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RE: safe words - 3/30/2011 12:04:19 PM   
Jennislut


Posts: 234
Joined: 2/24/2011
Status: offline 		no.

succinct slut
jenni


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Profile   Post #: 21
RE: safe words - 3/30/2011 12:10:13 PM   
submitting4U


Posts: 64
Joined: 8/16/2010
Status: offline 		Safe words are helpful, especially when the partners are still getting to know their mutual limits. The ironic issue for me has been that I never use (red, stop, no more) these safe cues as a sub when i am playing with a Domina who knows me well. I want to please her and take whatever gets her excited ... so yes, I 've taken some severe beatings as a result. When a domina is excited they often can't hear the safe word anyway ... in their sexual frenzy they stop at the culmination of their excitation ...

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Profile   Post #: 22
RE: safe words - 3/30/2011 12:10:35 PM   
slaveluci


Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

“It’s a whip my dear. It’s supposed to hurt.”

Safe words have never been of much use to me really . . .  it negates the fear factor if they have ultimate control.

I am very empathetic and read body language very well.  I use common sense and situational awareness.  After all, when you have a masochist sexually and emotionally aroused on a mix of fear, pain and passion to a peak that is far beyond the point where the pleasure/pain threshold blurred together so your every torturous touch only causes another quivering orgasmic rush . . . they are so high on endorphins you could cut one their limbs off and they wouldn’t feel it. What good is a safe word in that state of mind? I have to be the one to watch what is happening so there is no permanent damage.

My Master's sentiments exactly! He can read all the cues and be the ultimate judge. Usually He stops things well before I would for the exact reasons you mentioned. And...if something goes wrong and I can't hang, I just open my mouth and tell Him the problem. It's never been a problem to articulate and, if there's a gag, I can still make sounds or a gesture to indicate the "wrong" kind of distress ;)

luci

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Profile   Post #: 23
RE: safe words - 3/30/2011 12:16:03 PM   
Kaliko


Posts: 3381
Joined: 9/25/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: porcelaine

quote:

ORIGINAL: MadamMistique

safe words...do you use? what do you think of use of safe words?
would like views of Dommes and subs ?


Greetings,

Safe words are not a part of my relationships. Why do i need to be "safe" with my partner? If there's a problem i let him know and we go from there. i suppose there is some usefulness for those that play casually. But i couldn't fathom it outside of those circumstances.

Namaste,

~porcelaine



I feel the same way. Back when we first started together, we established a safe word (that has never been uttered, to my recollection). But we have since built a relationship in which, if something arises, I can just say so.


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Profile   Post #: 24
RE: safe words - 3/30/2011 1:23:27 PM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MadamMistique

safe words...do you use? what do you think of use of safe words?
would like views of Dommes and subs ?



We've never used them.

I'd safeword all over the place if I had one. I wouldn't be able to help myself. When I'm in extreme pain I'd say anything in the moment....in fact, when I know what's coming, I'd probably do it while he was still tying me. :)

agirl




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Profile   Post #: 25
RE: safe words - 3/30/2011 2:36:20 PM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MadamMistique

safe words...do you use? what do you think of use of safe words?
would like views of Dommes and subs ?



Nope. We stop when he wants to stop.
The thought of possibly having any sort of control over the relationship is a huge turnoff for me mentally and physically.
Him too.

If I have an issue where I have a charlie horse, for example, I'll tell him and he'll fix it.
Otherwise, he hits me as hard as he wants, wherever he wants and for how ever long he wants.

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Profile   Post #: 26
RE: safe words - 3/30/2011 2:46:21 PM   
MzReel4Real


Posts: 62
Joined: 3/13/2011
From: Michigan
Status: offline 		Safe words are meant to keep the sub safe, but I despise them. I don't like the sense of unbalance...I want the control. I love the power...and I believe it is my job to know....so while I encourage others to have safe words....me not so much.



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Respect....uh huh, I used the R word.

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Profile   Post #: 27
RE: safe words - 3/30/2011 3:04:18 PM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: myotherself
I use 'red' as a safeword . . .

Red is a common safe word.  But . . . but . . . they coded before I even touched them!

As mentioned previously, fear is part of what I do and it is part of my mystique and appeal.  My group rented a nice public dungeon and it was a Domme's birthday.  Her smart ass, but very entertaining slave was on a bench taking the 47 birthday spankings for her, counting them off as we go.  We were lined up and she would great us and thank us for beating her slave.  She was very vocal, getting her slave all worked up when each of us stepped up.  And so the count down proceeded . . .

Mistress:  "Greetings Master Mike, thank you for the lovely present and thank you for beating my slave today.  I do so enjoy seeing him squirm."
<whack> "15 Mistress" shouts the slave in an obedient and military sounding tone.
<whack> "16 Mistress" shouts the slave.

