes no matter what.

Well, I no longer use the term "slave" and I never believed in "no matter what". At some point of asshattery I'm sure Carol would say, "You're being an asshat" and that'd be the end of that. For us, it's Carol obeys until she no longer wants to be mine... although even the "no longer wants to be mine" part is getting a little tenuous. The question of "OK, so then what" is getting to be more and more of a "problem".

i'm struggling to understand this concept. as i see it no-one is truely a slave or owned by anyone, you are free to walk away at any time. i try not to lable myself really as i don't seem to fit anything at all, i consider myself to be my own person.
*nods* Whether someone is "truly" a slave depends a lot on whether someone can be truly "owned" since that's what "slave" means. I got tired of the whole debate (hence me trying to stop using the labels). But if you look closely into what "ownership" is and means, you'd see that there is scope and context to it. It is possible to be owned within the context of the two people. In the larger context of the society it is not. In the event of a conflict between "society" and "couple", society wins. Carol does not see herself as her own person. She sees herself as my property. As long as that's true, then there's no conflict between us and society and so "us" wins and she is "mine". At least for us, it was a very significant and multi-year effort to reshape how both of us saw our relationship and our roles within it. "Mine" isn't a BDSM dating word for us. It's a statement of fact regarding how both she and I see our roles. She sees herself as owned property as do I. That changes a lot of the "old rules" that were in play when she was my wife. Things like "jealousy" and "exclusivity" and "personal space" all went out the window. Most importantly, what it changed to Carol (who lives in the world of experience, not the conceptual world where things like "ownership" exist) is that the following three rules are now in play:

What Jeff thinks is right is right.
What Jeff thinks is proper is proper.

Pragmatically, what that means is an awful lot of discussions end up in her shrugging her shoulders and saying, "I'm yours" whether what we're talking about is a "do this" command or a "think this" command.

now i maybe generalising here, but it is how it comes across, but some of the male Dom's just come over as complete arseholes. they seem to have a complete lack of seeing a woman as anything but an object. i get the whole you are my toy to do with as i please, but in some cases there really does seem to be a total disreguard for the woman as an actual person. that she is just a thing to be discarded when the next thing comes along.
Yeah, and this is not that dissimilar from how a lot of men and women both treat vanilla dating & relationships. The fact that an awful lot of people do things I wouldn't doesn't mean that the whole concept is bad. It just means lots of folks are doing things I wouldn't do.

as the 'slave' can you really tell the difference behind a man that is just a twat, and one who is basically a good guy but can satisfy what you want.
Carol doesn't obey me because I can satisfy what she wants. She obeys me because I'm dominant and she's submissive and that's how the world works for both of us. Carol "told the difference" via the rather handy route of living with me for 12 years before agreeing to "anything". You might also note that I have also agreed to anything. It happened before the collaring. We make "anything" bets -- winner gets "anything". She's up 2 right now.

also, do you truely consider yourself to be owned in such a fashion that he can do what the hell he likes under the umbrella of being a Dom?
I can't do "what the hell I like". I can do whatever my dominance is sufficient for. There's a world of difference there. Honestly though, with Carol and I, way before we ran into limitations imposed by my inability to dominate her we'd run into issues with the fact that I love her. My love for her, by far, is the most constrictive set of bounds on what actually occurs.

what happens though if you just plain don't want to do something, not because of life getting in the way, but just because you don't feel like it? I like an answer that Leonidas gave over on Fetlife... she should flee if she can. In the end, I'm not big on the whole "consent" thing. Actual dominance curtails freedom of choice enough that it doesn't seem like an actual choice. So what this gets down to is if she is able to disobey then my dominance was not sufficient for the command and she disobeys which is equivalent to releasing herself. For us, we don't spend much time on these sorts of scenarios since they are in the asteroid hits the earth probability ranges. I haven't spent much time planning what to do in the event of a major asteroid impact and I don't spend much time worrying about what to do if she decides to disobey.



agirl -> RE: do you truely? (3/28/2011 5:25:22 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: needlesandpins


quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1


quote:

ORIGINAL: needlesandpins

i have a question for anyone who considers themself to be a slave or owned.

i have searched for this but i'm not finding what i want to know so please bare with me.

