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Will this thread explode? - 4/6/2011 6:53:36 AM

JstAnotherSub

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I hope this thread will not explode, of course, I hope for world peace also.

I am a fat chick. Morbidly obese according to the charts. I do not feel morbidly obese in my day to day life, but the numbers do not lie on the scales. Just because I do not see it when I look in the mirror does not mean the scales are lying to me.

So, I think about the surgeries, I think about therapy, I think about just finding the balls to eat less and exercise. Thinking about it doesn't change the numbers on the scale, but realizing that, 50 is coming at me like a runaway freight train, has made me start thinking about how long I have left on this planet. Even though I have so far escaped high blood pressure, high cholesterol, diabetes and all the other diseases that go with obesity, I know they will bite me in the ass eventually if I do not make changes in my lifestyle.

Watching a show today called "Ruby" got me to really thinking. What is to blame for my obesity? Is it genetics? I have 2 half sisters that were obese within a year of having their first baby, and the 3 of us did not meet until we were in our late 20's.

Am I just a lazy slob with no will power at all? Could any of my "normal" sized friends find the discipline needed to be "normal" if they had to work as hard as me in order to remain "normal" sized?

Is it due to abuse suffered as a child? My brother sexually abused me as far back as I can recall, until I got old enough and strong enough to tell him no and kick his ass.

Is it just my lot in life to be this way? I really am a happy person. I love life. I love my family and my job.....I just feel something is missing.

The line that got me thinking on the "Ruby" show was during a reflection moment she had during a group. She said Anorexic people and obese people fight the same battles, just on totally opposite ends of the spectrum. Why do most folks look at the anorexic and say poor thing is sick and is going to die if we don't help them get well, yet they look at the obese person and say gross that fat pig allowed them self to get this big and they are a lazy worthless piece of flesh.

So, I would like to see if we can discuss any issues related to weight. Have you fought it, have you lost it, have you learned to control it, have you lost control?

If you have been successful, what do you think helped? If you have failed, why do you think you failed?

I really hope this can become a discussion, and not something that has to be removed by our oh so wonderful mods.

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RE: Will this thread explode? - 4/6/2011 7:31:33 AM

angelikaJ

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I have noticed that many morbidly obese women have been sexually abused.

I developed a weight issue later in life.

I was a thin youth and a thin young adult who could eat a lot and not gain weight.

I began to gain weight right after I was 21...slowly at first.

I had been raped in H.S.

The past year i have lost 42 lbs.
Part of it was related to being on Topamax for migraine prevention...and perhaps Wellbutrin as well, but the weight came off much faster after the Topamax.

Due the the weight loss, I have had a reversal in my type II diabetes. I was on insulin and now without insulin or any other medication my A1c is at "pre-diabetic" levels.

While I avoid binging on carbs I eat pretty normally.

I like the weight loss but it is a worry.

It is so easy to gain it back and I am not entirely comfortable in my thinner body.

The difficulty with eating disorders and food addictions is that you have to eat.

Different foods can triggers binging in different people.

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RE: Will this thread explode? - 4/6/2011 8:05:04 AM

lizi

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Oh boy, yeah, I've been at both ends of the spectrum but I've spent more time at the thin end. It's a battle that I fight more now that I'm older too.

What worked for me to shed what I gained during the failure of my marriage was exercise and making it into a routine was a key factor. I've integrated exercise into all areas of my life over the past few years so that it's my go to thing in any situation. It's how I spend my leisure time, it's a firm routine, it's where I meet my friends, it's something I do with my kids, it's what I looked for in a romantic partner (someone who is also active), it's how I talk on the phone (walk on the treadmill)...if I can mesh something with exercise I do it.

If I am always moving, the times I overeat don't matter so much, and the aftereffect is that I feel great every day of my life. I see dieting as mainly a negative deprival. To me, exercise is mainly positive, instead of depriving myself of something I want, I'm adding something that's positive. I hit 1,000 workouts logged at my gym last month, I was pretty damn proud of myself. I used to work out 6 days a week before this semester and usually get 4-5 days a week now, but i'll get back up to 6 when the semester is over.