Mistress:  "Greetings Resident Sadist, thank you for the lovely present and thank you for beating my slave today.  I am really gonna' love watching you beat him.  Beat him extra hard for me OK?  Would you like to take a few extra swings?"
"Red . . . Red . . . Red . . . Red . . . Red . . . Red" shouts the squirming slave on the bench before I even take a swing. 
<whack>  "47 Mistress" shouts the slave in a desperate tone, even though the count is at 17.
<laughter>  The crowd at the dungeon broke up laughing. 

Mistress:  "You think that was cute don't you?  Now you have to start all over!"


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Profile   Post #: 28
RE: safe words - 3/30/2011 3:24:55 PM   
BurntKitty


Posts: 3340
Joined: 9/7/2010
From: Here To Eternity.
Status: offline 		I play in a dungeon, and don't use safewords. I find it's better to communicate fully. If my back or neck starts to spasm, or my wrists get numb, I'll tell my top exactly what's wrong. We adjust position, and continue. If I'm feeling too dehydrated or need a gulp of my water, I'll say "water, please". I take a drink of water, then continue. It works for me.
I'm not into the "interrogation" scenes, or much role playing, so if I say "stop, bad hurt", I mean it.

But then I am a masochist, and yes, I know "it's supposed to hurt." I have been known to yelp "ouch" before the first paddle hits. Just for practice, yanno...



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Profile   Post #: 29
RE: safe words - 3/30/2011 3:30:31 PM   
peppermint


Posts: 5170
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline 		We use safe words, green, yellow, and red.  Yes, in many cases if I had a problem I could just tell him what it is.  However, there are times when I can not.  One word makes it so much easier to communicate a major problem. 

For example, the other day we were having fun in bed when I got a horrible cramp. The cramp came on so suddenly and with such force that I was unable to talk.  All I could do was scream "red" while screaming in agony.  He immediately got up and looked at me to see if he could find the problem.  He knows me well enough that he could ask the right questions that I could answer with a nod or a quick yes or no.  Within a minute he knew what was wrong and went to get the cream that always eases my muscle cramps.  It took another short time before he figured out exatly what part of me was cramping. 

I do know people play without safe words.  If it works for them then it's great.  I just don't know anyone who plays without safewords.  All the events I go to require safewords.  There must be some reason they are required. 

(in reply to MadamMistique)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: safe words - 3/30/2011 3:41:51 PM   
SorceressJ


Posts: 2968
Joined: 7/24/2010
Status: offline 		I do not play casually, and belong/am married to my Soulmate who loves me and reads me like His best favorite book, and who, like RS, is a situationally aware empath.
I am fully and completely His, and comfortable to my core in all situations with Him.
My answer, then: No. However, this is also because, like some of the girls above, I am trusted to gesture or speak up if I need to.
Also, in our home, No still means No, because No never means Yes, and we both know that.
Your mileage may vary.
)O(

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Profile   Post #: 31
RE: safe words - 3/30/2011 3:42:10 PM   
DomImus


Posts: 2004
Joined: 3/17/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: peppermint
All the events I go to require safewords.  There must be some reason they are required.


To protect the event, not the players.

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Profile   Post #: 32
RE: safe words - 3/30/2011 4:00:29 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

I think safe words are a useful tool if one engages in "scenes" where "no" might mean "yes". In such a situation, if you want to allow "no" at all, then you're going to need some other words to mean "no". Since Carol and I don't play in this way a safe word would be superfluous.


Absolutely. The first time I played with someone last fall, he elicited a spontaneous "no no no no no" from me to which he responded, "No is not a safe word," which was a perfect way for him to check in without interrupting the flow of the scene because I didn't actually need him to stop but he didn't know that.

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Profile   Post #: 33
RE: safe words - 3/30/2011 4:17:28 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

“It’s a whip my dear. It’s supposed to hurt.”

Safe words have never been of much use to me really . . .  it negates the fear factor if they have ultimate control.

I am very empathetic and read body language very well.  I use common sense and situational awareness.  After all, when you have a masochist sexually and emotionally aroused on a mix of fear, pain and passion to a peak that is far beyond the point where the pleasure/pain threshold blurred together so your every torturous touch only causes another quivering orgasmic rush . . . they are so high on endorphins you could cut one their limbs off and they wouldn’t feel it.  What good is a safe word in that state of mind?  I have to be the one to watch what is happening so there is no permanent damage.

And if there was a safe word, what would it be used for?  Why would someone want to stop me from hurting them and scaring them so badly that they are left quaking in a puddle of their own piss, blood and cum?