i have seen some people refer to themselves as a slave or as owned and that they lead a 24/7 D/s relationship, therefore what the D says goes no matter what. i'm struggling to understand this concept. as i see it no-one is truely a slave or owned by anyone, you are free to walk away at any time. i try not to lable myself really as i don't seem to fit anything at all, i consider myself to be my own person.

now i maybe generalising here, but it is how it comes across, but some of the male Dom's just come over as complete arseholes. they seem to have a complete lack of seeing a woman as anything but an object. i get the whole you are my toy to do with as i please, but in some cases there really does seem to be a total disreguard for the woman as an actual person. that she is just a thing to be discarded when the next thing comes along.

as the 'slave' can you really tell the difference behind a man that is just a twat, and one who is basically a good guy but can satisfy what you want. also, do you truely consider yourself to be owned in such a fashion that he can do what the hell he likes under the umbrella of being a Dom?if i'm not making myself clear, please ask questions or just type away as you see fit from what i've wrote. but please understand that i am trying to really understand the thinking because if alot of these guys spoke to me like they do, or about me like they do other women i'd be telling them to go away, c u next tuesday. because i want to understand i may ask you further questions in that effort.

thanks in advance, and please feel free to pm if you'd rather.

needles


A woman, no matter if she is a sub or slave or vanilla, should know when a man is being a twat vs. being a good guy.

Of course, that is not always the case as you might have read from some of the stories on the boards and sometimes, even smart girls can make foolish choices.

If one is truly in a consensual D/s relationship then you can feel truly owned in whatever manner that takes shape within your own dynamic.




this is what i'm trying to figure out. if the way i see some of these guys is because my stance is different to that of a sub/slave who is looking at them from that point of view. i get that people can hide or be a certain way in a forum that they wouldn't be face-to-face. in r/l you get to see facial expressions and in a relaxed enviroment maybe a bit of the real person. but in the fora it's harder to tell who is really behind the keyboard.

thank you for the answers ladies, it's much appreciated!

needles


I can't say that I care one jot who's behind the the keyboard. I relate to the what's been written..and that's how I've been related to (mostly).

I've rarely had a snotty remark and the most recent was part of a FuckinTroll debacle that I was unaware of.

I'm not submissive and yet I don't necessarily see guys as being arse-holes. Half of subdom would be content with them!

agirl









agirl -> RE: do you truely? (3/28/2011 6:01:51 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527


what happens though if you just plain don't want to do something, not because of life getting in the way, but just because you don't feel like it?

I like an answer that Leonidas gave over on Fetlife... she should flee if she can. In the end, I'm not big on the whole "consent" thing. Actual dominance curtails freedom of choice enough that it doesn't seem like an actual choice. So what this gets down to is if she is able to disobey then my dominance was not sufficient for the command and she disobeys which is equivalent to releasing herself. For us, we don't spend much time on these sorts of scenarios since they are in the asteroid hits the earth probability ranges. I haven't spent much time planning what to do in the event of a major asteroid impact and I don't spend much time worrying about what to do if she decides to disobey.



Forgive me Jeff, for snipping down to this part of your post. It was the one part I didn't answer, and as usual, despite the chasms that you, Carol and I peer across, I still seem to fly about in a relative orbit. :)

Just as you don't spend much time worrying about whether Carol will/would disobey..or what you'd do in that occurance..... neither do we.

The expectation is that I will *do*...I only ever WAS and AM *owned property*. There wasn't any loving thing going on beforehand (the being in love part)


Anyhow, cutting to the bit I've quoted....

Yes, If I don't *feel like it*........Oh dear.... I've been with M long enough to know that that does not bring favourable results for me. It's been expressed and the result was me finding myself doing the undesireable task for a LONG time!

If I *don't feel like* doing ANYTHING, I keep it to myself (if I have any sense at the time) .....because he KNOWS I don't *feel like it* and he's not interested in me *feeling like it*.

