RE: dom goes mising!

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: dom goes mising!

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> RE: dom goes mising!

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 next > >>

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: dom goes mising! - 5/8/2006 2:17:23 PM

SubtleCuriosity6

Posts: 25
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline

I've always thought it would be nice if there were somewhere online you could list the losers so noone else would have to go through the same thing with them.

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Profile

Post #: 21

RE: dom goes mising! - 5/8/2006 6:19:18 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

It is unclear whether or not it was a cyberdom or if she had real life interaction...

If it was a cyber thing, consider yourself lucky that you never actually got on your knees for him in the real world, because it hurts a hell of a lot more after you really give yourself. If you did some real time scening just remember that you will get over it, you will move on. I saw someone that posted something about closure, if you find that you cannot move on without it then email him one more time and tell him that you are giving it to yourself. You do not even have to send it, just the writing of it can be cathartic. I found this was the final step to moving on when I was in your situation and felt free after I released myself completely. Perhaps it was not a serious relationship that you can ask for release from, in that case put a smile on your face and realize you are lucky that he did not waste another moment of your time. At least that's what I think, but as per usual, I could be wrong.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to SubtleCuriosity6)

Profile

Post #: 22

RE: dom goes mising! - 5/8/2006 9:55:40 PM

Vancouver_cinful

Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: temptressofsouls
I've had it happen to me three times in real life, (yeah yeah yeah, I know, fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me, fool me three times and I'm just a royal idiot) and it hurts like a bitch.. Each time it was a fairly different situation, so while I try to learn from my mistakes, it wasnt always possible until afterwards.

I'm not naive, stupid, impulsive, or careless. I don't ignore red flags, and I try to cover every angle and yes, it's happened to me a few times, as well. (Just recently, and after 6 months of seeing each other at least weekly...I did not see it coming.)

It seems like each time it happens I should have seen it coming but I think people who are inclined to do this are just really, really good at playing the game.

Being willing to open up our hearts and try again, is a sign of courage and strength.

Hugs,
Cin

_____________________________

Cin

quote:

My Karma Account is huge, but I just can't seem to make a withdrawal!!

http://cinful.wordpress.com

(in reply to temptressofsouls)

Profile

Post #: 23

RE: dom goes mising! - 5/8/2006 10:56:04 PM

emmab

Posts: 8
Joined: 2/17/2006
Status: offline

Hi. Just to say this wasnt cyber at all. Our meetings were absoultely brilliant so thats why its so much more frustrating not knowing whats happened. Its just human nature to want an explanation, even a negative explanation is better than being left in mid air

(in reply to Vancouver_cinful)

Profile

Post #: 24

RE: dom goes mising! - 5/9/2006 12:12:54 AM

TolerableCruelty

Posts: 447
Joined: 2/4/2005
Status: offline

well, chin up emmab....
you can't expect everyone to be as perfect as "tiger", can you ?

*chuckles some*

(in reply to emmab)

Profile

Post #: 25

RE: dom goes mising! - 5/9/2006 1:12:10 AM

emmab

Posts: 8
Joined: 2/17/2006
Status: offline

whos tiger

(in reply to TolerableCruelty)

Profile

Post #: 26

RE: dom goes mising! - 5/9/2006 5:45:11 AM

TNstepsout

Posts: 1558
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline

Yup, it's happened to me too and it sucks. The worst part was the time spent hanging on wondering if something bad had happened, or if I'd been dumped. I was unable to move on because I didn't want to jump the gun and assume, but by the same token if we were history I wanted to "fill the position". *grins* Funny thing is he was the one kind of encouraging me to be more serious about the relationship, even professing his "love" the last time we were together. I was reluctant because I was so fresh out of my marriage. So just when I started to let my guard down and wonder if maybe I was ready for something serious POOF! he was gone. What an ugly way to play with someones feelings.

I think men are more often the culprits of this particular tactic. Not that there aren't chicken shit women, but I think they tend to use different tactics. Think of all those "sudden death" online Doms we hear of.

Anyway, sorry to hear this happened to you. I've assured this won't ever happen to me again. As soon as we meet for the first time I have a contract I make them sign in blood that they will TELL me, even if it's just a one liner email, if they decide to move on. Hideous death, torture and dismemberment is the punishment if they should break the contract. It's all perfectly legal and binding. Judge Judy said so.