Dahling! <fans self>

Yes, my favorite sadists were masters of reading my body language. I had to call yellow once because I felt a panic attack coming on (first time with a single tail). My body was fine; my mind was not, and he had no way to know this.

(in reply to ResidentSadist)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: safe words - 3/30/2011 4:35:47 PM   
Palliata


Posts: 371
Joined: 8/9/2010
Status: offline 		For casual play I use a safe-word - Tangent - just to make sure we're all on the same page. That being said, using it means the scene is over. Not take a break and return, not discuss and revamp, simply stop and go home. Playing together another day is a possibility, but there needs to be a firm deterrent to using the safe-word such that it is only used when it is truly necessary or one risks having a topping-from-the-bottom scenario which is fulfilling to neither of us. If it is something that is truly within the domain of activity which requires safe-wording, then just approaching that limit is probably something that is traumatic enough that it's best to simply go through the cooling-off steps and then take a break from each other anyway.

In an M/s situation the possibility of safe-wording, even if it doesn't actually occur, causes problems. If she can't trust me completely and utterly to properly handle the situation, that's something we need to address at a more fundamental level rather than papering it over by giving her final say in the proceedings. I do keep a very close eye on the slave's mental state to be certain that we haven't hit any unexpected snags, but to actually allow a safe-word is to relinquish final control which defeats the entire purpose of an M/s dynamic. Giving over her safety to my care is very much the point.


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I speak not of The Way, but only My Way. Think it not an indictment of Your Way.

I'm male. I know it sounds female. Work with me.

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Profile   Post #: 35
RE: safe words - 3/30/2011 4:59:16 PM   
Dewolfsslave


Posts: 31
Status: offline 		When Master and i first played, he gave me a safeword - His name. i never used it as it happens, but knowing i had that option was reassuring in the early stages. Now of course, He does what He wants, when He wants, and knows me well enough to know how much i can take.

(in reply to MadamMistique)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: safe words - 3/30/2011 5:16:08 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MadamMistique

safe words...do you use? what do you think of use of safe words?
would like views of Dommes and subs ?




No they are not something I use in general... but they are a tool that can be used effectively in the right situations.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to MadamMistique)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: safe words - 3/30/2011 5:54:17 PM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama


quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

“It’s a whip my dear. It’s supposed to hurt.”

Safe words have never been of much use to me really . . .  it negates the fear factor if they have ultimate control.

I am very empathetic and read body language very well.  I use common sense and situational awareness.  After all, when you have a masochist sexually and emotionally aroused on a mix of fear, pain and passion to a peak that is far beyond the point where the pleasure/pain threshold blurred together so your every torturous touch only causes another quivering orgasmic rush . . . they are so high on endorphins you could cut one their limbs off and they wouldn’t feel it.  What good is a safe word in that state of mind?  I have to be the one to watch what is happening so there is no permanent damage.

And if there was a safe word, what would it be used for?  Why would someone want to stop me from hurting them and scaring them so badly that they are left quaking in a puddle of their own piss, blood and cum?


Dahling! <fans self>

Yes, my favorite sadists were masters of reading my body language. I had to call yellow once because I felt a panic attack coming on (first time with a single tail). My body was fine; my mind was not, and he had no way to know this.

Shweetheart, dahlink, booboola!

I will not disagree with anyone about safe words.  In fact, I affirm that if someone "feels" they need one, they do!

For me on the other hand, I know that panic attacks, even before they hit, give a physical "tell" that can be read in your body language.  As you start to get disconnected from your surroundings before you even begin panic, you also disconnect from me.  That means your body stops reacting to what I am doing.  When you do disconnect and panic, you tense up.

. . . just sayin' 


_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to kalikshama)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: safe words - 3/30/2011 6:14:03 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		we don't use them.

I'm his slave and I trust him completely. There's simply no need for one.

If there's something wrong I simply tell him and then it's his choice on what to do with the information.

Now if I played casually then maybe it might be a good idea but even then I think that just plain old English would work a lot better..just tell him/her what's wrong.

(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: safe words - 3/30/2011 6:24:12 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: peppermint

We use safe words, green, yellow, and red.  Yes, in many cases if I had a problem I could just tell him what it is.  However, there are times when I can not.  One word makes it so much easier to communicate a major problem. 

For example, the other day we were having fun in bed when I got a horrible cramp. The cramp came on so suddenly and with such force that I was unable to talk.  All I could do was scream "red" while screaming in agony.  
This is the way I am. I get a leg cramp and I'm lucky if I can grind out one word. I have no problem speaking up, he reads me like I'm in his brain....but sometimes something weird just pops up that I can't articulate.

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The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

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Profile   Post #: 40
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