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RE: dom goes mising! - 5/12/2006 7:10:35 PM

HoosierScorpio

Posts: 164
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I am sorry he played with your emotions and the bond you had created was broken. I have had that happen so many times myself on line that after a while it gets old. The sad truth this happens way too often on line that it gets old after a while. You need to be aware try not to put too much emotional bond with person until you have actually met in person for to some the internet is a playing field were they can cheat with others with wife finding out. The golden rule to being on line it is not real until you can physically touch and even then there is a chance they will stop talking with you out of a blue. I know we get on line to find something that is missing in our lives and to find the one true person we hope to connect with but do not let it suck you in or you will get hurt every time emotionally. Give yourself some time to get over this and to allow your emotional wounds to heal before you try to find another to replace him. To some this is a fantasy while to others this is their life. Keep this in mind it was not your fault and you will find the right one who is for real. You are a good girl Scorpio Master

(in reply to emmab)

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Post #: 41

RE: dom goes mising! - 5/12/2006 8:10:32 PM

LadyHugs

Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
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Dear SubtleCuriosity6, Ladies and Gentlemen;

Only problem I see of making a list of loosers, in regard to the disappearing sorts or standup dates and such; is that for some who are trash it is another person's treasure.

Then you have personality conflicts and the drama that goes with that. It is my belief there won't be such a list, except for these moderators to have behind the scenes; as to not give a little loop-hole, as to grasp and use and or abuse by a matter of personal perceptions, bias, favoritism, etc.

Although it would be good to have, I'm afraid that everybody has to weed and hoe through the rows as to find individuals that might be a match. It is indeed better than what existed in the 1970s through the 1980s. It is a network and it is only as good as those who use it.

Respectfully submitted,
Lady Hugs

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Post #: 42

RE: dom goes mising! - 5/13/2006 4:58:10 PM

Sinergy

Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: artglfr

Every time I have had to turn a girl loose I am sad but i feel it is her own fault because i am very explicit about my expectations and they really are not that difficult to follow .

When she doesn't follow them I email her and ask why...

I once took a course on how to coach AYSO soccer.

One thing the guy teaching it (who coached our Olympics team in 1988) said was "If the player is not doing what you think they should be doing, perhaps you should consider that maybe you (as the coach) have not found a way to coach them to do what you want." I personally like that. I may say something based on my experience, education, etc., but a person who may have come from a different philosophical / educational place my not understand what I am telling them.

As a Dominant, I feel that the onus to get my point across is on me, not on her to understand it. If she is not understanding it, I dont think I am explaining it correctly, so I try again.

Breaking up using email is something I would feel the need to stand upwind of myself holding my nose if I did, but thats just me.

Just me, could be wrong, but there you go.

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle

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Post #: 43

RE: dom goes mising! - 5/14/2006 12:06:22 PM

ginawithaB

Posts: 141
Joined: 9/2/2005
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Sorry, did not read this whole thread but wanted to add my 2-cents to the mix. Someone (or ones) pointed out that the doms are not the only ones who do this sudden break with communication. No, they are not. I have done this from time to time. For various reasons. Never b/c I have a husband or other significant one on the side. Never b/c I was serving a jail sentence or some other awful legal-related thing. One time it was because the person I had been communicating with wrote something to me in an email that I found to be highly offensive, so much so that I felt it did not warrant another response by me. He then wrote me a few times asking why I would not respond to him, but frankly I was too angry to respond and felt it would be a waste of my breath to even try to explain.

Another time, I stopped writing someone who I found to be a combination of boring, incompatible and unfortunately, not really attractive...and felt very conflicted abt explaining that b/c anyway you slice it, it would come out seeming like the attraction part was the main thing, when it's not for me. B/c I have been with ppl I have not found to be the best-looking but found other parts of themselves to be irresistable. So, I let the whole matter just drop without explanation. Not necessarily a mature or wise thing to do, nonetheless, there it is.

And I have been on the receiving end of doms who drop out of sight without explanation. I will sometimes write one time asking what's up, but if no response is forthcoming, I chalk it up to experience and keep it moving despite the fact that it can hurt to be treated this way.

Hope this is useful to someone.

(in reply to emmab)

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Post #: 44

RE: dom goes missing! - 5/14/2006 8:48:53 PM

Sinergy

Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: subshine2005

if a Master is too busy to fulfill th sub/slaves needs why does He even bother to start a realtionship with her?

I went out for coffee with a sub a month or two ago. I realized shortly into the conversation that it was a complete dead-end. I could only visualize an endless series of dates where the person I was with would not offer anything up to the conversation.

So I called her and told her that she was a lovely person but I did not see a future in going any further. I did this 3 times. Apparently, she did not hear it the first 2.

