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RE: too honest to submit? - 4/10/2011 11:39:13 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Palliata

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

It just means you haven't found the one for you.

Master requires honesty in everything. If I'm not feeling whatever it is then he wants to know that. Does that make me dominant? No...it just means that sometimes I'm not always feeling up to whatever it is or the mood isn't right, or whatever. I'm still submissive to him and that's all that matters.





Couldn't have said it better myself. This is my ideal dynamic - my ego is more than sufficient to take care of itself, and I don't need a sub playing to it. I'd rather live in an unfortunate reality than a well-constructed fantasy.



Both M and I live in an unfortunate reality enough of the time for that to have make me chuckle when I read it. :)

agirl


_____________________________

See how easy it can be?

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Profile   Post #: 21
RE: too honest to submit? - 4/10/2011 11:40:12 AM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: toofriendly

If I'm bored, I'm bored. Guys don't like this. When I get spanked and don't respond by screaming, Guys don't seem to like this either. When I refuse to to respond to their weak attempt to flirt online (pointless), Guys don't like this either.


Greetings,

You've been given helpful advice thus far, but there's something i heard in your remarks that prompted me to respond. You mentioned on more than one occasion what the other person didn't enjoy, but in this midst of it all were you true to yourself in the process? i think it's probable there will always be aspects of our person that someone finds unappealing, but we can't get into the habit of contorting to appease without cause. And sometimes those little irritants (as seen by the other person) reveal tell tale signs about their personality that may never crop up without prodding.

i don't know if one can be too honest, but there are definitely those that have difficulty accepting the truth when it doesn't fall in line with their preferences. When i find myself wanting to refrain i gather courage and make my declaration. The result hasn't always been pleasant and there are times when i've taken a hit or two. But the positive benefit is an internal sense of empowerment that makes the next confession that much easier. While i can't predict how the other person will receive my truth, i can make darned certain that it doesn't get suffocated by fear of rejection or reprisal. i can't live with that.

In the strangest way it's become a serum of sorts. i discover beauty in places i'd never thought to look. And see ugliness in guises that once seemed otherwise. In a roundabout way being true to myself has brought others in my life as friends, associates, and potentials that respect and appreciate the same. We draw to us that which we are. Good luck.

Namaste,

~porcelaine


_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to toofriendly)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: too honest to submit? - 4/10/2011 12:35:48 PM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: toofriendly

I don't scream and/or moan during sex if you give me no reason to. If I'm bored, I'm bored. Guys don't like this. When I get spanked and don't respond by screaming, Guys don't seem to like this either. When I refuse to to respond to their weak attempt to flirt online (pointless), Guys don't like this either.



Following on from porcelaine's comments.........There's ways and ways of looking at what you've said here.

Few people want to manufacture screams , moans, writhing and false responses to flirting....but your post doesn't say much about HOW you respond, either.......just that you show it.

Relationships and sex take two to create sparks and your post does sound a little like * Go on then, do it for me*. If I was trying my best in bed and the guy gave a big yawn, I wouldn't like it either. That's not entirely unnatural!

Girls AND guys can feel a little bruised when they seemingly aren't cutting the mustard.

agirl






_____________________________

See how easy it can be?

(in reply to toofriendly)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: too honest to submit? - 4/10/2011 1:38:55 PM   
Toppingfrmbottom


Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline 		Just reply with and you're not a real dom, that'll really irk them lol.
quote:

ORIGINAL: toofriendly

That makes me feel a little better. I hope there's someone else out there for me. I just can't count how many men label me as not a real submissive or a bad submissive after a convo that didn't go as planned. And just now I got another mail saying I'll never find a Dom.


_____________________________

One world under lube with vibrators and dildo's for all! quote from the sex toy 101 book

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Profile   Post #: 24
RE: too honest to submit? - 4/10/2011 3:51:49 PM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl

Girls AND guys can feel a little bruised when they seemingly aren't cutting the mustard.