The outcome is, it gets done. It HAS to..our entire relationship is O/o, why would either of us wreck that?

agirl








Aileen1968 -> RE: do you truely? (3/28/2011 7:49:28 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: needlesandpins


quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1


quote:

ORIGINAL: needlesandpins

i have a question for anyone who considers themself to be a slave or owned.

i have searched for this but i'm not finding what i want to know so please bare with me.

i have seen some people refer to themselves as a slave or as owned and that they lead a 24/7 D/s relationship, therefore what the D says goes no matter what. i'm struggling to understand this concept. as i see it no-one is truely a slave or owned by anyone, you are free to walk away at any time. i try not to lable myself really as i don't seem to fit anything at all, i consider myself to be my own person.

now i maybe generalising here, but it is how it comes across, but some of the male Dom's just come over as complete arseholes. they seem to have a complete lack of seeing a woman as anything but an object. i get the whole you are my toy to do with as i please, but in some cases there really does seem to be a total disreguard for the woman as an actual person. that she is just a thing to be discarded when the next thing comes along.

as the 'slave' can you really tell the difference behind a man that is just a twat, and one who is basically a good guy but can satisfy what you want. also, do you truely consider yourself to be owned in such a fashion that he can do what the hell he likes under the umbrella of being a Dom?if i'm not making myself clear, please ask questions or just type away as you see fit from what i've wrote. but please understand that i am trying to really understand the thinking because if alot of these guys spoke to me like they do, or about me like they do other women i'd be telling them to go away, c u next tuesday. because i want to understand i may ask you further questions in that effort.

thanks in advance, and please feel free to pm if you'd rather.

needles


A woman, no matter if she is a sub or slave or vanilla, should know when a man is being a twat vs. being a good guy.

Of course, that is not always the case as you might have read from some of the stories on the boards and sometimes, even smart girls can make foolish choices.

If one is truly in a consensual D/s relationship then you can feel truly owned in whatever manner that takes shape within your own dynamic.




this is what i'm trying to figure out. if the way i see some of these guys is because my stance is different to that of a sub/slave who is looking at them from that point of view. i get that people can hide or be a certain way in a forum that they wouldn't be face-to-face. in r/l you get to see facial expressions and in a relaxed enviroment maybe a bit of the real person. but in the fora it's harder to tell who is really behind the keyboard.

thank you for the answers ladies, it's much appreciated!

needles


In response to the bolded...I really hope you aren't implying that someone who identifies as sub or slave has less life and people skills. It seems to me that you're hinting at that...as if we can't make rational choices in a partner because of some need to serve. If anything, my criteria in a man, master and lover was even more extreme than if I was looking for a vanilla mate.

If you have trouble "reading" people online, the problem lies within you, not your bdsm orientation.



littlewonder -> RE: do you truely? (3/28/2011 8:08:03 PM)

In our relationship I AM an object...sure I'm a woman but in our relationship I'm something he uses for his pleasures, whims, needs, wants, etc...that's what I'm here for.

That doesn't mean he doesn't care what I think or how I feel...he absolutely does. You care how well your car is working right? If it's not running well it's not gonna get you where you need to go. If I'm not running correctly I'm useless to the relationship and to him.





agirl -> RE: do you truely? (3/28/2011 8:46:08 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968


quote:

ORIGINAL: needlesandpins


quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1


quote:

ORIGINAL: needlesandpins

i have a question for anyone who considers themself to be a slave or owned.

i have searched for this but i'm not finding what i want to know so please bare with me.

i have seen some people refer to themselves as a slave or as owned and that they lead a 24/7 D/s relationship, therefore what the D says goes no matter what. i'm struggling to understand this concept. as i see it no-one is truely a slave or owned by anyone, you are free to walk away at any time. i try not to lable myself really as i don't seem to fit anything at all, i consider myself to be my own person.

now i maybe generalising here, but it is how it comes across, but some of the male Dom's just come over as complete arseholes. they seem to have a complete lack of seeing a woman as anything but an object. i get the whole you are my toy to do with as i please, but in some cases there really does seem to be a total disreguard for the woman as an actual person. that she is just a thing to be discarded when the next thing comes along.

as the 'slave' can you really tell the difference behind a man that is just a twat, and one who is basically a good guy but can satisfy what you want. also, do you truely consider yourself to be owned in such a fashion that he can do what the hell he likes under the umbrella of being a Dom?if i'm not making myself clear, please ask questions or just type away as you see fit from what i've wrote. but please understand that i am trying to really understand the thinking because if alot of these guys spoke to me like they do, or about me like they do other women i'd be telling them to go away, c u next tuesday. because i want to understand i may ask you further questions in that effort.

thanks in advance, and please feel free to pm if you'd rather.

needles


A woman, no matter if she is a sub or slave or vanilla, should know when a man is being a twat vs. being a good guy.

Of course, that is not always the case as you might have read from some of the stories on the boards and sometimes, even smart girls can make foolish choices.