Well, maybe she still has not heard it. I still get 3-6 IMs a day. Several emails a week. Etc., etc., from her telling me how wonderful it would be if she could just come over and [deleted due to moral standards]

I can say "no" as many times as she needs to hear it before it sinks in. But I tend to think I am in the minority on this issue. I am not sure it is a Dominant or submissive issue; it is a human issue. Most people cannot say no to somebody who runs through the gamut of emotional neediness ploys trying to get what they want.

She learned to endlessly pester and bullyrag Dominants to spank / beat / have sex with / etc., somewhere. A behavior which does not result in a desired outcome is generally discarded by most people.

Before we jump up and down and blaming the Dominant for abandoning a submissive without cause, it might be a good idea to find out the other side of the relationship's story.

Just me, could be wrong, but there you go.

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle

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Post #: 45

RE: dom goes mising! - 5/15/2006 4:19:13 AM

Dustee

Posts: 32
Joined: 4/18/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: emmab

thankyou very much for your replies. I wasnt saying its just doms, I know it could be anyone, but when you are a submissive, it seems harder to pick yourself up cause he seemed so genuine every time we met. But its a lesson learnt. Just wish people would be honest in the long run. Its far better but I obvioulsy didnt pick the wonderful person I thought I did. Although he must exist somewhere?

It happens frequently in platonic friendships as well, with people of the same sex. Something about meeting or knowing a person online, even if you actually meet them in person or telephone them, makes people horrifically callous and cruel, feeling as if they can just dump you without a word of explanation when they'd promised for years to always be there for you. There's something about this medium that makes commitment to the people you meet this way difficult to impossible for most people. Or maybe I've just had the bad luck or fate to run into hundreds of flakes. But in almost two decades of meeting people online I can count on the thumb of one hand the number of people I've known to be "true" or loyal to the meaning of the word friendship. It's reached a point that whenever I make a new friend online these days, my first thought is, "I wonder what direction the backstab is going to come from this time?" :(

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Post #: 46

RE: dom goes missing! - 5/15/2006 7:36:08 AM

ginawithaB

Posts: 141
Joined: 9/2/2005
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quote:

Before we jump up and down and blaming the Dominant for abandoning a submissive without cause, it might be a good idea to find out the other side of the relationship's story.

A most excellent point...which also goes for subs who drop out of sight. It's difficult to say what is going on in any particular situation unless you know both sides of the story, and therefore not the best idea to judge anyone one way or other.

That makes 4-cents for me.

Quote from Sinergy's post.

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Post #: 47

RE: dom goes missing! - 5/15/2006 6:10:48 PM

Petruchio

Posts: 1615
Joined: 2/6/2005
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I think it's fair to take emma's plaint at face value because it's obvious she's in pain. Even if there is fault to be shared, she still has hurt at this moment. It doesn't help to remind someone at a time like this if they screwed up.

quote:

Its far better but I obvioulsy didnt pick the wonderful person I thought I did. Although he must exist somewhere?

(good ol' (fake) Southern drawl) Of course, dahlin', but I seldom get to the UK anymore.

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Post #: 48

RE: dom goes missing! - 5/15/2006 10:54:41 PM

emmab

Posts: 8
Joined: 2/17/2006
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In reply to Sinergy

wouldnt it be nice to find out the other side of the story if he would have the decenty to let me know. Thats what this thread was all about. No indication of any problems, just a email to say sorry he didnt been in touch for a week or two, work pressures etc but he loved me and would make it up to me and that was that. Doesnt sound to me that I was to blame in anyway and I know its not me that has screwed up.

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Post #: 49

RE: dom goes mising! - 5/16/2006 11:54:13 AM

Crystal62

Posts: 1
Joined: 5/16/2006
Status: offline

after reading on your sitiuation i felt i should reply. i have a friend who is also a sub and she too has had this same problem recently. her Master suddenly took off, no word, nothing. but the tell tell signs were there. he was on the net and ignoring her when she was in the home. she said he no longer punished her for things done wrong, used her as he had been, quit training basically all together. her Master was more invovled with he said, work on the net. truth, he did as many men and women do now days. leave their loved ones for someone they met on the net. searching for something better for them and leaving broken hearts and spirits and hopes behind. her Master did this. after no word for several weeks, he was found a state away with someone else. after researching this situation it was found he was doing this everytime he thought something better came along. his whole family thought as we all did that he was injured or dead, and bam., he was hiding and playing.
this is not always the case. months ago a Master in our group went missing and unfortunatly a week later was found dead.
if your Master doesnt phone, email or return soon and all search efforts fell then more in likely hes run or has someone else. this i know is hard. i see it often.
it is hard to lose a Master when we so heartedly seek one to find us. my prayers are with you.
crystal62

(in reply to SubtleCuriosity6)

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RE: dom goes mising! - 5/16/2006 5:04:59 PM

Estring

Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
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Many people are online just to play out their particular fantasy or game. When they are tired of the game with you, they will find a new person to play with. It is easy to be the right man (or woman) online.

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Post #: 51