A big point on the exercise thing is that it doesn't have to be dying of sweat at the gym or running for miles. Just move- get up and move. Start small and walk when you're on the phone, make it a habit, then move up to something else. Even if you don't lose weight you are doing someting positive for your body. As we age there is also the use it or lose it factor so I think about that too.

Something I'd like to add is that I'm back in school studying in the medical field. Learning about disease and all of the things that go wrong with the human body is actually terrifying. I knew being overweight was bad, I did not know all of the ways (and still don't) that it affects someone and what it actually does to the body. It is one thing we can control, we can't change our genes, we can't make faulty organs or biological processes suddenly work flawlessly, but to a certain extent we can control our weight. I've had the wake-up call of my life learning about what happens to people when they are overweight and I am taking it more seriously than ever. Hearing things I don't like has this effect on me,

Having to study those things I don't like hearing and being responsible for knowing them has made me face up to some rather brutual truths. I mean dang. Everything I saw on TV or read in the media was true, and somehow I managed to put that aside. I don't have that luxury anymore- I need to know how to help people, and it's had the effect of helping myself too. I want to enjoy my life to the fullest till I die and I will have to be responsible for making things that way.

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RE: Will this thread explode? - 4/6/2011 8:15:55 AM

peachgirl

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Hello,
I love watching shows like "Ruby" and "Heavy"...you will see me at home cheering for their successes. I have had my own battles with my weight but fortunately not to the extent that most of the people you see on those shows. What has worked for me over time is to develop healthy habits...knocking off the sweets and exercising regularly. I am also at the point in my life (approaching 46) that I'm flat out tired of fighting my body. I'm from two different heritages that dictate, boobs, hips, thighs. I will continue my healthy habits but I just don't have it in me to constantly mold my body into something it wasn't meant to be.

Anyway, the point I wanted to bring up was that in watching those shows, is that the issues that face the participants are never one-dimensional. They are multi-faceted and take a some time to uncover. Only you can decide if this is something you need to explore. Is it more than just acquiring healthy habits or is there deeper issues you need to address?

Whatever you decide, I wish you the best.

peach.

_____________________________

Have you seen that girl in the corner?
I'd like to take her out of her chains
Cause if I had my way with you baby
I would be changing your life today.
- Bob Welch

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RE: Will this thread explode? - 4/6/2011 8:28:40 AM

ranja

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There are always plenty of reasons why people have bad habits but then there is a point that it doesn't really matter anymore what those reasons are, the only thing that matters is to get a grip and take control
and indeed after 45 you really have to take good care of your body if you want it to last a fair while longer
the only way to break your bad habit is to find the willpower to do something about it...
it is difficult and doesn't really get any easier... good luck

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Post #: 5

RE: Will this thread explode? - 4/6/2011 8:38:29 AM

JstAnotherSub

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Thanks for all of the replies. Much to think on.....

One thing I struggle with for the past few days is finding a way to get on my own ass about responsibility and also being sure to not destroy my own self worth.

In order to survive the past decade, I have had to really keep telling me how strong I am, how I can do it. Now I struggle with the fact that this may be something I can not do alone. That terrifies me.

Somehow, even admitting I may need help with this battle, takes away from the success I have had making it on my own since my divorce.

HA! Even reading what I just typed makes me realize that it sounds nuts, but I am good with that for today-lol.

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RE: Will this thread explode? - 4/6/2011 8:38:57 AM

LaTigresse

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Peach, (and anyone else that wants to comment really..) regarding your last sentence.

Do you feel that the efforts we go to, especially in this day and age, to make differences acceptable. To counteract cruelty and mean spiritedness. Aka....Challenged, giving awards/ribbons/trophies for trying rather than winning, creating phrases like Big Beautiful Women/Men.......doing everything possible to avoid saying things like FAT, slow, STUPID, etc etc etc......almost insulates us. Makes it easier to avoid our issues. Even allows us to create more catch phrases and excuses.

