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RE: Long Distance Relationships - 5/8/2006 6:45:25 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sabswife

well in my experience a long distance relationship is the best thing that ever happened to me.  spending hours and hours speaking gave me a chance to get to know the real person on a deeper level faster than if He had been here with me... lets face it-- lust first then love in that case -- in many cases.

i guess its all in how you approach it and how genuine both parties are.  if one or both misrepresent themself in the end its just not going to work.

i guess what i am saying is, all relationships have the possibility to fail, but if its right, its right.

after all -- aren't the best things in life worth waiting for? :)


Very well stated...I agree completely.

I have an close relationship with alandra going on 18 years.  I have a long distance relationship with kyra that is over a year and half.  As many know, both these relatioships are on going now.

I will say that considering the first year or two with alandra and considering my time with kyra.  Neither is harder or easier than the other.  but there is different challenges.  

But as you say... IF it's Right!  IT's RIGHT!  and a person will overcome any challenge

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to sabswife)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Long Distance Relationships - 5/8/2006 6:48:38 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		As with any other type of relationship, if both partners work on it, you will get out of it what you put into it.  A relationship (of any type)  is only as strong as its weakest partner.

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(in reply to KnightofMists)
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RE: Long Distance Relationships - 5/8/2006 6:50:18 PM   
spankmepink11


Posts: 1310
Joined: 9/28/2005
Status: offline 		I tend to shy away from LDR, although..i cannot honestly say that once i were free to do so...if i felt ovewhelmingly compelled...i could try and maintain one for the short term....until relocation were possible...even though  i love where i live.   I do  know myself well enough to  know that frequent visits would have to be forthcoming, as i thrive on physical contact.

(in reply to GeekFreak)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Long Distance Relationships - 5/8/2006 7:40:19 PM   
ArchangelMichael


Posts: 243
Joined: 8/21/2004
From: New Orleans, LA
Status: offline 		I've had my fill of long distance relationships. The shortest one I had was 40 miles away and the longest was from New Orleans to Chicago. Eventually they didn't work out because of the longing, the requirement of over-planning due to scheduling, and cost of travel. I don't recommend them. 

(in reply to Lashra)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Long Distance Relationships - 5/8/2006 8:47:17 PM   
stevepops


Posts: 41
Joined: 11/12/2004
Status: offline 		Yeah, you can even find out if they're registered sexual offenders...

(in reply to slaverosebeauty)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Long Distance Relationships - 5/8/2006 9:23:00 PM   
Eruditegirl


Posts: 53
Joined: 3/15/2006
Status: offline 		Thank you for the wonderful story....greatly appreciated you sharing it ...

(in reply to slavejali)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Long Distance Relationships - 5/9/2006 12:17:55 AM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline 		I had a 4-5month LDR with my first slave, which would not have lasted as long if we had spent more time together.   I say meeting online is great, but you cannot know someone well unless you've spent enough time together in RL.   For me and mine, things were perfect when we spent 2days together at a time; but when we spent 6days together, incompatibile behavior and attitudes showed, we ended up going our separate ways thereafter, because the longer you are together, the harder it is to fake (hide undesirable behaviors) on either side.  

I tend to shy away from LDRs now, because having a lil one restricts my mobility and my free spending money, but I would never say never if I felt a great connection possibility.  M

< Message edited by BlkTallFullfig -- 5/9/2006 12:21:21 AM >

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a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to Eruditegirl)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Long Distance Relationships - 5/9/2006 1:13:02 AM   
ExistentialSteel


Posts: 676
Joined: 1/18/2005
Status: offline 		I met someone in a Writers Club chatroom and had an intense online relationship with her. We could throw ideas and metaphors at each other until we were both dazed. It was an artistic experience as our minds and emotions met. I don’t regret the memorable, learning and feeling experience. That is the beauty of the internet, it allows you to find others you can mesh with.
 
However, the cold reality of the situation was that we saw each other a few times, but, as others have said, the distance was too hard to deal with unless you make firm plans for one of you to move. We both came to that conclusion and parted amicably and grateful for the relationship.   

< Message edited by ExistentialSteel -- 5/9/2006 1:14:06 AM >

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For those who are like Roman Candles leaving bright trails in the night sky while the crowd watches until the dark blue center light bursts into magnificent colors and the crowd goes, ahhhhhhhhhh.

(in reply to Eruditegirl)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Long Distance Relationships - 5/9/2006 5:03:27 AM   
sabswife


Posts: 188
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		i guess in the end, sometimes you aren't out looking for a long distance relationship.  it finds you.  sometimes that connection is just too much to deny.  i suppose my situation is likely different then many in this way.  it wasn't something i was out looking for, it just happened.

i smiled to myself when i read about someone forgetting to keep in touch.  i honestly can't fathom that ever happening with my relationship as He is literally CONSTANTLY in my thoughts.  the silliest things i can turn around to mention Him or think of Him.

i do also know from experience that there is no way to identify with the kind of love that i feel unless you feel it for yourself.  sometimes love can be like its written in fairy tales, i suppose i am just one of the ones lucky enough to know what that really feels like.  everyone should be so blessed.

i'm rambling now but i suppose my point is that i wouldn't ever recommend ruling out that special someone because he/she is far away.  i could settle for someone close by but thats what it would be -- settling -- when the perfect person for me is right there-- just have to be patient :)  i identify completely with the missing of the touch, at moments it can be so overwhelming the desire to be in physical contact that its actually painful.  you just have to learn to focus not on the moments you can't touch, but treasure the ones in which you can.