(in reply to emmab)

Profile

Post #: 27

RE: dom goes mising! - 5/9/2006 5:49:00 AM

bandit25

Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline

Very true...it's not a gender thing nor is it a dom/sub thing. It's a people thing. In fact, I was contacted last night by a "dom" I was talking with...he disappeared for several weeks...then he contacts me to say that he's been thinking about me the entire time. Whatever!

(in reply to temptressofsouls)

Profile

Post #: 28

RE: dom goes mising! - 5/9/2006 5:11:48 PM

xxmstrchasxx

Posts: 423
Joined: 5/9/2006
Status: offline

There could be many reasons as stated above, on the other hand if he is just a player it is better that you find out now than later.

_____________________________

XxMasterChasxX

(in reply to emmab)

Profile

Post #: 29

RE: dom goes mising! - 5/9/2006 6:00:11 PM

sweetnsensual200

Posts: 31
Joined: 3/23/2005
Status: offline

i know how you feel emmab. the same thing happened to me somewhat recently and after one email of explanation, that was all i heard from him. he has read my reply to the one he sent me but nothing back since. i don't really know what to think. first i tried making excuses. he's just busy, he has a life--so do i, so does everyone no biggie--he's been sick, his computer's out etc but then i started wondering if maybe he met someone else. then of course that led to the $1 million question: if he did meet someone else, why did he not tell me and why did he bother feeding me a bunch of romantic crap to get me believing in him? i am very cautious, i try not to talk anyone seriously because of past experiences and despite this same situation happening to me on numerous occaisions, i still cannot come up with an answer as to WHY??

so, what i do is remember not to ever, ever do it to someone else. i know what it feels like. i try to be as upfront, truthful (but still polite and respectful) as possible. actually, to be honest (there's that word again), just as i was wondering what was going on in my situation did i come across this thread and the phrase "Why do people do this to each other?" was what was going through my mind. i was also thinking, "well, maybe if i just email him one more time and if i word it differently, maybe then he'll respond and i can get an explanation." But it's like MstrssPassion said, "The thing you have to do is not cling, don't keep making futile attempts to establish contact. I know closure is important but you most likely aren't going to get it from him. You'll just have to close the door & not go back & jiggle the knob." that's what i want, closure. i think that's what anyone would want, just like you emmab, but as i've learned from past experiences (and as stated above), we probably won't get it from the people we want it from the most.

which rises another interesting question...how do we pick up? how do we get back to how we used to be after trusting someone and believing in them and what they claimed? maybe it was dumb of us to put ourselves in a vulnerable position to get hurt like that, maybe we should've exercised more caution, maybe we shouldn't have been so gulliable. maybe we shouldn't have invested ourselves or our emotions into anything in the first place. i'm starting to think most about the latter.

i know what it's like to close yourself off to people and although you do miss out on a lot of good friends and loved ones and amazing oppertunities that may change your life, you also don't have to worry about getting hurt. it's kind of like, picking the good stuff but leaving out the bad. picking the chocolates out of the box you want and leaving the rest. some could say that's the fear talking but still...sometimes i think it's better to be a safe coward than be a dead hero.

i hoped this helped someone in some way.

take care.

edited to say...
i was reading the rest of the posts after writing this and i got mad again hehe.

honestly, does ANYONE know why the one who disappears was (sometimes) the one who was wanting to get closer, to move the relationship ahead? that's what happened with me and a few other posters i've noticed, so please, can ANYONE tell me what's up??

< Message edited by sweetnsensual200 -- 5/9/2006 6:04:07 PM >

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Profile

Post #: 30

RE: dom goes mising! - 5/9/2006 6:06:13 PM

sweetnsensual200

Posts: 31
Joined: 3/23/2005
Status: offline

oh, btw, i second SubtleCuriosity6's notion!

(in reply to sweetnsensual200)

Profile

Post #: 31

RE: dom goes mising! - 5/9/2006 11:57:15 PM

emmab

Posts: 8
Joined: 2/17/2006
Status: offline

Many thanks for all your replies. In a awful way its good to know it happens quite frequently to others and it wasnt just me. In reply to sweetnsensual200, I agree with everything you have said, especially the part about never doing this yourself to anyone because its so hurtful and so unnecessary. Im going to carry on looking but at the moment dont seem to have the wherewithall left to put lots of effort into it. Thanks anyway. x

(in reply to sweetnsensual200)

Profile

Post #: 32

RE: dom goes mising! - 5/11/2006 7:29:02 AM

TNstepsout

Posts: 1558
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline

You know, in regard to the "not clinging and moving on thing", here's what I did, and I think it helped quite a bit. I sent him one last email that was not angry or spiteful, but let him know he'd done the wrong thing. I then thanked him for the good things he'd done for me and the ways in which our relationship helped me to grow. I told him I would really like, at the very least, a Goodbye email because it would help me to move forward remembering the good times instead of the hurt of the way he ended things.