If one is truly in a consensual D/s relationship then you can feel truly owned in whatever manner that takes shape within your own dynamic.




this is what i'm trying to figure out. if the way i see some of these guys is because my stance is different to that of a sub/slave who is looking at them from that point of view. i get that people can hide or be a certain way in a forum that they wouldn't be face-to-face. in r/l you get to see facial expressions and in a relaxed enviroment maybe a bit of the real person. but in the fora it's harder to tell who is really behind the keyboard.

thank you for the answers ladies, it's much appreciated!

needles


In response to the bolded...I really hope you aren't implying that someone who identifies as sub or slave has less life and people skills. It seems to me that you're hinting at that...as if we can't make rational choices in a partner because of some need to serve. If anything, my criteria in a man, master and lover was even more extreme than if I was looking for a vanilla mate.

If you have trouble "reading" people online, the problem lies within you, not your bdsm orientation.


There is an entire raft of people that use their submissive *nature* as a reason(excuse?) for going along with things, being seduced, being duped or being mislead/misguided.

It's a misconception and faintly fucking irritating to imagine that being owned, or submissive, or indeed a slave means that you have some semi-retarded brain-cells that can't , in your 20's, 30's, 40's or 50's manage to recognise a dick, given at least a few weeks run-up.

Mostly I tend to think that,with the evidence/stories that get played out on these boards, it's understandable for a few to ask that kind of question.

Why would I get all bristly when the uninitiated get the idea from all the gals that are preggers, being cheated on, moving hundreds of miles from home for little return, are all beating hearts over guys online, got into poly with shiny smiles, only to fall back out again.

Good heavens, it's dull after years! I admit I have to fight my own cynisism... hence my kids know exactly what M/s is Jeff and Carol style, OUR style, Aileen and Shore style, NV style, Des style, Ron's style, FuckinTroll style...One thing they CAN'T do....is ever post dubious questions about people's choices!

For shame.

agirl











needlesandpins -> RE: do you truely? (3/29/2011 2:44:52 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968


quote:

ORIGINAL: needlesandpins


quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1


quote:

ORIGINAL: needlesandpins

i have a question for anyone who considers themself to be a slave or owned.

i have searched for this but i'm not finding what i want to know so please bare with me.

i have seen some people refer to themselves as a slave or as owned and that they lead a 24/7 D/s relationship, therefore what the D says goes no matter what. i'm struggling to understand this concept. as i see it no-one is truely a slave or owned by anyone, you are free to walk away at any time. i try not to lable myself really as i don't seem to fit anything at all, i consider myself to be my own person.

now i maybe generalising here, but it is how it comes across, but some of the male Dom's just come over as complete arseholes. they seem to have a complete lack of seeing a woman as anything but an object. i get the whole you are my toy to do with as i please, but in some cases there really does seem to be a total disreguard for the woman as an actual person. that she is just a thing to be discarded when the next thing comes along.

as the 'slave' can you really tell the difference behind a man that is just a twat, and one who is basically a good guy but can satisfy what you want. also, do you truely consider yourself to be owned in such a fashion that he can do what the hell he likes under the umbrella of being a Dom?if i'm not making myself clear, please ask questions or just type away as you see fit from what i've wrote. but please understand that i am trying to really understand the thinking because if alot of these guys spoke to me like they do, or about me like they do other women i'd be telling them to go away, c u next tuesday. because i want to understand i may ask you further questions in that effort.

thanks in advance, and please feel free to pm if you'd rather.

needles


A woman, no matter if she is a sub or slave or vanilla, should know when a man is being a twat vs. being a good guy.

Of course, that is not always the case as you might have read from some of the stories on the boards and sometimes, even smart girls can make foolish choices.

If one is truly in a consensual D/s relationship then you can feel truly owned in whatever manner that takes shape within your own dynamic.




this is what i'm trying to figure out. if the way i see some of these guys is because my stance is different to that of a sub/slave who is looking at them from that point of view. i get that people can hide or be a certain way in a forum that they wouldn't be face-to-face. in r/l you get to see facial expressions and in a relaxed enviroment maybe a bit of the real person. but in the fora it's harder to tell who is really behind the keyboard.

thank you for the answers ladies, it's much appreciated!

needles


In response to the bolded...I really hope you aren't implying that someone who identifies as sub or slave has less life and people skills. It seems to me that you're hinting at that...as if we can't make rational choices in a partner because of some need to serve. If anything, my criteria in a man, master and lover was even more extreme than if I was looking for a vanilla mate.