*piggybacks*

And the one that sincerely cares about you and is interested in pleasing you wants to hear the truth, even when it sucketh greatly. If it's all about him he could care less.

Namaste,

~porcelaine


_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to agirl)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: too honest to submit? - 4/10/2011 4:05:26 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: toofriendly

I don't scream and/or moan during sex if you give me no reason to. If I'm bored, I'm bored. Guys don't like this. When I get spanked and don't respond by screaming, Guys don't seem to like this either. When I refuse to to respond to their weak attempt to flirt online (pointless), Guys don't like this either.



Following on from porcelaine's comments.........There's ways and ways of looking at what you've said here.

Few people want to manufacture screams , moans, writhing and false responses to flirting....but your post doesn't say much about HOW you respond, either.......just that you show it.

Relationships and sex take two to create sparks and your post does sound a little like * Go on then, do it for me*. If I was trying my best in bed and the guy gave a big yawn, I wouldn't like it either. That's not entirely unnatural!

Girls AND guys can feel a little bruised when they seemingly aren't cutting the mustard.

agirl







Or it could be the dom is getting off knowing it's not going to happen for you, that you're not enjoying it because he's getting off and you're not, you're suffering.

Now if it was happening all the time where you couldn't get off, then it would be time to rethink the relationship or at least find out what's going on that you're not getting off.

But from time to time not all the doms are gonna feel rejected or upset by it but just the opposite.


_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

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Profile   Post #: 26
RE: too honest to submit? - 4/10/2011 4:21:14 PM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder
But from time to time not all the doms are gonna feel rejected or upset by it but just the opposite.
Hell, even me once in a while. I, in general, prefer a jointly pleasant experience but I've been known to both take Carol when she really didnt' want to and to enjoy that very aspect of it. I just enjoy it better when we're both on the same page.


_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: too honest to submit? - 4/10/2011 4:48:17 PM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrPBK

Personally, honesty has little to do with submission.


I should have gone to sleep after all........


_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to MstrPBK)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: too honest to submit? - 4/10/2011 4:54:08 PM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: toofriendly

I've not genuinely connected with any Dominant men ever because I'm not submissive enough for them.

Hi and welcome to the boards.
What do I think?
I think the personal logic above could be restated as:

I've not genuinely connected with any Dominant men ever because they aren't dominant enough for me.




_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to toofriendly)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: too honest to submit? - 4/11/2011 1:13:40 AM   
ranja


Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: toofriendly

THere's nothing I like better than answers that everyone can agree on. All i need to do is find mister right. I'm so happy. You guys have made me feel a lot better about my circumstances.


actually that is not what i said at all
i am of the firm opinion that mister right does not exist at all... not even the 'mister right for you' as really no one can keep up the act
no to despair though 'cos with a bit of effort you can have the best time with mister almost right, or mister as right as possible, or mister not too wrong

(in reply to toofriendly)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: too honest to submit? - 4/11/2011 1:02:46 PM   
toofriendly


Posts: 6
Joined: 4/6/2011
Status: offline 		Wow I didn't expect so many responses so fast. Well one thing people constantly mention is the way I react when i don't like something that a Dom is doing. As far as sex is concerned, a lot of guys that i speak to claim to be really good at it. They brag and brag and in the beginning, I'd be a little intrigued and call them on it. But when it actually came to sex, I'd be highly disappointed. They'd slide inside and start gyrating, asking "Do you like that?" Like what? You didn't do anything. So obviously I can't say yes, but I feel it's rude to just say no. So I simply say "Lets see how things go." Usually they pump harder, thinking harder means better. After getting little to no positive response from me, they kinda give up. Most peoples' first response to this is usually to tell me to guide him so that he can make me feel good but I honestly don't know how. What I like it exterior pleasures. Sex rarely turns me on, if ever. So when a guy claims he can really do a good job, I'd like to take his word for it because there is nothing more I'd than to enjoy sex as much as a man does.

