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RE: Long Distance Relationships - 5/8/2006 12:09:51 PM   
Eruditegirl


Posts: 53
Joined: 3/15/2006
Status: offline 		Too cool....I was born in Visalia

(in reply to meatcleaver)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Long Distance Relationships - 5/8/2006 12:20:17 PM   
sabswife


Posts: 188
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		well in my experience a long distance relationship is the best thing that ever happened to me.  spending hours and hours speaking gave me a chance to get to know the real person on a deeper level faster than if He had been here with me... lets face it-- lust first then love in that case -- in many cases.

i guess its all in how you approach it and how genuine both parties are.  if one or both misrepresent themself in the end its just not going to work.

i guess what i am saying is, all relationships have the possibility to fail, but if its right, its right.

after all -- aren't the best things in life worth waiting for? :)

< Message edited by sabswife -- 5/8/2006 12:24:06 PM >

(in reply to Eruditegirl)
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RE: Long Distance Relationships - 5/8/2006 2:56:32 PM   
UtopianRanger


Posts: 3251
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Eruditegirl

I was hoping to get some thoughts on others experiences with long distance relationships. Either positive or negative which ever the case maybe.


I'll just say that you should meet them ASAP or you may never meet them - And believe me, I hate the word never.



 - R


Edited to add :  It's virtually impossible to contextualize the whole situation by just IM or the telephone.


< Message edited by UtopianRanger -- 5/8/2006 3:01:53 PM >

_____________________________

"If you are going to win any battle, you have to do one thing. You have to make the mind run the body. Never let the body tell the mind what to do... the body is never tired if the mind is not tired."

-General George S. Patton


(in reply to Eruditegirl)
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RE: Long Distance Relationships - 5/8/2006 3:00:49 PM   
meatcleaver


Posts: 9030
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Eruditegirl

Too cool....I was born in Visalia


Hmm She works in Visalia or she did the last I knew!

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Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Long Distance Relationships - 5/8/2006 3:10:39 PM   
bandit25


Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline 		LDRs can work, but they take a lot of dedication and trust. 

(in reply to Lashra)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Long Distance Relationships - 5/8/2006 3:11:41 PM   
Eruditegirl


Posts: 53
Joined: 3/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: becca333


BUT you could have some wonderful experiences along the way.  And sometimes it's better to try than to always wonder what would have happened if you'd been a little braver or more determined.

Most of my regrets are about the things I didn't do, not the things I did.


Hmmmm...would I look back in regret at the the age of 80 or 90...I know if I didn't embrace this....I would regret this....and always wonder "what if"

(in reply to becca333)
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RE: Long Distance Relationships - 5/8/2006 3:16:12 PM   
Eruditegirl


Posts: 53
Joined: 3/15/2006
Status: offline
I'll just say that you should meet them ASAP or you may never meet them - And believe me, I hate the word never.



- R

Plans have been discussed to meet next month...and then alternate cities every month if possible...if not then every other month....then after a year...he will be moving here to Vegas....or so is the plan....and since life has a way of happening...we'll see



(in reply to UtopianRanger)
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RE: Long Distance Relationships - 5/8/2006 3:18:23 PM   
meatcleaver


Posts: 9030
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Eruditegirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: becca333


BUT you could have some wonderful experiences along the way.  And sometimes it's better to try than to always wonder what would have happened if you'd been a little braver or more determined.

Most of my regrets are about the things I didn't do, not the things I did.


Hmmmm...would I look back in regret at the the age of 80 or 90...I know if I didn't embrace this....I would regret this....and always wonder "what if"


I often say 'what if I hadn't sent that email.' My life would have probably been the better for it. The only thing I remember about the relationship I had, is the malicious trick she played on me, the rest was rendered meaningless by that.

You toss a coin. Reading this thread that is probably the best advice. You make a decision and what happens happens.

< Message edited by meatcleaver -- 5/8/2006 3:20:06 PM >

(in reply to Eruditegirl)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Long Distance Relationships - 5/8/2006 3:20:31 PM   
Eruditegirl


Posts: 53
Joined: 3/15/2006
Status: offline 		Yes...you were correct...so not an "online relationship"....just "long distance" for hopefully a year....