I watch my daughter's struggle. Yes, I know she was molested and also raped in her teens. I am not sure the rape really created the issue, as they were already beginning, weight gaining, prior. For her, I know it is a combination of things. Just as I am sure it is for everyone. I just know that the denial, the constant excuses, even comparing "Well I am glad I am not as big as........!" as a justification for being okay with herself.

I don't want my daughter, or anyone to determine their self worth and image by their size. I just know that in watching her struggle, it is so complex, and the reality is, no matter what words are used, somewhere in there is the demon and self loathing that makes me, as a mother, so agonized to see. The health issues terrify me. I don't want to lose my daughter because of preventable issues. I don't want my grand daughters to lose their mother earlier than necessary. And I really want my daughter to look in the mirror and not hate herself for what she sees.

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RE: Will this thread explode? - 4/6/2011 8:43:44 AM

Arieno

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quote:

I hope this thread will not explode,

I am not certain if what I have to say will be of any value to you and perhaps you have already explored some of this. My sister was raped five years ago, (gang raped by three animals who were caught tried and convicted.) she stopped working out, in fact, she stopped dating, seeing friends, dropped out of collage and going out except for work and groceries.
She gained weight, a lot of weight; she went from a size 8 to a 28 in a little over a year. Tears and emotion upheaval filled every twice a week telephone conversation we had. I spoke with a doctor that leases one of my buildings; he suggested the band and recommended a doctor. I made an appointment and spoke with the doctor that was recommended. I also did a lot of research on the net and at one of the local hospitals before talking with my sister about it. After a few months of discussion she agreed to undergo the band surgery, 18 months later she was a size 6 but plagued with unsightly hanging skin throughout her body. The band surgery did what it claimed it would do and now the plastic surgeon has his work cut out for him. What I am trying to say here is, if you don’t have a brother with a lot of money or really good insurance losing a lot of weight in a little bit of time can cause other more drastic and unsightly physical/emotional problems.

< Message edited by Arieno -- 4/6/2011 8:45:27 AM >

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RE: Will this thread explode? - 4/6/2011 8:43:49 AM

DesFIP

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The older we get, the slower our metabolism is, and the more intense exercise is required to reset it. At the same time, we're more likely to have diseases or injuries that prevent us from exercising heavily.

Case in point, I used to control my weight by walking a couple of miles a day, most days. However, since a foot injury about ten years ago, I limp a lot of the time. Worse each year. It's hard to add 3 miles walking when you're in pain before the first step. Add to that some vision problems so seeing where I'm stepping in winter, on ice, is a lot riskier than it used to be. If I could find a solution, I would, but chair yoga won't reset the metabolism.

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RE: Will this thread explode? - 4/6/2011 8:47:12 AM

ranja

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what i did:
1: i decided what i ate most of (cheese and bread) and cut that out entirely
2: i kept meticulous records of every thing i ate and at what time
3: i serve my own dinner on a smaller plate
4: i drink more water
5: i weigh once a week
6: do a plank exercise morning and evening for 2 minutes
7: i go dancing for 3 hours twice a week
8: in the weekend i can eat or drink what ever i like

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Post #: 10

RE: Will this thread explode? - 4/6/2011 8:56:13 AM

JstAnotherSub

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LaT, I think this relates to what you typed. If not, please forgive me.

Body image is all in the mind for some. I am one of those folks I believe. Growing up, I was bigger than everyone else. I have been teased for being fat all my life. Thing is, when I was a teen and grew into adulthood, I was a size 14/16ish. I look back at pics of me and remember my mindframe about what I looked like and think, damn I was one hot bitch!

Back then, clothes on the normal racks stopped at 11 or 13. So, since I can not go shop there and have to hit the chubby racks, I must be a pig.

Even in my late teens, when I discovered black beauties and lost down to 125 pounds, I still saw a fat chick in the mirror. Only seeing a picture of my self, which showed bulging kneecaps and shoulder blades that could slice into something, did I realize ehat I had done to my body.