When it comes to flirting online, I think it's stupid. I honestly am not a fan of online dating but being here is the only way I can truly know if someone is kinky or not. I don't want to ask every guy I meet irl if he's got a fetish, only to get that awkward silence followed by a 'no' and a weird stare. Online is easier, but I feel the best way to find a guy is to click with him in non-sexual conversation. From there, I just let things flow. We should laugh and have common interests outside of bdsm before I'd even consider showing more of myself to him. But when I say this to guys online, they either leave the convo or it is so stale that we mutually agree to part. I seek substance before sex but here it seems to be the other way around. Makes it hard. As far as spanking goes, I'm just quiet. Regardless of how much it hurts, I don't scream or shout ever. The most a guy could get from me is a moan. I also don't cry. My lack of response really ticks guys who spank off. But I'm not going to shout just to appease them. It wouldn't be genuine.

So basically, I want a guy who either rocks in bed/doesn't mind silence or disinterest during sex/does demand sex from me, who likes to talk a lot with me about fun things and who doesn't mind a silent spanko. Seems an impossibility now that I've actually written what I want down lol.

(in reply to ranja)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: too honest to submit? - 4/11/2011 1:25:28 PM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline 		Interesting... I'd like to highlight a few points for your consideration...

They'd slide inside and start gyrating, asking "Do you like that?" Like what? You didn't do anything. So obviously I can't say yes, but I feel it's rude to just say no. So I simply say "Lets see how things go." Usually they pump harder, thinking harder means better.
OK... I just need to say WTH?? I consider myself sexually challenged... certainly relative to most kinksters... or so I'd have thought. I naturally assumed that if someone put that much focus into sex they'd be good at it. But sheez, the story your describing is a mistake that virgin males make. Experienced males know that every woman's body is different and you need to take some time to read the instructions.

After getting little to no positive response from me, they kinda give up. Most peoples' first response to this is usually to tell me to guide him so that he can make me feel good but I honestly don't know how. What I like it exterior pleasures. Sex rarely turns me on, if ever.
And now your part of this. So let me get this straight. It is YOUR body and YOU'RE the one with all the inside knowledge and you don't know how to turn yourself on yet you expect him to? Good luck. Don't you think you have some personal responsibility to learn your own body? How exactly would you feel if you were on the other side of this. You have a lover that you'd like to please. You're clearly not. They are giving you nothing back at all. When you do the good thing and inquire you get "I don't know." I can tell you I'd walk away from that the very first time. I expect my partner to be actively engaged in the relationship... ESPECIALLY her half of it.

Regardless of how much it hurts, I don't scream or shout ever.
Then they are not hitting you hard enough/often enough/good enough. Honestly I know all about high pain threshholds but it is quite possible to exceed ANYONE'S pain threshold without causing permanent harm. I'm not a sadist but if pain turned Carol on and if she had a high pain threshold I'd have no problem overcoming that. So again I'm confused. Do YOU want to scream and shout or do they want you to? If they want you to and you are willing then why don't they do it?

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to toofriendly)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: too honest to submit? - 4/11/2011 4:02:04 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

But when it actually came to sex, I'd be highly disappointed. They'd slide inside and start gyrating, asking "Do you like that?" Like what? You didn't do anything. So obviously I can't say yes, but I feel it's rude to just say no. So I simply say "Lets see how things go." Usually they pump harder, thinking harder means better. After getting little to no positive response from me, they kinda give up. Most peoples' first response to this is usually to tell me to guide him so that he can make me feel good but I honestly don't know how. What I like it exterior pleasures. Sex rarely turns me on, if ever.


Sounds kinda like me. I need lots of bondage and flogging before I'm remotely interested in intercourse. I prefer hours of the former and minutes of the latter.