< Message edited by sabswife -- 5/9/2006 5:07:40 AM >

(in reply to ExistentialSteel)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Long Distance Relationships - 5/9/2006 5:19:08 AM   
fyreredsub


Posts: 3403
Joined: 10/7/2005
Status: offline 		it is the connection this one has with Master and Mistress that she broke all of her own rules about ldr and she counts the days.yes relocation next year...the whole 9 yards.plans are being made on all counts
this one loves the life she has now but she cant picture ever going back to life with out knowing that she may have missed out on the best relationship she has ever had because of the distance...this slave will do what it takes and Master and Mistress take her by the hand and let her take little baby steps in trusting them....to know she is safe, cared for...yes it will take work and adjustments and we are all prepared to do so....
the future looks very bright indeed

well seems she is rambling now

wishing all well

_____________________________

"Accordingly, men must then either fulfill their nature, or deny it, and in denying their nature, deny us ours, for ours is the complement to theirs. " Renegades

(in reply to sabswife)
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RE: Long Distance Relationships - 5/9/2006 10:01:21 AM   
composer83


Posts: 101
Joined: 2/14/2006
From: Oklahoma City
Status: offline 		from personal experience......it never works out for the long term.....but can be quite fun in the meantime....

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~Love is Pain~


www.myspace.com/iamthediminished

(in reply to Lashra)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Long Distance Relationships - 5/9/2006 10:16:43 AM   
MrMister


Posts: 272
Joined: 3/6/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: meatcleaver

There will always be people closer to home that will suit you.


Perhap....perhaps not. Particularly if one lives in Podunk City were as it certainly doesn't lend itself well for meeting a like-minded individual living just around the next bend. I think long distant relationships just require a great deal of patience, time and effort of the extraordinary variety. Personally, I don't do well with long distance, as I want to look into her eyes, to hold her, to touch her, etc, in order to ever nurture a meaningful relationship. One can't do that living 47 million miles away from their partner.

(in reply to meatcleaver)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Long Distance Relationships - 5/9/2006 10:20:50 AM   
SweetEscravo


Posts: 193
Joined: 12/17/2005
Status: offline 		From what I know, it is extremely hard.  The only way I can see it working is if there was a pre-existing relationship, the two of you visited very very frequently, and/or the distence was not too far.  You have to be able to see each other enough to have the comfort and actually "Relationship feeling" with the person.  I really don't think chatting online with someone six states away constitutes a healthy long distence relationship.

(in reply to Lashra)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Long Distance Relationships - 5/9/2006 10:29:24 AM   
bandit25


Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline 		Very well put.  They find you.

(in reply to sabswife)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Long Distance Relationships - 5/9/2006 10:32:24 AM   
meatcleaver


Posts: 9030
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MrMister


Perhap....perhaps not. Particularly if one lives in Podunk City were as it certainly doesn't lend itself well for meeting a like-minded individual living just around the next bend. I think long distant relationships just require a great deal of patience, time and effort of the extraordinary variety. Personally, I don't do well with long distance, as I want to look into her eyes, to hold her, to touch her, etc, in order to ever nurture a meaningful relationship. One can't do that living 47 million miles away from their partner.


Podunk City is rather an unfortunate name for a place.

(in reply to MrMister)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Long Distance Relationships - 5/9/2006 10:46:49 AM   
MistressWolfen


Posts: 578
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Eruditegirl

I was hoping to get some thoughts on others experiences with long distance relationships. Either positive or negative which ever the case maybe.


Had to go back and re-read your query as so many were responding to online relationships I thought I had misread it. Distance is a challenge for any relaitonship, whether long established or just new. I have seen relationships of 15 years crumble and dissolve when one of the partners has been relocated in their job and the other was not able to follow for 3 months. Flip side of the coin I have seen new relationships that weathered the distance and are strong and fulfilling for the individuals involved in them now.

Distance is a property created by the space between two objects or points, nothing more and nothing less. How the individuals in the relationship perceive this space and work around it will decide on the vitality of their relationship. So in the end it is how you work to make the relationship grow and/or survive. No amount of tales of ("woe was me"..."I do not agree with"..."never have, never will") or any other such ego fed shite offered as advice makes a lick of difference in the end.

Recognise distance for what it is, examine and discuss the challenge with your partner, if new challenges arise discuss them, decide on an action plan, utilise your communication skills...Gee sounds like the advice for any other type of relationship in the end. Work with what you have, be happy, if you are no longer happy move on.