If you have trouble "reading" people online, the problem lies within you, not your bdsm orientation.


most certainly not, quite the oposite in fact. a couple of you have mentioned the lesser person thing but that is not what i'm saying at all. what i mean is is are you actually better at reading into what 'Doms' type better than me because of how you live your lives? as in; you have the experiance because of your life and the thought parterns you have reguarding that are different to mine because i don't live that kind of life. so when i read a post from someone i could look at it and think this guy is just an arse. you may read it and also think the same because he's a wannabe Dom but getting it wrong just because he's a jerk. or you could read it and see him as the real deal because you have more experiance. it's not an implication that you have less brain cells or can't think for yourself, just that because of who you are you may get a handle on what type of person they are better than i can.

coming back to this thread is great seeing all the responce, but at the same time i'm trying to think of who said what and reply to all the bits i want to.

from looking into your bowl from the outside it seems to me that both parties have to have a special mind set. i truely couldn't do it. you probably don't think of it that way because it's just how you are, but to me it's seems such an alien way. a Dom mailed me and said he'd like me as his slave and my initial thought was 'that won't work as i'm too strong minded for you' but then instantly had to think that through. that very thought made me think of just how subjective one word can be depending on who says it and who reads it. in this case what i actually mean is that i am too strongly set in my ways and thinking to be able to give a Dom what he would want. it's no reflection at all to how sub/slave are as people as i think you have to be incredibly strong in your ways to do what you do. like i said, i just can't. but that is why i thought i'd start this thread, to give me better understanding of how it does actually work for some because looking through the board wasn't telling me what i wanted to know.

needles



needlesandpins -> RE: do you truely? (3/29/2011 3:16:03 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl

There is an entire raft of people that use their submissive *nature* as a reason(excuse?) for going along with things, being seduced, being duped or being mislead/misguided.

It's a misconception and faintly fucking irritating to imagine that being owned, or submissive, or indeed a slave means that you have some semi-retarded brain-cells that can't , in your 20's, 30's, 40's or 50's manage to recognise a dick, given at least a few weeks run-up.

Mostly I tend to think that,with the evidence/stories that get played out on these boards, it's understandable for a few to ask that kind of question.

Why would I get all bristly when the uninitiated get the idea from all the gals that are preggers, being cheated on, moving hundreds of miles from home for little return, are all beating hearts over guys online, got into poly with shiny smiles, only to fall back out again.

Good heavens, it's dull after years! I admit I have to fight my own cynisism... hence my kids know exactly what M/s is Jeff and Carol style, OUR style, Aileen and Shore style, NV style, Des style, Ron's style, FuckinTroll style...One thing they CAN'T do....is ever post dubious questions about people's choices!

For shame.

agirl









sorry that i've chopped this down, but i kept it in above in responce to Aileen and i'm hoping i can kind of respond to everyone. so i have addressed some of what you have said in responce to Aileen i think/hope.

what you have said at the start is part of what i'm getting at and trying to understand. you mention people using their submissive *nature* as an reason/excuse to to have done things they probaly shouldn't have. but on the flip side of that is what forms part of what i want to know. do some guys just use the term of being a Dom as an reason/excuse to get subs/slaves to do things that a true Dom wouldn't. how easy is it for the experienced person to see through this when someone is writing in that style online compaired to the novice.

it seems to me that there is a particular type of man who uses the Dom title as a blanket, they seem to be able to influence some females (i'm sure there probably are some guys too but i don't see that anywhere) who have the idea that they want to be a sub/slave. i'm thinking that they have a rather romantic view about the lable and what they want from it, rather than in the case of the people who are posting here where it is just part of who they are.

maybe it is that initial romantic view that allows them to get way in over their heads and 'preyed' upon by certain types.

i appologise if i'm not making myself clear, but i most certainly have no intent in insinuating or belittling.

i certainly hold no shame at all for the questions i've asked, i also don't see them as dubious. far more shame to not ask questions and so have less understanding as i see it. a slight vanity also thinks that if i have these questions then so may others. if through me asking and others get to learn something too then fantastic. if not then thanks to the replies i've already had i have learnt more and as a knowledge sponge i am very greatfull [:)]

needles



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