There are tons of different external sensations - I'm not so crazy about spankings but I love floggers. I don't like the violet wand but as for the TENS, oh my! Find someone with a big toy bag and explore?

You might want to separate out the submissive part and just try bottoming while you learn what you like. Let me know if I should elaborate.

ETA - the only time I ever squirted was during a scene in which he never took off his pants.




< Message edited by kalikshama -- 4/11/2011 4:27:54 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 33
RE: too honest to submit? - 4/11/2011 4:26:29 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: toofriendly

That makes me feel a little better. I hope there's someone else out there for me. I just can't count how many men label me as not a real submissive or a bad submissive after a convo that didn't go as planned. And just now I got another mail saying I'll never find a Dom.


Rejoice! You have found an excellent screening tool and can block/delete these wankers. I have found that confident, competent, experienced doms do not expect instant online submission and realize that a new-to-them sub will have questions and concerns. I'm not at all submissive until I decide I want to submit to him.

(in reply to toofriendly)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: too honest to submit? - 4/11/2011 7:08:14 PM   
toofriendly


Posts: 6
Joined: 4/6/2011
Status: offline 		Bottoming! Why didnt I think of that? Seriously. It never crossed my mind. I'll see how that goes.

(in reply to kalikshama)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: too honest to submit? - 4/11/2011 7:45:13 PM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: toofriendly

Wow I didn't expect so many responses so fast. Well one thing people constantly mention is the way I react when i don't like something that a Dom is doing. As far as sex is concerned, a lot of guys that i speak to claim to be really good at it. They brag and brag and in the beginning, I'd be a little intrigued and call them on it. But when it actually came to sex, I'd be highly disappointed. They'd slide inside and start gyrating, asking "Do you like that?" Like what? You didn't do anything. So obviously I can't say yes, but I feel it's rude to just say no. So I simply say "Lets see how things go." Usually they pump harder, thinking harder means better. After getting little to no positive response from me, they kinda give up. Most peoples' first response to this is usually to tell me to guide him so that he can make me feel good but I honestly don't know how. What I like it exterior pleasures. Sex rarely turns me on, if ever. So when a guy claims he can really do a good job, I'd like to take his word for it because there is nothing more I'd than to enjoy sex as much as a man does.

When it comes to flirting online, I think it's stupid. I honestly am not a fan of online dating but being here is the only way I can truly know if someone is kinky or not. I don't want to ask every guy I meet irl if he's got a fetish, only to get that awkward silence followed by a 'no' and a weird stare. Online is easier, but I feel the best way to find a guy is to click with him in non-sexual conversation. From there, I just let things flow. We should laugh and have common interests outside of bdsm before I'd even consider showing more of myself to him. But when I say this to guys online, they either leave the convo or it is so stale that we mutually agree to part. I seek substance before sex but here it seems to be the other way around. Makes it hard. As far as spanking goes, I'm just quiet. Regardless of how much it hurts, I don't scream or shout ever. The most a guy could get from me is a moan. I also don't cry. My lack of response really ticks guys who spank off. But I'm not going to shout just to appease them. It wouldn't be genuine.

So basically, I want a guy who either rocks in bed/doesn't mind silence or disinterest during sex/does demand sex from me, who likes to talk a lot with me about fun things and who doesn't mind a silent spanko. Seems an impossibility now that I've actually written what I want down lol.


Okay this is cracking me up. Yeah, most men are clueless when it comes to sex. Plan on teaching them a lot or being very unhappy. You might luck upon a male who actually knows what he is doing  - be ware. If he knows how to please a female he's had plenty of practice. This could mean monogamy is not his strong point.

I think you have a much better chance of just plain out telling someone what you want. The way you are currently going about is not just not working, plus it does smack of passive/aggressive to me.