(in reply to Bearlee)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Long Distance Relationships - 5/8/2006 3:26:53 PM   
meatcleaver


Posts: 9030
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline 		Aah That might be different. I do long distance to Japan but we meet often but we are realistic about the inbetween times which I guess wouldn't be what you want.

(in reply to Eruditegirl)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Long Distance Relationships - 5/8/2006 3:34:02 PM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline 		Long distance worked for Master and I, we met online. However, those 11 months we spent chatting were like torture to me. I am a very tactile person, it's simply not enough for me to live through my head, I need the actual experience. I remember once going into subspace while we were chatting and it turned bad really quickly for me, I dont even really know how it happened..but there I was dropped and I was sitting alone in my room..it was horrible.

Master and I were pretty methodical when it came to the creation of our relationship. We were also honest with each other so there were no real surprises when we met...I think this helped heaps in sustaining our relationship once we met. We had a set time for when we would meet, we made an agreement that we were persuing real life and that was the only reason we were communicating and spending time interacting online. I kinda saw myself as a *mail order slave* and committed to a contract I had to fulfill....there was no option for me to renig on it in my mind. That's pretty much where my headspace was and with that being so, it would have been ridiculous for me to portray myself or my life as something other than it was.

Saying that.....when we did meet after 11 months and 3000 hours of chatting....physicality bought a whole new reality into play...it was like getting to know someone all over again...it took time and living day to day life to actualise the things we knew about each other. It took going through experiences together to *ground* everything we had spoken about.

We have been together RT now for 2 years, we have been married for 17 months..and still we are getting to know one another with each experience we actually walk through together.

Long distance is fine...but realistically...its only living life and relationship in part....to fully experience....physicality on a day to day basis is essential.

_____________________________

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Different Strokes for Different Folks

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(in reply to meatcleaver)
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RE: Long Distance Relationships - 5/8/2006 3:40:13 PM   
GeekFreak


Posts: 102
Joined: 4/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: meatcleaver

I'm a painter/designer but my bete noir came from Fresno so I recoiled somewhat to see you were from there but I don't do online anyway.


Hey! I'm from Fresno too! What's wrong with Fresno?

....oh wait...ya...I remember now. =(

(in reply to meatcleaver)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Long Distance Relationships - 5/8/2006 3:47:35 PM   
akisha


Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline 		Well i would say it has ALOT to do with how faw away you talking.

For me seperate countries = Very hard to maintain.
You rarely get to see them. If at all. And when you do its a week or a couple days a few times a year. Trying to move between countries is a real pain in the keester. Especially if you aren't getting married. Even if you are,  you need tonnes of documentation tht it's  a "real" relationship. You have to keep records of when you were there, how long etc etc etc. If you arn't getting married you need a work visa. These are hard to get unless you are a aought after professional for that country. Herein Canada my skills are highly wanted. In other countries they say. "ya well we have tonnes just like you" Or you have to be able to invest a large amount of money into the government.

If it's a few hours away. Well that is much easier to do. But even then you need to really want to make it work. Make the effort and take the time to see each other. With work schedules and such that can be hard at times too. Keeping in touch by phone and e-mail etc is a must.

Personally I have a problem with out of sight out of mind. My day to day life gets in the way and I start forgetting to keep in touch. This is something I'm trying really hard to overcome.

With the Dom i'm talking with at the moment, I make an effort to talk to Him if not everyday then every other day. I'm hoping that by keeping Him prominant in my mind i wont drift and wander off again lol.

All relationships, be it freindships, lovers, play patners, whatever. You have to put alot of effort into them. in a LDR you just have to put more of an effort into making it work.

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RE: Long Distance Relationships - 5/8/2006 3:52:24 PM   
meatcleaver


Posts: 9030
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GeekFreak

quote:

ORIGINAL: meatcleaver

I'm a painter/designer but my bete noir came from Fresno so I recoiled somewhat to see you were from there but I don't do online anyway.


Hey! I'm from Fresno too! What's wrong with Fresno?