I joined the Army, and really got healthy, They kinda make you do that for some damn reason. At one of my proudest times in my life, when I felt better physically than ever, I had to have wisdom teeth pulled. I still remember, all these decades later, going to the mess hall and getting mashed potatoes and jello, then sitting down to eat.

This tall, really thin chick walked by and looked at my plate, someone I had never seen before and never saw after, and she made the comment to me that eating that would not make me lose weight. I replied that I had just had wisdom teeth pulled and was not trying to lose weight. She laughed and said well, maybe you ought to think about trying.

I left crying. I am not a crier, not easily hurt by the words of strangers, but that put me in a funk for a few days.

I felt fat and disgusting that day. In order to love me, I had to finally accept my self and realize that I was ok.

I have felt fat and disgusting a few times after that also. I wonder why, at some point before now, I did not use that feeling to make changes, rather than kick in to survival mode and think to my self, you are fat and that is ok. You are wonderful.

Those feelings are no stronger at 250 pounds than they were at 135. They are the same, even though the body really is now fat and disgusting.

I hope this conveys what I meant it to. It all boils down to the fact that I believe eating disorders, whether eating too much or being afraid to eat, are 99% mental and, until I can come up with the way to fix my mental, words like put the fork down don't mean a thing.

I honestly think that at some point in time, there will be a pill to fix the part of the brain that causes eating issues, just like there are for depression and other mental problems.

Or, that may be the lazy ass fat broad in me wishful thinking. Who knows?

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RE: Will this thread explode? - 4/6/2011 9:00:25 AM

Hillwilliam

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quote:

ORIGINAL: angelikaJ

I have noticed that many morbidly obese women have been sexually abused.

I developed a weight issue later in life.

I was a thin youth and a thin young adult who could eat a lot and not gain weight.

I began to gain weight right after I was 21...slowly at first.

I had been raped in H.S.

The past year i have lost 42 lbs.
Part of it was related to being on Topamax for migraine prevention...and perhaps Wellbutrin as well, but the weight came off much faster after the Topamax.

Due the the weight loss, I have had a reversal in my type II diabetes. I was on insulin and now without insulin or any other medication my A1c is at "pre-diabetic" levels.

While I avoid binging on carbs I eat pretty normally.

I like the weight loss but it is a worry.

It is so easy to gain it back and I am not entirely comfortable in my thinner body.

The difficulty with eating disorders and food addictions is that you have to eat.

Different foods can triggers binging in different people.

hot DAMN angelika. good job.

< Message edited by Hillwilliam -- 4/6/2011 9:01:04 AM >

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RE: Will this thread explode? - 4/6/2011 9:26:28 AM

LaTigresse

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One thing I did want to add. There is a book titled 'Women, Food and God' that my daughter feels really spoke to her.

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Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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RE: Will this thread explode? - 4/6/2011 9:35:46 AM

peachgirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

I don't want my daughter, or anyone to determine their self worth and image by their size. I just know that in watching her struggle, it is so complex, and the reality is, no matter what words are used, somewhere in there is the demon and self loathing that makes me, as a mother, so agonized to see. The health issues terrify me. I don't want to lose my daughter because of preventable issues. I don't want my grand daughters to lose their mother earlier than necessary. And I really want my daughter to look in the mirror and not hate herself for what she sees.

LaT,

I want to respond to this and your question the best I can without derailing the thread.

I think that currently, in the effort not to disregard or discard people with less than perfect bodies, attributes, financial or social status, etc we have created a world where it is much easier to make excuses than it is to make the effort to change. I don't disagree with the fact for some people, there really is a concrete, underlying issue that prevents them from changing whatever disability they may have or what they don't like about themselves or their life. The flip side is, in attempting to recognize these issues/differences we have also become a society of enablers. We can use the excuses to insulate ourselves and continue to enable ourselves and the ones we love. The focus has shifted from helping those who truly need help to making this an all-inclusive situation. For whatever reason, people either choose to act or make an excuse. But the excuse is still a choice. It's become such a catch-22 and an emotional minefield that trying even to discuss it rationally is nearly impossible.

