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ORIGINAL: Aynne88

However.....he had some traits that I can't deal with, one of them being what find with a lot of Asian men,  he is extremely type A and very chauvinistic.

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Right now I am feeling the Italian thing, I think it's a keeper. . C'est la vie!

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ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

.... Looks at my map.... looks at Dublin... seems far....

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She will if he appeals to her. Now wasn't that easy?

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ORIGINAL: renzhengshu

curious to know how sub/slave girl think of Asian master/dom

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my daughter loves Asian culture and is quite attracted to the men as well. i'm certain this is a trait she gained from her father. He had a similar affinity. Nonetheless, what you've stated is correct and that's one of the reasons i've forbidden it and emphasized the points made. Add in the cultural influences which are very different from her upbringing and it's a potential clusterfuck in the making.

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ORIGINAL: Aynne88

Oh lovely porcelaine, I do hate generalizing, but yes, sadly every Asian man I have dated has been this way, and ones I have worked for and with, or even ones I was just friends with. I too love being in a male led relationship but the extremes to which my ex's took it, just beyond any semblance of normalcy. I lived in constant frustration from just not being listened to at all. Drove me nuts.

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I am however skilled in cursing in 3 Asian languages. lol....how's that for cosmopolitan?

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ORIGINAL: nephandi

I do not know how old your daughter is, however regardless of age, what do you think would happen if she came home with an Asian boyfriend and you just rejected him for his race without even getting to know him? I mean for all you know he could be adopted and be named Hank Smith and be completely Western. Anyway, how well do you think it will go in the long run for you as a mother to forbid a type of men your daughter can not date?

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ORIGINAL: porcelaine

Most women that have been raised with Western values would find it horribly stifling.

~porcelaine

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You said that you don’t have to prove you’re a woman. As it applies to you, I trust that this is true for you. As to other women, however, I don’t think I would necessarily agree with this. I live in a country where the women are something akin to Stepford Wives – in the street. Behind closed doors, they are tough as nails. But here, in this culture, to be a woman is to be feminine. It is like the USA only exponentially. The hair, nails, cutesy wootsy skirts, the long flowing hair, the lace, the heels… the women here who don’t conform – and they are few and far between – are women of steel who deal with heavy discrimination at every turn. They are not seen as “normal” women. They are going against huge cultural pressure. It’s rather like the 1950’s USA in my mind. There is little room to NOT be a feminine woman. (We could debate about whether “normal women” are the only kind of women, but again, I think that may be another thread. I don’t want to lose myself in too many tangents  )

Personally, I am not seen as a woman here at all. I don’t fit the stereotype in the least. It is in fact one of my deepest losses – I don’t have the opportunity to express my femininity / womanhood here because how I define that is so completely different, so foreign, that it just doesn’t mesh. I’m like the 3 headed dog guarding the River Styx. Nobody really wants to come near me in that way. When I lived in So. America, my definition of womanness tended to be much closer to that of the dominant culture, and therefore I had no need to prove it.

I do see your point. I just see it in a different context.


*EDITED TO CLARIFY - it's not that I can't EXPRESS my femininity / womanhood - it's actually that it is not ACKNOWLEDGED. Without that give and take, without the yin to my yang, I experience a deep loss of feminine energy. It is not possible to "prove" I am a woman because I am in fact NOT their definition of woman. Therefore, I live in a non-sexual / non-gender limbo while I am here. (Of course when I leave this country and travel to other places, it is a wholly different experience. But there is yet another one of my tangents.)

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Given your age i find it very unlikely that you've sired and raised a child as i have. At best you're spinning what if scenarios that you have no direct experience with as a parent and are merely pulling ideas out of the clouds. And in spite of your postulations and suggestions that i would "ruin" my relationship with her, that hasn't happened. Unlike some i have little motivation to sugarcoat the truth or become politically correct to the point of rendering her ignorant. Since you're not privy to the reasons behind my decision save what i've disclosed, it's an impossible position to debate. And at any rate, my daughter isn't the topic at hand and i make no apologies for my response. i stand by my original remarks.