JMO --  YMMV


_____________________________



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Profile   Post #: 36
RE: too honest to submit? - 4/11/2011 8:43:32 PM   
toofriendly


Posts: 6
Joined: 4/6/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

quote:

ORIGINAL: toofriendly

Wow I didn't expect so many responses so fast. Well one thing people constantly mention is the way I react when i don't like something that a Dom is doing. As far as sex is concerned, a lot of guys that i speak to claim to be really good at it. They brag and brag and in the beginning, I'd be a little intrigued and call them on it. But when it actually came to sex, I'd be highly disappointed. They'd slide inside and start gyrating, asking "Do you like that?" Like what? You didn't do anything. So obviously I can't say yes, but I feel it's rude to just say no. So I simply say "Lets see how things go." Usually they pump harder, thinking harder means better. After getting little to no positive response from me, they kinda give up. Most peoples' first response to this is usually to tell me to guide him so that he can make me feel good but I honestly don't know how. What I like it exterior pleasures. Sex rarely turns me on, if ever. So when a guy claims he can really do a good job, I'd like to take his word for it because there is nothing more I'd than to enjoy sex as much as a man does.

When it comes to flirting online, I think it's stupid. I honestly am not a fan of online dating but being here is the only way I can truly know if someone is kinky or not. I don't want to ask every guy I meet irl if he's got a fetish, only to get that awkward silence followed by a 'no' and a weird stare. Online is easier, but I feel the best way to find a guy is to click with him in non-sexual conversation. From there, I just let things flow. We should laugh and have common interests outside of bdsm before I'd even consider showing more of myself to him. But when I say this to guys online, they either leave the convo or it is so stale that we mutually agree to part. I seek substance before sex but here it seems to be the other way around. Makes it hard. As far as spanking goes, I'm just quiet. Regardless of how much it hurts, I don't scream or shout ever. The most a guy could get from me is a moan. I also don't cry. My lack of response really ticks guys who spank off. But I'm not going to shout just to appease them. It wouldn't be genuine.

So basically, I want a guy who either rocks in bed/doesn't mind silence or disinterest during sex/does demand sex from me, who likes to talk a lot with me about fun things and who doesn't mind a silent spanko. Seems an impossibility now that I've actually written what I want down lol.


Okay this is cracking me up. Yeah, most men are clueless when it comes to sex. Plan on teaching them a lot or being very unhappy. You might luck upon a male who actually knows what he is doing  - be ware. If he knows how to please a female he's had plenty of practice. This could mean monogamy is not his strong point.

I think you have a much better chance of just plain out telling someone what you want. The way you are currently going about is not just not working, plus it does smack of passive/aggressive to me.

JMO --  YMMV



Lol that's kinda funny. No one's described me as the aggressive sort. I consider myself pretty mellow all of the time. I'll consider the idea of just telling guys I meet irl what I like but I really truly do not want to be judged. That's last on the list.

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: too honest to submit? - 4/11/2011 10:28:47 PM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		You are fucked.

Everyone is right when they say that it is your fault for not being submissive enough.

Black women are horrible submissives. It's written.

It's because they can't swim.

(in reply to MaxsBoy)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: too honest to submit? - 4/12/2011 3:43:21 AM   
singularityoftwo


Posts: 1
Joined: 1/2/2011
Status: offline
quote:

vanilla men think I'm too dominant, independent and/or intimidating (their words) and Dominant men say I'm just plain not submissive. So what am I?

ROFL..what you are my dear is a free thinking, reflective and empowered young woman. If find you Doms (or 'Nilla's for that matter) who expect you to be a lobotomised doormat in your submission...here's a hint...they have the problem not you...show 'em the door and keep looking, the world is big, good luck!
SOTY

(in reply to toofriendly)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: too honest to submit? - 4/12/2011 5:48:56 AM   
ranja


Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline 		well after reading the latest, it sounds a bit like when you have sex with a bloke it is dreadfully boring for you and for the guy it is a bit like getting blood from a stone...

why bother, maybe you should just give up on it and become a nun

(in reply to toofriendly)
Profile   Post #: 40
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