My two girls are the perfect example of the role genetics plays in body size/weight. My eldest is 12 and is so completely and totally skinny, she has the metabolism that others dream of. Eats all day, carbs galore, and just cracked 90 lbs because puberty is really setting in. The younger is built like me, hips, thighs, extremely muscular and only a little baby fat left on her. Despite my best efforts, she is constantly comparing herself to her sister. We have had to take a united approach as a family to get her to understand that she will not ever be like her sister. We provide examples of how she is x,y and z, and how what she has is equally as beautiful as her sister. It has taken a lot of positive reinforcement to help her accept herself as she was made by her Creator. (Please don't take offense to any religious reference, but it reflects my beliefs and how they relate to my everyday life). It breaks my heart when she gets down on herself about her body because it's totally unfounded. That being said, I really have to work to get her to think about what she's eating. If she wants something sweet, I ask her what she's eaten that day, and let her draw the conclusion herself, if it is a good choice or not.

I believe our society is hyper-critical when it comes to appearance, especially living in Los Angeles. The fact is, negative criticism hurts and there is nothing stopping a complete stranger on the street from commenting on whatever they want in order to make themselves feel better or make you feel worse about yourself. The answer lies in how you feel about yourself. The approach I have chosen with my children is accept yourself for who you are and take good care of your body.

I've discovered there is a great deal of satisfaction with knowing you have done the best that you can for yourself. I don't want to go on and on about this at the risk of sounding like I'm preaching. It's an emotional issue and I have worked hard to remove the emotion and address just the physical facts. As parents, I think helping our kids realize just the facts without any emotion attachement is a delicate balance. Forgive me for stating the obvious tho, as adults they make their own choices and as painful as it may be, it is still their choice. Out of love we want to give them the best and show them a different path, but in the end we can't take their hand and lead them down it, unless it's something they want to do themselves.

peach

_____________________________

Have you seen that girl in the corner?
I'd like to take her out of her chains
Cause if I had my way with you baby
I would be changing your life today.
- Bob Welch

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RE: Will this thread explode? - 4/6/2011 3:36:36 PM

DesFIP

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My daughter is on medications for her bipolar disorder that cause weight gain. She could quit taking the meds and kill herself instead but that's hardly an appropriate choice. Or one I would permit.

She is nationally ranked in her sport, and yes, her looks are against her. The saying in equestrian circles is that ten pounds is the difference between champion and reserve. There have been judges who told girls that it doesn't matter how well they ride, they're too fat to ever win. The judges have been told not to say such a thing any more, but that doesn't change their prejudices.

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RE: Will this thread explode? - 4/7/2011 4:26:40 AM

JstAnotherSub

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I spent a lot of the evening reading and thinking about these replies. Can't say I am any closer to figuring out what I am going to do, but I do have more ideas to think on.

This looking inward shit aint for pussies is it?

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RE: Will this thread explode? - 4/7/2011 5:30:49 AM

sunshinemiss

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Sunny
Quote of the day
goes to
JstAnotherSub

for
This looking inward shit aint for pussies is it?

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RE: Will this thread explode? - 4/7/2011 5:47:42 AM

ranja

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9: instead of sweeties and cookies i eat fruit and raw veg as much as i want
10: i bought a juicer and use it regularly
11: i sit around a lot less
12: i don't allow myself to slack on my plan

ETA the reason i got fat is 'cos i ate too much and did too little

< Message edited by ranja -- 4/7/2011 5:52:38 AM >

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RE: Will this thread explode? - 4/7/2011 6:29:32 AM

JstAnotherSub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ranja

ETA the reason i got fat is 'cos i ate too much and did too little

Except for folks who have some medical condition or take meds that cause them to become obese, that is probably the reason most are fat.

There is more to it though. That is what I am trying to grasp. It is more than shit luck that caused me and two half sisters to become obese within a year of giving birth to our first child, one at 15, one at 18 and me at 25.