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Quoth the raven

(in reply to Eruditegirl)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Long Distance Relationships - 5/9/2006 10:49:23 AM   
Proprietrix


Posts: 756
Joined: 7/15/2005
From: Ohio/West Virginia
Status: offline
The whole long distance relationship thing confuses me.
One thing that continuously baffles me is when I hear people say "It can work, but you have to have a lot of dedication, loyalty, etc..."
What exactly is that connection, dedication, and loyalty built on? chatroom conversations? emails? maybe a phonecall or two?
To me, emails and instant messenger aren't an appropriate foundation for a longterm relationship, nor are they "enough" for me to invest the incredible amounts of loyalty, trust, perseverance, and hard work that goes into making a relationship work.

I can't imagine building such a strong amount of dedication to someone I've maybe laid eyes on once. I can't get to that point of extreme loyalty, trust, and love, with someone I haven't spent any real time with, or feel a deep seeded connection with someone whose eyes I've never looked into. I simply don't understand what the dedication, loyalty, and determination are founded on in the first place, if the people involved have never even met and spent significant amounts of time together. I have to be able to be with someone, look in each others eyes, break bread together, read body language, spend time together, exchange hugs, hear them laugh, share experiences, both good and bad, before I'm ready to say "Ok, I'm in this for the long haul and ready to put forth a lot of hard work and determination to make it happen."

The only way I could see a long distance relationship working for me is if the relationship was built real time and then my partner had to move to another state for the summer or something. Then, I already know the person and the relationship has already been built, and we're just getting through a temporary seperation.

But to actually build a relationship with someone I've never met..... it's just not a concept I can get my head around.

_____________________________

IMO, IMHO, YMMV, AFAIK, to me, I see it as, from my perspective, it's been my experience, I only speak for myself, (and all other disclaimers here).

(in reply to meatcleaver)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Long Distance Relationships - 5/9/2006 11:04:15 AM   
bandit25


Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline 		I agree.  I think you have to meet...have some physical contact.  But, sometimes, other things keep two people apart....family, job, etc. 

(in reply to Proprietrix)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Long Distance Relationships - 5/9/2006 11:34:33 AM   
MistressWolfen


Posts: 578
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Proprietrix

But to actually build a relationship with someone I've never met..... it's just not a concept I can get my head around.


I had assumed this was a relationship that distance had become an issue in (probably incorrectly), but even if it is a newer relationship I think it can be maintained as they move to the goal of relocation to be together. I am not sure what created the distance but in this day and age it is usually career or education driven. So certainly not insurmountable. My boy is currently working on projects time zones away, is it a pain? ABSOLUTELY, does it take some working to have time to chat on the phone? YES, am I about to say piss on it because he has an opportunity to work in the field of study he adores and excels in? Certainly not. My other boy is in the navy, he will be calling from Italy tomorrow, yup some distance away but this does not ruin our relationship or make any of us cry; woe and foul. It is an unfortunate side effect of having highly skilled and specialised boys. Just as my job involves a great deal of travel, sometimes for extended periods. None of us like the distance but it is an inescapable fact and we work around it like we would any other challenge and certainly would not consider ending our relationship because of it.

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(in reply to Proprietrix)
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RE: Long Distance Relationships - 5/9/2006 12:38:24 PM   
Ceyx


Posts: 89
Joined: 8/23/2005
Status: offline
quote:

I can't imagine building such a strong amount of dedication to someone I've maybe laid eyes on once. I can't get to that point of extreme loyalty, trust, and love, with someone I haven't spent any real time with, or feel a deep seeded connection with someone whose eyes I've never looked into. I simply don't understand what the dedication, loyalty, and determination are founded on in the first place, if the people involved have never even met and spent significant amounts of time together. I have to be able to be with someone, look in each others eyes, break bread together, read body language, spend time together, exchange hugs, hear them laugh, share experiences, both good and bad, before I'm ready to say "Ok, I'm in this for the long haul and ready to put forth a lot of hard work and determination to make it happen."


I can imagine feeling loyalty to and trust for someone who lives far away. Indeed, I've done so. The time that I've spent with my girl is 'real time'; the fact that we weren't in the same room doesn't mean that we weren't dedicating that time and attention to one another. We have 'spent significant amounts of time together.' I've 'looked into her eyes,' I've 'heard her laugh,' and we've 'shared experiences, both good and bad.' We've even 'broken bread together,' after a fashion.

Physical presence adds the pleasures of the flesh; it adds 'body language' and 'hugs,' and these are wonderful things, much to be desired. Physical presence adds the difficulties and challenges of the day to day, the little annoyances that are smoothed over when one is far away. But it's simply wrong, in my experience, to say that you can't build a relationship with someone unless they're physically present most of the time. That would seem to me to lay rather too much emphasis on the physical.

If you can't get your head around it, then you can't. To each his or her own. But I'm living it, and it's real to me.

(in reply to Proprietrix)
Profile   Post #: 60
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