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ORIGINAL: renzhengshu

curious to know how sub/slave girl think of Asian master/dom

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ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

Yes. It is. I actually wrote about that recently, and I hope you will humor me as I paste a portion of it here

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I do see your point. I just see it in a different context.

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ORIGINAL: nephandi

I have no children, however I do have a mother as I did not spring forth from the  thin air so no I am not merely spinning scenarios from the clouds, and let me tell you that my mother lost her right to dictate my actions and to allow or disallow me anything when I turned 18.

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It do not mean that I do not listen to her advice, her greater life experience, however if she had started to put demands on what race of men I could date or in other way treating me as a child when I was 20 then yes that would put a strain on our relationship

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Also not being a racist is not ignorant, however being a racist like you are is about as ignorant as it get. You are drawing everyone under the same comb based on race, not accounting for culture, individually or anything else, just race.

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The remark about not having children is a reflection of the changes one undergoes when that happens. i can readily attest that many philosophies i once held about child rearing altered significantly when i became a parent. Oftentimes the same holds true for others. As for your relationship with your parent, that is honestly between the two of you. i have a very close bond with my daughter and maintain a well defined openness that we both appreciate.

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That's a fair assessment for you. But we're clearly okay with our relationship. Which leads me to wonder what's the issue?

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i'm not a racist and whether you choose to believe that or not is of no consequence. Your wishes are well noted but my stance remains unchanged. What i do find very peculiar is why you've taken it upon yourself to address this with me more than once. To the degree that you're making an allegation towards a virtual stranger. And yet you suggest i lack wisdom? In that assessment you err. i'm wise enough to know that adults will raise their offspring in the manner they deem best and recognize it's neither my right nor place to suggest differently.

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ORIGINAL: Aynne88

Nephandi, you are just incorrect. Porcelaine is most assuredly not a racist.

You are reading something sinister into her opinion that just isn't there.

I mean I would never marry an Asian male again ever, but I was for over 2 decades and we are still super close and I love him dearly. Am I also a racist based on my experiences with Asian men to know that another relationship with an Asian male isn't for me? Hardly.

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ORIGINAL: nephandi

I am not saying you do not have great relationship with your daughter. The problem is she is 20 years old, she is an adult woman, do you not think that is a little old for you to order her what she can and can not do? Off course a mother never stops being a mother to her kids, however at some point you have to accept that she is now adult and have to make her own decisions and face the consequences of her own mistakes. I also find it a bit ironic that you forbid your adult child from dating Asians as you fear they will not let her decide over her own life because she is a woman and yet you yourself are dictating her life, the life of this adult who by law are fit to make her own choices about her life. And one more question, what would you do if your daughter did not obey you and begun dating a Asian man?

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I guess that for me who have been interested in BDSM for most of my life consensual choice is very important to me. I am not saying the relationship with your daughter is like a BDSM one but there is clearly an unusual and unbalanced power relationship there compared to what is normal between two adults, and I worry that a child raised in a way that she still at 20 blindly obeys her mothers laws might not have had that consensual choice and she would have been raised that way.

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Yes you are the very definition of a racist, someone who judge an entire race as undesirable without considering the individual or any other factor than their race for your judgement.

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ORIGINAL: Aynne88

Nephandi, you are just incorrect. Porcelaine is most assuredly not a racist.

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I mean I would never marry an Asian male again ever, but I was for over 2 decades and we are still super close and I love him dearly. Am I also a racist based on my experiences with Asian men to know that another relationship with an Asian male isn't for me? Hardly.

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Nephandi, you are just incorrect. Porcelaine is most assuredly not a racist.

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I mean I would never marry an Asian male again ever, but I was for over 2 decades and we are still super close and I love him dearly. Am I also a racist based on my experiences with Asian men to know that another relationship with an Asian male isn't for me? Hardly.