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Subs - married? - 5/9/2006 5:06:11 AM

carriefen

Posts: 2
Joined: 3/19/2006
Status: offline

I am beginning to find it annoying when getting to know a new sub they seem desperate to serve, will tell me they will do anything - it is there life and they dream about serving somebody constantly. I like to get to know somebody before I meet them and spend time talking to them. When after a considerable time they tell me they are married and have children I find that so annoying!
At the beginning of any new discussion I make it clear I am single but have two children to consider, as I feel this is very important to some people. So why do they then omit to do the same?
There are enough single subs/slaves to go around - I do not find it necessary to use somebody elses husband or partner. How can a married mans life be devoted to me if he is married to somebody else?
Is it just me or has anybody else found this problem?

Post #: 1

RE: Subs - married? - 5/9/2006 5:09:20 AM

bandit25

Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline

I think just about everyone has had this problem. Speaking from a sub's point of view, I feel the same way in reverse.

(in reply to carriefen)

Post #: 2

RE: Subs - married? - 5/9/2006 5:23:19 AM

SubmissiveEntity

Posts: 10
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline

From a married submissive's point of view, I imagine it would be a cold day in hell when a married submissive or dom states upfront they are married in their profile (or otherwise) and gets any responses. Just like anybody else, a married sub or dom (male or female) have the same need to be part of the D's world.

So what to do? Lie. Perhaps their is a remote possiblity the married sub will be able to find a partner on the outside of the marriage to fulfill what is missing in his/her marriage. Is it right? I'm not making that call but merely stating this is perhaps typical for many.

(in reply to bandit25)

Post #: 3

RE: Subs - married? - 5/9/2006 5:38:54 AM

stevepops

Posts: 41
Joined: 11/12/2004
Status: offline

I have no problem a slave/sub is married or not. I would prefer to know it up front because then I know there is a family to take into consideration. As anything and everything is up for negotiation before going on this grand journey together the family commitments can be planned for. If it's not in the profile then at least tell me in the first email. It's interesting to me how things pops up during communication - like: I am really 8 years older than I say in my profile, I hope this will not be a problem. Don't waste your time or my time.

(in reply to SubmissiveEntity)

Post #: 4

RE: Subs - married? - 5/9/2006 5:39:30 AM

sweetnurseBBW

Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline

I guess it is a cold day in hell , because I state upfront I am married and I get alot of responses.

(in reply to SubmissiveEntity)

Post #: 5

RE: Subs - married? - 5/9/2006 5:41:00 AM

MsSonnetMarwood

Posts: 1898
Joined: 2/10/2005
From: Eastern Shore, Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: carriefen

I am beginning to find it annoying when getting to know a new sub they seem desperate to serve, will tell me they will do anything - it is there life and they dream about serving somebody constantly. I like to get to know somebody before I meet them and spend time talking to them. When after a considerable time they tell me they are married and have children I find that so annoying!
At the beginning of any new discussion I make it clear I am single but have two children to consider, as I feel this is very important to some people. So why do they then omit to do the same?
There are enough single subs/slaves to go around - I do not find it necessary to use somebody elses husband or partner. How can a married mans life be devoted to me if he is married to somebody else?
Is it just me or has anybody else found this problem?

Unfortunately this isn't unusual. The other issue is that the so-called single subs often have girlfriends that they don't mention as well. I remember one in particular I had been talking to, and another woman I know blew the whistle on him to me about him having a girlfriend. When I confronted him with it, he said, "well yes, but she's ok with me seeing a domme and will talk to you about it". What he didn't get was that by not giving me the option of whether or not that was something I wanted to deal with meant that as far as I was concerned, I wasn't going to deal with him. Lies of omission are still lies.

Interestingly, I've found that, for the most part, if a sub swears he doesn't want sex as part of the relationship, it usually means he's got a vanilla girlfriend. That, of course, doesn't mean all the horndogs are single. There are exceptions of course, but if I hear that, it throws up a flag for me.

The reason why they're not honest upfront is simply because it makes them significantly less of a commodity to a potential Domme.

The only thing I can suggest is get involved, if you're not already, with your local community - if a sub is "involved" and not telling you, usually someone else will enlighten you. Make sure you can call him at home and go to his home. See if he introduces you to people he knows. Pay attention to the warning signs and don't ignore any red flags that come up. And understand that the bottom line is that while searching for that relationship that WILL work, you're going to meet a lot of people that WON'T.

< Message edited by MsSonnetMarwood -- 5/9/2006 5:45:55 AM >

_____________________________

~Ms. Sonnet Marwood~

Deja Moo: The feeling you've heard this bull somewhere before.