....oh wait...ya...I remember now. =(


Yeah. My downfall.

I have driven through there several times since. It's not exactly what Europeans imagine California to be, not the most exciting place in the world but then I could be prejudiced.

(in reply to GeekFreak)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Long Distance Relationships - 5/8/2006 3:55:04 PM   
Dollbecky


Posts: 197
Joined: 10/22/2005
Status: offline 		My Beloved and I have been togeather for 4 years and 3,1/2  years of that have been in different countries ..its do-able not fun though.....takes honesty bloody mindeness and a good understanding of why you have be apart
For us it was the chance of a lifetime for his Phd studies .....  I am so proud but ...sigh
Maybe it is easier as we are a Dom/Domme-switch couple and have a open /poly  relationship and we base our connection on a non-western view of marrige not just bdsm and romance or sexual fildelity...
Is it worth it ? for us yes :)

(in reply to Eruditegirl)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Long Distance Relationships - 5/8/2006 4:41:19 PM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: meatcleaver

Don't even go there. One experience and it was a bad experience. The truth is you have no way of knowing if they are telling the truth and there are more legitimate excuses they can use to fool you with than if you are fairly close. The time differences make things horrendous trying to meet each other online and because of that you'll find other parts of your life suffer.

But then I think online relationships are for suckers anyway so you might want to ignore me. Meeting people through the internet is another thing, I've had loads of good experiences.


My personal opinion is that in general, people are no more trustworthy if you are face to face with them every day than if you only see them a few times a year.  If they are going to lie to you when you are not in their physical presence then they will lie to your face.  Trust and honesty are independent of distance.

Knight's kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to meatcleaver)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Long Distance Relationships - 5/8/2006 4:49:37 PM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		For me, a long distance relationship is different than an online one.  I am in a long distance relationship with my Lord and alandra.  I met them online, but we spend as much time as possible interacting face to face.  We have probably spent more quality time in direct interaction with each other than some people who live together all the time.

Long distance relationships are hard, but then all relationships take work to be successful and happy.  It takes commitment, good communication and realistic expectations…. Kind of like a relationship where you live together.  The distance presents different challenges, but if you are committed to making it work and are compatible with each other then they have as much opportunity to work out as a relationship with someone in close proximity to you.

Knight's kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to Eruditegirl)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Long Distance Relationships - 5/8/2006 4:53:27 PM   
mariba


Posts: 22
Joined: 4/9/2006
Status: offline 		LDR relationships are pure hell sometimes.  I have had two.  The first was over fairly quickly.  The second is still going on.... Ask yourself, "am I willing to risk finding someone available and local?" also ask "What is the future of this?".... Does he send you a ticket when he wants you?  Does he ignore you when he finds a local "possible"?  Are you willing to relocate?  Is he?  Don't give your heart until you are sure, but if he is paying for the plane tickets and you are having fun with no expectations..... go for it.

Mari.

(in reply to Lashra)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Long Distance Relationships - 5/8/2006 5:50:24 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		I live a couple of miles from Fresno State and I just graduated a year ago from there as well... all these Central Californians coming out of the wood work...lol

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

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Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

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Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Long Distance Relationships - 5/8/2006 6:30:04 PM   
GeekFreak


Posts: 102
Joined: 4/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

I live a couple of miles from Fresno State and I just graduated a year ago from there as well... all these Central Californians coming out of the wood work...lol


Crap...I hope I don't find someone I know on here lol.

Hey, soandso, haven't seen you in a few years. Ya...so you're a kinky pervert? Yup! You too? Seems so. *awkward silence* Well...alright then...good seein' ya.


Oh ya...back to long distance, so I don't get too off topic. I saw someone else mention that long-distance doesn't necessarily mean "on-line". I just means they're far away. I visit my girlfriend a good once a month for a few days. In situations where this is possible long distance is just sorta like dating but the dates are spread out in long concentrated amounts of time, and there's lots of phone talking and what not in between. If it were the case where I hardly ever got to see my significant other, I think that might be a problem too hard to cope with (but, people do manage, so I guess even that's not impossible).



(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 40
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