It never happened. But it did help me to rethink the whole experience and realize I'd gotten a lot from it. It helped me to hang on to what was good instead of dwell on the end. And lastly it helped me to put a final period on that chapter and move on to the next.

Then I let him know I had a GIRLfriend now but he couldn't watch. EVER!!! :PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP (no, I didn't really do that *g*)

(in reply to emmab)

Profile

Post #: 33

RE: dom goes mising! - 5/11/2006 10:16:33 AM

emmab

Posts: 8
Joined: 2/17/2006
Status: offline

Many thanks TNstepsout

I have emailed and I texted as well because one of my worries was an accident but perhaps I was clinging to straws. I too, have not heard anything which I consider very cruel and cant really match it up to the person I knew. I felt he wouldnt be this cruel. It would be wonderful just to receive something by way of an explanation and then to start again. I am trying to start again but finding it a long hard drag at the moment. I appreciate all the comments but still cant understand tolerablecruelty but perhaps I was never meant to.

I hope you have found what you want TNstepsout and thanks for the advice.

x

(in reply to TNstepsout)

Profile

Post #: 34

RE: dom goes mising! - 5/11/2006 10:35:00 AM

SirKenin

Posts: 2994
Joined: 10/31/2004
From: Barrie, ON Canada
Status: offline

It is not a big a deal as you think. I had a wife do it to Me once. She had enough of the dominance and wanted out so she just up and disappeared without a trace. When I look back on it, after I got over it, I was glad she did. She did Me a huge favor.

_____________________________

Hi. I don't care. Thanks.

Wicca: Pretending to be an ancient religion since 1956

Catholic Church: Serving up guilt since 107 AD.

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Profile

Post #: 35

RE: dom goes mising! - 5/12/2006 1:49:45 AM

CanadianGuy

Posts: 219
Status: offline

Sounds like either he's either dead/comatose or has pulled a fast one on you. Either way, emailing, texting, and phoning him a lot isn't going to fix it. I think it's over, and you need to force yourself to have closure on it. No more giving him chances and hoping he'll show up with some excuses to feed you.

I feel for anyone this has happened to, although it hasn't happened to me.

(in reply to SirKenin)

Profile

Post #: 36

RE: dom goes mising! - 5/12/2006 2:28:44 AM

NakedGirlScout

Posts: 370
Joined: 1/10/2006
From: Toronto
Status: offline

Hi sweet... I know why they do it... if you write to me in CM I'll tell ya

(in reply to sweetnsensual200)

Profile

Post #: 37

RE: dom goes mising! - 5/12/2006 6:53:53 AM

TNstepsout

Posts: 1558
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline

They do it because from time to time they get an itch in their craw to find out if they still have "it". They roll off the couch, comb their hair and head out to find out. They corral some woman, with no idea she's just the subject of the latest urge to placate a flagging ego, and proceed to make her feel wonderful for a while. Once said woman is following him around like a faithful puppy the experiment is over. YUP! He still has "it". Messes up his hair and flops back onto the couch.

(in reply to NakedGirlScout)

Profile

Post #: 38

RE: dom goes mising! - 5/12/2006 6:30:42 PM

subshine2005

Posts: 5
Joined: 8/17/2005
Status: offline

if a Master is too busy to fulfill th sub/slaves needs why does He even bother to start a realtionship with her?

(in reply to emmab)

Profile

Post #: 39

RE: dom goes mising! - 5/12/2006 6:42:27 PM

zebra

Posts: 64
Joined: 7/24/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: emmab

thankyou very much for your replies. I wasnt saying its just doms, I know it could be anyone, but when you are a submissive, it seems harder to pick yourself up cause he seemed so genuine every time we met. But its a lesson learnt. Just wish people would be honest in the long run. Its far better but I obvioulsy didnt pick the wonderful person I thought I did. Although he must exist somewhere?

When you are ready to smile about this, even just a little (and I know how darn hard that can be), remember what my friend Jack told me. When this happens to him, he assumes "there's been a terrible accident." After all, who would do something like this under any other circumstances?

I sure wish I had some armor to send you, against the hurt. It is so painful.

(in reply to emmab)

Profile

Post #: 40