(in reply to carriefen)

Post #: 6

RE: Subs - married? - 5/9/2006 5:42:25 AM

fastlane

Posts: 2159
Joined: 5/26/2005
Status: offline

Look at the bright side....they can't ask you to marry them!

Very single and happy about it, Kevin

_____________________________

Just because it hurts, doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing.

(in reply to sweetnurseBBW)

Post #: 7

RE: Subs - married? - 5/9/2006 5:48:13 AM

SubmissiveEntity

Posts: 10
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetnurseBBW

I guess it is a cold day in hell , because I state upfront I am married and I get alot of responses.

I'd bet it is because you are female. I'd like to hear how many married men get as many responces as you do. As you know the dynamics are drastically different depending on your gender.

Now my question is why are so many females "hungup" (for the lack of a better term) than males when it comes to relationships involving outside of marriage. For most woman it is a big taboo, while for most men it isn't.

(in reply to sweetnurseBBW)

Post #: 8

RE: Subs - married? - 5/9/2006 5:53:44 AM

bandit25

Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline

I don't doubt that married subs/doms have the same need to be part of the D/s dynamic; however, when you don't state your marital status, in my opinion, the relationship is based on a lie or an omission, whichever you prefer. Yes, you have the right to search for what you want; however, we have the right to know all the facts. I don't know if I agree on the taboo thing. But again, if I need my owner or master with me for whatever reason, I sure as hell don't want to hear "Gee, I'll have to ask my wife if I can leave". Understand? I can only speak for myself, but I give 100%...I expect the same in return. I just don't see how it's possible if you are married. Again, this is just my opinion and my experience.

(in reply to SubmissiveEntity)

Post #: 9

RE: Subs - married? - 5/9/2006 5:54:54 AM

BretSkye

Posts: 3
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline

Looking at it from the "glass is half FULL" perspective, isn't it possible that a married sub loves his wife in every way possible, but there are just some things she will not allow because that's who she is (and the sub respects that)?

And if parting ways is not an option (because of their love for each other), then what is the sub to do?

As long as the sub is out front about being married in the intial contact with a prospective Domme, then what is the harm? The new relationship would most likely add spark to a flagging marriage.

< Message edited by BretSkye -- 5/9/2006 5:58:26 AM >

(in reply to MsSonnetMarwood)

Post #: 10

RE: Subs - married? - 5/9/2006 5:57:10 AM

bandit25

Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline

As long as the sub is out front about being married in the intial contact with a prospective Domme, then what is the harm? The new relationship would most likely add spark to a flagging marriage.

Yes, I agree, as long as the sub is up front.

(in reply to BretSkye)

Post #: 11

RE: Subs - married? - 5/9/2006 6:11:55 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: carriefen
How can a married mans life be devoted to me if he is married to somebody else?
Is it just me or has anybody else found this problem?

Married people are more than able to have relationships with others, even as submissives.

However, cheaters tend to not be able to give much of anything to anyone- even themselves.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to carriefen)

Post #: 12

RE: Subs - married? - 5/9/2006 6:12:18 AM

emmab

Posts: 8
Joined: 2/17/2006
Status: offline

I admitted I am married on my profile and it hasnt made any difference. I feel you have to be truthful from the beginning or it can only go downhill from there

(in reply to bandit25)

Post #: 13

RE: Subs - married? - 5/9/2006 6:22:28 AM

SubmissiveEntity

Posts: 10
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: bandit25

As long as the sub is out front about being married in the intial contact with a prospective Domme, then what is the harm? The new relationship would most likely add spark to a flagging marriage.

Yes, I agree, as long as the sub is up front.

I agree being upfront is the right thing to do. But that brings us back to the original question and the reality. In my opinion, (I will generalize) most woman want all or nothing when it comes to a relationship whereas most men would be very satisfied with a part-time lover or partner. Therein lies the difference?

A simple test to conduct, you can make it as scientific as you like. Create two profiles one male, one female, both married. Write a simple basic ad and see who gets responces. I'd bet good money the female would. Why? I imagine its because some males don't mind the fact a woman is married and would contact her whereas most females wouldn't consider getting into a relationship with a married man. Most men know they have a better chance in finding somebody if they lie first.

(in reply to bandit25)

Post #: 14

RE: Subs - married? - 5/9/2006 6:37:15 AM

gardenbluebird

Posts: 131
Joined: 5/9/2006
Status: offline

i'm married and one does have to keep in mind that all marriages are not created equal. My marriage is non-sexual due to my hubby's poor health. i'm more of a nurse than a wife now. The marriage is explicity open. i make my situation very clear up front and it is rarely a problem. When it is it's acknowledged and it goes no further.

i have crossed paths with more than a few married men whose wifes have basically abaondoned the bedroom. i have no idea why someone would do that to someone they profess to love. i just know that it is terribly common and terribly sad. Married and celebate is a miserable existance.

i guess this is my way of saying that people should try to be a little more understanding of what different situations can be, but it is critical that all parties are open and honest. You can't build a relationship on lies.