Did we get the same physical genetics as our birth mom, who did the same or did we get the same chemical imbalance in our brains or did we just get a bad case of the inherited lazy ass don't give a damns?

I am strong in every regard of my life, except food. That is what I am trying to figure out the reasons for.

Congrats on finding what worked for you. I am hoping to find the same in the near future.

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RE: Will this thread explode? - 4/7/2011 6:35:45 AM

barelynangel

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I am a designer so to speak, i like making the plan and getting all psyched up but then when it comes to execution, i suck. I will do it for a bit then i lose my mojo and the end result either seems too far away, too painful, too much effort and then i start with the well one day of missed work out won't hurt or one lunch sub instead of a chicken salad won't throw me off (my best excuse for this is -------------> i am just mixing things up lol so i can lose faster (oy vey). I told my friend the other day that i have two very different people inside of me and one overpowers the other. I thought she would think i have lost my mind lol but she said you know, i know exactly what you are talking about.

But i am also scared, i no longer know the girl i was when i was thinner, i don't care to know but know too well, if that makes sense - the woman i am as in my mind she is just a temporary concept (yeah after 5 years temporary sure) and the woman i would become when i reach my goals is someone i won't know at all. Also its a lot of work, not just the physical or eating part but actually realizing the why and whatfors. But moreso, its a lot of truth and honesty with yourself. Not only grasping at the reasons as reasons you can't, you need to really look at your life and say yes this is an obstacle but is it a wall that cannot ever be overcome and am i willing to put the work in to over come it to reach the goals I WANT. That honest answer with yourself (not anyone else) will determine a lot for many people as to whether they can reach goals they want in ANY situation -- i.e., careers, the body they want, their life they want, the family they want etc. I find comfort in the excuses or if it makes you feel better "reasons" for why i can't do this. They allow me to exist in the situation with very little guilt and very little responsibility. The cans are scary monsters that are expecting way to much for me - actuality of the "reasons," honesty as to what has occured and what can occur in possibility if the situation continues longer and longer. One person -- i don't remember if it was on a TV show, a commercial or what said that --- its like playing russian roulette with your life. While you may keep hitting the correct numbers for a bit you usually end up making incorrect choices more. It is very overwelming at times not only because there is so much information out there that contradicts each other, but because you have to experiment and find out what works for yuo as a whole concept. Also for me, i will be a different person when i reach my goals because whether people acknowledge it or not, when you are obese your world does become full of can'ts, you can't do this because you can't keep up with others, you can't do that because its too small, you are shy of this because you an unsure if your weight will negatively effect it - these may not be all conscious acknowlegements but simple instinct and/or unconsciously not doing something or thinking you want to do something etc. When you reach your goals, you will start perceiving the world differently and you will also need to see and know yourself differently. In essences, it is something brand new because 1) you are older, 2) you think, view, acknowledge things differently, 3) you are more apt to be able to do things you never did or haven't done in a very long time, and 4) it will be a different feeling all together, whether its simply less heaviness you carry, different clothes you wear or clothes you wear differently, the different way people associate with you etc. These are just a few for me that in all actuality causes anxiety at times that i know hinders my continuous movement towards my goals. But i think one of the hardest things is seeing yourself as other people see you when you have reached your goals because many people i know who have reached their goals say that many times they still see the fat girl they were for so long.

This is a journey for a reason, you start out at one area and when you are done traveling you have traveled many roads and areas and when up in a whole new world. I wish anyone embarking on such a journey, luck because it is hard. I am struggling with this myself and sometimes i just don't like, appreciate or want to continue but would rather go back through the roads i know because they are familiar and comfortable.

angel

Disclaimers that seem to need to be made: This is not directed at anyone, the yous are ALL generic and all in all, its my opinion. Take it or leave it -- its an opinion. If you take this post personally, its not my issue as i have stated this post is not directed at anyone but is simply an opinion.

< Message edited by barelynangel -- 4/7/2011 6:45:03 AM >

_____________________________

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
R.W. Emerson

(in reply to ranja)

Post #: 20

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