(in reply to SubmissiveEntity)

Post #: 15

RE: Subs - married? - 5/9/2006 6:41:10 AM

bandit25

Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline

You may be right. It may be easier to find someone, but are you going to be able to keep that someone? I doubt it...not if it's based on a lie. As far as understanding...why don't married people understand how single people feel?

(in reply to SubmissiveEntity)

Post #: 16

RE: Subs - married? - 5/9/2006 6:52:54 AM

SenseofBelonging

Posts: 69
Joined: 10/20/2005
Status: offline

i am a married male sub fortunate enough to have found a married Domme. O/our spouses are both aware of O/our d/s interests and if not supportive, are at least indulgent. Mistress and i were both upfront about it in O/our profiles. over and over again, the refrain repeats...be honest. this lifestyle demands it.

(in reply to bandit25)

Post #: 17

RE: Subs - married? - 5/9/2006 7:11:08 AM

leatherorlace

Posts: 215
Joined: 2/21/2005
Status: offline

My practices were developed over decades of studying for My Doctorate in Delicious Deviance and serves Viking House and it's members well. Agreed that what, I practice might not trip your trigger; or cause your 'Slickum Factor' to produce quarts or liters of your lubial-labial essence, but it keeps us free of communiciable diseases, some like tuberculois are reemerging at a rapid rate, we also don't have frequent visits from the gendarmes, and My bulldawgs keep the white shirted missionarys at bay.
If they can't be dissuaded from jabberin' about his spiritual path after declaring My House as to eclectic for them to comprehend, I now moon the silly boys and close the door.
Those that are married, involved, dating, engaged, and otherwise not celibiate have to declare their situation before, I'd give serious thought to whether they're good candidates for service. There are so many things that we have to take into consideration, evaluate, question before, I will usually reveal the tenets of My House.
For those that need micromanagement after their day at their workplace, I suggest that they record a loop with all the instructions that they'll need to remember to take a breath, go potty in the can or upon another appreciative bod' and to keep My toe nails cleaned and trimmed. I've very ticklish, but, I do luv devoted foot worship, yes, I do. lol
Backdoor bullshit is an open invitation to future infections and costly attorney fees for most of those that simply daydream about My chosen lifestyle. I'm not here to furnish masturbatory delights for those pathetic males that can't manage a little creativity on the own. lol
If you hear the voice of Greg Allman singing, 'Oneway out' in your mind whenever you start to read anothers posts and still pursue some communication with them, drop your drawers, bend over and grunt as he rump humps you into boredom every other weekend that he can steal from his partner,,,,, ahhhhhh, what was the question. lol
Gentry

i'm married and one does have to keep in mind that all marriages are not created equal. My marriage is non-sexual due to my hubby's poor health. i'm more of a nurse than a wife now. The marriage is explicity open. i make my situation very clear up front and it is rarely a problem. When it is it's acknowledged and it goes no further.

i have crossed paths with more than a few married men whose wifes have basically abaondoned the bedroom. i have no idea why someone would do that to someone they profess to love. i just know that it is terribly common and terribly sad. Married and celebate is a miserable existance.

i guess this is my way of saying that people should try to be a little more understanding of what different situations can be, but it is critical that all parties are open and honest. You can't build a relationship on lies.

(in reply to gardenbluebird)

Post #: 18

RE: Subs - married? - 5/9/2006 7:23:08 AM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

I think D/s is big enough for all married, single ,old, young (over 18). Everybody has different things they like(watersports, needle play, bondage). Some Doms make their subs kneel before me my Master makes me stand to kiss him. That is why BSDM is so widespread it embraces all kinds of different personal choices.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to SenseofBelonging)

Post #: 19

RE: Subs - married? - 5/9/2006 9:45:18 AM

carriefen

Posts: 2
Joined: 3/19/2006
Status: offline

Thanks for you comments everybody. I think at lunch time I was just a bit annoyed as the person I had been talking to for weeks only told me he was married today. I am sure married people having relationships outside is fine for some, but it is not giving me the choice that annoys me. I would like to know in the first conversation something as important as that - not weeks later!
I choose not to date married people, by not telling me the choice is taken away.
Anyway onwards and upwards - I intend to enjoy myself while I search for that perfect sub! Next!

(in reply to littleone35)

Post #: 20

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